Can this be stopped somehow?

[schmoo2691]

New York/Colorado (sorry but it's an interstate issue)

OK. My husband's ex-wife has been obsessed with him ever since the divorce six years ago. She is 5'2", college-educated, presents herself quite well on the surface. Problem arises from her being bat-crap crazy in a deep way.

Complete disclosure: Husband was convicted of a felony in 1974, paid his years, has never had a problem since. It seems Ms. Wonderful, whose daddy worked in corrections, married him partially FOR that aura. Whatever, by the time she tried to talk him into killing her prior ex and realized he was not either a fiend or a toy, she was already pregnant with their oldest, now 17.

Ever since the divorce began, every professional she has encountered (GALs,
therapists, child services folks) has been treated to her story of a Nightmare Marriage, when in actuality SHE was physically and otherwise abusive. She was never able to carry it all the way through in the courtroom or provide any actual facts. Despite the record and en eleventh grade education, my husband won sole custody in three states. The last proceedings, in Denver, ended with her parental rights suspended.

They came to NY, we fell in love, and she had no idea where they were- until my husband was hospitalized for a manic episode (only one in a 52-year life) and CPS contacted her. She came out here and got supervised visits with the younger boy (14), alienated him, put some lies in his mouth about us, got temporary custody, and fled (against NY family court orders) back to Denver.

The court suggested my husband fly out there on his own and with the aid of law enforcement take the boy back by force. Seemed like a lousy idea, child development wise. So we are letting it unfold- my husband now has "custody" again and the school records are legally being kept here.

So now she is going to restraining order court in Denver, and we have just been served with two (one for the boy and one for her) in rapid succession, alleging every possible sin- rape, molestation, physical abuse, verbal abuse, daily threats of suicide- and alleging repeated threatening calls and MySpace messages. We are not in a financial position for him to fly out to Denver and defend himself.

Much of this stuff was long ago disproved in Denver court, and it becomes obvious that her goal all these years has been to see him back in prison for the crime of leaving her. On the RO for her, she accused him of having weapons in the house and acting like he's off his meds. She has not spoken with him, despite desperate efforts, outside of a courtroom in 6 years.

I realize that allegations in a petition for an RO are neither true not untrue and therefore not actionable. But isn't there something about deliberate malice?

We are hoping that if we peacefully pursue the case that is open in the NY family court, ultimately she'll have to relinquish the boy. But meanwhile, does she really get to just say this stuff? It's disgusting and provably false.

Thanks for reading this rant. All input appreciated.

 

[quincy]

I agree with the New York court that advised your husband to fly to Denver to, with the help of law enforcement, retrieve his son. "Child development wise" this seems no worse than your current plan to just let things unfold, especially with the school year starting.

Denver has legal aid clinics that can assist your husband, should he need help defending against any false claims made by his ex in her petition for the restraining orders. Anything that was claimed about your husband that is provably false can be proved false in a Denver courtroom.

I think that any sort of action you take in New York right now is apt to cost time and money that could be better spent in Denver so, again, I recommend you follow the advice already given your husband. He should go to Denver to get his son.

Malice, by the way, is extremely difficult to prove. It goes to the intent behind someone's acts and actions. You would need to show that the mother does not have any justification or excuse for her conduct, and that she intentionally, deliberately, set out to cause your husband harm. Not an easy thing to do - especially when the histories of both parents are taken into account.

Good luck.

 

[schmoo2691]

Thanks, Quincy. We're going back to court here (NY) one more time, to get the strongest order we can; we just want it to be a clear, unequivocal matter of the system acting to restore custody to him, rather than anything he can see as "mean old Dad picking on poor little Mom," 'cause that would appear to be the place she has gotten him to in general. Best would be for him to decide for himself that it's time to come home. But with her throwing these allegations around, she's obviously not improving mentally.

My husband was awarded sole legal custody in Denver in '04, after she abandoned them in a parking lot (they were more work back then) following a proceeding in which she alleged much of the same stuff. He appeared pro se and took her case apart on the stand. If he has to do something similar again, I guess, so be it. Her machinations right now are (seems to me) aimed at getting some type of emergency custody out there so a judge will order the school records released. WE WILL do whatever it takes to get the boy back, he's morally and spiritually unsafe with her.

Meanwhile it's just annoying as heck, after all we've been through with this, to have these insane documents delivered to our doorstep filled with hideous slurs. Does not seem right that one person can say such things of another to officials and just waltz off. But neither of us is in this for our ego. It's about the boy(s). (The older one is thriving with us.)

Again, thanks.

 

[quincy]

I can understand your husband wanting to head to Denver armed with the strongest order he can get. Being well-prepared is important, and I wish him good luck.

As for false allegations made during any divorce or custody situation by the parties involved, judges expect false allegations to be tossed back and forth, and they give these unsupported accusations only the weight they deserve - which is none. Judges base their decisions on evidence, not "hideous slurs." In fact, unsupported accusations, and hideous slurs, tend to harm the party making such accusations more than the party against whom the accusations are hurled.

It is disappointing, certainly, that divorcing and divorced parents feel the need to defame each other in order to gain a perceived advantage in divorce or custody proceedings - but that is how it has been for eons, and I imagine this will continue to be the case.

Again, good luck to you and your husband.