Custody Mod in question....

[MIZZ~J]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I have joint legal custody with my EH, my physical custody being 80%.
Here's the situation....
My ex has the standard schedule EO weekend and 1 afternoon midweek (which he has never exercised).
He now wants a longer visitation during the holidays (granted our kids have almost a month off) and time during the summer (starting next year), our CO does not state that he was granted any of this however I have agreed to let him have them on my terms...
He is upset however that I did not notify him when I enrolled our daughter to a daycare when in the order it says we have to be in agreement for that sort of stuff....he is also aware of the fact that I went for a mod for our current CS order (I did not follow throught with it though) and is hinting that he might now go to court for a mod to our custody order...what are the chances of him getting this changed? should I follow through with my mod on the CS order if he is granted more time?---
thanks in advanced!

 

[stealth2]

Well... you should have discussed daycare with him. Would you have been happy if he enrolled her w/o discussing it with you?

As for CS... You do realize that the time with him may offset whatever income increase is involved? And... this is kind of a reversal of the "well you asked for CS, so I'm going to ask for visitation!" scenario. He wants more time, so you want more money, darnit! Way to parent.

 

[MIZZ~J]

In the 3 years since the order was set we have not modified any of the orders and his income level has risen. I have now obtained a full time job but do not make nearly the amount he does, I've look at the tables for CS calculations and according to that even if he were granted more time, lets say 10% max, he would still have to pay me more (a couple of hundred $ more)...over the time since I last posted he asked to come to an agreement that would work for both of us about alternating holidays, if I dont agree and he requests a modification through the court what happens? what is that process like?

 

[WittyUserName]

In the 3 years since the order was set we have not modified any of the orders and his income level has risen. I have now obtained a full time job but do not make nearly the amount he does, I've look at the tables for CS calculations and according to that even if he were granted more time, lets say 10% max, he would still have to pay me more (a couple of hundred $ more)...over the time since I last posted he asked to come to an agreement that would work for both of us about alternating holidays, if I dont agree and he requests a modification through the court what happens? what is that process like?

Lengthy and expensive. And he's likely to get alternating holidays, which is not that much to ask. Why not just come to an agreement about the holidays?

 

[LdiJ]

In the 3 years since the order was set we have not modified any of the orders and his income level has risen. I have now obtained a full time job but do not make nearly the amount he does, I've look at the tables for CS calculations and according to that even if he were granted more time, lets say 10% max, he would still have to pay me more (a couple of hundred $ more)...over the time since I last posted he asked to come to an agreement that would work for both of us about alternating holidays, if I dont agree and he requests a modification through the court what happens? what is that process like?

The judge will send you to mediation and you will be given a chance to come to an agreement there. If you don't come to an agreement the judge will decide.

Its normal for child support to be recalculated in CA when parenting time is recalculated as the parenting timeshare figures heavily into the child support calculation. If you don't ask for a child support modification he likely will.

If you want to reduce the length and the expense of the case, then do your best to negotiate a fair agreement on both issues in mediation.

 

[MIZZ~J]

I guess I will have no option than to let him put in for a modification, in the long run I think it would be best for both of us if its in the court order.
I dont have an issue with him taking them for longer periods of time its just more convenient when its on my terms ha
I looked at the calculator and based on the time he is requesting it looks like he wont have to pay any more...the time washes out the increase in his pay
and I'm fine with that....
Ok by expensive do you mean we cant file the forms alone and/or without an attorney? for mediation will we need an attorney? if in agreement does anyone know how long it takes the CO to go into effect??

 

[stealth2]

its just more convenient when its on my terms ha

Can you spell "controlling"?

 

[Just Blue]

Can you spell "controlling"?

Doubtful. I wonder is she can spell "grow the heck up"?

 

[MIZZ~J]

Does anyone know if I will need an attorney for a modification in custody?
My ex wants to pick the kids up for midweek visits but since I'm in school during his requested drop off time I let him know I couldn't gurantee that he could continue with visits....if I have certain concerns about who cares for the kids and what he does during his visits do you guys suggest I bring them up or wait for mediation?
Is the mid week visitations (which he asked for biweekly since my schedule doesnt allow for every week) something he would be given if he asked for it in court??

 

[stealth2]

Does anyone know if I will need an attorney for a modification in custody?
My ex wants to pick the kids up for midweek visits but since I'm in school during his requested drop off time I let him know I couldn't gurantee that he could continue with visits....if I have certain concerns about who cares for the kids and what he does during his visits do you guys suggest I bring them up or wait for mediation?
Is the mid week visitations (which he asked for biweekly since my schedule doesnt allow for every week) something he would be given if he asked for it in court??

This is his problem, because.... why? YOUR schedule does not negate the court order - which apparently states he gets a midweek visitation. Why can't he pick the kid up from daycare? And then keep the child until you're done with school for the day? Or come to that, overnight?

As for what he does during HIS time with the child? It's none of your business unless you can prove that he is putting the child in danger.

Personally, I think you're treading so close to the line of contempt, that you absolutely need an attorney to make sure you don't cross it.

 

[MIZZ~J]

This is his problem, because.... why? YOUR schedule does not negate the court order - which apparently states he gets a midweek visitation. Why can't he pick the kid up from daycare? And then keep the child until you're done with school for the day? Or come to that, overnight?

As for what he does during HIS time with the child? It's none of your business unless you can prove that he is putting the child in danger.

Personally, I think you're treading so close to the line of contempt, that you absolutely need an attorney to make sure you don't cross it.

As it turns out it's not on the CO, We discussed it during mediation the 1st time but it was never actually put it.
My schedule requires a relative to actually to take care of the kids at my home and while I can be there sometimes for his pick up I am not there for when he wants to drop them off.
So that is why I figured I didnt have to grant his request to see them, am i wrong?
Well it has to do with cursing my children are now doing saying they learned from so and so while at dads. should that not be a concern?
I can't really afford a lawyer and with my schedule right now even time at court would be hard....I certainly believe I've been doing everything as its said on the CO so would it be possible to do it w/o a lawyer or for him to be able to do it without a lawyer?

 

[stealth2]

As it turns out it's not on the CO, We discussed it during mediation the 1st time but it was never actually put it.
My schedule requires a relative to actually to take care of the kids at my home and while I can be there sometimes for his pick up I am not there for when he wants to drop them off.
So that is why I figured I didnt have to grant his request to see them, am i wrong?

If it's not ordered, you may not have to allow it. BUT... if it is something you agreed to in mediation, he may have grounds to get that time as a result. And again - your schedule does not necessarily trump his ability to see his child. Since you have family locally, you could consider having that person available one day a week to be there when he drops the child off.

Well it has to do with cursing my children are now doing saying they learned from so and so while at dads. should that not be a concern?

They're going to learn those words anyway - at school, on the bus, from friends. They're words. You teach them when/if they're appropriate. But you're never going to stop them from learning the words.

I can't really afford a lawyer and with my schedule right now even time at court would be hard....I certainly believe I've been doing everything as its said on the CO so would it be possible to do it w/o a lawyer or for him to be able to do it without a lawyer?

I still think you need a lawyer.

 

[MIZZ~J]

If it's not ordered, you may not have to allow it. BUT... if it is something you agreed to in mediation, he may have grounds to get that time as a result. And again - your schedule does not necessarily trump his ability to see his child. Since you have family locally, you could consider having that person available one day a week to be there when he drops the child off.



They're going to learn those words anyway - at school, on the bus, from friends. They're words. You teach them when/if they're appropriate. But you're never going to stop them from learning the words.



I still think you need a lawyer.

Do you think that if I allow bi-weekly visitations (or once a month) would that be grounds for granting him with such visitation if taken to court?
during the 1st mediation it was his schedule that didnt allow for midweek visits and thats why it wasnt put on the final agreement...

 

[Ohiogal]

Do you think that if I allow bi-weekly visitations (or once a month) would that be grounds for granting him with such visitation if taken to court?
during the 1st mediation it was his schedule that didnt allow for midweek visits and thats why it wasnt put on the final agreement...

If his schedule has changed then that is enough for him to petition for a change in TIME for visitation. And therefore he very well may get extended summer as well as holiday time. that is the norm.