does she have any say?

[jennifer6219]

What is the name of your state? missouri

my ex called and wanted to see his son who over the past three years he has only seen him for a couple of hours around x-mas and his birthday and i was their the whole time. I told him that he could not take our son because he did not know him (which he doesn't at chrismas and his birthday my son was given something and told to take it to daddy and he took it to his papa). which i explained it to him i did tell him that he could come over and spend time with his son or go to the park to play with his son and get to know him while im their. yes we do have court orders that give him visitation but he has not followed these orders since day one which is why my son does not know his father. he has only showed interest in him 1 other time besides x-mas and bday. but anyways the new girlfriend or wife as she puts it and may be i have no idea nor do i care but ahe called me up yelling at me telling me my x wants to know why im being like this i told her that if my x wants to talk to me he can call me its not her buisness. i do not have to listen or do what she says she said it is her buisness shes his wife. i explained to her that the only person who has to listen to her is her husband and she kept on pushing i told her that in a court of law she is a stranger to the child therefore the only people who count are mommy and daddy if she counted they would garnish her wages to pay child support. my question is was i correct? needless to say i told her i didn't have to listen to her or argue with her that i would speak to the father and i hung up

im sure someone will have something evil to say and thats ok please do not be do harsh

 

[babymakesone]

You are correct, she has no say. This is between the father & you. It doesn't sound as though you have a very good relationship with him, but you are going to have to talk to him & let him know that if he has a problem that he needs to discuss it with you; not his wife/girlfriend discussing it with you.

 

[SingleMom67]

No, she doesn't have a say. However, your ex does have a right to exercise visitation. There is a court order and you must comply.

 

[brisgirl825]

As Singlemom said, if there is an exsisting order, if he wants to exercise his visitation, you must allow it. If she is pushing him to come around again, this likely won't be the last time he tries to get his visitation.
How old is the child? How long has is it been since they had a visit?

 

[NotSoNew]

she doesnt have any say with you. She will have one with him, and it seems shes gonna push for him to start seeing the child on a regualar basis. If there is a court order that says he has unsupervised visits then you must comply or you will be in contempt. I would file a modification to reduce and get supervised vistations graduated to unsupervised based on the fact that he has no exercised his visitation previously.

 

[jennifer6219]

your right we do not have a very good relationship anymore. something that we are working on but is hard because i believe there are still feelings there. but we have discussed it and both agree that we have known each other for 11 years and we were friends before and now its very important for us to get along so we can make it easy and painless on our child. the 1st only and last time he has ever had our child since the court order was for 1 hour 1 year ago. he has seen the child 3 times since then x-mas b-day and once when my sons great uncle was in town but i was their the entire time and he didn't really have any interaction with the child and if you give him something and tell him to take it to daddy he takes it to his papa he has no clue who daddy is. yes we have a court order and im more than willing to let him see his son he has every right i would never keep him from his child. but he did break the court order he was suppose to see him a few hours here and there so my son could get to know him he didn't do that. should i file or tell him to? I want it to be easy for every one i love my son and i care about my ex its the new wife who is pushing and making things difficult which im sure jealosy has alot to do with it but thats just an unecessary hurdle that we jump.

 

[brisgirl825]

your right we do not have a very good relationship anymore. something that we are working on but is hard because i believe there are still feelings there. but we have discussed it and both agree that we have known each other for 11 years and we were friends before and now its very important for us to get along so we can make it easy and painless on our child. the 1st only and last time he has ever had our child since the court order was for 1 hour 1 year ago. he has seen the child 3 times since then x-mas b-day and once when my sons great uncle was in town but i was their the entire time and he didn't really have any interaction with the child and if you give him something and tell him to take it to daddy he takes it to his papa he has no clue who daddy is. yes we have a court order and im more than willing to let him see his son he has every right i would never keep him from his child. but he did break the court order he was suppose to see him a few hours here and there so my son could get to know him he didn't do that. should i file or tell him to? I want it to be easy for every one i love my son and i care about my ex its the new wife who is pushing and making things difficult which im sure jealosy has alot to do with it but thats just an unecessary hurdle that we jump.

He didn't break the CO because visitation is a right not a responsibility. You broke the CO by not giving him the child when he requested it.
If you already have a CO, then what do you want to file? How old is the child? It may be possible to petition for supervised visits, especially for a younger child, until father and child become acquainted again. If that is what you feel would be best, then you need to file that ASAP.

 

[jennifer6219]

thank you very much for the helpful information

 

[LdiJ]

thank you very much for the helpful information

I am going to give you a different answer than you got from the others. Because I don't believe that you have violated the court order.

If the orders required him to visit for a period of time, under your supervision, so that the child could get to know him, and he didn't do that, then you aren't in contempt of court for making him do that now. The child still needs to get to know him first.

Even if the orders didn't call for that, and dad takes you to court for contempt, its a reasonable defence that he is a stranger to the child, and that all you asked was that he visit consistantly in your presence for a while until the child gets to know him.

It possible that you could get a judge that would simply find you in contempt, and order you to allow unsupervised visitation without allowing the child any time to get to know dad....however, the odds of that aren't very strong.

What you are proposing is something logical and reasonable under the circumstances...most judges are going to understand that.

 

[brisgirl825]

I am going to give you a different answer than you got from the others. Because I don't believe that you have violated the court order.

If the orders required him to visit for a period of time, under your supervision, so that the child could get to know him, and he didn't do that, then you aren't in contempt of court for making him do that now. The child still needs to get to know him first.

Even if the orders didn't call for that, and dad takes you to court for contempt, its a reasonable defence that he is a stranger to the child, and that all you asked was that he visit consistantly in your presence for a while until the child gets to know him.

It possible that you could get a judge that would simply find you in contempt, and order you to allow unsupervised visitation without allowing the child any time to get to know dad....however, the odds of that aren't very strong.

What you are proposing is something logical and reasonable under the circumstances...most judges are going to understand that.

I guess that I assume too much. I would like to think that if her CO's said supervised visits, she would have said as much. Otherwise, she wouldn't be here wondering about the situation.

I do feel that dad has a moral obligation to visit and shouldn't have to be made to do so by the new lover. However, it doesn't matter how much of a parent he is, it is his right, and every other NCP's right, to come and go as they please. No matter how long it's been, OP will have to let the kid go. It's better to get used to the facts now.

 

[LdiJ]

I guess that I assume too much. I would like to think that if her CO's said supervised visits, she would have said as much. Otherwise, she wouldn't be here wondering about the situation.

She did make a reference to that....it was somewhat vague, but it was enough of a reference to indicate that her orders probably had something of that nature in them.

 

[SingleMom67]

Sorry I'm late on this. Back from a meeting.

LdiJ: A lot of what you said depends on the age of the child. She never answered that question. If the child is 8, 9, 10 years old, a judge will find for contempt. If, however, this child is still a toddler (Here in PA, up until age 6 is considered "tender years.") I agree with you. A judge will most likely not find her in contempt and father will have to re-establish a relationship with the child.

One thing that I'm not getting here is despite the new wife, and despite whether or not mom and dad aren't getting along as well as they once did, is there anyway to get through to Dad that it would be IN THE CHILD'S BEST INTEREST (which so often gets forgotten) to slowly build a rapport back up with his son first??

 

[jennifer6219]

I agree with that, the new wife is only 20 so she still has alot of growing to do we have went threw this 2 months ago with her calling me one day acting stupid stepping over bounderies and she was just the girlfriend. i explained to her then that i don't know her my ex kept her a secret for 2 years when i asked if he was seeing anyone. which i know is not my buisness i told her then that i did not want to discuss my son with her just my ex and please respect that well she forgot. my son is 4 the father has seen him 2x's a year when he was and 3 and only 1 time since he was 4. i don't care about the new wife and im not worried about the father listening to the new wife and not me she already tried that card and it didn't work she cant come in between him and i like that. and as for stepmom both mom and dad have agreed their are no step moms and step dads its mom and dad and dads wife. what i am concerned with is the things his family says about how they beat on each other and are always drunk or high. and how the father was just arrested for drunk driving. that blows my top the fear of what stupid things could happen when my son is with them. he is all i have and it only takes one stupid mistake to ruin lives. or futures

 

[jennifer6219]

actually 5 months ago the father was still telling me he still might have feelings for me and couldn't admit that he loved her. but he got angry with me in court when the prosecutting attorny told the judge he was fired from his job and didn't report the new job. that angered him and thats when he decided he didn't love me anymore

 

[jennifer6219]

well him being drunk and high and spending all his money on that stuff is the reason i left him. (he refused to help me and didn't want to get off his butt take responsibility so we could get our own place he wanted to stay where he was and live off his family not what i wanted. and here we are 4 years later and him and his wife were still leaving with his family up untill about 2 weeks ago untill they got so fed up with her that they gave them money to get out.) now that he pays child support he gets to spend less money on that stuff. i realize my child might build a bound with this new wife i say might because unfortunately my son is now in the same situation i was in as a child. i do not have a bond with dads 2nd wife im nice to her but not a bound lots of bitterness still. my ex and i will argue and then when he steps away from new wife and we stop arguing and just talk he calms down and see my point i don't want to fight with either of them i want to get along with both even her so its easy on my child i dont care about anything else but my child i may sound a little bitter and i probably am its very hard after knowing someone for 11years and for everything to fall apart this way this is not the way we planned for it to happen. but i do thank you all very much for your advise. no the court order didnt call for supervised visitation but at the time the order was wrote my ex and i were only seperated a week or two so he had been with the child almost every day never alone but they had bonding time going on but when the court order was set it forced him to start paying the day the child was born and at the time he had no job and wasn't planning on getting one so he stopped coming by never called and asked about the child called me a couple of times trying to see me but never the child needless to say i was hard on him for not asking about his son maybe a little too hard. about a year and a half later after the law found him arrested him is when he seen mason on x-mas and b-day and then he stayed away again for a while letting support build back up bringing us to this past june when i was sent court papers to sign make his non payments a felony he seen him around his birthday 2 months ago and wanted to take him last weekend. i tried to explain that mason my son does not know him which is why when he called i try to get him to come visit him and spen time and he understands and agrees but doesnt do it that only happened the one time. i did the same with my x's parents they never called or came to see mason i started taking him around them 1 a week cause a close family is important to me and now my son knows them by face is comfterble with me leaving him there life is good their.

OH MY GOODNESS I HAVE RAMBLED ON A NOVEL IM SO SORRY