Can I find out how my support is spent?

[AHA]

i think NCPdad was just making a point.

So was I. If an NCP feels so strongly AND HAS PROOF that his kids are not being cared for, he does what he can to try and change that, not give up because previous cases have not turned out in "dad's" favor. Fighting for SHARED CUSTODY is not againts the law, is it?

 

[MrsK]

So was I. If an NCP feels so strongly AND HAS PROOF that his kids are not being cared for, he does what he can to try and change that, not give up because previous cases have not turned out in "dad's" favor. Fighting for SHARED CUSTODY is not againts the law, is it?

Nope. But it usually is unlikely.

In my state, they try every year or a couple of times a year to get rid of shared parenting or make it very hard for dads to get shared parenting. There is currently a bill they are trying to shoot down (a father activist group in my state).

For some reason in my state they love to overlook that a child should have TWO parents spending equal time with the child if at all possible. So much for "best interest of the child" over here...

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

So was I. If an NCP feels so strongly AND HAS PROOF that his kids are not being cared for, he does what he can to try and change that, not give up because previous cases have not turned out in "dad's" favor. Fighting for SHARED CUSTODY is not againts the law, is it?

I think the "proof", when it comes to ill fitting clothes and not so healthy diets, is too far open to interpretation. Some judges may not care what the kids eat as long as they eat something... others may put more emphasis on good health.

I, too, went to a legal site several years ago... I think it was Lawyer.com. I had concerns about the kids diets, their clothes, etc. And I was told the exact same thing: As long as they had a roof, it didn't matter where that roof was... as long as they had food, it didn't matter how healthy or non-healthy it was... as long as they had clothes on their backs, it didn't matter how they fit, what they looked like, or even how clean they were. The exact same advice given here. Frustrating, but I've come to accept it.

Do I like it? Hell no. But I have come to learn that I can't go to court over every battle or disagreement. If I could afford it, sure, but unfortunately I just can't. But that doesn't mean I don't think issues are not worth fighting... I just don't always have the means to do it.

Maybe OP will come back and share more of his situation.

 

[Titusalone77]

Wow, I stirred the pot a little, huh?

It was amusing reading the responses to my post, because most everyone assumed they knew what my situation was. My ex-wife and I share an apartment with our kids as platonic roommates. We are not exactly friends, but for the most part it works. We do it for financial reasons. She's in school, and I can't afford a place large enough for me and my kids on my own, even though I have 2 jobs. I pay for half my kids' living expenses before a penny of child support is spent for the month. I buy weekly groceries, she does not. I mostly make meals at home, she takes them out for fast food most nights. One-third of my post-taxed salary goes to child support. That has had a major impact on my life. The least I'm entitled to is an accounting of how that money, for which I work very hard to earn, is spent on MY children. It's THEIR money, not my ex's. She is simply the custodian of it. Can somebodt reasonably explain why the nature of child support expenditure should be shrouded in mystery?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Wow, I stirred the pot a little, huh?

It was amusing reading the responses to my post, because most everyone assumed they knew what my situation was. My ex-wife and I share an apartment with our kids as platonic roommates. We are not exactly friends, but for the most part it works. We do it for financial reasons. She's in school, and I can't afford a place large enough for me and my kids on my own, even though I have 2 jobs. I pay for half my kids' living expenses before a penny of child support is spent for the month. I buy weekly groceries, she does not. I mostly make meals at home, she takes them out for fast food most nights. One-third of my post-taxed salary goes to child support. That has had a major impact on my life. The least I'm entitled to is an accounting of how that money, for which I work very hard to earn, is spent on MY children. It's THEIR money, not my ex's. She is simply the custodian of it. Can somebodt reasonably explain why the nature of child support expenditure should be shrouded in mystery?

You are "ENTITLED" to nothing unless a court so orders. It was your decision to live together after the divorce however, the court does not care if you are humping her, living in different states or on different planets. The amount of child support is based on a formula passed by your state legislature.

If you do not like the current arrangement then return to court to have the support lowered. However, based on the facts presented, that won't happen.

As for your excuse about living together, I find that inplausible. You can get a room somewhere or even a studio. There is no legal requirement to have a four bedroom apartment.

The plain fact is, you have no 'RIGHT' to any information not ordered by the court.

 

[NCP Dad in TN]

When my ex and I separated, all I could afford was a tiny studio apartment for me and my three daughters. At first they thought it was cool, but over time it became cramped and uninviting. Thosse were some hard times.

I eventually upgraded to a two bedroom apartment, then a three, and then finally a home after I remarried. Now each child has their own room, a playroom, and a yard to play in.

Good luck!

 

[Lisabyday]

I doubt if anyone will be able to reasonably explain to you why the nature of child support should be shrouded in mystery - but I will give it a shot from my perspective.

The fact that I had to get the court system involved in obtaining child support was a major thorn in my side. It was humiliating to know that the man I had made the conscious decision with to have children, had forced me to use legal remedies to force him to help support our daughter. Now after having been "forced" to help share the responsibility of supporting our daughter he wanted a detailed accounting of how his money was spent. F*** that. I was madder than a wet hen in a henhouse.

Every time I purchased something new, according to him it was with "his" money. Forget the fact that I was working 50+ hours per week to support our daughter before he was made to do it. Now that the system loaned him a set of “balls” so that he could step up the financial plate and help support our daughter he wants to me to account for every dime (he can kiss the crack of dawn). I think not (even though I finally did just to shut him up).

I don't ever recall him asking me for a detailed accounting of how I was spending "my" money on our daughter when he was not contributing.

I am getting angry just thinking about this, think I am going to have my child support modified (considering I have not done so in 5 years) and I will be sure to provide him with an itemized list of how the rest of his money is being spent.

 

[LdiJ]

The bottom line is that the OP doesn't get to have an accounting of how child support is spent. We can discuss it ad nauseum....but the law isn't going to back up his wishes on that issue.