child visitation

[deshman]

What is the name of your state? Maine

My husband's divorce and custody/visitation was done in Virginia.
We have sole physical custody of his 5 year old son, and his mother (as per her request) has him 2 weeks in the summer and 1/2 of his Christmas vacation from school.
The custody paperwork stated:

"If one of the parties should change their address, they must notify the other party and/or the court in writing, 30 days prior to the move."

She made a big deal when we moved from CT to Maine last year, and we made sure we not only sent her our new address by registered mail, but emailed our info to her as well as sending it to the courts 6 weeks before our move. We have recently found out through friends and her MySpace, that she has left her new husband and moved out of state from Virginia to Illinois: almost 2 months ago. We have not gotten her new address from her, nor did she let us know of her intended move. She has called her son twice during that time, but always hangs up before we can question her about her new address.
My question is this: since she has broken the custody agreement and left the state without giving us a new address, are we within our rights to not let her have the 5 year old this summer, since we are not sure she is going to skip town again with him this time?
Thank you.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? Maine

My husband's divorce and custody/visitation was done in Virginia.
We have sole physical custody of his 5 year old son, and his mother (as per her request) has him 2 weeks in the summer and 1/2 of his Christmas vacation from school.
The custody paperwork stated:

"If one of the parties should change their address, they must notify the other party and/or the court in writing, 30 days prior to the move."

She made a big deal when we moved from CT to Maine last year, and we made sure we not only sent her our new address by registered mail, but emailed our info to her as well as sending it to the courts 6 weeks before our move. We have recently found out through friends and her MySpace, that she has left her new husband and moved out of state from Virginia to Illinois: almost 2 months ago. We have not gotten her new address from her, nor did she let us know of her intended move. She has called her son twice during that time, but always hangs up before we can question her about her new address.
My question is this: since she has broken the custody agreement and left the state without giving us a new address, are we within our rights to not let her have the 5 year old this summer, since we are not sure she is going to skip town again with him this time?
Thank you.

If possible, please email me your response: [email protected]What is the name of your state?

Uh, no. "We" are NOT within "our" rights to withhold court ordered visitation/parenting time.

"We" MUST follow "our" court order. "We" do not get to unilaterally decide to *punish* the other parent for ANYTHING.

"Our" remedy for this problem is to file a motion with the Court to request her new address. Quite simple. Not mean or illegal.

 

[Isis1]

your other thread needs to be locked. double posting is frowned upon.

and read the sticky at the top of the forum. edit accordingly.


and i can say with confidence, just because she violated the court order, doesn't mean YOUR husband should break the order.

 

[fairisfair]

you also need to remove your email address.

No one is going to email you and it is against the forum TOS.

 

[deshman]

thank you

First off let me apologize for the thread posting twice, I wasn't aware that it had (I am not very familiar with computers).
I am not quite sure how to edit my post or I would and remove the email address.
I asked the question the best I knew how to, and did not expect to get the blasting that I felt I got. I am just concerned about my step-son. He has to sleep on a floor when he is with her, and he is always returned to us filthy and is usually sick (complete with runny nose and fever). There were a few times before they divorced, that she left town (going from Washington state back to Virginia), while he was out to sea or on duty (He's in the Navy), without so much as a note saying she was going.
This is one of the deciding factors on why he has custody and she doesn't. Now that she has left one state for another and his visitation is coming up, we are not sure what to do. She is living in a house with her two other children, her boyfriend and another couple who has 4 kids. Since the visitation was decided in VA, do we have to go back to VA or can we go to court in Maine now (or since we are moving back to CT in a couple of months) can we do it in CT? And how do we send paperwork to her? At her old address, which is the one we have in VA?
Thank you again for the "advice".

 

[Silverplum]

and did not expect to get the blasting that I felt I got.
{snip}
Thank you again for the "advice".

Goodbye.

 

[Isis1]

scroll up to your original post. there will be a button on the right hand side that says "edit". you can edit from there.

 

[amberlea434]

First off let me apologize for the thread posting twice, I wasn't aware that it had (I am not very familiar with computers).
I am not quite sure how to edit my post or I would and remove the email address.
I asked the question the best I knew how to, and did not expect to get the blasting that I felt I got. I am just concerned about my step-son. He has to sleep on a floor when he is with her, and he is always returned to us filthy and is usually sick (complete with runny nose and fever). There were a few times before they divorced, that she left town (going from Washington state back to Virginia), while he was out to sea or on duty (He's in the Navy), without so much as a note saying she was going.
This is one of the deciding factors on why he has custody and she doesn't. Now that she has left one state for another and his visitation is coming up, we are not sure what to do. She is living in a house with her two other children, her boyfriend and another couple who has 4 kids. Since the visitation was decided in VA, do we have to go back to VA or can we go to court in Maine now (or since we are moving back to CT in a couple of months) can we do it in CT? And how do we send paperwork to her? At her old address, which is the one we have in VA?
Thank you again for the "advice".

Isn't it amusing when people don't get the answer they want, they THEN post negative things about the other parent.

How is transportation for visitation set up? Does mom come to get the child? And what are you wanting to go back to court for? Whatever state the order was made in has jurisdiction.

 

[Isis1]

"advice". that was a little snitty wasn't it?

you know...it would be more beneficial to have dad come online and ask questions himself. kind of like going to his doctor's appointment and expecting a diagnos through hearsay.

 

[>Charlotte<]

It may sound harsh to you, but this site exists to address the legal aspects of your question. Legally, you are not a party to this matter, and you are being advised of that in no uncertain terms because any effort on your part (as insinuated by your inappropriate use of “we” and “our”) to insert yourself into the equation could have a serious, negative affect on your husband’s case.

You need to readjust your perspective and stop thinking in terms of “we” or “our” or “my”. You are a legal stranger with regard to the custody/visitation order between your husband and his ex. This is not your case, “you” will not “go back to Virginia or Maine”, “you” will not send paperwork to her. This is between your husband and his ex. Not you.

Don’t take it personally. The vast majority of steps come here with the “we” mindset, and helping you get rid of that incorrect perspective is just one of the first things people here will do for you.

If you can be a big girl and take criticism constructively, you will find a lot of excellent help here for your husband.

 

[deshman]

OK first off. I am not trying to be negative towards anyone here. I am stating a fact about her. She is the one that has had her other two children removed twice by DFS, not us. But the courts are still sticking by the visitation, because her house just happens to be clean on the day they tell her they are going to inspect her.
I know I am on the "outside" when it comes to being a step-parent. But I also know since he is in the Navy and has sole physical custody of him, she (the biological mother) agreed to have me placed as a legal guardian for him. Now I suppose I should have addressed that first, but in the same essence, maybe some should have asked. According the courts, she (the biological mother) has agreed that I have just as much say in his upbringing as she does. This is her decision.
As for the transportation for visitation. We all agreed that we would either meet 1/2 way between our states or she would pay to get him one way and we would pay to get him the other way.
But again, the visitation was from Virginia to CT and then VA to Maine. Now it is supposed to go back to VA to CT this summer. But...she is no longer in VA. We don't know what state she is in. So do we go back to VA to question where she is, or can we do it from the state we are in now. That's all I am asking, really..

 

[deshman]

"advice". that was a little snitty wasn't it?

QUOTE]

I apologize again. I was trying to be snitty. I thought thats what I was getting was advice, thats all...

 

[amberlea434]

OK first off. I am not trying to be negative towards anyone here. I am stating a fact about her. She is the one that has had her other two children removed twice by DFS, not us. But the courts are still sticking by the visitation, because her house just happens to be clean on the day they tell her they are going to inspect her.
I know I am on the "outside" when it comes to being a step-parent. But I also know since he is in the Navy and has sole physical custody of him, she (the biological mother) agreed to have me placed as a legal guardian for him. Now I suppose I should have addressed that first, but in the same essence, maybe some should have asked. According the courts, she (the biological mother) has agreed that I have just as much say in his upbringing as she does. This is her decision.
As for the transportation for visitation. We all agreed that we would either meet 1/2 way between our states or she would pay to get him one way and we would pay to get him the other way.
But again, the visitation was from Virginia to CT and then VA to Maine. Now it is supposed to go back to VA to CT this summer. But...she is no longer in VA. We don't know what state she is in. So do we go back to VA to question where she is, or can we do it from the state we are in now. That's all I am asking, really..

No, you asked if you could deny her visitation...to which the answer is NO.

And you DO know what state she's in. Your first post said she's in Illinois.

 

[Silverplum]

I apologize again. I was trying to be snitty. I thought thats what I was getting was advice, thats all...

Grow a thicker skin IF you intend to contend in family law.

You weren't even CLOSE to "blasted."

And LAY OFF the "we" stuff. "WE" are NOT a party to the case. DAD and MOM are.

If you can't do that, go hire an attorney. It's THAT basic.

 

[Isis1]

OK first off. I am not trying to be negative towards anyone here. I am stating a fact about her. She is the one that has had her other two children removed twice by DFS, not us. But the courts are still sticking by the visitation, because her house just happens to be clean on the day they tell her they are going to inspect her.
I know I am on the "outside" when it comes to being a step-parent. But I also know since he is in the Navy and has sole physical custody of him, she (the biological mother) agreed to have me placed as a legal guardian for him. Now I suppose I should have addressed that first, but in the same essence, maybe some should have asked. According the courts, she (the biological mother) has agreed that I have just as much say in his upbringing as she does. This is her decision.
As for the transportation for visitation. We all agreed that we would either meet 1/2 way between our states or she would pay to get him one way and we would pay to get him the other way.
But again, the visitation was from Virginia to CT and then VA to Maine. Now it is supposed to go back to VA to CT this summer. But...she is no longer in VA. We don't know what state she is in. So do we go back to VA to question where she is, or can we do it from the state we are in now. That's all I am asking, really..

the seniors aren't mind readers. and you aren't paying them to squeeze information about your husband's case.

has anyone called/written/e-mailed MOM to find out her address?