Can you get child support from a married man?

[KTGIRL]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by faithful spouse:

Before you decide to stay with him, ask yourself if you honestly believe that he would NEVER cheat on you again.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Faithful Spouse,

This is a long process, we are still seperated (seperate houses), but we are working toward building a new household TOGETHER. I can't say for sure that I beleive it won't happen again, but we will only get back together if I can believe it. Right now we are working together on issues that led to the situation, and while it seems that he didn't take the vows so seriously then, this situation has changed him as well. He now realizes what he has lost, and is working to gain it back. Things will never be totally the same, but they will be better. He's had over a year of seperation now to think about mistakes he made, I have as well. No one in this situation is blameless. But I know one thing, we still love each other. That's about as good a place as any to start.

Ktgirl

 

[Dee911]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by KTGIRL:
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
KT - Sorry you have to go thru this, but HE should have said "NO" thats the bottom line, does not matter what shift you work.

 

[ifeelsick]

sorry if my comments offended anyone but it is how i feel. i know i would never want to be that woman having to explain to my child that i selfishly went after a married man and that is why they don't have a daddy. i stick to my original post that in that situation the best would be for the child to be put up for adoption. i was raised by a single parent and know it is possible for the child to be happy. sorry if i offended anyone.

 

[usdeeper]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ifeelsick:
sorry if my comments offended anyone but it is how i feel. i know i would never want to be that woman having to explain to my child that i selfishly went after a married man and that is why they don't have a daddy. i stick to my original post that in that situation the best would be for the child to be put up for adoption. i was raised by a single parent and know it is possible for the child to be happy. sorry if i offended anyone.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


The title of this board is 'Family Law' and you have not contributed at all with regards to that subject. If you are unable to contribute to that subject in ANYWAY, then please do not post in the first place.

 

[paula2]

Usdeeper, I believe she did contribute to the situation when she suggested a couple of sites for KTGIRL to visit. Many of us here have expressed our views about situations, you included, so I don't see where the harm is.

You and IAAL, we can always tell when you guys are grumpy.....we love you anyway.

 

[usdeeper]

Sorry.. I just found the suggestion and follow up comment of adoption out of place in this case.

 

[ohbratti1]

There is always a flip side to every situation....just like every situation has unique aspects that make it stand out from the usual. For instance, I can be considered the "other woman" in my set of circumstances. Before anyone passes judgement, I did not know that the man I was involved with was married. When I first met him, I was not even remotely interested in him. I was friendly and courteous, but did not encourage his interest. He's in the military and I knew he would eventually leave. I had no desire to become emotionally involved/attached to someone who was going to leave, sooner or later. Well, he was relentless. He called be at home and at work (he got my numbers through a mutual acquaintance). He was quite the charmer. He made me laugh until my sides hurt and surprised me with his kindness and thoughtfulness. In short, I got suckered. I caved in...we started "going out"....and I fell hard and fast. He went to great lengths to let me know the extent of his interest in me, allthewhile hiding his marital status. Eventually I found out he was married. He carelessly left his clothes laying around, with his wallet in them. When I picked up his clothing, his wallet fell out...open. I was sneaking a peak at his military ID (just for a giggle and to tease him about it later) when the names on his checkbook (in his wallet) just glared out at me. I put 2 and 2 together and lost it. He didn't know what was wrong until later that night when I was driving him to the airport....going home to see his wife, I came to find out. I asked him point blank if he was married, and he refused to answer. Which of course was all the answer I needed. That was the last time I saw him. He is now stationed in a different state...with his wife. About a week after I discovered he was married I got a phone call at 5 AM...it was his wife wanting to know who I was and how did I know her husband. I didn't lie. I answered all of her questions, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward it was. I felt like I owed it to her. Afterall, I had been sleeping with HER husband. Even though I was duped, I still felt very guilty. I should have been afforded the opportunity to choose for myself if I wanted to be a part of this sordid mess, but he took that away when he hid that information from me. Anyway, three weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I was being careful, but accidents do happen. They both know of my pregnancy...and I'm now where I'm at. The woman I once felt sorry for (and still do...to a certain extent) is now a woman that infuriates me. She was calling me at home and at work, to the point of harrassment, begging, pleading and trying to badger me into having an abortion. She wanted me to do what was most convenient for her and her husband, refusing to acknowledge that I was the one that would have to go through the "procedure" and deal with the aftermath. She offered to pay for everything. She was appalled and then outraged when I told her I had decided to have the baby. She blames me for her husbands infidelity. He has fueled the fire by lying to her about how the relationship came about. He has told her that I pursued him, called him, enticed him, etc, etc. She wants to keep this out of court, but will not cooperate or compromise on anything. While I have great remorse for my part in this situation, I will not be bullied by this woman or her husband. What's done is done...I can't change it. This child is fresh and new and innocent. Although the father and I are not together, we both have a moral and legal obligation to this child. I am more than prepared to "do my part"...I expect him to do his. This baby is not here yet, but the love I feel for it is astounding. I feel it kicking and jabbing away at my insides and do not regret, not for one moment, the choice I made. I am a 30 year old woman with a good head on her shoulders and a lot of love to give to a child. I made some poor choices...that's a part of life. KT Girl, if you can make your marriage work, more power to you, just remember that there are always 2 sides to every story. Your husband may be a good man, but he is fallable. Self preservasion is a basic human instinct. Translation: if he feels he's in jeopardy of losing you, he will say and do what he has to keep you. I'm not saying don't try and work it...I'm simply saying be very cautious.

 

[bojo]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by smileyhapy:
Hi everyone...just a small story that might make everyone see that justice does prevail in the end. My brother in law and his second wife were in their late 40's. His first wife was a "stalker" type and even though her relationship with her ex was over years ago, she still hung on, stopping by and "needing" something like her car worked on or something. My sweet new sister in law was getting increasingly sick and weak and her stomach was expanding. I knew she was unable to have children and had all of her female organs removed. I was concerned it was a tumor. Ex thought ah ha she is pregnant. I won't be out done by her!! I will get pregnant, even though I am way too old to have any more children. So ex-wife finds some fellow, gets pregnant and my sweet sister in law is in such pain, we take her to the emergency room only to find out that her IUD had created a tumor. She had emergency surgery and the ex wife had a baby to raise. She continued then to bring the "baby" over to see my brother in law in hopes that she had more to offer him again and since he passed away last year, we have all been free of her and her wiley ways. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I guess I fail to see the humor in brining a child into the world for revenge. (By the way, why did your sister-in-law need an IUD if she couldn't have childre??) This is a sad story - nothing about justice prevailing. Just an innocent child brought into a love triangle.

 

[KTGIRL]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ohbratti1:
The woman I once felt sorry for (and still do...to a certain extent) is now a woman that infuriates me. She was calling me at home and at work, to the point of harrassment, begging, pleading and trying to badger me into having an abortion. She blames me for her husbands infidelity. He has fueled the fire by lying to her about how the relationship came about. He has told her that I pursued him, called him, enticed him, etc, etc. She wants to keep this out of court, but will not cooperate or compromise on anything. While I have great remorse for my part in this situation, I will not be bullied by this woman or her husband. What's done is done...I can't change it. This child is fresh and new and innocent. Although the father and I are not together, we both have a moral and legal obligation to this child. I am more than prepared to "do my part"...I expect him to do his. This baby is not here yet, but the love I feel for it is astounding. I feel it kicking and jabbing away at my insides and do not regret, not for one moment, the choice I made. I am a 30 year old woman with a good head on her shoulders and a lot of love to give to a child. I made some poor choices...that's a part of life. KT Girl, if you can make your marriage work, more power to you, just remember that there are always 2 sides to every story. Your husband may be a good man, but he is fallable. Self preservasion is a basic human instinct. Translation: if he feels he's in jeopardy of losing you, he will say and do what he has to keep you. I'm not saying don't try and work it...I'm simply saying be very cautious.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ohbratti1,

I hope I spelled that right, if not I am sorry. You might find it hard to believe this, but I am on your side. While I can't say I wouldn't have loved it if the OW in my case had an abortion, his wife has no business harrassing you. It is your decision. As for him lying about the relationship and how it came about, (and I'm sure I'm going to catch plenty of flak on this one) he's just trying to cover his a**. He lied to you about his marital status. (Not fully disclosing it, is just as bad as saying he was not married). You believed you were in a relationship with someone that there would be a chance with. Don't worry about them, and while his wife doesn't want it to go to court, she may as well resign herself to that, because it's a given. Whether she likes it or not, her husband has fathered a child outside of their marriage, and you have the legal right to do what you feel is in the best interest of your child, and I hope that you will. I don't even consider you in the same light as the OW in my case, because she lived next door, and she knew for a fact that my husband was married. She still persisted in her advances, even knowing he was married. She did pursue him, as my children and his family members can well testify to in court. You and she are nothing alike.
Thank you for your concern. I am on my guard, and I fully realize not only is my husband fallible, just how fallible he is. I do realize that a man that feels he is losing something he wants and needs, will do or say anything to keep that from happening. My eyes are wide open, and there's a lot of work to be done on both of our parts. I guess I just wanted you to know that I also believe there are two sides to every story. I will take care of me, and please, no matter what they put you through, take care of you and your baby. Things won't always be the way they are right now. Keep your head high.

 

[KTGIRL]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ohbratti1:
I felt like I owed it to her. Afterall, I had been sleeping with HER husband. Even though I was duped, I still felt very guilty. The woman I once felt sorry for (and still do...to a certain extent) is now a woman that infuriates me. She was calling me at home and at work, to the point of harrassment, begging, pleading and trying to badger me into having an abortion. She wanted me to do what was most convenient for her and her husband, refusing to acknowledge that I was the one that would have to go through the "procedure" and deal with the aftermath. She offered to pay for everything. She was appalled and then outraged when I told her I had decided to have the baby. She blames me for her husbands infidelity. I made some poor choices...that's a part of life. KT Girl, if you can make your marriage work, more power to you, just remember that there are always 2 sides to every story. Your husband may be a good man, but he is fallable. Self preservasion is a basic human instinct. Translation: if he feels he's in jeopardy of losing you, he will say and do what he has to keep you. I'm not saying don't try and work it...I'm simply saying be very cautious.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Ohbratti1:
I'll be fine. You take care of yourself and your baby. Don't worry about that woman, she sounds about as immature as that lying, philandering man she married. At least mine had the courage to tell me what he did, and he said he couldn't stand the idea of lying to me anymore, because it was tearing him up inside. So see, there is hope in this situation. It's not easy for a man to admit his mistakes, especially not one like this. You were used. You were misled by someone who pursued you, and you were only human. I'm sure you read IAAL's answer to me, so you know you are in good shape. As for him lying about how it happened and his wife buying into it, sooner or later she will have to wise up and face the facts, which if you have read all these posts in here, you saw I had to eventually do. It's a hard trip. I don't imagine it's any easier on your side of the situation, than it is on my side. Keep strong, and take care of yourself and your child. All situations like these don't have to end in bitter heartbreak, sometimes they are just really painful lessons learned. With time, the pain fades, and the wisdom replaces it. Hopefully we both will get there someday. Good luck.

KTgirl PS: Like the smiley? It's secret code for our futures are so bright, we gotta wear shades! Be good!

 

[KTGIRL]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dee911:

Originally posted by KTGIRL:
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
KT - Sorry you have to go thru this, but HE should have said "NO" thats the bottom line, does not matter what shift you work.

I totally agree. It's interesting to note, that at this same time, when we were growing apart, I also had plenty of chances to do what he did. I guess it's just a matter of inner strength, or testosterone, or something. Now after we split, I stopped saying no. I think that hurt him worse

 

[Waldo]

Of course you are right on your views of marriage, and I hope it works for you. Sounds like you have a good start!
As for the comment posted about giving up a child if the father is married, I don't agree. It takes two, and it certainly is not the place of anyone else to decide what should or shouldn't be the fate of someone else's child. A lot of women do set out to 'snare' a man, and use pregnancy as the trap. A lot of women just make a mistake, just like a lot of men do. A lot of women are conned by married men. Some men even have morals stronger than their "uncontrolable" urges, while some take advantage of women who are willing to believe they can't help themselves. Aren't we humans interesting creatures.

 

[KTGIRL]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Waldo:

Aren't we humans interesting creatures.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Waldo,
We certainly are interesting creatures. We are also imperfect. It would be a lot easier if we could all tell whether or not the other person in our lives was lying to us, but life isn't like that. I really don't think that Ifeelsick meant to hurt anyone's feelings, because she has been very helpful to me since I first posted on here. I have found her to be a very supportive person, because we are dealing with similar problems in our life. In a perfect world, two parent families would be best, but unfortunately, it doesn't always happen that way, and when it doesn't, it's usually for good reason.
While you wouldn't think some women would still be stupid enough to try to trap a man by getting pregnant on purpose, it's obvious by my situation, that this still goes on. If there's not enough in common between two people to hold them together, the last thing you need to do is to try and have a baby to keep you together. The child suffers the most. A child won't find it easy to understand why daddy isn't around, and what's mom gonna say "Honey, your daddy isn't here because I made a mistake and tried to use you to hold on to him". I don't see that happening. No, she is more likely to run dad down, which is fully deserved most of the time, but sometimes is not the truth. You can't use a child to hold a man who never wanted to be a father in the first place. You also can't expect the words "I'm pregnant" to immediately cause heretofore undeveloped "fatherly instincts" to manifest themselves. I know not all mothers of children by married men are like that, as evidenced by the poster who didn't know her man was married. This stuff does happen, as well as men who trust people enough to believe a girl when she says she's on the pill and they don't have to use any other protection. Even though there are those who may find it difficult to believe there are still people in this world so naive, they are out there. I consider myself fairly intelligent, but I was naive enough to think that I didn't have to worry about my husband ever cheating on me. My husband is certainly not stupid, but he was naive enough to believe that he was safe in what he was doing. Unfortunately, this recent "Real World 101" class we have found ourselves thrown into is curing that the hard way.