Child Support across state lines

[blacklove]

OMG – he actually filed an answer in MD

Personally, I'd keep jurisdiction in MD. Who's telling you it takes 9 months to finalize in that State anyway? My girlfriend just finished up hers in 3 1/2 months. They are both within the same State, however, that shouldn't make a difference. I think, in the long run, you'll be happier you kept jurisdiction in MD.

OMG – he actually filed an answer in MD – yesterday

I just went to the Md Judiciary search page, input my information and was shocked to see that he filed an answer yesterday…. I wonder if the email I sent to him the day before with the link to the DFAS giving full instructions on how to file for garnishment for a military retiree had anything to do with it…. I was hoping he would have made a deposit to my account, but this is just as good, we are a step closer and I don’t have to go to VA… Unless the courts begin the long drawn out process…. Prayerfully, we will be able to resolve this perhaps with the assistance of a mediator and get this reviewed by a master soon.


I plan to request the following:

Medical and dental coverage through the employer sponsored plan (PPO),
What the guidelines say in terms of money – not a dime less –
Retroactive increase from the date I filed, in one lump sum (he’s got it – always been very wise with his savings plan)

College tuition – seriously! I realize that may be a stretch, but our son is 6 years old and the catalogs that have been coming in the mail for my daughter (a senior in high school), the price tags go from $6,000 - $60,000 per year! It’s worth a try.

Am I leaving anything out?

 

[MrsK]

OMG – he actually filed an answer in MD – yesterday

I just went to the Md Judiciary search page, input my information and was shocked to see that he filed an answer yesterday…. I wonder if the email I sent to him the day before with the link to the DFAS giving full instructions on how to file for garnishment for a military retiree had anything to do with it…. I was hoping he would have made a deposit to my account, but this is just as good, we are a step closer and I don’t have to go to VA… Unless the courts begin the long drawn out process…. Prayerfully, we will be able to resolve this perhaps with the assistance of a mediator and get this reviewed by a master soon.


I plan to request the following:

Medical and dental coverage through the employer sponsored plan (PPO),
What the guidelines say in terms of money – not a dime less –
Retroactive increase from the date I filed, in one lump sum (he’s got it – always been very wise with his savings plan)

College tuition – seriously! I realize that may be a stretch, but our son is 6 years old and the catalogs that have been coming in the mail for my daughter (a senior in high school), the price tags go from $6,000 - $60,000 per year! It’s worth a try.

Am I leaving anything out?

Looks like you probably wont be getting the college money
http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/educate.htm

And didnt you say you received some money from when you filed? Some in July? And August? I certainly hope you will be a decent person and make sure to let them know he paid some, so they can credit him the amount he paid. And I probably wouldnt count on the lump sum, either.

 

[blacklove]

Looks like you probably wont be getting the college money
http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/educate.htm

And didnt you say you received some money from when you filed? Some in July? And August? I certainly hope you will be a decent person and make sure to let them know he paid some, so they can credit him the amount he paid. And I probably wouldnt count on the lump sum, either.

If you read post 16, I already stated my intention for the monies he's already paid ...

I can't wait to get a copy of his answer, I'm tring not to get too excited, it doesn't have to be something that actually makes sense to get this resolved...

Previous judge told ex to go to the credit union, or borrow money from family member, credit card or something, but to pay the money to me in one lump sum, within 30 days or he'd see him back in court. I still have access to some of his financial information and can offer proof he has access to cash collecting interest...

College tuition may happen since I have seriously been considering relocating back tp suburban NY in 08... the primary reason I haven't gone yet, is my daughter is a senior this year and did not want to put her into a new environment at this time in her life.

 

[nextwife]

You can't forum shop.

College tuition may happen since I have seriously been considering relocating back tp suburban NY in 08...

 

[CJane]

You can't forum shop.

Yup, so true!

OP ~ The CS guidelines for the state that you receive your original award in will be the CS guidelines that are used forevah - no matter where you move to.

 

[MrsK]

Yup, so true!

OP ~ The CS guidelines for the state that you receive your original award in will be the CS guidelines that are used forevah - no matter where you move to.

Word.

Sorry, OP. Looks like you'll have to find another way to be extra greedy and get your hands on his money so you have to do less for your kid.

 

[blacklove]

Specifically for MrsK

Word.

Sorry, OP. Looks like you'll have to find another way to be extra greedy and get your hands on his money so you have to do less for your kid.

Why the hate? Rather than simply say FU, cuz this really isn't any of your business and you have contributed nothing positive, including your opinion... but we know about opinions, they are just like a$$hole$, everybody has one... ponder the following... How have you determined I'm greedy, based on?....No sweetheart, greedy, I am far from that... hard working, driven..., have high expectations for my children, yes that I accept. When you live in an area of working professionals, it stands to reason your child will have the similar aspirations... it becomes their norm. As both of his parents are practicing midcareer professionals, why shouldn't my child live the same quality of life he would have enjoyed if both parents were under the same roof? Oh, perhaps I should march my happy hard working ass (one full time job, one business I run on my own that contributes to the local economy) to the local welfare office and get food stamps, free lunch for the kids at school and move to section 8 housing so the taxpayers can take care of my child while his dad continues to make a very comfortable six figure salary to perhaps spend on someone elses children... yeah that would be the solution right? Not in this lifetime....

 

[blacklove]

Yup, so true!

OP ~ The CS guidelines for the state that you receive your original award in will be the CS guidelines that are used forevah - no matter where you move to.

Not true, personal experience....current CS order for daughter was originally done in NY, then modified in Maryland twice...

 

[blacklove]

Looks like you probably wont be getting the college money
http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/educate.htm

And didnt you say you received some money from when you filed? Some in July? And August? I certainly hope you will be a decent person and make sure to let them know he paid some, so they can credit him the amount he paid. And I probably wouldnt count on the lump sum, either.

And just when did this become about YOUR hopes? This is about MY CHILDS wellbeing.

 

[CJane]

Not true, personal experience....current CS order for daughter was originally done in NY, then modified in Maryland twice...

Didn't say it couldn't be MODIFIED. Said it would use the original state's guidelines.

For instance. Illinois is NOT an income shares state - they use a set percentage of the NCP's income for CS. Missouri IS an income shares state. I don't get to move to IL so that my income isn't taken into account for CS calculations. If I DID move to IL - or my ex did - then I COULD modify CS there, but I couldn't use their guidelines.

 

[nextwife]

Not true, personal experience....current CS order for daughter was originally done in NY, then modified in Maryland twice...

They can enforce and modify, but the GUIDELINES in effect will be based in the originating order. You can't move to NY then expect CS to go to 21.

This is about MY CHILDS wellbeing.

Your child's "well being" is enhanced by having a parent who has integrity. Failing to truthfully represent what monies the child's father has already provided for support does NOT enhance either their "well-being" nor contribute toward co-operation between this child's two parents.

The idea that every dollar that comes into the household enhances their well-being is a false premise.

Money that comes from deceit, fraud, misrepresentation or missing truth is tainted and comes to them with "bad karma" (IMHO). I would not want to expose my child to ill gotten funds, even if it would buy her something she may not otherwise have. Interesting how raising a child who literally never had a single thing of their own, not their own shoes nor clothes nor parents, until they were past age two, makes one realize how much un-needed "stuff" our kids often have packed into their rooms and homes and lives.

 

[blacklove]

They can enforce and modify, but the GUIDELINES in effect will be based in the originating order. You can't move to NY then expect CS to go to 21.

Your child's "well being" is enhanced by having a parent who has integrity. Failing to truthfully represent what monies the child's father has already provided for support does NOT enhance either their "well-being" nor contribute toward co-operation between this child's two parents.

The idea that every dollar that comes into the household enhances their well-being is a false premise.

Money that comes from deceit, fraud, misrepresentation or missing truth is tainted and comes to them with "bad karma" (IMHO). I would not want to expose my child to ill gotten funds, even if it would buy her something she may not otherwise have. Interesting how raising a child who literally never had a single thing of their own, not their own shoes or clothes or parents, until they were past age two makes you realize how
much un-needed "stuff" our kids often have packed into their rooms and homes and lives.

I never said I wasn't going to mention the monies he's already paid.... please see post 16. I do operate with integrity... I firmly believe it's the right thing to do....


I have been considering moving back to NY since 07, when he was contributing to our child's support consistently without a court order. The primary reason I haven_t moved is I chose not to disrupt my daughter_s education at this time_She_s graduating from high school in May. We have been visiting colleges in NY with the move in mind as well. I have had several job offers in the NY/NJ/CT areas that I have declined. I'm not considering moving back to NY for extension of child support... damn, that would be pretty shallow, get real...But when it's time for modification, and if the option exists for extension until 21 if we are still in the area, why not? If I am paying my taxes and abiding by the laws of the State of New York at that time I will abide by ALL OF THE LAWS, including child support!

I'm not talking about "buying stuff". My kids don't get "stuff" because it's available or the latest version of whatever gadget has been released... My daughter often says how we don't fit into the "middle class" gimme, gotta have it, give it to me just because I'm a materialistic brat, and I want to eat out at the Cheesecake Factory, just because and I gotta keep up with the Jones' lifestyle...

I'm talking about quality of life.....

Activities cost money... basketball, karate, soccer; all have fees associated with them and assist with developing a well rounded child. Shoes - he's growing like a weed, they aren_t free, food, etc., cost money. In my neighborhood yesterday, I paid $4.15 for a gallon of milk, up from $3.99 two weeks ago... and the other 62 items in the grocery cart continue to creep up as well, a few cents here and there, it all adds up, but oh well, his dad makes excellent money, so why should he have to worry about it if he isn't buying the food...We'll just stick to oodles of noodles and forget the fresh fruit and veggies....

Gas - today, $2.65 per gallon to fill up to drive "our" child to the library to borrow books, school, church, his friends, etc. Before and after school care, expensive, but the option to that is to leave him home alone so I can get to work early... yeah six year old latch key kid , with the sickos out here waiting for them, not to mention it's not legal to leave him home alone....

 

[blacklove]

It is the right thing to do. He was depositing $1,200 (slightly under what the MD guidelines require) per month into my account every month by the 10th without phone calls, letters, emails, or anything -then he dropped it to $800 in July and August - he is still employed, just being an idiot. However, now that he's shown when he's angry with me about something he's going to use the money as a weapon, I will ask for what the guidelines require and for a lien on his military retirement and his current wages. For the arrears that have accrued since I filed July 12, I'm going to ask for it in one lump sum, he's got it to give. His not contributing this month is felt in a major way - like I'm going to be living off credit cards for the balance of the month even though I have another paycheck coming. Buying groceries on a credit card - hmmmmmmm, not saving any money that way, even with the coupons.

Oh yeah, he even wrote the dentist a letter - a claim was denied for our son, and he informed the dentist I should not have used that insurance plan, etc., etc., he's filing a complaint, etc., yadda yadda, yadda. This letter was so awful...., but health insurance will be included in the order too.

For those that seem to forget I already mentioned this or can't use the back button on the web browser...

 

[blacklove]

Sperm donor has retained the services of an attorney to assist him with Pro-Se filings on this case..in other words he's got some extra cash that he felt compelled to give to a complete and total stranger to tell him information I've already fairly, truthfully and accurately provided him about child support in MD, and has still not given me a dime toward support for his son for the month of September. Oh yeah, the lawyer is from MD, is also telling him he can file for visitation - YEAAAAHHHHHH! I want a formal agreement so I can plan things. Problems with regularly scheduled visitation is he is not going to adhere to a schedule set up in or out of court he's going to want to do it on his time...a couple of times I raced through rush hour traffic (well as much as you can in the DC region) only to get to aftercare to find out he'd already picked up son, despite my asking him to let me know in advance, especially since he is unaware of scheduled activities. He's afraid I may actually be able to have some fun, and oh maybe stay at work later to put some more work into a project, or perhaps make it to the gym and get in a full two hour workout . Do I have any recourse if he does not adhere to schedule...it is very upsetting to child to be told dad is coming then he doesn't.

Also - he goes back to VA EVERY weekend....can I request and have granted that weekends be included in that agreement?

The lawyer also told him that he can file for full custody based on my lack of cooperation.... I have failed to mention this man is also a habitual liar (or rather, has a slanted narrow view of events)... he's the one not returning the child's telephone calls... has made no in person contact with him since February, 07 nor a telephone call since June, 07... and before that, no telephone calls since February, 07.... i have string of emails that documenting such. Given these details, how likely is he going to be granted custody, or is this attorney blowing smoke to bleed him for more cash?


Thanks

 

[CJane]

Sperm donor has retained the services of an attorney to assist him with Pro-Se filings on this case..in other words he's got some extra cash that he felt compelled to give to a complete and total stranger to tell him information I've already fairly, truthfully and accurately provided him about child support in MD, and has still not given me a dime toward support for his son for the month of September.

This isn't legal advice, but I strongly suggest you let go of this bitterness. He's not legally obligated to pay anything at all. He's probably NOT paying on the advice of an attorney. It's the advice we would have given him here, and it's a legally sound decision.

I also strongly suggest that you NEVER budget based on CS being part of your income. If it comes in, GREAT. But don't plan on it so you're desperate if it's late or not forthcoming.

Oh yeah, the lawyer is from MD, is also telling him he can file for visitation - YEAAAAHHHHHH! I want a formal agreement so I can plan things. Problems with regularly scheduled visitation is he is not going to adhere to a schedule set up in or out of court he's going to want to do it on his time...a couple of times I raced through rush hour traffic (well as much as you can in the DC region) only to get to aftercare to find out he'd already picked up son, despite my asking him to let me know in advance, especially since he is unaware of scheduled activities.

Make him aware of those activities. You'll be obligated to in a joint custody situation anyway.

Do I have any recourse if he does not adhere to schedule...it is very upsetting to child to be told dad is coming then he doesn't.

There's nothing you can do to make him show up, and you have no recourse when he doesn't. What you can TRY to do is have a clause in the order requiring him to notify you 24 hours in advance if he plans to exercise his scheduled time. If he doesn't, he forfeits his time... that's an iffy thing though if he won't just agree.

Also - he goes back to VA EVERY weekend....can I request and have granted that weekends be included in that agreement?

Standard is E/O weekend, but again, as custodial parent you cannot PLAN for him to have the kid on his scheduled weekends. If you have plans, have a babysitter on standby.

The lawyer also told him that he can file for full custody based on my lack of cooperation.... I have failed to mention this man is also a habitual liar (or rather, has a slanted narrow view of events)... he's the one not returning the child's telephone calls... has made no in person contact with him since February, 07 nor a telephone call since June, 07... and before that, no telephone calls since February, 07.... i have string of emails that documenting such. Given these details, how likely is he going to be granted custody, or is this attorney blowing smoke to bleed him for more cash?

He's going to be granted JOINT custody, that's almost certain. Full custody/primary custody is unlikely if you're being honest here.

I doubt though, that his attorney is 'bleeding him for cash'. His attorney - much like us - can only offer advice based on the side of the story he's hearing.