Ex trying for custody of 1 year old

[stealth2]

Then those people needed to sit down with my parents when they told each and every one of us...

Don't have any more children than you can afford to support by yourself. You never know what's going to happen.

That and - and education or trade is important so that you can support yourself and any children you have.

 

[CourtClerk]

That and - and education or trade is important so that you can support yourself and any children you have.

Amen**************

 

[arosenth]

and what happens if your stbx dies? To that I have a simple answer that I believe in- both parents should carry life insurance.

Originally Posted by stealth2
That and - and education or trade is important so that you can support yourself and any children you have.I'm not dissagreeing with that statement. I have a great education as well as a well paying job. But at the same time, you want to keep the child accustomed to the same standard of living that he or she is used to and being a single parent often comes with greater financial responsibility (ie paying all bills of one salary instead of what used to be two).

I could also take it a step further to say that you are also saying that stay at home moms should re-think their career choices. And to each their own, some may see that is being the right decision for their family at the time. And in life, we each make best decision at the time based on the information that we have at the time. Down the road, we might have to re-assess those decisions.

But this is neither here nor there- I feel that I have gained a ton of inisight from all of this and bottom line, I need to figure out if my stbx really want to see his child more, or if it is just about the money. If it is about the money, easy enough- I can take less support and have the child more.

 

[stealth2]

Originally Posted by stealth2
That and - and education or trade is important so that you can support yourself and any children you have.

I'm not dissagreeing with that statement. I have a great education as well as a well paying job. But at the same time, you want to keep the child accustomed to the same standard of living that he or she is used to and being a single parent often comes with greater financial responsibility (ie paying all bills of one salary instead of what used to be two).

Your child is ONE! The only standard of living s/he is used to is being fed, changed, and having a place to sleep under a roof! Okay - and a decent daycare. But s/he is not partaking of extracurricular activities that would devastate him/her to stop. Trust me - s/he will NOT remember Mommy and Me classes.

But this is neither here nor there- I feel that I have gained a ton of inisight from all of this and bottom line, I need to figure out if my stbx really want to see his child more, or if it is just about the money. If it is about the money, easy enough- I can take less support and have the child more.

It would help if YOU stopped talking about money so much.

ETA:

To that I have a simple answer that I believe in- both parents should carry life insurance.

How much? $100k in life insurance would gross you <$500/mo. Not much same standard of living off of that, now is there?

 

[sometwo]

Doesn't the amount of money that one parent receives or doesn't receive play into the best interest of the child? Does that not make them able to participate in additional activities, take additional classes, go towards their college fund, tutoring, etc.? Make it possible for them to go on family vacations, experience a wide variety of extra curricular activites?

although your child is only one and won't be doing this for a while

I would like to comment , the stuff my stepson is involved in (boyscouts, tumbling, band, etc) has never depended on whether his mother provided for him or not. Ever.

Sure both parents should support their children, always. However you can't make a person be a parent. You must take the high road and be the parent. Whether someone is poor or rich does not matter when it comes to the time they spend with a child. To that child , that time with mom and dad is all that matters. Look at it from the eyes of the child. They could care less about the "finances"

 

[CourtClerk]

and what happens if your stbx dies?

To that I have a simple answer that I believe in- both parents should carry life insurance.

I believe a lot of things that aren't really reality. Oh, and even if he has life insurance, what happens if neither you or the child is the beneficiary?

Had a friend this happened to. Wasn't until after he died that she figured out he did have life insurance... and his mother (who didn't care for her too much) was the beneficiary.

My son is the beneficiary of my life insurance policies, but they are to be put in a trust. The trust documents spell out exactly how and for what purposes money should be disbursed. It does not call for support for the child if I die and he is still a minor.

 

[Proserpina]

If it is about the money, easy enough- I can take less support and have the child more.

How is that best for the child? I'm sorry, but are you talking about trading time for money?

 

[stealth2]

How is that best for the child? I'm sorry, but are you talking about trading time for money?

Way to put her in a Catch-22! We're telling her she's making it sound like it's all about the money to her, and then you tell her that it's not in the best interests of the child to ignore the money!

Sheesh!

 

[Proserpina]

Way to put her in a Catch-22! We're telling her she's making it sound like it's all about the money to her, and then you tell her that it's not in the best interests of the child to ignore the money!

Sheesh!

Yes, I do have a nerve, don't I?

 

[arosenth]

Because bottom line, it is about keeping stability is his life RIGHT NOW. From my OP, I am concerned about the here and now of the custody situation when he is one.

 

[Proserpina]

Because bottom line, it is about keeping stability is his life RIGHT NOW. From my OP, I am concerned about the here and now of the custody situation when he is one.

But stability does NOT mean the child must remain with the status quo for the next year or however long.

His routine is ALWAYS going to be subject to change. Now I agree with the other seniors - the whole day care thing? Please. Dad's being unreasonable.

But YOU have to reasonable with time-sharing, too.

One extra night per week is not going to harm your 1-year old in and of itself. Though it sounds like it might hurt your pocket book.

 

[stealth2]

Because bottom line, it is about keeping stability is his life RIGHT NOW. From my OP, I am concerned about the here and now of the custody situation when he is one.

There is a difference between "stability" and "standard of living".

 

[CourtClerk]

This horse is officially dead.....

 

[mistoffolees]

How much? $100k in life insurance would gross you <$500/mo. Not much same standard of living off of that, now is there?

Actually a little better than that.

If you assume a new born child and $100,000 at zero percent interest, it comes out to $462 per month. Considering that it would be earning interest, it would be something over $500 per month. The older the child is, the more could be used each month.

Still, $500 per month is better than nothing. Considering that most parents are in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, term insurance isn't that expensive (especially with group policies). Hefty insurance is really a good idea - and a great investment in peace of mind.