What is the name of your state? Ohio
My 11 year old granddaughter has lived with me almost her entire life. My daughter has had a string of unhealthy and unsuccessful relationships over the past 12 years. Most of these relationships last anywhere from 12 - 18 months When my daughter is in a relationship, her entire focus is on the man. She will move in with him, and devote all of her energy into "fixing" him (all of the men have issues. Drugs, alcohol, depression, etc). She has left my granddaughter with me during all but one of these relationships. She moved in with a man and took my granddaughter with her. It was, honestly, the most healthy relationship she has had, and I was very surprised when the relationship ended about 5 years ago. At that time, she moved back in with me, of course bringing my granddaughter with her. Very shortly after that, she began a new relationship that lasted almost 2 years. She said she didn't want to rush into introducing this man to her daughter, and in the time they were together, I only saw him maybe 5 times. That relationship also ended. And once again, a new relationship began. This one has lasted the longest. I believe almost 2.5 years. The pattern is always the same. My daughter will go days, and a lot of the time more than a week without seeing her daughter. My granddaughter has a cell phone that her mother bought her, and they text every day. Not that it matters, but I have taken over paying the bill on the phone because my daughter lost her job 2 years ago and hasn't worked since.
I feel that my daughter has really gone down a terrible path. The history isn't great with all of her failed relationships, but this one is different. This man is just nothing but trouble. In and out of jail, his criminal record is 3 pages long, he has done prison time. I have heard that my daughter is using drugs. I know she smokes pot, but that's not something I am overly concerned with. I am concerned when I hear that she is doing harder drugs, though. I do know what to look for, and I honestly haven't seen any signs that she is using meth or heroin, but again, when she doesn't come around for days, I could be missing something.
My granddaughter really doesn't care for the boyfriend. She says that her mom always does what he says, and that he controls everything. She's a smart kid, and she can clearly see what goes on around her. She cries frequently because she misses her mom, but at the same time tells her mom that she doesn't want to go do things with her because the boyfriend will be there and she just wants to spend some one on one time with her mom. My daughter gets upset about this, but does nothing to change it. My daughter and her boyfriend have been couch surfing between his friends and family because he got evicted from his apartment a year ago. My daughter has told me that they are looking for a place - kind of hard to do that when neither of them have a steady job.
On one hand, I don't worry because they don't currently have the means to get an apartment, so I know my daughter will leave my granddaughter with me. On the other hand, I do worry because what if that changes and she comes and tries to take my granddaughter? My granddaughter has made it quite clear that she does not want to live with her mom if her mom is living with the boyfriend. I also worry that my daughter will end up getting into major legal trouble, and then what happens if she goes to jail for an extended period of time? I know that as of this moment, I have no legal rights to my granddaughter. Her school knows that she lives with me. I'm always the one to drop her off and pick her up, and call in when she's sick, and sign all of her papers and permission slips, so I don't have any issues there right now, but that can always change. But what happens in case of a medical emergency if I can't reach my daughter?
Can I prove that she's unfit? I don't know. Can I prove that she's an absent parent? I doubt it, because they are in phone/text contact every day. What is the legal definition of absent parent? The only thing I can prove is that she's homeless at the moment. She'll come to my house to see her daughter for an hour or so, then not see her again for days. I think the longest time has been 11 days. Then she'll come visit for an hour, then leave again for days. My husband and I provide everything for my granddaughter. Food, clothing, school needs - everything.
As for my granddaughter's father. He pretty much disappeared from her life 6 years ago. He never exercised regular visitation, only calling to see her every few months. My granddaughter has his phone number, and the last contact she had with him was last year. She sent him a text and got no response. A month later, she sent him another text "Did you die or something, dad?" no response. A month later, she sent another text "I guess you did." A week later he responded with "Hi!" She made the decision not to respond to his text. He has not reached out to her at all. She says it's not a big deal to her, because grandpa has been more of a dad to her that her father has been. But I know it has to hurt her. I'm also afraid that if something happens to my daughter, that my granddaughter's father has more rights to her than I do.
What can I do, if anything, to make sure if anything happens that my granddaughter stays with me? What is the difference between custody and guardianship? Is there something that I can file with the courts if my daughter would agree to give me either custody or guardianship? I would never keep my daughter from seeing my granddaughter, that's not what this is about. I worry that if my daughter goes to jail or dies that I will lose my granddaughter. I don't know how any of this works.
My 11 year old granddaughter has lived with me almost her entire life. My daughter has had a string of unhealthy and unsuccessful relationships over the past 12 years. Most of these relationships last anywhere from 12 - 18 months When my daughter is in a relationship, her entire focus is on the man. She will move in with him, and devote all of her energy into "fixing" him (all of the men have issues. Drugs, alcohol, depression, etc). She has left my granddaughter with me during all but one of these relationships. She moved in with a man and took my granddaughter with her. It was, honestly, the most healthy relationship she has had, and I was very surprised when the relationship ended about 5 years ago. At that time, she moved back in with me, of course bringing my granddaughter with her. Very shortly after that, she began a new relationship that lasted almost 2 years. She said she didn't want to rush into introducing this man to her daughter, and in the time they were together, I only saw him maybe 5 times. That relationship also ended. And once again, a new relationship began. This one has lasted the longest. I believe almost 2.5 years. The pattern is always the same. My daughter will go days, and a lot of the time more than a week without seeing her daughter. My granddaughter has a cell phone that her mother bought her, and they text every day. Not that it matters, but I have taken over paying the bill on the phone because my daughter lost her job 2 years ago and hasn't worked since.
I feel that my daughter has really gone down a terrible path. The history isn't great with all of her failed relationships, but this one is different. This man is just nothing but trouble. In and out of jail, his criminal record is 3 pages long, he has done prison time. I have heard that my daughter is using drugs. I know she smokes pot, but that's not something I am overly concerned with. I am concerned when I hear that she is doing harder drugs, though. I do know what to look for, and I honestly haven't seen any signs that she is using meth or heroin, but again, when she doesn't come around for days, I could be missing something.
My granddaughter really doesn't care for the boyfriend. She says that her mom always does what he says, and that he controls everything. She's a smart kid, and she can clearly see what goes on around her. She cries frequently because she misses her mom, but at the same time tells her mom that she doesn't want to go do things with her because the boyfriend will be there and she just wants to spend some one on one time with her mom. My daughter gets upset about this, but does nothing to change it. My daughter and her boyfriend have been couch surfing between his friends and family because he got evicted from his apartment a year ago. My daughter has told me that they are looking for a place - kind of hard to do that when neither of them have a steady job.
On one hand, I don't worry because they don't currently have the means to get an apartment, so I know my daughter will leave my granddaughter with me. On the other hand, I do worry because what if that changes and she comes and tries to take my granddaughter? My granddaughter has made it quite clear that she does not want to live with her mom if her mom is living with the boyfriend. I also worry that my daughter will end up getting into major legal trouble, and then what happens if she goes to jail for an extended period of time? I know that as of this moment, I have no legal rights to my granddaughter. Her school knows that she lives with me. I'm always the one to drop her off and pick her up, and call in when she's sick, and sign all of her papers and permission slips, so I don't have any issues there right now, but that can always change. But what happens in case of a medical emergency if I can't reach my daughter?
Can I prove that she's unfit? I don't know. Can I prove that she's an absent parent? I doubt it, because they are in phone/text contact every day. What is the legal definition of absent parent? The only thing I can prove is that she's homeless at the moment. She'll come to my house to see her daughter for an hour or so, then not see her again for days. I think the longest time has been 11 days. Then she'll come visit for an hour, then leave again for days. My husband and I provide everything for my granddaughter. Food, clothing, school needs - everything.
As for my granddaughter's father. He pretty much disappeared from her life 6 years ago. He never exercised regular visitation, only calling to see her every few months. My granddaughter has his phone number, and the last contact she had with him was last year. She sent him a text and got no response. A month later, she sent him another text "Did you die or something, dad?" no response. A month later, she sent another text "I guess you did." A week later he responded with "Hi!" She made the decision not to respond to his text. He has not reached out to her at all. She says it's not a big deal to her, because grandpa has been more of a dad to her that her father has been. But I know it has to hurt her. I'm also afraid that if something happens to my daughter, that my granddaughter's father has more rights to her than I do.
What can I do, if anything, to make sure if anything happens that my granddaughter stays with me? What is the difference between custody and guardianship? Is there something that I can file with the courts if my daughter would agree to give me either custody or guardianship? I would never keep my daughter from seeing my granddaughter, that's not what this is about. I worry that if my daughter goes to jail or dies that I will lose my granddaughter. I don't know how any of this works.
