InfantCustody
Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC
Background: I live in the same place I did when little IC was born, ex lives 44 miles away. Currently has a court order for 4/3, me/ex. Ex has taken anywhere from 0% to 75% of his time over the last year. The only month he used all of his time was in June of 2012. The average is for him to use about 60% of his court ordered time.
Things have gone okay since my last post. We have had some ups and downs.
Little IC will be three this year and I need to put him in PT daycare/preschool. Two reasons. 1.) I need the time to work. Getting work done at home with a 2 - 3 year old is not easy. 2.) Being 3 years old, he needs to learn and develop social skills to start moving towards Kindergarten.
My ex's schedule continues to rotate. Several months ago, he said he would agree to a set schedule so Little IC could attend preschool. Now he is saying he will not agree to a set schedule, will not agree to preschool and the kicker, is moving further away.
With his not using all of his "shared custody" time, the rotational schedule is very hard on all of us. I can't plan anything (sometimes I get the schedule a day or two in advance, then he cancels with minimal notice) From September until last week, he took all of his days on the weekends and I only had 3 weekends with little IC from 9/12 - 1/13. My ex frequently works when he has little IC anyway, so little IC stays with ex's parents. I don't mind them watching little IC. He loves his grandparents.
I am asking for the following changes:
1.) We develop a set schedule that will guarantee my ex some of his "off" days with little IC every month. Something like W/Th every week and every other week-end. This guarantees little IC two weekends a month with me/us and because of his schedule will always allow my ex some days off as well. If ex is working, his family can watch little IC or he can drop him off here during his work hours. The rotational schedule is very hard on little IC, especially when his dad doesn't take his time. He can have him a day or two here and there, then not at all for several weeks, then he takes him for a longer stretch, then not at all. Little IC has a lot of transition issues when he is so inconsistent.
2.) We enroll little IC in preschool. This will allow him to develop social skills, learn and allow me to work. Little IC still has some developmental, behavioral and sensory integration issues and preschools has been recommended to possibly help. The preschool has been selected and I have asked my ex to choose the days he would prefer he attend. The preschool is about 15 miles away from me, closer to where my ex lives now.
3) We address his move in advance of it happening so we don't need to do this again in a few months. Address changes to the schedule and transportation. With his move taking him close to 65 miles away, I would like to see him do the driving.
4) We address changes to the holiday access schedule given the new distance. We currently split every holiday - but the increased distance is going to result in a lot of added car time on the holiday vs an every other holiday schedule. This is negotiable, but I am finding it is hard to share every holiday and gives a very "jagged" feel to the holiday.
5) We address the schedule for school age. Given a 65 mile distance, it seems impractical for my ex to have week night time and have that kind of "commute" to school. My ex would like to not have this conversation until little IC is 5. I see no reason to put it off. Obviously, I know with my ex losing month to month time, he will have more school break time. I would like to see him have perhaps 2-3 weekends per month during the school year and a week on/week off schedule in the summer assuming he will actually use his time. My ex believes he will get custody once little IC is school age.
6) We address school. The preschool little IC will be attending has a K-12 school. The school is a Baptist/Christian school and my ex is Baptist, I am Christian. So long as I agree to pay for private school, I would like little IC to be allowed to attend private school.
Give it to me straight. Does this sound reasonable?
What happens when distance is a factor and one parent has a rotational work schedule? My ex works 6 am until 4 pm, about 10 miles from where I live. He could spend evenings with little IC even on the days he works. What it comes down to is he doesn't want to parent on days he has to work.
Thoughts?
Background: I live in the same place I did when little IC was born, ex lives 44 miles away. Currently has a court order for 4/3, me/ex. Ex has taken anywhere from 0% to 75% of his time over the last year. The only month he used all of his time was in June of 2012. The average is for him to use about 60% of his court ordered time.
Things have gone okay since my last post. We have had some ups and downs.
Little IC will be three this year and I need to put him in PT daycare/preschool. Two reasons. 1.) I need the time to work. Getting work done at home with a 2 - 3 year old is not easy. 2.) Being 3 years old, he needs to learn and develop social skills to start moving towards Kindergarten.
My ex's schedule continues to rotate. Several months ago, he said he would agree to a set schedule so Little IC could attend preschool. Now he is saying he will not agree to a set schedule, will not agree to preschool and the kicker, is moving further away.
With his not using all of his "shared custody" time, the rotational schedule is very hard on all of us. I can't plan anything (sometimes I get the schedule a day or two in advance, then he cancels with minimal notice) From September until last week, he took all of his days on the weekends and I only had 3 weekends with little IC from 9/12 - 1/13. My ex frequently works when he has little IC anyway, so little IC stays with ex's parents. I don't mind them watching little IC. He loves his grandparents.
I am asking for the following changes:
1.) We develop a set schedule that will guarantee my ex some of his "off" days with little IC every month. Something like W/Th every week and every other week-end. This guarantees little IC two weekends a month with me/us and because of his schedule will always allow my ex some days off as well. If ex is working, his family can watch little IC or he can drop him off here during his work hours. The rotational schedule is very hard on little IC, especially when his dad doesn't take his time. He can have him a day or two here and there, then not at all for several weeks, then he takes him for a longer stretch, then not at all. Little IC has a lot of transition issues when he is so inconsistent.
2.) We enroll little IC in preschool. This will allow him to develop social skills, learn and allow me to work. Little IC still has some developmental, behavioral and sensory integration issues and preschools has been recommended to possibly help. The preschool has been selected and I have asked my ex to choose the days he would prefer he attend. The preschool is about 15 miles away from me, closer to where my ex lives now.
3) We address his move in advance of it happening so we don't need to do this again in a few months. Address changes to the schedule and transportation. With his move taking him close to 65 miles away, I would like to see him do the driving.
4) We address changes to the holiday access schedule given the new distance. We currently split every holiday - but the increased distance is going to result in a lot of added car time on the holiday vs an every other holiday schedule. This is negotiable, but I am finding it is hard to share every holiday and gives a very "jagged" feel to the holiday.
5) We address the schedule for school age. Given a 65 mile distance, it seems impractical for my ex to have week night time and have that kind of "commute" to school. My ex would like to not have this conversation until little IC is 5. I see no reason to put it off. Obviously, I know with my ex losing month to month time, he will have more school break time. I would like to see him have perhaps 2-3 weekends per month during the school year and a week on/week off schedule in the summer assuming he will actually use his time. My ex believes he will get custody once little IC is school age.
6) We address school. The preschool little IC will be attending has a K-12 school. The school is a Baptist/Christian school and my ex is Baptist, I am Christian. So long as I agree to pay for private school, I would like little IC to be allowed to attend private school.
Give it to me straight. Does this sound reasonable?
What happens when distance is a factor and one parent has a rotational work schedule? My ex works 6 am until 4 pm, about 10 miles from where I live. He could spend evenings with little IC even on the days he works. What it comes down to is he doesn't want to parent on days he has to work.
Thoughts?
