Clarification....don't want to hijack another's thread

[carofl93]

State is FL.

I was just reading the post entitled "Step Parent Legal Rights" that was started by aglfr44, and wanted some clarification.

My husband has primary physical custody of his now 11 year old daughter. Her mom disappeared for over 4 years....has now sent 3 cards and made 1 phone call....we have no phone number for her, only an address. Hubby's had primary physical since late Sept of 2002.

I'm the one who goes for the IEP meetings and other school stuff. I usually take SD to the doc. Everyone knows I'm the stepmom. If I'm unfamiliar with them, or they with me, I volunteer the info.

Am I really doing something illegal by going to the IEPs, doctors visits etc.? I do have a POA for her that was signed by the hub. Hubby can't take a lot of time off from work since he's the sole provider for our household....I just figure it's a mom-ly duty....I'd do the same for my own 2 kids. Can the school or docs get into trouble for letting me have the info considering the messed up situation we're in with mom being MIA?

I want to do what's best for my SD. She's a good kid and I love her dearly...just as though she were mine.

Thanks, y'all.

Carol

 

[LdiJ]

State is FL.

I was just reading the post entitled "Step Parent Legal Rights" that was started by aglfr44, and wanted some clarification.

My husband has primary physical custody of his now 11 year old daughter. Her mom disappeared for over 4 years....has now sent 3 cards and made 1 phone call....we have no phone number for her, only an address. Hubby's had primary physical since late Sept of 2002.

I'm the one who goes for the IEP meetings and other school stuff. I usually take SD to the doc. Everyone knows I'm the stepmom. If I'm unfamiliar with them, or they with me, I volunteer the info.

Am I really doing something illegal by going to the IEPs, doctors visits etc.? I do have a POA for her that was signed by the hub. Hubby can't take a lot of time off from work since he's the sole provider for our household....I just figure it's a mom-ly duty....I'd do the same for my own 2 kids. Can the school or docs get into trouble for letting me have the info considering the messed up situation we're in with mom being MIA?

I want to do what's best for my SD. She's a good kid and I love her dearly...just as though she were mine.

Thanks, y'all.

Carol

Your situation really is different, because mom is MIA. Its unlikely to cause your husband any trouble that you are helping out.

 

[Ohiogal]

While i agree with Ldij in principal, Stepmom you have no rights to approve an IEP or anything else for your stepchildren. You really don't. Your husband needs to put his children first. How are you listed on the paperwork for the doctor's offices and schools? Where is your name? IN the mom spot?

 

[AL HR]

I do have a POA for her that was signed by the hub.
Carol

Would the fact that dad has a POA make a difference? Just curious...

 

[haiku]

I always out the shoe on the other foot, so to speak....

if my husband found out his ex's current S/O was doing all those parental duties, he would likely be attempting to do something, about making it, so HE can be the one to do them.

If most working moms are not passing off thier parental duties to thier s/o's, why should working dads?

 

[Ohiogal]

Would the fact that dad has a POA make a difference? Just curious...

Not necessarily as she is NOT the legal guardian and the legal guardian needs to be the one making the decisions about medical treatment and IEPs. A POA may allow the stepparent to attend but not necessarily to make those decisions. I still need answers to my questions regarding the forms however. That is important.

 

[carofl93]

While i agree with Ldij in principal, Stepmom you have no rights to approve an IEP or anything else for your stepchildren. You really don't. Your husband needs to put his children first. How are you listed on the paperwork for the doctor's offices and schools? Where is your name? IN the mom spot?

On the school documents there's actually a part that we circle that says step parent. If there's not an option for that, I physically write it in. Drives some of the offices nuts, but I'm covering my bases in my opinion by doing that.

 

[Ohiogal]

On the school documents there's actually a part that we circle that says step parent. If there's not an option for that, I physically write it in. Drives some of the offices nuts, but I'm covering my bases in my opinion by doing that.

Truthfully you do not belong on any of the forms. LEGALLY you do not have LEGAL standing to make ANY decisions about the children's schooling. You are NOT the stepkids legal guardian and you are not legally allowed. You are not covering your bases by doing that. Quite frankly MOM should be placed on the school documents before you. Because she is mom. Doesn't matter if she is in or out of the picture in your opinion. Until her rights are terminated she is mom.

 

[haiku]

When I had step kids who lived with me, Mom always got put in the "mom" spot. period. I was always the first emergency pick up contact AFTER them. Followed by our neighbor.

(in other words I had as much authority over those kids as our neighbor**************)

 

[Mrs. A]

Step parenting is THE hardest job and the least appreciated!

carofl93, I give you a huge pat on the back for a job well done!!!!! In MY opinion you should be the ONLY person named on any of those documents. (other than Dad) After all, "mom" is MIA and truthfully it takes a lot more than 9 months to be a Mom, know what I mean?

And by the way, IGNORE OHIOGAL, who thinks she knows everything and can trash us all with her nastyness. She is rude and obnoxious and VERY opinionated but knows NOTHING about what it takes to be a mom to another womans child. This is clear by her comments and remarks.

Sometimes you NEED to put away the legalities to be a parents**************....bio or step. When the law and parents realize this, we will be a better nation for it.
KUDOS to you for all your love and devotion to this child!
Many blessings to you and the family!

 

[stealth2]

And by the way, IGNORE OHIOGAL, who thinks she knows everything and can trash us all with her nastyness. She is rude and obnoxious and VERY opinionated but knows NOTHING about what it takes to be a mom to another womans child. This is clear by her comments and remarks.

She's also a lawyer, lady. A family law lawyer. I can pretty well guarantee that you've just ensured that you will get no further help here. Go pay for your info.

 

[haiku]

Step parenting is THE hardest job and the least appreciated!

why yes it IS a hard job, made especially harder when the PARENT passes off thier parental duties to the step parent....

carofl93, I give you a huge pat on the back for a job well done!!!!! In MY opinion you should be the ONLY person named on any of those documents. (other than Dad) After all, "mom" is MIA and truthfully it takes a lot more than 9 months to be a Mom, know what I mean?
You are an idiot. If caroles husband would actually step up and BE the parent to his kids, carole would not be in this position of questioning in the first place. Regardless of where mom is , she IS the mom. Period end of story. History cannot be unwritten.

And by the way, IGNORE OHIOGAL, who thinks she knows everything and can trash us all with her nastyness. She is rude and obnoxious and VERY opinionated but knows NOTHING about what it takes to be a mom to another womans child. This is clear by her comments and remarks.
Ohio gal not only knows what it takes to be a MOM, She is also a LEGAL proffessional. Its important to have your legal expert pull no punches and blow no smoke up your butt, if your legal professional is only telling you what you WANT to hear, she is no friend to you. Its not her job to be your friend her job is to tell the truth so that you don't LOSE your custody.

Sometimes you NEED to put away the legalities to be a parents**************....bio or step. When the law and parents realize this, we will be a better nation for it.
KUDOS to you for all your love and devotion to this child!
Many blessings to you and the family!

the LEGAL parents are the only parents that matter in a court of law. Carole can get her husbands LEGAL rights taken away if she does not back down and put the MOTHER in her legal place as the mother of her step children. carole can love those children all she wants within the walls of her husbands home, outside of that, she needs to step back and let her children have thier TWO LEGAL parents.

I am a long time step mom, And I think you are handing out some very dangerous advice.

 

[Ohiogal]

Step parenting is THE hardest job and the least appreciated!

Stepparenting is a choice. No one HAS to be a stepparent.

carofl93, I give you a huge pat on the back for a job well done!!!!! In MY opinion you should be the ONLY person named on any of those documents. (other than Dad) After all, "mom" is MIA and truthfully it takes a lot more than 9 months to be a Mom, know what I mean?

Your opinion is not a legal opinion. It holds no weight and means nothing. And if mom calls the school at any time and is told that Carofl93 is mom and not her then dad can get in trouble with the courts. Mom should be on the forms. If Op wants on them she comes third.

And by the way, IGNORE OHIOGAL,

Never said anyone had to listen to me. But I can tell you those that have have found out I have been correct more often than wrong.

who thinks she knows everything and can trash us all with her nastyness.

Nope. Never said I knew everything. As for trashing people -- I have not trashed "us all" -- I just make sure people know where the garbage is. As for being nasty -- no. I have been blunt, straight to the point and truthful. Apparently you need your delicate sensibilities coddled. Poor child.

She is rude and

Nope. I still have not been rude to you.

obnoxious and

Okay maybe obnoxious.

VERY opinionated

Yep. I am very opinionated. But I also have the law backing up my opinions. I also know the law. Thank you. What backs up your opinions? Thin air.

but knows NOTHING about what it takes to be a mom to another womans child. This is clear by her comments and remarks.

Hmmm. Really? You know everything about my home situation huh? Lets see -- I live with 90 cats, have never been married, have no children, and no education. Is that your belief? Please ENLIGHTEN EVERYONE. Come on. Tell everyone how you have ascertained my personal life.

Sometimes you NEED to put away the legalities to be a parents**************....

Actually no. When on a legal forum, you need the legal advice. And putting away the legalities is a good way to end up in court on contempt.

bio or step.

Bio -- now you are really going over the line. Bio is reserved for parents whose rights are terminated or they relinguish them to allow their children to be adopted.

When the law and parents realize this, we will be a better nation for it.

No -- because then we will have non-parents overstepping the boundaries and parents will no longer have the utmost right to parent their children. Instead legal strangers will be able to butt in. Oh yeah. Like you.

KUDOS to you for all your love and devotion to this child!
Many blessings to you and the family!

How sweet. How cuddlesome. How OPRAH! Or maybe Jimmy Falwell.

 

[carofl93]

First off I want to say that I deeply respect OhioGal's status here. She has given me very good advice...as have other members here. I take great offense at those who are trying to make her seem idiotic....there are good people here, who know what they're doing. Basically, if you don't want the truth, don't ask it here....things here are to the point, and you take it that way or pay a lawyer the big bucks and hear it from him/her.

If we had more than a mailing address for my SD's mom, I'd be glad to put her on the forms for school. Unfortunately, she is unwilling to give any information. The mailing address we got for her was via the CSE folks....when she sends anything to my SD, it's without an address. We have no contact info for her other than the address, and she has only started accepting mail in March of this year.
When I meet a new teacher, they are told(by me) that I am the stepmom. The office personnel know I am the stepmom. At the beginning of every school year, my hubby writes a letter/note to the school personnel that mom is not to contact SD nor pick her up due to the court ordered sanction of sorts....the judge stated she is not to have any physical contact with their child until mom meets with the judge and posts a bond. This has been noted in SD's file year after year.
Eventually, when we get enough money saved, we're going for a TPR. Now that mom is playing the head games with her child, it'll take a bit longer, but we'll be able to save that much more for an even better lawyer. Then I'll be able to legally say I am mom.
I have discussed this with the hubby since I asked this question, and he has told his boss that he will need time off to talk with the teachers, school staff and docs when the need arises. I still continue with the momly (is that a word?) duties and take care of my SD as I do my own 2 sons.
I appreciate the help from those who offered true assistance, and give the golden raspberry to the buttheads who talk smack.

Thanks to the helpful folks!!!!

Carol

 

[LdiJ]

First off I want to say that I deeply respect OhioGal's status here. She has given me very good advice...as have other members here. I take great offense at those who are trying to make her seem idiotic....there are good people here, who know what they're doing. Basically, if you don't want the truth, don't ask it here....things here are to the point, and you take it that way or pay a lawyer the big bucks and hear it from him/her.

If we had more than a mailing address for my SD's mom, I'd be glad to put her on the forms for school. Unfortunately, she is unwilling to give any information. The mailing address we got for her was via the CSE folks....when she sends anything to my SD, it's without an address. We have no contact info for her other than the address, and she has only started accepting mail in March of this year.
When I meet a new teacher, they are told(by me) that I am the stepmom. The office personnel know I am the stepmom. At the beginning of every school year, my hubby writes a letter/note to the school personnel that mom is not to contact SD nor pick her up due to the court ordered sanction of sorts....the judge stated she is not to have any physical contact with their child until mom meets with the judge and posts a bond. This has been noted in SD's file year after year.
Eventually, when we get enough money saved, we're going for a TPR. Now that mom is playing the head games with her child, it'll take a bit longer, but we'll be able to save that much more for an even better lawyer. Then I'll be able to legally say I am mom.
I have discussed this with the hubby since I asked this question, and he has told his boss that he will need time off to talk with the teachers, school staff and docs when the need arises. I still continue with the momly (is that a word?) duties and take care of my SD as I do my own 2 sons.
I appreciate the help from those who offered true assistance, and give the golden raspberry to the buttheads who talk smack.

Thanks to the helpful folks!!!!

Carol

I really think that you do not have a problem. Your husband absolutely needs to be the person making the decisions and approving things like IEPs, but since mom is currently not allowed to have any physical contact with the child, she obviously cannot be on the emergency pickup list at school.

She should however be listed on the forms as mom, since she is entitled to obtain the child's medical and school records, and will not be able to do so unless she is listed as the mother.