Ex's girlfriend-issues with kids

[brotymo]

if they don't want to say it back, they can just say "thanks"----totally appropriate

If they bring it up to me again, I will suggest that. Good idea

 

[brotymo]

I guess my issue is that he's been living with her since BEFORE the non-cohab clause was put in your order. He's been in violation of the order since the divorce was final, and you've apparently been ok with their LIVING TOGETHER (possibly the only thing the cohab clause covers since we don't know what it says) as long as he sleeps on the couch when the kids are there?

Whether it bothers the kids isn't all that relevant. IF he married her, he'd be sleeping with her, and the kids would have to get over it. I'd suggest you start teaching some coping skills now.

Would you be equally furious if your daughter overheard them having sex if they were married?

You are very wrong. We agreed on divorce terms in June 2005. Divorce was final in August 2005. They started living together end of September of 2005 when he returned from overseas. They were at a school together in May and June in Mississippi. He was out of country July, August, Sept.
I have been talking to him about this since it came to my attention from the kids that he is doing this and it bothers them. What bothers them is that they are NOT married and doing something that was always understood by them as something you do until you are married.
My ex's mother did this same thing when she left his Dad, and it bothers my ex a LOT (he was 10). He always talked about how he'd never do that to his kids. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

[brotymo]

Would you be equally furious if your daughter overheard them having sex if they were married?

Yes, I think sex in a 19 foot RV with 3 kids in it with you is absurd...married or not.

 

[CJane]

Yes, I think sex in a 19 foot RV with 3 kids in it with you is absurd...married or not.

Hmmm... my parents raised 7 kids (sometimes 9) in pretty close quarters. None of us were traumatized by overhearing sex, or walking into the bedroom in the middle of the night and having them frantically jump apart.

And you said this in your first post, so if I'm wrong about timing, it's because you supplied erroneous information.

At the time of the divorce, GF and Dad were already living together

And you still haven't told any of us what the co-habitation clause actually says.

 

[brotymo]

Hmmm... my parents raised 7 kids (sometimes 9) in pretty close quarters. None of us were traumatized by overhearing sex, or walking into the bedroom in the middle of the night and having them frantically jump apart.

And you said this in your first post, so if I'm wrong about timing, it's because you supplied erroneous information.



And you still haven't told any of us what the co-habitation clause actually says.

Sorry about the erroneous information. What I meant was that they were already together. The only thing that was probably preventing it at that point was an ocean and several countries.

The cohab clause says that neither parent is to be sleeping with another person while not married to that person in the presence of the children.
I don't think it is too traumatic to hear your PARENTS have sex, but some girlfriend you are still trying to get used to...when you only see Dad 4 days a month (by his choice) is a little stupid. I'd not do that to my kids. He knows they are bothered and confused by it. He makes it worse by showing them an example of sneaking and lying.