Evicting adult daughter with a child

[Jeeplady66]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mn

I have a 20 year old daughter with a 3.5 year old granddaughter still living at home. The deal was, she could stay at home rent free as long as she was a student and did her share around the house. Last year, she flunked out of her Vet Tech program at the local community college and went to work almost full time. We agreed that in Feb she would start paying 200/mo rent. She paid once. Her attitude is horrible, refuses to clean up after herself or child unless we have a terrible fight. Her bedroom, that she shares with g-baby is a disaster area. She has contacted the county about getting on a wait list for assisted housing but never completes the paperwork or gets on a list (approx 12 months wait in our area). Believe me, this is breaking my heart, we have done everything we can to foster her independence and work toward being a productive member of society and she is fighting us every step of the way and it is time for tough love and to kick this chick from the nest. I hate that she would become a taxpayer burden, but if we give her 30 days notice, will she be able to get 'emergency assistance' through the county? Not sure this is relevant, there is a support/visitation order in place and Dad is an active parent, although they are not together. He has had his cs reduced to $62/per month and is not paying that. The county is going after him for contempt.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mn

I have a 20 year old daughter with a 3.5 year old granddaughter still living at home. The deal was, she could stay at home rent free as long as she was a student and did her share around the house. Last year, she flunked out of her Vet Tech program at the local community college and went to work almost full time. We agreed that in Feb she would start paying 200/mo rent. She paid once. Her attitude is horrible, refuses to clean up after herself or child unless we have a terrible fight. Her bedroom, that she shares with g-baby is a disaster area. She has contacted the county about getting on a wait list for assisted housing but never completes the paperwork or gets on a list (approx 12 months wait in our area). Believe me, this is breaking my heart, we have done everything we can to foster her independence and work toward being a productive member of society and she is fighting us every step of the way and it is time for tough love and to kick this chick from the nest. I hate that she would become a taxpayer burden, but if we give her 30 days notice, will she be able to get 'emergency assistance' through the county? Not sure this is relevant, there is a support/visitation order in place and Dad is an active parent, although they are not together. He has had his cs reduced to $62/per month and is not paying that. The county is going after him for contempt.

Yes, it's entirely possible that once served with an eviction notice she can obtain emergency assistance. She'll also perhaps be able to get assistance from private or charity sources such as the Salvation Army etc.

I feel your pain - my husband was in virtually the same situation last year and much as it's easy to advise someone else "yep, time to practice tough love" I do know how hard it is when it's actually your own family.

 

[nextwife]

Don't continue to be an enabler.

Someday you won't be around, and she won't have you to fall back on if she hasn't been forced to get her act together and support herself and her child. IN my work, I see adult children in their 30s and 40s and older who have never learned to be self sufficient floundering after mom or dad dies and they no longer have a parent to scarf off of, and mom or dad's home gets foreclosed because adult child won't make the payments.

What baby dad does or doesn't do is irrelevant. He could be hit by a bus tomorrow, and end up lying in a coma. Point is, daughter chose to have a child and SHE needs to support herself and her baby with dad's help, and, if necessary, without it. One can't rely on child support they may or may not actually get.

Give her proper 30 day notice in accordance with state Landlord Tenant laws and evict her to the curb.

 

[FarmerJ]

Your letter to her can be very simple but she has the same right as a month to month renter so to give her proper notice to be out by the last day of May you need to send notice to her so she gets it April 29th or 30th , go rent a post office box temporarily for your own use as your return address and send her a simple letter, ` her full name , address and date you sent it , this is your notice to vacate by the end of May 2010 from my home , your name and address and signature, send it via confirmed mail delivery or certified mail , if you send it via certified and she doesnt pick it up then the letter would be returned to your post office box and you need to leave it closed in original condition with your reciept and at the end of may plan on filing a unlawful detainer against her if shes not gone and let her explain to the court why she didnt pick up her mail and why she should get to stay on. Hopefully she will take the hint from the notice and just finally get out.

 

[Searchertwin]

All the advice is good..but if you want to stay on good terms with the daughter so you can see your grandchild, than kicking her out is the wrong thing to do. In my opinion, you should help her get an apartment, do not co-sign, pay for first month rent and utilities, and walk away. This keeps you on good terms with her and helping her at the same time. Believe me, she will hold baby over your head and fights will get worse than ever. Keep everything within reason and not in anger. This way she out of the house and on her own. The best for both. Good luck...Turn to God for His help ...

 

[Proserpina]

All the advice is good..but if you want to stay on good terms with the daughter so you can see your grandchild, than kicking her out is the wrong thing to do. In my opinion, you should help her get an apartment, do not co-sign, pay for first month rent and utilities, and walk away. This keeps you on good terms with her and helping her at the same time. Believe me, she will hold baby over your head and fights will get worse than ever. Keep everything within reason and not in anger. This way she out of the house and on her own. The best for both. Good luck...Turn to God for His help ...

We should never let our kids hold us hostage in this manner. If OP's daughter is going to hold the grandchild over OP's head, she's going to do it regardless - and sorry, but bailing them out time after time after time after time doesn't teach them a single thing. It's not going to help. If it's not rent, it will be utility bills. If it's not utility bills, it'll be the phone bill. Or gas for the car. Maybe an insurance payment or four.

It will keep happening and the only way to stop it is by NOT enabling the child. If this means we don't get to see our grandkids, that's very sad - but this isn't about US. It's about trying to help our adult children stand on their own two feet, even if its at our expense.

Our feelings as grandparents shouldn't even come into play here - because it's not about us.

 

[Isis1]

We should never let our kids hold us hostage in this manner. If OP's daughter is going to hold the grandchild over OP's head, she's going to do it regardless - and sorry, but bailing them out time after time after time after time doesn't teach them a single thing. It's not going to help. If it's not rent, it will be utility bills. If it's not utility bills, it'll be the phone bill. Or gas for the car. Maybe an insurance payment or four.

It will keep happening and the only way to stop it is by NOT enabling the child. If this means we don't get to see our grandkids, that's very sad - but this isn't about US. It's about trying to help our adult children stand on their own two feet, even if its at our expense.

Our feelings as grandparents shouldn't even come into play here - because it's not about us.

Amen, sister!!!

 

[Who's Liable?]

Ah yes... I remember the first and only time I asked for money from my parents right after college... And her answer: "Get a second job!"