justlilolme
Member
What is the name of your state? Missouri
My husband has a three year old child (will be four in May) with a lady that he was never in a relationship with. Paternity was only established at an Administrative level to determine and collect child support. Legal Paternity has not yet been established and no court order exists for custody and visitation.
The child's mother has been insanely OBSESSED with my husband for many, many years. This fact is common knowledge of anyone that has ever been a significant part of my husband's life since his teens, including his ex wife, friends and family. She has always tried to use the child as a pawn to make my husband want to be with her as in, that was the only way that he would be able to have a relationship with his child.
She is sporadic at best about when she will allow contact and 90% of the time or more she insists that the child doesn't go unless she stays there with the child. There have been the very rare occasions where she has let the child come and visit for a day or two. There have been several occasions where she will simply disappear off of the face of the earth for months at a time and my husband wont even have a way of contacting her at all. On many occasions (including the present) she has had to live in homeless shelters with herself, her daugher, and her's and my husband's son. She is a chronic drug abuser but we don't have any real proof of that other than a paraphenalia charge.
My husband didn't find out that she had a child and that she believed the child to be my husband's until the child was one year old. My husband took the initiative to take the information to our local Department of Family Services office and asked for a paternity test because (up to this point) him and her had only had sexual relations once and the young lady was known to be very promiscuous. This action by my husband is the only reason he is even paying child support.
Since my husband found out the child was his for sure and been paying support for the child he has always tried to have as much contact with the child as she would allow but as I explained before it always had to be under her conditions.
More than anything my husband wants to be able to have a relationship with his child without her interference and without it having to be in her presence. The only reason that my husband has not pursued his rights to do so is out of fear of rocking the boat. This woman has threatened my husband that if he ever pursued custodial rights to his child that she would just claim that the child was concieved by rape and that she would press criminal rape charges against him.
Now, of course, any such claims or charges would be completely fabricated however my husband is concerned that women are always believed and that once the allegation is even made that he will end up being known as a sex offender, when he is not. This woman would only be doing this maliciously to hurt my husband, and over the years, since the conception (supposed date of the rape) there have been many other times that she had sexual relations with my husband in a casual manner (prior to him getting married).
I have tried to encourage my husband to ignore her threats and to pursue his rights to his child but he is worried about having to fight a criminal case while trying to prove to a Judge that he is a good father on a civil matter.
Any and all advice, suggestions and oppinions that anyone could offer my husband would be very appreciated. Thank you, in advance, for your time.
My husband has a three year old child (will be four in May) with a lady that he was never in a relationship with. Paternity was only established at an Administrative level to determine and collect child support. Legal Paternity has not yet been established and no court order exists for custody and visitation.
The child's mother has been insanely OBSESSED with my husband for many, many years. This fact is common knowledge of anyone that has ever been a significant part of my husband's life since his teens, including his ex wife, friends and family. She has always tried to use the child as a pawn to make my husband want to be with her as in, that was the only way that he would be able to have a relationship with his child.
She is sporadic at best about when she will allow contact and 90% of the time or more she insists that the child doesn't go unless she stays there with the child. There have been the very rare occasions where she has let the child come and visit for a day or two. There have been several occasions where she will simply disappear off of the face of the earth for months at a time and my husband wont even have a way of contacting her at all. On many occasions (including the present) she has had to live in homeless shelters with herself, her daugher, and her's and my husband's son. She is a chronic drug abuser but we don't have any real proof of that other than a paraphenalia charge.
My husband didn't find out that she had a child and that she believed the child to be my husband's until the child was one year old. My husband took the initiative to take the information to our local Department of Family Services office and asked for a paternity test because (up to this point) him and her had only had sexual relations once and the young lady was known to be very promiscuous. This action by my husband is the only reason he is even paying child support.
Since my husband found out the child was his for sure and been paying support for the child he has always tried to have as much contact with the child as she would allow but as I explained before it always had to be under her conditions.
More than anything my husband wants to be able to have a relationship with his child without her interference and without it having to be in her presence. The only reason that my husband has not pursued his rights to do so is out of fear of rocking the boat. This woman has threatened my husband that if he ever pursued custodial rights to his child that she would just claim that the child was concieved by rape and that she would press criminal rape charges against him.
Now, of course, any such claims or charges would be completely fabricated however my husband is concerned that women are always believed and that once the allegation is even made that he will end up being known as a sex offender, when he is not. This woman would only be doing this maliciously to hurt my husband, and over the years, since the conception (supposed date of the rape) there have been many other times that she had sexual relations with my husband in a casual manner (prior to him getting married).
I have tried to encourage my husband to ignore her threats and to pursue his rights to his child but he is worried about having to fight a criminal case while trying to prove to a Judge that he is a good father on a civil matter.
Any and all advice, suggestions and oppinions that anyone could offer my husband would be very appreciated. Thank you, in advance, for your time.
Last edited:
