Disagree on medical treatment

[kimberlywrites]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

We have 50-50 physical (weekly rotation) and joint legal.
My son, who is 8, was diagnosed ADHD in the summer of 2007. Ex and I were both at the appointment with the child psychiatrist. We agreed to try a stimulant med, but within two days our son reacted with "psychotic hallucination" (he heard voices and saw things that weren't there) and remained awake for 36 hours. Obviously we stopped the meds. Decided to see what the school year would bring. Maturity seemed to help some, but by the end of this school year (June 2008) we were concerned again.

I took my son to the pediatrician who agreed with the intial ADHD diagnosis and suggested a nonstimulant med. Dad was not at that appt. but when I spoke to him after, he agreed to try it.

Now he's back-pedaling.

This med works like an anti-depressant in that it takes several weeks to build up to a certain level. Finding the right dose can also require some tinkering.

Dad says he sees no change in son and wants to stop meds.

I say we need to adjust the dosage and also wait to see how son does in school this fall (we started the meds over the summer at the beginning of July)

I make sure son's meds go with him to dads during dad's week. I check with son to make sure he's taking it every day. Now son is telling me he doesn't want to take it, which I'm sure is dad's influence.

He obviously can't be on a med like this one week on and one week off! I don't know what to do here. Is there anything I can do since we have joint legal?

 

[swtwilma]

First off you need to both take him to a peds psych dr not your normal dr. Find a specialist and make sure you know the meds and doses that he has tried and been on.

ADHD is one of those things that is mainly controlled by stimulant medication and behavior modification therapy. There are adjunt drugs like welbutrin that work for adhd as well as depression. You are 100% right that you should not be week on week off with a drug. That is not good for your son but also know that there is no magic pill that will fix your son. ADHD children need structure and lots of parental help with this. ADHD Parents Try this site.

You should read all of the info that you can regarding ADHD. Print out the things you have questions on. Join a group, attend classes. Research the Dr's find a behavior modification specialist in adhd in your area. Find what you can do in the home to help him with his adhd. Keep record of school behavior. The more info you have the better. What helps what doesn't.

These are the best things you can do, bring them up to dad, see if he is going to be on the same page. Both of you go to the apts if possible and if not maybe a phone call with the unavailable parent.

You both love your child and want the same thing for him, to be able to suceed in life and become a functioning adult. You will both have your own opinions, but when med decisions come into play, follow your dr's advice (an expert in adhd), follow the treatment plan, communicate, do your research. If he is unwilling to do this then you use the courts.

 

[kimberlywrites]

First off you need to both take him to a peds psych dr not your normal dr. Find a specialist and make sure you know the meds and doses that he has tried and been on.
ADHD is one of those things that is mainly controlled by stimulant medication and behavior modification therapy. There are adjunt drugs like welbutrin that work for adhd as well as depression. You are 100% right that you should not be week on week off with a drug. That is not good for your son but also know that there is no magic pill that will fix your son. ADHD children need structure and lots of parental help with this. ADHD Parents Try this site.

You should read all of the info that you can regarding ADHD. Print out the things you have questions on. Join a group, attend classes. Research the Dr's find a behavior modification specialist in adhd in your area. Find what you can do in the home to help him with his adhd. Keep record of school behavior. The more info you have the better. What helps what doesn't.

These are the best things you can do, bring them up to dad, see if he is going to be on the same page. Both of you go to the apts if possible and if not maybe a phone call with the unavailable parent.

You both love your child and want the same thing for him, to be able to suceed in life and become a functioning adult. You will both have your own opinions, but when med decisions come into play, follow your dr's advice (an expert in adhd), follow the treatment plan, communicate, do your research. If he is unwilling to do this then you use the courts.

We did, in 2007. That's when we tried stimulants.
ETA: We also tried six weeks of weekly play therapy during the first half of the school year, as recommended by a second-opinion from a second child psychiatrist.

 

[swtwilma]

What about behavior modification therapy? Why did you change doctors? Did you find a new psych dr? Ped's dr's will not have the vast resourses that a psych dr will.

What is the problem in school? Grade failing? Behavior? Why do you think he needs meds again? Are his teachers just having problems with him sitting still etc.

I'm not judging, just asking. I have a son with adhd and a father that is anti medication (and I mean anything). I have even had to fight getting my children immunized. I'm just throwing things out that I hear from him.

 

[kimberlywrites]

What about behavior modification therapy? Why did you change doctors? Did you find a new psych dr? Ped's dr's will not have the vast resourses that a psych dr will.

What is the problem in school? Grade failing? Behavior? Why do you think he needs meds again? Are his teachers just having problems with him sitting still etc.

I'm not judging, just asking. I have a son with adhd and a father that is anti medication (and I mean anything). I have even had to fight getting my children immunized. I'm just throwing things out that I hear from him.

I understand why you're asking. Thank you!
The new child psych was because of the reaction to the stimulants. We were uneasy going back to the first child psych so sought a second opinion. The behavior modification he suggested was the play therapy.

It's weird to me because at the beginning of last school year my son was so well-behaved the teacher said she had to check and see if he was even there. She was a wonderful teacher for my son and knew everything going on with him. As the school year progressed he got more comfortable, and the main problem is "off task" behavior and rushing through his work. He's not impulsive a whole lot, in other words he can sit in his desk. But he TALKS all the time! I mean, this is major chatterbox issues. He will rush through his work then start yapping to anyone around him even if they are still working. He talks nonstop at home. He knows right from wrong, he shows remorse when punished, he is pretty good at following most directions. He just talks alot. He has problems going to sleep at night because he can't turn his mind off. That's when he starts worrying about things like tornadoes or burglars.

Depression and anxiety run in the family, so I liked the idea of a non-stimulant because I thought it would adress both of those things as well as some ADHD tendencies.
ETA: the med he's on is Straterra

His grades were straight-A until the end of the year when he got a couple B's (but barely). He reads at an advanced level. During a PT conference my ex and I asked the teacher if he was rushing through his work because he's bored. They screened him for GT but he didn't quite make it.

He will start third grade. This means he will have to be able to sit still and quietly an entire day for the TAKS tests (anyone from Texas will know the controversy that surrounds this kind of testing). I think THAT's the real reason his teachers express concern!

 

[swtwilma]

My step kids live in TX so I get it. It sounds like it may help him to do more therapy (it doesn't hurt anyone in a divorce situation that is for sure). It is so hard on a kids to jump between houses. Strict scheduling is HUGE with these smarties!

I have found so many things that have helped my son. (Mind you I am just a parent and telling you things that have helped my son. Finding a new doc that is on the same page is a must).

Playing outside for 30 minutes of hard play before homework. Eating a good solid low carb high protien diet before school. Having a super strict schedule with bedtime is a must. Think back to having a toddler that doesn't like sleep and start there. Same thing every day. The sleep is such a biggie. I have read about melatonin and adhd kids...before you do this though, talk to a doctor.

I noticed you have week on week off. The one change my ex and I made was to change this. Granted I have them more now, but the arrangement has worked well and helped my son in a big way. It may be something to bring up, but if you can keep the same rules and structure, then that is really what matters.

It sounds like you have a bright son, maybe too bright and gets a bit bored and fills the down time with talking. Find something he can do at school to fill time when bored instead of talking. I made up finger play games for my son...or I give him a little riddle each day for him to figure out in his head at school and he has to try and solve it by the end of the day and he is to think on it when he is to sit there quiet. Reward him for good behavior each day by a chart. We use extra time outside, a game, video game time, comp time etc. Visual scavenger hunts, reading quiet, something other than sitting and staring at the wall. Their little brains are so quick aren't they .

Sit down with the dr. and your ex. Go through the plan and what works what doesn't. Keep a journal. I do think that in our society we shove meds down kids before they really need them, but if they need them, they need them and at least you can say that you tried EVERYTHING! And as I said before then you have a case in court.

 

[kimberlywrites]

My step kids live in TX so I get it. It sounds like it may help him to do more therapy (it doesn't hurt anyone in a divorce situation that is for sure). It is so hard on a kids to jump between houses. Strict scheduling is HUGE with these smarties!

I have found so many things that have helped my son. (Mind you I am just a parent and telling you things that have helped my son. Finding a new doc that is on the same page is a must).

Playing outside for 30 minutes of hard play before homework. Eating a good solid low carb high protien diet before school. Having a super strict schedule with bedtime is a must. Think back to having a toddler that doesn't like sleep and start there. Same thing every day. The sleep is such a biggie. I have read about melatonin and adhd kids...before you do this though, talk to a doctor.

I noticed you have week on week off. The one change my ex and I made was to change this. Granted I have them more now, but the arrangement has worked well and helped my son in a big way. It may be something to bring up, but if you can keep the same rules and structure, then that is really what matters.

It sounds like you have a bright son, maybe too bright and gets a bit bored and fills the down time with talking. Find something he can do at school to fill time when bored instead of talking. I made up finger play games for my son...or I give him a little riddle each day for him to figure out in his head at school and he has to try and solve it by the end of the day and he is to think on it when he is to sit there quiet. Reward him for good behavior each day by a chart. We use extra time outside, a game, video game time, comp time etc. Visual scavenger hunts, reading quiet, something other than sitting and staring at the wall. Their little brains are so quick aren't they .

Sit down with the dr. and your ex. Go through the plan and what works what doesn't. Keep a journal. I do think that in our society we shove meds down kids before they really need them, but if they need them, they need them and at least you can say that you tried EVERYTHING! And as I said before then you have a case in court.

Do you mean you switched TO weekly, or FROM weekly? If from, then to what? There is no way in he** ex will agree to anything less than 50-50. He made a spreadsheet last year that actually totaled how many days I got and how many days he got. I would have to be willing to be the one to accept less time - which I will if it's advisable. That was what I was hoping to learn through play therapy...but we didn't get any answers at all!

 

[swtwilma]

What we did decreased dad time, so maybe that wouldn't work. I was always the one that dealt with all the school stuff so he has the kids every Sun and Mon and every other Fri Sat and has them an extra week in the summer. I have every 5th sunday weekend. This way I have them Mon night - Fri after school. This way I can track all the homework and do all the school stuff. It worked well for us, but that is us. Dad is very busy and school stuff was getting dropped. My kids grades and behavior were very much improved, but again my situation.

If he is willing to do the same stuff in his house and you are on the same page, then it can work very well week on week off. Try another therapy other than play. There are a lot out there. Keep dad involved and have a plan in place that you can both stick to in both homes (this is how you can try to avoid meds and this is what he wants so it may work.)

I feel your pain and know your frustration. I'm glad to know that someone else has this same situation.

 

[janemc]

As a parent of an Add Child who is know an Adult. Structure is wonderful. Daily reminders of the proper order of how things should be done. We have a list in her locker at school. With what needed to be done beofre, anf after each class. Alist with what steps need to be followed at the beginning and end of ever school day. These lists where also on a clip board taped to the front and back that she cared to everyclass. For High school she went to a school for children with ADD/ADHD and other learning differences. They alway everyday had PE or sports before class to release their pepped up energy. So She now in college exercises every morning before class. When she is home she always tells the little voice in her head that keeps her on track is me. The High Scool she went to used to have wonderful reference books listed on its web site. School Name: Wye River Upper School. Good Luck. Maybe with some additional research you and Dad can get on the same page.

 

[pittrocks]

I agree with the other posters...my son is 6 and has ADHD..the structure really helps..knowing what exactly to do from each minute to the next.

I know if my son has nothing to do, he creates his own fun, and sometimes it isn't the wisest choice! (jumping out of trees, etc)

Had a similar problem with ex about treatment plans. Eventually he came around with regards to medication. Son is doing well on it (yes, it isn't magic, but it helps him process everything a little better and really helps with the impulsive behavior).

Lists are great, chore charts, reward systems are very helpful. Issue I had was that at my house there was a lot of structure, and at Dad's house was more free choice (lots of TV and video games). ADHD kids don't give you any problems if they're constantly stimulated every second, and TV does that. They could sit for HOURS. So Dad agreed to tone down the electronic stuff a little and allow time for reading, home study, just regular outside play as well.

CHADD is a great resource as well....good luck!!