FedUp042010
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia
My husband and I have almost been married 6 years. We have a 2 year old daughter together. My husband is emotionally and mentally abusive to me, for the most part, but has occasionally yelled at my daughter from time to time ever since she was born.
My husband thinks the world owes him something and that he'll never be able to get ahead in his life and has worked numerous jobs since I've known him. He is easily agitated and becomes angry to the point that you cannot reason with him. He doesn't like that I am close with my family and has never made an attempt to get to know them, not that they would really welcome that with his attitude.
He is extremely childish and has embarrassed me on too many occasions to count. If we're shopping and he wants to get something and I tell him that we can't afford it at the moment he will flip out and throw a temper tantrum like a child. I used to give in and as soon as I would he would instantly become happy again and act like nothing ever happened. I quickly learned how he was manipulating me and started saying no. I confronted him on several occasions about his childlike behavior and he would stomp off no matter where we were.
He absolutely cannot manage money and has kept us in debt for the whole 6 years of marriage. If I could get back all the overdraft fees we've incurred since we've been married I'd be a rich woman. I wouldn't be surprised if it was in excess of $100,000 worth of overdraft fees. We've barely ever been able to stay out of delinquency and are constantly shuffling money around to pay the bills yet he still spends. I've had to sell my engagement ring to pay the rent. We owe our landlord over $3000 because he refuses to get a second job and I won't do it again. I've worked several jobs as second jobs throughout our marriage and have given up hope at this point. I've had to borrow more money from my dad than I care to admit. I absolutely hate asking anyone for help but have had no choice.
While I was pregnant he got a job with a friend's mom at a turkey plant. My friends mom was his supervisor and was trying to tell him what he had done wrong one day so that he could correct his mistakes and be more productive. Apparently he then picked up a frozen turkey and threw it across the plant because he cannot take any sort of authority that may be "harassing" him. It was extremely embarrassing to me to have that happen. My friend's mom even went so far as to say she was scared of him and his attitude. I had no clue about this situation until today when I finally found the courage to tell my family that I was ready to leave him. My dad had talked to my friend a long time ago and found out about this but he kept it from me because I wasn't ready to hear it yet.
He has always done this at home. Gets mad, throws things, breaks things, punches walls, and screams and yells. I never thought he'd do it at work in front of his coworkers. This knowledge has shaken me to my core. I am truly afraid of him now.
We tried counseling and went one time. When the therapist confronted his mental and emotional abuse he got mad and defensive and said he didn't appreciate "being attacked." We left and we never went back.
We've talked about divorce off and on ever since my daughter was born because he became possessive and emotionally abusive. Every time I bring it up he threatens suicide and says things like, "I'm not worth the air I breathe if I can't have you and our daughter."
I don't think he would hurt me but I've never left him before. My dad wants me to leave when my husband goes away next month to a baseball game 5 hours away and he will spend the weekend with a friend. I had planned to go to my dad's house but he isn't comfortable with that. He wants me to go far away and let things cool off because he and I both think that he will react badly and possibly try to hurt me or my family.
He had been diagnosed as bipolar about 4 years ago and has been on Prozac ever since, when he remembers to take the meds. I think it's truly something more than that though. I have been doing a lot of research and even though I am not a medical professional I think he has a Conduct Disorder much like Covetous Antisocial Disorder. He has no friends and any friends I have don't want to hang out with me when he's around and honestly that's okay with me because of how badly he embarrasses me by his belittling comments and childish behavior if things don't go his way.
My question is: Can I leave with our daughter without telling him where we are going? I plan to stay in the state we reside in but plan to go somewhere he can't find. He's not from Virginia and knows very little about it other than what I've showed him. If at all possible, though, I would like to put a few states between us because I'm afraid he'll find me somehow and/or stalk all of my family that lives all over the state until he finds us.
Can I file a restraining order against him to keep him away from both of us? The thought of him being alone with our daughter terrifies me. She already yells at me because of his example. I have to get her out of this house and as far away from him as legally possible with him having as little knowledge of our whereabouts as possible. He's told me before he doesn't think he'd have a problem taking a life, not towards me but in general when he's pissed off at someone to the point of mania.
Please help me. I am going to call tomorrow to set up a consultation with a lawyer but am going crazy not knowing right now. Thank you in advance for any help and hope you can give me.
My husband and I have almost been married 6 years. We have a 2 year old daughter together. My husband is emotionally and mentally abusive to me, for the most part, but has occasionally yelled at my daughter from time to time ever since she was born.
My husband thinks the world owes him something and that he'll never be able to get ahead in his life and has worked numerous jobs since I've known him. He is easily agitated and becomes angry to the point that you cannot reason with him. He doesn't like that I am close with my family and has never made an attempt to get to know them, not that they would really welcome that with his attitude.
He is extremely childish and has embarrassed me on too many occasions to count. If we're shopping and he wants to get something and I tell him that we can't afford it at the moment he will flip out and throw a temper tantrum like a child. I used to give in and as soon as I would he would instantly become happy again and act like nothing ever happened. I quickly learned how he was manipulating me and started saying no. I confronted him on several occasions about his childlike behavior and he would stomp off no matter where we were.
He absolutely cannot manage money and has kept us in debt for the whole 6 years of marriage. If I could get back all the overdraft fees we've incurred since we've been married I'd be a rich woman. I wouldn't be surprised if it was in excess of $100,000 worth of overdraft fees. We've barely ever been able to stay out of delinquency and are constantly shuffling money around to pay the bills yet he still spends. I've had to sell my engagement ring to pay the rent. We owe our landlord over $3000 because he refuses to get a second job and I won't do it again. I've worked several jobs as second jobs throughout our marriage and have given up hope at this point. I've had to borrow more money from my dad than I care to admit. I absolutely hate asking anyone for help but have had no choice.
While I was pregnant he got a job with a friend's mom at a turkey plant. My friends mom was his supervisor and was trying to tell him what he had done wrong one day so that he could correct his mistakes and be more productive. Apparently he then picked up a frozen turkey and threw it across the plant because he cannot take any sort of authority that may be "harassing" him. It was extremely embarrassing to me to have that happen. My friend's mom even went so far as to say she was scared of him and his attitude. I had no clue about this situation until today when I finally found the courage to tell my family that I was ready to leave him. My dad had talked to my friend a long time ago and found out about this but he kept it from me because I wasn't ready to hear it yet.
He has always done this at home. Gets mad, throws things, breaks things, punches walls, and screams and yells. I never thought he'd do it at work in front of his coworkers. This knowledge has shaken me to my core. I am truly afraid of him now.
We tried counseling and went one time. When the therapist confronted his mental and emotional abuse he got mad and defensive and said he didn't appreciate "being attacked." We left and we never went back.
We've talked about divorce off and on ever since my daughter was born because he became possessive and emotionally abusive. Every time I bring it up he threatens suicide and says things like, "I'm not worth the air I breathe if I can't have you and our daughter."
I don't think he would hurt me but I've never left him before. My dad wants me to leave when my husband goes away next month to a baseball game 5 hours away and he will spend the weekend with a friend. I had planned to go to my dad's house but he isn't comfortable with that. He wants me to go far away and let things cool off because he and I both think that he will react badly and possibly try to hurt me or my family.
He had been diagnosed as bipolar about 4 years ago and has been on Prozac ever since, when he remembers to take the meds. I think it's truly something more than that though. I have been doing a lot of research and even though I am not a medical professional I think he has a Conduct Disorder much like Covetous Antisocial Disorder. He has no friends and any friends I have don't want to hang out with me when he's around and honestly that's okay with me because of how badly he embarrasses me by his belittling comments and childish behavior if things don't go his way.
My question is: Can I leave with our daughter without telling him where we are going? I plan to stay in the state we reside in but plan to go somewhere he can't find. He's not from Virginia and knows very little about it other than what I've showed him. If at all possible, though, I would like to put a few states between us because I'm afraid he'll find me somehow and/or stalk all of my family that lives all over the state until he finds us.
Can I file a restraining order against him to keep him away from both of us? The thought of him being alone with our daughter terrifies me. She already yells at me because of his example. I have to get her out of this house and as far away from him as legally possible with him having as little knowledge of our whereabouts as possible. He's told me before he doesn't think he'd have a problem taking a life, not towards me but in general when he's pissed off at someone to the point of mania.
Please help me. I am going to call tomorrow to set up a consultation with a lawyer but am going crazy not knowing right now. Thank you in advance for any help and hope you can give me.