Personal experience-sorry no legal advice
Tara, I don't post here very often because like you, I have felt as if I were judged rather than given advice when I asked for it. But, I have dealt with this situation recently and this is what I was told by the attorney that drafted my will and durable power of attorney...I can state my wishes for my children in my will (same as you-that they be with my mother) and grant her guardianship (in the event that I can no longer care for them or that I am no longer living). Now, while my ex has the right to fight it, most judges are reluctant to go against the wishes of the custodial parent when their wishes are specified in a will. Just a thought and excuse me if this has been addressed-I may have missed it in all the posts-Do you think he would even be interested in parenting on a full time basis in the event that you no longer could? In my case, it's very unlikely.