Death of Minor Child

[Kimmyf1965]

What is the name of your state? TN

My 16 year old son passed away on August 31st after a long battle with Duchene Muscular Dystrophy. He was in the hospital to get a feeding tube as he had signifigant weight loss. Unfortunately, he was right in the middle of lung failure when he arrived at the hospital and was never able to get the feeding tube.

Here's my question. My X (father of this child), did not pay anything towards the funeral expenses. I personally has a small life insurance policy and it was enough to cover the cost of the funeral. Please, don't think that I'm one of those bitter women that thinks her son can be replaced with money. Kory was a wonderful & bright young man that I love dearly. I will never get over this loss. However, I do feel that it only fair that my x should have to pay 1/2 of the funeral expenses. He attended and made rude demands at the funeral home and at the cemetery. My child support ended the day Kory passed away. It just doesn't seem fair that he walked away from this with 750.00 per month extra in pockets. Like I said no amount of money could ever make me happy with the loss of Kory. I much rather have no money and Kory back!!

Please give me your thoughts and please don't be rude. I've had way to much experience here with rude people here and I don't need that right now.

 

[Silverplum]

I am very sorry for your terrible loss.

I would suggest a consultation with a local family law attorney, because this is such a specific and weird (nothing personal) question, not normally covered.

I would also urge you to take some time to grieve before you get yourself into a wrangle with your X.

 

[moburkes]

Sorry about your son. I can't imagine...

By the way, please don't think that your ex is "profiting" from his death because he no longer has to pay child support.

But, I don't believe that the law requires a parent to pay for a funeral, especially if said parent had no input. For example (and I'm not trying to be rude), if he knew that he was required to pay, then he may have suggested less expensive (fill in the blank).

 

[CJane]

I, too, am very sorry for your loss.

I am going to respectfully disagree w/Silver though as I don't see this as a family law matter. I see it as a small claims matter... and frankly, not one you're likely to win.

I cannot imagine the place you must be in right now, but if it were me, I would honor my son by moving forward w/out conflict or acrimony.

 

[Silverplum]

I, too, am very sorry for your loss.

I am going to respectfully disagree w/Silver though as I don't see this as a family law matter. I see it as a small claims matter... and frankly, not one you're likely to win.

I cannot imagine the place you must be in right now, but if it were me, I would honor my son by moving forward w/out conflict or acrimony.

You're probably right. I wasn't thinking with a full load of coffee. Sorry.

I also agree with moving forward, if possible. This could get so ugly, and if the father is not a stand-up guy who would do this on his own, then who wants him or the legal crap?

 

[Ohiogal]

Actually I am going to disagree and say that this is a family law matter in that support of a child ends after ALL support of a child is done. And burying a MINOR child is part of support. He could be made to pay 50% of the average funeral expenses because that would be considered support (equate it with paying medical expenses or daycare)

 

[CJane]

Actually I am going to disagree and say that this is a family law matter in that support of a child ends after ALL support of a child is done. And burying a MINOR child is part of support. He could be made to pay 50% of the average funeral expenses because that would be considered support (equate it with paying medical expenses or daycare)

Hmmmm.... this would depend on the wording of the order/statute, would it not? I can see that it might have been included since the child was chronically/terminally ill...

But I'm going to check my statutes because I'm pretty sure they specifically say 'until emancipation of child or death of payor or child.'

 

[Silverplum]

Sorry, Kimmie. We can't seem to agree or find a definitive answer...YET! Give the Smart Ones some time, and they'll probably figure it out for you with a citation.

 

[stealth2]

My condolences, as well.

I think the best advice you got was to discuss this with a local attorney.

 

[moburkes]

I don't see anythere here that addresses this (including information under "uninsured medical expenses").

http://www.state.tn.us/sos/rules/1240/1240-02/1240-02-04.pdf

 

[Kimmyf1965]

It's not just a matter of the funeral expenses. He filed a motion to slow pay back 3 years ago on a medical bill that I paid for this child. I have yet to receive that portion since Kory passed away. He still owes me around 2000.00 for that. Then there is the matter of even more medical expenses that he hasn't paid. I know I'm going to have to sue him for this so my thoughts were why not go for the funeral as well.

I purchased the cheapest casket that they had. My dad gave me the cemetery plot (so that's a free on the X's part). I don't see how he could say that I went overboard with the expenses. The cemetery required a vault but I would of had to buy a more expense casket if they didn't.

I guess it just seem fair that he got off scott free when we had Kory together. He never once even thanked me for the beautiful funeral. He just spouted out orders to the director and demanded that he be allowed to throw the dirt on my son's casket.

You know what, I am bitter. I'll forgive him for the things that he did to "our" son but I'll never forget. Kory knows and Kory knows how his dad treated me at the funeral and the hospital. I'll guess that will be good enough if I lose in court. Because one thing that I did get was one more "I love you" than he did because he couldn't be at the hospital with dying son!! He can't take that from me and that was worth millions!!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Anger is one of the stages of grief. You have a right to your grief.

Just because your son died does NOT mean that your X shouldn't reimburse you. If need be, you'll have to file a contempt of court for prior bills. As for the funeral expenses, the court system MAY allow for those charges.

BTW, my condolences on the death of your son.

 

[Kimmyf1965]

Thank you all for your kindness!!

I guess it doesn't hurt to try since I've got to sue anyway. I just don't want a judge to think I'm being greedy. I guess I just explain my feelings as to why I think he should have to pay 1/2. If he rules in my favor GREAT!! If not, then so be it!! I'm not going to let the money get in the way of going on with my life. I know I'll win the money for the medical expenses. He is in contempt since he hasn't made his monthly payments. I'm sure he'll file a motion to slow pay again and I do hope he loses that because of his failure to pay timely!!.

My X has to live with the decisions that he made. What comes around goes around!! He'll pay in one way or another.

As for me, I have no regrets!! I loved Kory as much as possible and did everything I could to help him in his life. Kory's memory will live on in my heart forever!! Kory lived 10 years after his diagnosis. He smiled everyday and told me he loved me everyday (except for those 2 to 4 days a month he spent with his dad).

You've all been very nice!!!

I'll let you know the out come when I take him to court.

Thanks again!!
Kim (Kory's Mom)

 

[wileybunch]

Kim, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

When you go for contempt for the unpaid expenses, make sure to ask for relief for $X attorney's fees and any other relief the court deems. For the funeral expenses, I agree with your thoughts on that. If you are representing yourself, maybe you can find the closest state statute that you think could be applied to burial expenses and cite that as the basis for wanting an order for that. Good luck.

 

[Ohiogal]

Look at:
http://66.161.141.175/cgi-bin/texis/web/tncaselaw/+z0eS+JrerxbnmeamPIeh7nwwwxFqHXwh_6X_wmh8XqsKqqvv+8qWq_qss_nq_/svindex.html?doc=18


Tenn. Code Ann. § 36-2-311:
(F) In making any deviations from awarding retroactive support, the court shall make written findings of fact and conclusions of law to support the basis for the deviation, and shall include in the order the total amount of retroactive support that would have been paid retroactively to the birth of the child, had a deviation not been made by the court;
(12) Determination of liability for funeral expense to either or both parties, if the child is deceased;
(13) Determination of liability for a mother's reasonable expenses for her pregnancy, confinement and recovery to either or both parties; and
...

Take him back to court and sue his ass. You can do this in Family/Juvenile Court in Tennessee. He has an obligation.