Enforcing a court order

[ohcalcutta]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I have joint legal and physical custody of my daughter. In the custody agreement, there is a right of first refusal clause for any amount of time over four hours. I suspect that the mother has been working shifts that exceed that amount of time but she has not once offered that time to me.

The court order also stipulates that the mother is to drop off our daughter at 9:00am when her time ends. Since the order was imposed, she has not been on time once, often arriving in excess of twenty minutes late. I understand that sometimes things happen, and that's fine, but unfortunately I only have one hour between when my daughter is supposed to be dropped off and when I need to be at work for my shift..there is no reason she needs to be late every single time.

My question is what steps would be necessary to prove she is not abiding by the order (in either case). I want to enforce the order, even if that means going back to court for contempt. I've been writing everything down, but I figure there must be some sort of proof necessary?

 

[ohcalcutta]

Anyone have any thoughts on this? Any insight would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

I have joint legal and physical custody of my daughter. In the custody agreement, there is a right of first refusal clause for any amount of time over four hours. I suspect that the mother has been working shifts that exceed that amount of time but she has not once offered that time to me.

The court order also stipulates that the mother is to drop off our daughter at 9:00am when her time ends. Since the order was imposed, she has not been on time once, often arriving in excess of twenty minutes late. I understand that sometimes things happen, and that's fine, but unfortunately I only have one hour between when my daughter is supposed to be dropped off and when I need to be at work for my shift..there is no reason she needs to be late every single time.

My question is what steps would be necessary to prove she is not abiding by the order (in either case). I want to enforce the order, even if that means going back to court for contempt. I've been writing everything down, but I figure there must be some sort of proof necessary?

you suspecting mom has shifts longer then four does nothing for you. judges don't do suspicious.

if mom has a track record of running late ALL the time, request the drop offs to occur at 8:30am.

where does child go while you are at work?

 

[JoLo0808]

(I’m not an attorney nor am I from NY)

Just wondering how long your shift at work is? If you ex is dropping off your daughter and you are leaving to go to work and your shift is over 4 hours, wouldn’t the same right of first refusal apply for your ex?

Have you spoken with your ex about why she is consistently late? You two may need to work together to find a more convenient time. At any rate, being late all the time, in my experience, may only result in a modification of the order for a more convenient time. Which in my opinion is a complete waste of the courts time and the money that would be better suited supporting your daughter.

If you and your ex can’t work together, I would consider a parenting coordinator before court… but that’s just because I have found it is better for the child if the parents both act like reasonable adults and aren’t constantly dragging each other into court.

 

[ohcalcutta]

you suspecting mom has shifts longer then four does nothing for you. judges don't do suspicious.

if mom has a track record of running late ALL the time, request the drop offs to occur at 8:30am.

where does child go while you are at work?

That time is offered to Mom, who never accepts because of other commitments. Then she goes to another relative.

How do I prove that she is constantly late? I don't have any more proof of her tardiness than I do of her lying to me about work.

 

[ohcalcutta]

(I’m not an attorney nor am I from NY)

Just wondering how long your shift at work is? If you ex is dropping off your daughter and you are leaving to go to work and your shift is over 4 hours, wouldn’t the same right of first refusal apply for your ex?

Yes it would apply to her. She never accepts, however.

Unfortunately talking to her does nothing. She ignores every message I leave. I never see her at drop offs, she always has a family member do it.

 

[Isis1]

Yes it would apply to her. She never accepts, however.

Unfortunately talking to her does nothing. She ignores every message I leave. I never see her at drop offs, she always has a family member do it.

so SHE isn't late, the 3rd party is late. move the drop off time. that can be done.

 

[Isis1]

That time is offered to Mom, who never accepts because of other commitments. Then she goes to another relative.

How do I prove that she is constantly late? I don't have any more proof of her tardiness than I do of her lying to me about work.

why can't the daughter be dropped off directly at the relatives house?

 

[ohcalcutta]

so SHE isn't late, the 3rd party is late. move the drop off time. that can be done.

You are correct, I suppose I should've stated that she is having someone else do it. I figured that despite who is dropping off, the parent with time ending would still be responsible?

I don't need any proof then? I would just file to modify?

Thanks for the help.

 

[ohcalcutta]

why can't the daughter be dropped off directly at the relatives house?

I don't really want to divulge too much information on the forum, but the relative of mine that she usually goes to is someone I work with. Daughter comes to work with me, and then the person I work with leaves with her.

I'm fortunate enough to be in a situation where I have an extremely flexible work schedule.

I'm also not sure it would make any difference. In the past when drop offs occurred at my work (at Mom's request) she and/or the third party were still consistently late. Not to mention that any time I get to spend with my daughter (even if it is in the car) is important to me.

 

[JoLo0808]

Just by way of suggestion, the best proof you could bring to court is a paper trail. Communicate with her by email except if it's an emergency. EVERY time your daughter is dropped off late, send your ex an email with the EXACT time your daughter was dropped off, and a reminder that the order states 9 a.m.

Another remedy, the one that worked best in my situation - the receiving parent PICKS UP the child instead of waiting for a drop off. That way when my ex was late it affected his time with the kids, not mine.

If you do end up taking this to court for contempt - you may be able to subpoena time stamps from her employer. Check with your attorney on that.

 

[ohcalcutta]

Just by way of suggestion, the best proof you could bring to court is a paper trail. Communicate with her by email except if it's an emergency. EVERY time your daughter is dropped off late, send your ex an email with the EXACT time your daughter was dropped off, and a reminder that the order states 9 a.m.

Another remedy, the one that worked best in my situation - the receiving parent PICKS UP the child instead of waiting for a drop off. That way when my ex was late it affected his time with the kids, not mine.

If you do end up taking this to court for contempt - you may be able to subpoena time stamps from her employer. Check with your attorney on that.

That's a great idea, I will be sure to start doing that every time my daughter is dropped off late.

Thank you for your input!

 

[Isis1]

That's a great idea, I will be sure to start doing that every time my daughter is dropped off late.

Thank you for your input!

not to nitpick, but sending an e-mail dad is late, isn't proof mom is late. it's proof you sent an e-mail. now if mom acknowledges the lateness in a response e-mail, you might have something.

 

[JoLo0808]

not to nitpick, but sending an e-mail dad is late, isn't proof mom is late. it's proof you sent an e-mail. now if mom acknowledges the lateness in a response e-mail, you might have something.

while it is may be true that it's not proof, it is documentation and if she doesn't dispute the information then dad has a record.

 

[ohcalcutta]

not to nitpick, but sending an e-mail dad is late, isn't proof mom is late. it's proof you sent an e-mail. now if mom acknowledges the lateness in a response e-mail, you might have something.

I see what you are saying and I agree, because she usually ignores anything I send to her..which is why I was wondering if there was anything beyond documentation I could do/would need to do as proof if this continues.

However, I still think it is a good suggestion and I will certainly give it a try. Hopefully she'll just try to make sure she arrives on time and I can avoid taking it back to court.