Deployed home for Rand R

[okiesooner]

What is the name of your state? ok

Well I finally have internet access here in sandy Iraq.

Here are the court order details and my question:

My ex has custody I have visitation.

I am court ordered to be able to pick the children up from school during visitation, and access to all school and medical records.
Order is written as follows:

1 week each Spring

1 week each Fall

10 days at Christmas

8 weeks in the summer.

I have to give her 2 weeks written notice.

I will be home for 2 weeks in April. I have contacted the school and they have agreed to allow the children excused absences since I am home on deployment for only 2 weeks and this will be the only time I will be able to see them for a whole year.

My ex says that since she has custody she has made the decsion that the kids do not need to miss school and that I am not allowed to pull them out of school.

I cannot afford to stay there in a hotel for that time. I have a wife and 3 other children who all want to see the kids as she won't allow for them to come to see them while I am gone.

There is about a 10 hour geographical distance.

I filed contempt and for custody when she took off with the kids when I came home from deployement last time. I did not get custody but I did get a better visitation schedule. At that hearing the judge told her she needed to be more accomadating with my military schedule.

Our court order does not say we have to agree (although she says we have to) and it does not specify certain times for the visitation. Just a week in the Sping and I have to give her 2 weeks notice.

If she refuses or tells the school to refuse giving the children to me and I file contempt when I return from deployement would this be contempt for her?

Also, It looks as though I may be able to secure a non deployable position my for my last 3 years and then I am getting out of the military and have employment lined up after that. How does a shot at custody look for me? She has moved once from Ok to Tx with the courts permission (she has since moved back)...I throw this in as my home is Colorado.

Thanks for any input

 

[ceara19]

Pick the kids up from school, they CAN'T refuse to release the kids unless there is a court order that specifically states you are not allowed to pick them up. Once you have picked them up, pull over to a safe spot off the road on your way home and call your ex and tell her to kiss your ass. (J/K, sort of) Tell her that you have the kids and will be headed home and returning them in 2 weeks as you previously stated in the proper notification you sent. The only problem is the fact that you only have one week according to the court order. You have a few different options. You can shorten the visit by a week, go ahead and keep them for the full 2 weeks and deal with the consequences when you return from deployment or get permission ahead of time through the court.

The first option is the safest since you would be following the court order. The 2nd option is a little risky because you would be violating the court order. However, under the circumstances, I imagine the Judge wouldn't come down on you too hard and would probably be none to happy with mom for not just agreeing to let you have the kids for the full 2 weeks before you ship out and put your life on the line for your country. The 3rd choice may be difficult, but you may be able to get some assistance through JAG to secure a court order before you return.

 

[LdiJ]

I think that only keeping them for a week, OR trying to get a court order in advance would be far wiser.

Missing two weeks of school is going to put the kids waaay behind unless you arrange with the school to get all of their work ahead of time, and you work with them while you have them.

I think it would be a huge risk to keep them for two weeks, without advance permission from the courts....I think that would knock out ANY possibility of custody.

I am not sure that making a "snatch" is wise either...I could see an amber alert getting issued.

I say stand your ground with mom that you are taking them for a week, rather than just making a snatch.

 

[Halls]

I think you should take the kids out of school, but only for a week, not two weeks. That is to long to keep them out of school IMO and the state requires that they don't miss so many days in the year. Keeping them away from school longer could actually hurt you in court should you do that.

 

[karma1]

Unfortunately....

OP-you will have to go by the court order unless you have the time and resources to get it changed.
I will comment on the missing school thing as I am a teacher. Students get permission and work all the time when they need to miss school. One week (assuming one week is Spring break) should not put them "way behind" if the work is sent with them. I doubt any authority person would want to deny you time with your children with this war going on. Our school just requires work sent if the child misses more than a week. Sometimes that can't be helped in family emergencies and happens all the time. As long as there is a written excuse, there's really nothing held against the attendance either.
I am wondering if the school has let Mom know that work can be made up (and I'll bet, if this coincides with Spring break--that week before and after is not a crucial week) and are willing to work with you/Dad?

 

[GrowUp!]

I am not sure that making a "snatch" is wise either...I could see an amber alert getting issued.

If he calls the ex to tell him that she has the kids and there is a court order allowing him to have them, an Amber Alert will NOT be issued as it would not meet the criteria. I am very familiar with the criteria for an Amber Alert to be issued as I deal alot with them in my profession. It is VERY specific. And if mom lies in order to get one issued, then she would be dealing with serious problems for filing a false police report, probably inducing panic, just to name a few.

OP...I agree with the others regarding only keeping them out for one week, unless one of those weeks is spring break, but even that would be pushing it IMO. You might want to see if the school can scan and email -- or have ready when you pick up the kids -- approval of them missing a week of school, the arrangements regarding make-up work, etc. so you can present it to the court if need be.

Make sure you keep all communication with the ex regarding this matter in case she plays the "he didn't let me know blah blah blah" card.

 

[okiesooner]

Hi thanks for all the replies.

I only planned on taking them out for the 1 week. I wouldn't do 2 weeks out of school. What I planned on doing istaking my one week in the the spring and coincide it with a weekend visitation. I get weekend visitation as well.

This would give me 9 days with them and they would miss 5 days of school.

They have already had their spring Break....I tried to get my 2 week leave during their break but was not able to.

I plan on going to get my kids and letting her know exactly what I plan to do. But she is under the impression that we have to agree on visitation....but it doesnt say that in our order.

I usually try to be accomadting but I am not able to this time.

If she takes off with the kids and I fiel for contempt when I get back wouldn't a judge hold her accountable? Also as I said she was held in contapt before for this same exact thing and I I filed for custody but didnt get it. If I can prove I am non deployable would my chance of custody be higher????

Thanks so much....

 

[ceara19]

Hi thanks for all the replies.

I only planned on taking them out for the 1 week. I wouldn't do 2 weeks out of school. What I planned on doing istaking my one week in the the spring and coincide it with a weekend visitation. I get weekend visitation as well.

This would give me 9 days with them and they would miss 5 days of school.

They have already had their spring Break....I tried to get my 2 week leave during their break but was not able to.

I plan on going to get my kids and letting her know exactly what I plan to do. But she is under the impression that we have to agree on visitation....but it doesnt say that in our order.

I usually try to be accomadting but I am not able to this time.

If she takes off with the kids and I fiel for contempt when I get back wouldn't a judge hold her accountable? Also as I said she was held in contapt before for this same exact thing and I I filed for custody but didnt get it. If I can prove I am non deployable would my chance of custody be higher????

Thanks so much....

In that case, see my original advice. Give mom the proper notification, pick them up at school, call mom once you have the kids and let her know that you have them and when you will be returning them. If she tries to argue the point, tell her to kiss your ass. If she takes off with them and denies you your court ordered time, take her back to court. You CAN wait until you get back or you can hire an attorney to get the ball rolling now. Since she has been reprimanded for this before, your chances of getting custody changed, once you are back, will increase.

 

[GrowUp!]

One thing I would like to add to Ceara's advice...IF she does deny you, call her and tell her something to the effect that you gave her ample notice, per your order, and to bring the child to __________ by (time) for your court-ordered parenting time. If (you) do not, I will have my attorney proceed to drag you back into court for denying my parenting time and you will be paying for my attorney's fees -- and this time you will file for a change in custody." You don't have to throw in the 'change of custody' comment if you don't want to, but by making the additional phone call, when you take it to court, you can state (and hopefully show proof via a phone record/cell phone) that you called/attempted to call the other parent.

 

[okiesooner]

Ok here is new twist to my situation:

I emailed the principal and teachers to double check that the absences could still be excused as the children have missed some days becasue they were sick.

The principal emails me and says yes that the time missed will still be excused, but my daughter's teacher emails me and says that her gradelevel has testing that week and she has to be there.

I am so pissed I contacted the school in November and made sure NOTHING was going on during this time before my leave was scheduled. I was in contact on a monly basis with this teacher and she NEVER mentioned this to me.

She has my email address, home numer and address as well as self addresses envelopes for report cards and correpondance.

Now 1 month before had she drops this bomb.

I reviewed the school website which the principal directed me too to keep current on events and the online calender and there is nothing on either.

i have emailed to see what provisions can be made before had or afterwards for her to take this testing.

Surely students miss this sometimes due to illness.

I cannot understand why the principal would email me the same day as the teaher did and tell me the absences will be excused?!!!

Any thoughts?

 

[ceara19]

The school will have make up testing for students that are absent on the testing days. My children missed their standardized tests this year because they fell on the same week that we were on vacation. I talked to their teachers ahead of time and they were more then accommodating. They sent home extra study guides for the kids to work on while we were gone so that they wouldn't "forget" everything they had already earned. Both of them took the tests when we returned and aced them. Neither of my kids have any problems in school.

If your daughter is struggling in school, it may be a bad idea for her to miss the tests unless you can work with her and get her prepared while she's with you. School is extremely important, however, it shouldn't get in the way of LIFE.

PERSONALLY, I would go ahead and take the kids out of school for the week, if I were in your situation. You're going to a war zone. God forbid something should happen to you and your kids missed out on the chance to spend time with you because of a test. You need to weigh the risks and benefits and decide if it's worth it.

 

[GrowUp!]

OP...is there any way you can arrange it with the principal and the teacher to have the child take it BEFORE leaving or immediately once the child returns?

 

[nextwife]

The school will have make up testing for students that are absent on the testing days. My children missed their standardized tests this year because they fell on the same week that we were on vacation. I talked to their teachers ahead of time and they were more then accommodating. They sent home extra study guides for the kids to work on while we were gone so that they wouldn't "forget" everything they had already earned. Both of them took the tests when we returned and aced them. Neither of my kids have any problems in school.

If your daughter is struggling in school, it may be a bad idea for her to miss the tests unless you can work with her and get her prepared while she's with you. School is extremely important, however, it shouldn't get in the way of LIFE.

PERSONALLY, I would go ahead and take the kids out of school for the week, if I were in your situation. You're going to a war zone. God forbid something should happen to you and your kids missed out on the chance to spend time with you because of a test. You need to weigh the risks and benefits and decide if it's worth it.

Gotta agree there. I lost my dad when I was a kid (due to illness, not war) and I cherish all the special time we had together. A day or a week of school missed in nothing compared to missing seeing your dad the rest of your life.

 

[ceara19]

OP...is there any way you can arrange it with the principal and the teacher to have the child take it BEFORE leaving or immediately once the child returns?

If it is a placement or standardized test, it can't be done BEFORE, but it can be done immediately after they return. The teachers gave my kids 2 days to get "back in the groove" before the test and we studied and took practice tests will they were out of school. Their teachers all said that they were better prepared for the tests then the kids that weren't absent for a week before taking them.

 

[okiesooner]

I have sent an email to the teacher and the school pricnipal asking what provisions can be made.
I also asked why this was not brought up with all the discussion about pulling the kids out that week before hand.
I find it very strange that the teacher suddenly remembers after my ex is giving me a hard time about visitation.
I have also drafted an email to the superintendent should the prinicipal try to say these test cannot be made up.
I am going to pick up the children after school and be done with then file contempt if she denies it when I get back.
It looks like i am gonna be able to secure that non deployable position until I can get out. I just hope it will help if I file for a custody change.
Last time I was raked over the coals about deployment when I filed for custody...which I guess I can see the judges point of view on that.
I am so sick of her tkaing advantage of my deployment for her selfish gain.