Changing mind on swapped wknds

[mommabearx1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

My XH agreed that our two children could go with my parents to visit my sister this weeknd in NJ. They left yesterday morning. This was supposed to be his weekend however our son called him Wed and asked if they could go visit family (I was unaware he called him until I came home from work) Dad was perfectly fine with them going, he said he would just make up his time thorughout the rest of the summer, which is fine with me. So the kids left and I get a call from XH this morning. He didn't realize his GF had planned a surprise getaway to some of the theme parks around our area this wknd.Now he is throwing around threats of contempt and I am breaking the court order.

Do I need to go get my kids and have them ready at 5pm this evening?

 

[StampGirl]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

My XH agreed that our two children could go with my parents to visit my sister this weeknd in NJ. They left yesterday morning. This was supposed to be his weekend however our son called him Wed and asked if they could go visit family (I was unaware he called him until I came home from work) Dad was perfectly fine with them going, he said he would just make up his time thorughout the rest of the summer, which is fine with me. So the kids left and I get a call from XH this morning. He didn't realize his GF had planned a surprise getaway to some of the theme parks around our area this wknd.Now he is throwing around threats of contempt and I am breaking the court order.

Do I need to go get my kids and have them ready at 5pm this evening?

Do you have it in writing (like an email) that Dad agreed to let the kids go to family on his weekend?

I can't stand it when one parent agrees to something then the STEP-parent pushes in and says but I had this planned..... blahblah. UGH Its frustrating. Dad should have confirmed plans with his wife BUT then again his wife should have told Dad about the plans to go to theme parks. It could still have been a surprise for the kids.

My guess is that if its not in writing (the trade), then you would probably have to go get your kids. Just tell your family that Dad had plans.

 

[mommabearx1]

Boo I don't want that response stomp stomp stomp! OK I'm done
I figured as much, And it isn't his wife she is his girlfriend. I guess she wanted to surprise them all who knows!Nothing is in writing he doesn't do the email thing. Well guess I will be leaving work at lunch to take a trip to NJ however I don't think I will even be able to make it there and back by 5pm I won't even make it up there until almost 7pm tonight & then come home so I won't make the court ordered specific time

 

[haiku]

Yep, DAMN those evil step parents!!! if it wasn't for them everyone would get along.

Momma bear did YOU talk to dad?

In the future I would NOT allow my children to make plans without my input or confirmation from BOTH parents.

 

[mommabearx1]

Yes I spoke with dad after our son told me he had called him. We switch weekends around alot and we have never had a problem. Their father can pick them up whenever he wants instead of keeping it at the EOW only & sometimes his family has things planned on my wknds so we do work together.

I wasn't saying anything against step parents. For one she isn't one and for two I wouldn't trade her for another girlfriend because she is absolutely wonderful with my kids and is not overstepping by any means. I think because this was so last minute I guess he just thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Lesson learned we are all going to need to check with each other next time.

Any suggestions about me not making it back in time? I spoke with the GF and she is getting in touch with him to call me so I can let him know.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes I spoke with dad after our son told me he had called him. We switch weekends around alot and we have never had a problem. Their father can pick them up whenever he wants instead of keeping it at the EOW only & sometimes his family has things planned on my wknds so we do work together.

I wasn't saying anything against step parents. For one she isn't one and for two I wouldn't trade her for another girlfriend because she is absolutely wonderful with my kids and is not overstepping by any means. I think because this was so last minute I guess he just thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Lesson learned we are all going to need to check with each other next time.

Any suggestions about me not making it back in time? I spoke with the GF and she is getting in touch with him to call me so I can let him know.

Please talk to dad before you make the drive to New Jersey and ask him if he needs you to drive to New Jersey to pick up the kids...and explain to him that there is no way you can be back by 5, that it will be more like 7 or 8.

He may tell you nevermind at that point. He knows that he okayed the swap, so its more than a bit tacky of him to be having such a fit. He may realize that by now.

I also doubt that he will file for contempt if the two of you normally work well together. He would have to lie to the judge and say that he didn't okay the trip, and he doesn't sound like the kind of person who would do that.

 

[Ohiogal]

Please talk to dad before you make the drive to New Jersey and ask him if he needs you to drive to New Jersey to pick up the kids...and explain to him that there is no way you can be back by 5, that it will be more like 7 or 8.
He may tell you nevermind at that point. He knows that he okayed the swap, so its more than a bit tacky of him to be having such a fit. He may realize that by now.

I also doubt that he will file for contempt if the two of you normally work well together. He would have to lie to the judge and say that he didn't okay the trip, and he doesn't sound like the kind of person who would do that.

She won't get to NJ until 7 or 8. I agree that if you two normally work well together the likelihood of contempt is slim and none. And even if he filed contempt the children were apparently already in NJ with dad's agreement when he changed his mind. That in and of itself is going to play into the decision. Can the theme park surprise happen NEXT weekend?

 

[mommabearx1]

I think that is what GF is trying to work out. She is calling hotels to see about swapping & the tickets to the parks are good for 7 days, she is working everything else out at the point so I am just waiting. She did apologize to me for everything including his mouth
See they would have left mid-morning today had we not switched. (I normally let him get them early if he wants, he has been getting them early from my moms most of the time this summer) So part of their trip is already jacked up.
I'm waiting on a call back from him before I leave to make sure I absolutely have to go

 

[stealth2]

If you do have to go, ask your parents or sister if one of them can meet you part way.

 

[mommabearx1]

I thought of that but at this point my father is so angry it isn't even funny. See XH when agreing to this said if they were going with my parents he wants to speak to my father before they to make sure he was fine with taking them (why I don't know- my father cannot stand the man but XH is under the impression he loves him because my dad tolerates him for the kids sake)
I'm hoping someone will meet me though I hate that drive!! Plus being 7mo preggers and taking an 18 month old and a 2 and half year literally makes me want to drink the whole way LOL NO fun!!

 

[Isis1]

I thought of that but at this point my father is so angry it isn't even funny. See XH when agreing to this said if they were going with my parents he wants to speak to my father before they to make sure he was fine with taking them (why I don't know- my father cannot stand the man but XH is under the impression he loves him because my dad tolerates him for the kids sake)
I'm hoping someone will meet me though I hate that drive!! Plus being 7mo preggers and taking an 18 month old and a 2 and half year literally makes me want to drink the whole way LOL NO fun!!

you just made me dizzy. that's what i have in my back seat. actually, they held out pretty well in our road trip to SF the week before.

and driving while 7 mos pregg??? omg. i'm not allowed to drive after 6 mos. i get lost going home. from the grocery store. i passed my own home 3 times while WALKING. i have no sense of direction while pregnant.

 

[mommabearx1]

you just made me dizzy. that's what i have in my back seat. actually, they held out pretty well in our road trip to SF the week before.

and driving while 7 mos pregg??? omg. i'm not allowed to drive after 6 mos. i get lost going home. from the grocery store. i passed my own home 3 times while WALKING. i have no sense of direction while pregnant.

Thankfully I'm am only affected by memory. ANd the babies are fairly LOUD so I know I won't forget them anywhere LOL
I am totally LOVIN my mother's day gift if I have to make this drive! We got a dvd system installed in my SUV THANK THE LORD!! And my boyfriend istaking off to go up with me too if I don't here back from the ex here shortly!!

 

[stealth2]

I thought of that but at this point my father is so angry it isn't even funny. See XH when agreing to this said if they were going with my parents he wants to speak to my father before they to make sure he was fine with taking them (why I don't know- my father cannot stand the man but XH is under the impression he loves him because my dad tolerates him for the kids sake)
I'm hoping someone will meet me though I hate that drive!! Plus being 7mo preggers and taking an 18 month old and a 2 and half year literally makes me want to drink the whole way LOL NO fun!!

So your Dad would rather punish you and the other two kids?

 

[mommabearx1]

Thanks for everyone's input today!

For Stealth:
No my father didn't mean to "punish" me and my two nephews. He was thinking logivally that dad said yes we could swap, his problem GF planned a surprise and I should leave it at that.

As for me, BF decided it would be an easier trip if he stayed home with my nephews. My friend decided to make the trip with me. However I got a call from dad while I was in Maryland (I am updating from my BB) and he said never mind, they switched everything for a two weekends from now.He isn't happy with me but I honestly don't feel I have done anything wrong. Hopefully this doesn't throw a HUGE wrench into our "realtionship" however this is a lesson learned for me.