Drunk mom

[130munch]

What is the name of your state (only. IL

I'm sorry, I am the grandma here.....I am just looking for feedback.

My son lives with me and had his 2 yr old daughter tonight - it was his visitation night. We were all sleeping except my daughter, when his child's mother came to our house drunk at 12am to start an argument as she has done countless times before. She walked right in because my daughter just got home and had not locked the door.

Mom woke her daughter up and was holding her saying manipulative things like her daddy doesn't love her, etc. she argued with my son and woke us all up. We urged her to leave but she wouldn't. She was going to attempt to leave with the child so we called the police. Mom told her daughter "they're calling the police now. The cops are going to take mommy away. They will take you away too now". These words scared her daughter even more. When the police came they told me to take the child upstairs while they sorted everything out. They either got mom to leave or they arrested her...we are not sure at this point.

The police have called dcfc on mom before for an incident where she pushed my son in front of their child, but nothing came of it...she was investigated but did not lose custody. Moms own parents have called the police on her for similar scenarios. At this point I'm just curious.....is showing up drunk and trying to take a child like this cause for the police to call dcfc again? And, as a concerned grandparent, should I be doing anything at all? Right now Im doing my best to let my son and the mom sort things out, but this kind of scenario is rather alarming to me, and its in my home, so it's right in my face.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only. IL

I'm sorry, I am the grandma here.....I am just looking for feedback.

My son lives with me and had his 2 yr old daughter tonight - it was his visitation night. We were all sleeping except my daughter, when his child's mother came to our house drunk at 12am to start an argument as she has done countless times before. She walked right in because my daughter just got home and had not locked the door.

Mom woke her daughter up and was holding her saying manipulative things like her daddy doesn't love her, etc. she argued with my son and woke us all up. We urged her to leave but she wouldn't. She was going to attempt to leave with the child so we called the police. Mom told her daughter "they're calling the police now. The cops are going to take mommy away. They will take you away too now". These words scared her daughter even more. When the police came they told me to take the child upstairs while they sorted everything out. They either got mom to leave or they arrested her...we are not sure at this point.

The police have called dcfc on mom before for an incident where she pushed my son in front of their child, but nothing came of it...she was investigated but did not lose custody. Moms own parents have called the police on her for similar scenarios. At this point I'm just curious.....is showing up drunk and trying to take a child like this cause for the police to call dcfc again? And, as a concerned grandparent, should I be doing anything at all? Right now Im doing my best to let my son and the mom sort things out, but this kind of scenario is rather alarming to me, and its in my home, so it's right in my face.

Not necessarily will the police call DCFC. Seriously, they shouldn't be called except as a last resort. Does your son have court ordered visitation? If no, then he has screwed up. If he does, he has legal options open to him that he could exercise if he mans up. As for rather alarming -- be alarmed at your son and the choices he has made.

You should not be doing anything at this juncture. Unless of course you believe your son is unfit.

 

[stealth2]

I'd suggest reminding your daughter to lock the door when she comes home...

 

[130munch]

Not necessarily will the police call DCFC. Seriously, they shouldn't be called except as a last resort. Does your son have court ordered visitation? If no, then he has screwed up. If he does, he has legal options open to him that he could exercise if he mans up. As for rather alarming -- be alarmed at your son and the choices he has made.

You should not be doing anything at this juncture. Unless of course you believe your son is unfit.

He does have court ordered visitation and was not the one causing alarming behavior in this incident.

 

[130munch]

I'd suggest reminding your daughter to lock the door when she comes home...

You're right about that....I told her the same thing.

 

[Ohiogal]

He does have court ordered visitation and was not the one causing alarming behavior in this incident.

You do not comprehend. He chose this "drunk mom" to impregnate -- and yes, by choosing to have sex with her he was choosing to have a baby with her. If he believes she is unfit or unsuitable and he is seeing her behavior as alarming, HE has legal choices he can make.

He can file in court to modify custody based on her "drunk mom alarming behavior" -- or not. Be alarmed if he doesn't seem to care about this behavior from mom. Be alarmed that he chose this woman as the mother of his child. Be alarmed at his decision making. Be alarmed that when DCFC was contacted, your son did not move for custody at that time. Be alarmed at his choices.

He has constitutional rights as does mom. Be alarmed if he chooses not to exercise them. I see him as causing alarming behavior. He could go back to modify custody. He could go back to request the court order neither party to drink during companionship with the child. He could go back and request many many things if he thinks it best for his child.

 

[130munch]

You do not comprehend. He chose this "drunk mom" to impregnate -- and yes, by choosing to have sex with her he was choosing to have a baby with her. If he believes she is unfit or unsuitable and he is seeing her behavior as alarming, HE has legal choices he can make.

He can file in court to modify custody based on her "drunk mom alarming behavior" -- or not. Be alarmed if he doesn't seem to care about this behavior from mom. Be alarmed that he chose this woman as the mother of his child. Be alarmed at his decision making. Be alarmed that when DCFC was contacted, your son did not move for custody at that time. Be alarmed at his choices.

He has constitutional rights as does mom. Be alarmed if he chooses not to exercise them. I see him as causing alarming behavior. He could go back to modify custody. He could go back to request the court order neither party to drink during companionship with the child. He could go back and request many many things if he thinks it best for his child.

No need to try to belittle me for asking.

 

[KarmasPuppy]

No need to try to belittle me for asking.

Didn't know the truth could be 'belittle' anyone.

 

[stealth2]

So what has changed over the past two years, when you started posting about your son and his "crazy drunk" ex?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/unmarried-fathers-rights-drunk-mom-518107.html

 

[130munch]

So what has changed over the past two years, when you started posting about your son and his "crazy drunk" ex?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/unmarried-fathers-rights-drunk-mom-


there have been many scenarios like this over the years, but I'm apprehensive to ask questions here because sometimes the response is helpful, but more often its more like a "you dumba$$" criticism. Curiosity and worry got the best of me so I thought I'd ask. I figured I had a 50/50 chance of being condescended for asking or I might be given some simple insight from the experts that know the field, which is really all I'm looking for.

 

[Ohiogal]

No need to try to belittle me for asking.

There was absolutely no belittlement in what I stated. I did spell everything out but that was to make certain that you would understand my point.

 

[MichaCA]

Part of the point being...the situation is the same and continues...and dad is doing nothing. And truly, that IS alarming. The situation in your home will not change until 1. dad 'mans up' re his legal rights, or 2. you basically tell him you are not tolerating the alarming behavior any more in your own home, he can take it elsewhere.

 

[Silverplum]

there have been many scenarios like this over the years, but I'm apprehensive to ask questions here because sometimes the response is helpful, but more often its more like a "you dumba$$" criticism. Curiosity and worry got the best of me so I thought I'd ask. I figured I had a 50/50 chance of being condescended for asking or I might be given some simple insight from the experts that know the field, which is really all I'm looking for.

Here is a large blank space in which to fill the words you wished you would read instead of the truth:
























.

 

[Just Blue]

The blank space should be filled in with:

This is not grandparents business
this is not grandparents business
and so on and so on and so on****************************.....

 

[CJane]

So, an uninvited and intoxicated person managed to come into your home, enter your grandchild's bedroom, pick up the child, and begin a conversation with her - all without ANYONE becoming alarmed until said person attempted to leave with the child?

If someone came into MY home uninvited and unwanted, I'd call the police FIRST and ask questions AFTER. None of y'all are exactly showing good judgment. You're all pretty lucky this was "just" the child's mother.