Custody hearing next week - SCARED

[momto2teens]

Try out living with Dad

is what the kids told me

The violence thing was a farse.

Their real reason was that they wanted to "try it out" and they didn't think I would go for it.

Now they wish they never would have. They are more than willing to tell the judge the same thing.

 

[majomom1]

Thank you for your opinion.

My children lived with me for their entire lives and began wishing that they didn't move out about 6months after they did. They were promised the moon and got absolutely nothing but emotional abuse.

My daughter is in college and works 2 jobs. She is a good girl. She lives with her boyfriends PARENTS, not her boyfriend. This is so school is not interupted. School would have been interrupted by her Dad taking away her vehicle, as HE did. SHE refused to go back. What would you had done differently?

As far as you seeing why Dad sees why I abandoned them, have you seen how many times they have flown to visit? How many times I have visited them? How many times I was NOT ALLOWED to see them? You need to know your facts before you speak so abruptly to another.

I don't need to move back to know what is going on. I hear it every single day because I communicate with my children on a daily basis. Do you?

Chill momto2teens - I am in a very similar situation. I am mom to 2 teens that just went to live with their Dad for basically the same reasons... Their dad disappeared for a while and I do feel that he abandoned them (even though he didn't in the legal term), he did in the emotional... and now has promised them the moon. It is already turning sour within less than a month. And yes I do communicate with my children. I can also look in their eyes and tell when they are feeding me a line of bull because they are mad.

You did not say they had problems within 6 months - you gave the impression that things were fine, until December. That is a relevant piece of information. And you did not indicate how many times you had seen them since moving - that also is relevant info, IMO.

We are not mind readers here. If you want "real" advice, insight or opinions, we ask questions. Your moving will not help you, as you have been too far away. The courts know teens and how they play parents etc... You are willing to move back IF you get custody... but not if you don't?

Those are all things the court will look at. You stated in another post that you have talked directly with Dad one time... in 1.5 years. I am not trying to be mean - but the court may interpret that to mean that you really don't know, for sure, what all is going on.

I am sure there is a lot more to this, there usually is - however I don't know what, and can really only comment based on what you have posted.

 

[momto2teens]

Those are all things the court will look at. You stated in another post that you have talked directly with Dad one time... in 1.5 years. I am not trying to be mean - but the court may interpret that to mean that you really don't know, for sure, what all is going on.

The reason I have only spoke to dad in that amount of time is because HE WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME! He will not answer the phone and they do not have a recorder. The children both have cells and I have asked to speak to Dad (on their phones) and he refuses. He will not pick up the home phone! I just tried to call the home 3 times today and it just rings and rings. They have caller ID.

I've actually spoken to Dad twice in 1.5 years. Once when he demanded school tuition and once when he accused me of all kinds of false accusations.

He knows how to get in touch with me though. And I answer! (the 2 times he called)

 

[momto2teens]

Well, hopefully the court will also seriously consider the wishes of these mature children. They have been emotionally abused and have begged me to get them "out of there". I would think that months would be plenty of time for rebellion to calm down.

There are a lot of details left out of this situation, all bad for DAD. I can't think of anything else I could tell you bad about myself, but I'm sure they will think up something else.

 

[momto2teens]

Just spoke to 16yo

16yo just gave me an update and states that he can not SMILE, can not LAUGH, can not FEEL, and does not WANT to take this medication. He couldn't hardly speak to me on the phone. Zombie like.

I feel this child is being drugged right before the hearing. Right before he needs to speak to the judge!

 

[majomom1]

16yo just gave me an update and states that he can not SMILE, can not LAUGH, can not FEEL, and does not WANT to take this medication. He couldn't hardly speak to me on the phone. Zombie like.

I feel this child is being drugged right before the hearing. Right before he needs to speak to the judge!

Deep breathes - the court will recognize "zombie" like, they are also very good at picking up on kids that are being coerced, bribed or threatened.

Look - I am not judging you in any way. You wanted hard questions, well here they are. I have an ex that won't communicate as well, so I do know what you mean. The court may, or may not see all of that. They don't look at that kind of stuff. They look at the facts presented.

You said the ER doctor would not return your calls. Did you go there? Did you contact the administrator? Did you request medical records? The court will look at what you did, or didn't do, when trying to determine the medical/phsycological condition of your son. Did your attorney request any of this?

Who filed for this court action, and when? Is there a GAL involved? The court usually does not talk with the kids, unless one of the parents request it. And believe me, his attorney will try to say that you abandoned the kids by moving and don't really know the whole story. They will use your distance and the fact that you are only offering to move there if you get custody. They will try to say that if you were really concerned, you would already have moved - or not moved at all.

I am just warning you. They will use every thing they can to make HIM look like the better parent.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

16yo just gave me an update and states that he can not SMILE, can not LAUGH, can not FEEL, and does not WANT to take this medication. He couldn't hardly speak to me on the phone. Zombie like.

I feel this child is being drugged right before the hearing. Right before he needs to speak to the judge!

Did you call CPS when you got this call? Did you call the police to do a welfare check? I hope you realize that you made this bed that you are sleeping on.

 

[LdiJ]

Deep breathes - the court will recognize "zombie" like, they are also very good at picking up on kids that are being coerced, bribed or threatened.

Look - I am not judging you in any way. You wanted hard questions, well here they are. I have an ex that won't communicate as well, so I do know what you mean. The court may, or may not see all of that. They don't look at that kind of stuff. They look at the facts presented.

You said the ER doctor would not return your calls. Did you go there? Did you contact the administrator? Did you request medical records? The court will look at what you did, or didn't do, when trying to determine the medical/phsycological condition of your son. Did your attorney request any of this?

Who filed for this court action, and when? Is there a GAL involved? The court usually does not talk with the kids, unless one of the parents request it. And believe me, his attorney will try to say that you abandoned the kids by moving and don't really know the whole story. They will use your distance and the fact that you are only offering to move there if you get custody. They will try to say that if you were really concerned, you would already have moved - or not moved at all.

I am just warning you. They will use every thing they can to make HIM look like the better parent.

Indiana judges quite often WILL speak to children in chambers, particularly older kids. However mom's attorney will need to specifically request that the judge do so.

 

[momto2teens]

Deep breathes - the court will recognize "zombie" like, they are also very good at picking up on kids that are being coerced, bribed or threatened.

Look - I am not judging you in any way. You wanted hard questions, well here they are. I have an ex that won't communicate as well, so I do know what you mean. The court may, or may not see all of that. They don't look at that kind of stuff. They look at the facts presented.

You said the ER doctor would not return your calls. Did you go there? Did you contact the administrator? Did you request medical records? The court will look at what you did, or didn't do, when trying to determine the medical/phsycological condition of your son. Did your attorney request any of this?

Thanks,
It's not the ER doctor that will not return my calls, it's the private Psychologist. No, there has not been time for my attorney to be involved (the appt was last week), but he will be. Why should he have to be involved if I have shared legal custody? Don't I have a say in my sons medical treatment and access to his doctors? And why does Dad not have to tell me one single thing about my sons medical treatments? I requested the psych to call me back to speak to her about 16yo's medical condition. (anger) I also requested, by fax accompanied with court orders, a copy of his medical records. There has not been time for mail and court is next week. This is all happening very fast as you will see by the dates below.

Who filed for this court action, and when? Is there a GAL involved? The court usually does not talk with the kids, unless one of the parents request it. And believe me, his attorney will try to say that you abandoned the kids by moving and don't really know the whole story. They will use your distance and the fact that you are only offering to move there if you get custody. They will try to say that if you were really concerned, you would already have moved - or not moved at all.

I filed and there is no GAL. My attorney said that the Judge will speak to the children in chambers. There is no human way that I could have moved to Indiana in this time frame. I filed on 2/6 and the hearing is 2/24. I did not say that I am only offering to move there if I get custody, sorry if I didn't make myself clear. We are planning to move to IN anyway, the children ASKING for me to fight for them has made the process more urgent. If we get custody, we will just move sooner. It's not like we can just pick up and move on a moments notice. We are doing the best we can and are sacrificing, for the best interest of the children, by moving sooner.

I am just warning you. They will use every thing they can to make HIM look like the better parent.

This I understand. What I don't understand is how he can look like such a good parent when he hasn't communicated with me at all. If I moved away and never had anything to do with the children, I could understand. But, I wouldn't think that THEY would want to come live with ME if that were the case. They know good and well what it's like to live with me, they did for the majority of their lives. (-1.5 years)

 

[momto2teens]

Did you call CPS when you got this call? Did you call the police to do a welfare check? I hope you realize that you made this bed that you are sleeping on.

I did not call CPS or the Police. Why did I make this bed? I'm not the one FORCING him to take this medicine?

 

[momto2teens]

Stripping the bed I made

Did you call CPS when you got this call? Did you call the police to do a welfare check? I hope you realize that you made this bed that you are sleeping on.

Furthermore, even if this is all my fault (isn't it always Moms fault?), I am bound and determined to fix it! I will take all the blame, I don't really give a hoot.

I just want what is best for the children.

Maybe I am way off base, but I would think calling CPS & the police when a child is taking prescription medication would look kind of looney to the court. I don't want to do anything to make my bed anymore crumpled.

 

[LdiJ]

Furthermore, even if this is all my fault (isn't it always Moms fault?), I am bound and determined to fix it! I will take all the blame, I don't really give a hoot.

I just want what is best for the children.

Maybe I am way off base, but I would think calling CPS & the police when a child is taking prescription medication would look kind of looney to the court. I don't want to do anything to make my bed anymore crumpled.

I agree with you. Calling CPS or the police because the child is being medicated by prescription would not be appropriate.

I also agree that there would appear to be more to this than just rebellion. Generally rebellion doesn't effect two teens at the same time.

However, it is also true that you are equally responsible for this problem. First, you allowed them to move in with dad in the first place, and then you moved away. I think that its very wise that you are planning on moving back. The sooner you do that, the better.

 

[majomom1]

Indiana judges quite often WILL speak to children in chambers, particularly older kids. However mom's attorney will need to specifically request that the judge do so.

Excuse me Ldi - that is what I said? One of the parents has to request it.

The court usually does not talk with the kids, unless one of the parents request it.

 

[majomom1]

Furthermore, even if this is all my fault (isn't it always Moms fault?), I am bound and determined to fix it! I will take all the blame, I don't really give a hoot.

I just want what is best for the children.

Maybe I am way off base, but I would think calling CPS & the police when a child is taking prescription medication would look kind of looney to the court. I don't want to do anything to make my bed anymore crumpled.

This is not about fault. Your ex IS responsible to inform you, but when he doesn't you have to take steps - which you are doing. It is good that there hasn't been enough time for your attorney to get records - that will show that you took steps as soon as you became aware of an issue and the courts know that it takes time to get records.

If the court feels there is any question with regard to the medical for your son, they will appoint a GAL to look into it. Hopefully your attorney will push for this.

It may be hard to prove that your ex didn't answer the phone when you called, or never called you - so the court may or may not consider this. Again - all I am trying to say is that the court will see that the kids have been there 1.5 years - and they will wonder what is really going on.

Your daughter is 18. She can do as she chooses. If she had still been in high school (which some are) then I would worry about how the court would view her - but since she is in college, it probably won't be an issue and she may be a good witness. But do you really want her to testify against her Dad?

I see a potential problem with you living out of state. The court will not give you custody on the basis that you plan to move back and I highly doubt they will let you take him with you, go to a new school etc... then move back again. The court will look for stability in the child's life... so I see that as a huge factor for the judge when determining all of this.

Again, I am only stating what the judge may look at. I don't know your history, what evidence you have or what your attorney's plan is. The court will be in a similar position as me, with no knowledge of the case and will have to decide based on the facts presented.

 

[fairisfair]

Excuse me Ldi - that is what I said? One of the parents has to request it.

but didn't it sound so much BETTER when she said it???