Custodial parent leaving for a month or longer leaving us with kids...

[AL_Madi]

I do have a question aboutfiling contempt. It states in the decree that the parents shall not be negative towards eachother (this is paraphrasing) so when child 1 disclosed information that was beng said about Dad from Mom, would that information have been takin seriously by the courts if a contempt was filed? What about Mom not paying her half of the kids' bills? What is the timeframe for filing contempt and how does one go about it?

 

[Ohiogal]

OG, did you happen to read the website OP has referenced a few times? Curious as to your take on it.

What link? I did find hostile-aggressive-parenting.com and it seems to spout all sorts of things. Child abuse? No it is not. Most of the things on the site could describe any contested divorce and hence shoudl we conclude that divorce is child abuse?

 

[Proserpina]

What link? I did find hostile-aggressive-parenting.com and it seems to spout all sorts of things. Child abuse? No it is not. Most of the things on the site could describe any contested divorce and hence shoudl we conclude that divorce is child abuse?

That's what I was concerned about really - it's not entirely dissimilar to the sites touting PAS and I'm not sure anyone should be advised to try that route (as OP suggested to someone else earlier).

Not sure how that one would play out in court.

 

[AL_Madi]

That's what I was concerned about really - it's not entirely dissimilar to the sites touting PAS and I'm not sure anyone should be advised to try that route (as OP suggested to someone else earlier).

Not sure how that one would play out in court.

So, are you stating that HAP is not an accurate description that could be dismissed in court but PA can be used as an argument? And if a parent is telling a child lies about the other parent it is PA and not HAP? A form of child abuse? I'm sorry, but I do not understand how this would not be a form of child abuse... it is just as bad as telling a child that they are good-for-nothings and will never amount to anything, or heck, even the parent references how much the child is like the other parent when something bad happens! Are you a psychiatrist that can guarantee this kind of behaviour does not inflict damage? Must I really disclose all the dirty laundry to paint a clearer picture of what is going on here?

Someone mentioned that Dad had failed to keep Child1 in a social activity as suggested by a psych. evaluator - what about Mom's responsibility? When Dad realized the mistake he made and signed him up for something else the feedback given was that Dad is not to be signing up Child(ren) for activities when it is Mom's time. So - which is it? Get after the Dad for failing to parent, but what about Mom? Is it not her responsibility as well? Dad had Child1 in counseling before for his violent behavior. Mom through a fit at the counselors office because she did not like the head psychiatrist/owner of that office and did not want child(ren) there. She would accompany child and counselor often had a hard time getting her to leave the room. Counselor wasnt getting anywhere so Mom 'won' and no more sessions. NOW, sessions began again because parents/child almost faced legal action because of child's behavior at school. Dad (and I) picked up books over the summer for Child(ren) and ourselves on how to handle anger and how to take responsibility and there was a breakthrough! But once the every other week schedule for summer changed to just weekends (Dad did not agree and asked to remain every other week as it had been, but Mom pulled the control string) Child1 was in trouble not even 2 weeks into the school year. Dad wasnt even invited to the school to discuss the sitatuation and only told about it afterwards.

Divorce = child abuse? lol sometimes I think it is! Seriously, there are people who divorce and do not turn into monsters. There are people who have children and refuse to use them as objects to get what they want. I guess in an ideal world every judge would implement a parent plan to be enforced and a parenting class to every couple dissolving a marriage/relationship that have children.

 

[LdiJ]

So, are you stating that HAP is not an accurate description that could be dismissed in court but PA can be used as an argument? And if a parent is telling a child lies about the other parent it is PA and not HAP? A form of child abuse? I'm sorry, but I do not understand how this would not be a form of child abuse... it is just as bad as telling a child that they are good-for-nothings and will never amount to anything, or heck, even the parent references how much the child is like the other parent when something bad happens! Are you a psychiatrist that can guarantee this kind of behaviour does not inflict damage? Must I really disclose all the dirty laundry to paint a clearer picture of what is going on here?

Someone mentioned that Dad had failed to keep Child1 in a social activity as suggested by a psych. evaluator - what about Mom's responsibility? When Dad realized the mistake he made and signed him up for something else the feedback given was that Dad is not to be signing up Child(ren) for activities when it is Mom's time. So - which is it? Get after the Dad for failing to parent, but what about Mom? Is it not her responsibility as well? Dad had Child1 in counseling before for his violent behavior. Mom through a fit at the counselors office because she did not like the head psychiatrist/owner of that office and did not want child(ren) there. She would accompany child and counselor often had a hard time getting her to leave the room. Counselor wasnt getting anywhere so Mom 'won' and no more sessions. NOW, sessions began again because parents/child almost faced legal action because of child's behavior at school. Dad (and I) picked up books over the summer for Child(ren) and ourselves on how to handle anger and how to take responsibility and there was a breakthrough! But once the every other week schedule for summer changed to just weekends (Dad did not agree and asked to remain every other week as it had been, but Mom pulled the control string) Child1 was in trouble not even 2 weeks into the school year. Dad wasnt even invited to the school to discuss the sitatuation and only told about it afterwards.

Divorce = child abuse? lol sometimes I think it is! Seriously, there are people who divorce and do not turn into monsters. There are people who have children and refuse to use them as objects to get what they want. I guess in an ideal world every judge would implement a parent plan to be enforced and a parenting class to every couple dissolving a marriage/relationship that have children.

You are mixing up the law with your own sense of right and wrong.

However, in most states a parenting plan is required and in most states divorcing parents have to take a parenting class.

Parental alienation is a generic term that covers a whole host of issues, but all result in the child being alienated by one parent from the other parent.

Anything whatsoever that has an acronym, PAS, HAP or anything else, would just cause the judge to roll their eyes if they were attempted to be used in court. Because all of that gobbledigook has been serious discredited.

Be careful that your attempts to educate yourself don't drag you away from the actual law itself...because law is what matters in court.

 

[Nevergrowup]

I He doesnt know how to parent so I am helping him QUOTE]

Well, thank goodness he has you or he wouldn't know how to tie his shoes in the morning.

My daughter's stepmom "taught" my ex how to parent too, lol. He just ended up cheating on her. Shocking that my crappy parenting is no longer her focus, lol. And now our daughter hates going over there because of her stepmom. Keep up the good work .

Why is it up to you to open his eyes? Why is it up to you to point out all the wrong things going on with his ex or kids? Who made you the best mommy ever, way better than the "real" mom? Did he not have the cajones to stand up for his children before you? Obviously not. Again, thank goodness he has you, perhaps he'd still be peeing on himself.

 

[CJane]

Well, thank goodness he has you or he wouldn't know how to tie his shoes in the morning.

My daughter's stepmom "taught" my ex how to parent too, lol. He just ended up cheating on her. Shocking that my crappy parenting is no longer her focus, lol. And now our daughter hates going over there because of her stepmom. Keep up the good work .

Why is it up to you to open his eyes? Why is it up to you to point out all the wrong things going on with his ex or kids? Who made you the best mommy ever, way better than the "real" mom? Did he not have the cajones to stand up for his children before you? Obviously not. Again, thank goodness he has you, perhaps he'd still be peeing on himself.

Wow, the familiarity is striking, isn't it?

My kids' SMom hasn't called CPS on me lately, but I'm kind of always expecting it.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Personally I wouldnt waste my time with a man I had to "teach" I prefer my men all grown up. Op never mentioned if she had children of her own from the post it doesnt sound like it. Makes me wonder how she became the expert in children.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Op never mentioned if she had children of her own from the post it doesnt sound like it. Makes me wonder how she became the expert in children.

Oh, she doesn't need experience. My daughter's stepmom was a way better parent right off the bat, without any experience

CJane...CPS...your stepmom problem totally trumps mine

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Oh, she doesn't need experience. My daughter's stepmom was a way better parent right off the bat, without any experience

CJane...CPS...your stepmom problem totally trumps mine

Must be nice Ive been raising 5 kids my oldest being 12 and I still feel like a novice half the time. Think OP will "teach" me too?"

 

[Isis1]

Well, thank goodness he has you or he wouldn't know how to tie his shoes in the morning.

My daughter's stepmom "taught" my ex how to parent too, lol. He just ended up cheating on her. Shocking that my crappy parenting is no longer her focus, lol. And now our daughter hates going over there because of her stepmom. Keep up the good work .

Why is it up to you to open his eyes? Why is it up to you to point out all the wrong things going on with his ex or kids? Who made you the best mommy ever, way better than the "real" mom? Did he not have the cajones to stand up for his children before you? Obviously not. Again, thank goodness he has you, perhaps he'd still be peeing on himself.

well that's not fair. you made me laugh so hard i just might need to start investing in Depends.

 

[AL_Madi]

LDiJ, thank you for your post. It was very clear and straightforward without leaning to the snarky side. Is there any reading (for more common folk) that you would recommend in regards to learning the law when it comes to divorce/custody issues? Is there I 'Child Custody laws for Dummies'?

Nevergrowup, your somewhat snarky comments really do indicate that you will 'nevergrowup'. If a psychiatriast was the one helping the dad "tie his shoes" and learn not to "pee on himself" would you be making these same accusations? I am not an unreasonable person. I was actually in a bit of disgust because I didnt treat my ex or the kids' stepmom like this, or the kids. There were times I had to stand my ground with my ex and stepmom, but we talked like adults are supposed to and we but the children's best interest first - so if that makes me a better parent (period, not better than xxx), than yes I am. I am not the best and do not claim to be perfect so do not be putting words in my mouth. Some people have natural parenting instincts, some people have to be taught, a lot of us need both. Dad is working on the parenting and I am a support system but follow the suggestions/boundaries of the counselor's action plan.

So many are willing to piss on a parent for finally recognizing that there is a problem, that the parenting skills HE has were lacking, and is taking steps to improve. Sometimes it does take an outside influence for someone to realize there is something wrong and I will not apologize for being that influence and suggesting professional help.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Would I condemn Dad for realizing better parenting skills if he was taught by a professional? No. Yet you are "teaching" him and you are not a professional, so not a fair comparison. Again, thank goodness for you or your husband wouldn't realize his lack of parenting skills. You don't see a problem with that? You don't see, that until you came around and made him see the light, that your husband wasn't enough of a man or a father to rectify wrongs to his children on his own?

My snarky comments come from not only my own experiences, but the hundreds, maybe thousands posted on this site from stepmoms just like you who seem to magically know how to "fix" a situation that neither the mother nor the father realized needing fixing until they came along and pointed it out. Dogmatique was one, and she'll tell you right now the massive mistakes she made and how she learned from them. The stepmom in my case stopped caring about my daughter when she spawned herself finally, and then her husband cheated for 5 months with her friend (somehow that was my fault tool, lol). You say no one knows you so they shouldn't comment/condemn...yet we DO know you. Over and over and over again, same old. You might think your story is original but it is SO NOT...broken record. "Mom sucks, Dad finally found b*lls with my help" says the stepmom. Very familiar story, so don't think you are unique.

If your husband cared RIGHT NOW, after all your teachings, he would be asking the questions, not you.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Would I condemn Dad for realizing better parenting skills if he was taught by a professional? No. Yet you are "teaching" him and you are not a professional, so not a fair comparison. Again, thank goodness for you or your husband wouldn't realize his lack of parenting skills. You don't see a problem with that? You don't see, that until you came around and made him see the light, that your husband wasn't enough of a man or a father to rectify wrongs to his children on his own?

My snarky comments come from not only my own experiences, but the hundreds, maybe thousands posted on this site from stepmoms just like you who seem to magically know how to "fix" a situation that neither the mother nor the father realized needing fixing until they came along and pointed it out. Dogmatique was one, and she'll tell you right now the massive mistakes she made and how she learned from them. The stepmom in my case stopped caring about my daughter when she spawned herself finally, and then her husband cheated for 5 months with her friend (somehow that was my fault tool, lol). You say no one knows you so they shouldn't comment/condemn...yet we DO know you. Over and over and over again, same old. You might think your story is original but it is SO NOT...broken record. "Mom sucks, Dad finally found b*lls with my help" says the stepmom. Very familiar story, so don't think you are unique.

If your husband cared RIGHT NOW, after all your teachings, he would be asking the questions, not you.

Dang it why dont they have a smiley that claps...Amen I agree 100%! Oh btw OP Im a mom and step mom and guess what if my husband couldnt be a father without my wonderful help he never would have made it past date 2.

 

[AL_Madi]

Wow, the familiarity is striking, isn't it?

My kids' SMom hasn't called CPS on me lately, but I'm kind of always expecting it.

I wasnt the one who called CPS, btw, it was before I was even in the picture. So yes, CPS has been called on Mom before... so, obviously there is someone who questions Mom's parenting and it wasnt me. Wanna throw another one out?

I dont appreciate that you all assume I have it out for the Mom. As a matter of fact, it comes across more as judging me because of your own bad experiences with a stepmom. Would this conversation be different if I was, say, a concerned grandparent? A neighbor? Aunt? Uncle? Psychiatrist?????