Extra Curricular activities and visitation

[LdiJ]

is it reasonable to want a child to participate in activities? or am I asking to much? I do try to put myself if moms position, but if it were me I would agree and WANT to be there for my child. So I cant seem to understand by putting myself in her shoes.

Yes, of course its reasonable to want to put a child in activities. However, ncps have so little time with their children that they often don't want that time interrupted by outside activities. Its a shame, but in a way, its understandable.

 

[TheGeekess]

does anyone know ?

We have no way of knowing what a particular judge will or won't do. However, if you'd like an example of such an order, here is the one straight out of my custody/visitation order:

"(h) During visitation periods, Defendant shall take the child to scheduled sport and other extracurricular activities; Plaintiff shall provide Defendant with extracurricular activity schedules at least three weeks in advance of the scheduled activity."

 

[TheGeekess]

You don't seem to get an answer here, so I'm writing this even though I am not a lawyer and am not in your state. My husband's decree, and other's I have heard of, state that my husband will take his daughter to her extra-curricular activities during his time. It says nothing about who may sign her up for activities, and when it was written, it was intended to make certain that mom did not withhold visitation for fear that dad would not take child to her school activities (a fear completely without base or history, just a way for mom to withhold visitation). It was only poor lawyering that allowed the order to be worded as it was, which guarantees that my husband must take his daughter to any activities regardless of any plans he might have with his family.

So, yes, it is possible that a judge would order that a child is able to participate in her activities, with or without make-up time.

I have a real problem with the bolded above. Your husband's daughter is also his family. If he and Mom had maintained an intact home, his daughter would still have to go to these activities. If they cut into your time, too bad because you knew he had children when you married him.

 

[thedoctorisin]

My separation agreement reads: "Each party shall keep the other informed in a timely fashion as to all scholastic meetings, sporting or other extracurricular activities or other matters involving the child which may reasonable be of concern to a parent so that mutually agreeable scheduling can be arranged."

 

[wileybunch]

is it reasonable to want a child to participate in activities? or am I asking to much? I do try to put myself if moms position, but if it were me I would agree and WANT to be there for my child. So I cant seem to understand by putting myself in her shoes.

I posted earlier about the coach's position that child can't play and didn't see a response -- is this something the league allows the coach to do? Honestly, you need to make sure THAT is all squared away and "fight that battle" first rather than just bow down to what the coach is saying and fight the battle with your ex. You control where the child plays on your time so find a league that will allow her to play based on your parenting time and if Mom agreed to let child play on "her" time, too, that will be even better. Yes, she "should" allow the child to play, but if you press the issue, you may well find the judge says, no, she does NOT have to play on Mom's time and if you really want child to play, you'll be back to what I'm suggesting.

 

[wileybunch]

I have a real problem with the bolded above. Your husband's daughter is also his family. If he and Mom had maintained an intact home, his daughter would still have to go to these activities. If they cut into your time, too bad because you knew he had children when you married him.

That was my immediate thought, too, but knowing a little more about the poster, I realized she meant "his family" vs. "Mom's family" (and the child is a member of BOTH).

 

[TheGeekess]

That was my immediate thought, too, but knowing a little more about the poster, I realized she meant "his family" vs. "Mom's family" (and the child is a member of BOTH).

True that, but still, I don't like the attitude about this.

 

[wnbama]

Here is what I'm asking the Judge to sign off on for my case:

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES: Regardless of where Child is living/visiting, his continued participation in extracurricular activities, school related or otherwise, should not be interrupted. The parent with whom Child is living/visiting shall be responsible for providing transportation to and from activities scheduled during living/visitation with that parent. Each parent shall provide the other parent with notice of all extracurricular activities, complete with schedules, when available.

Do keep in mind we live aprox 4-5 miles apart, so this would work for us.

 

[nbrown2007]

About the coach is was at the YMCA he said he didnt like the fact that she owuld not be there all the time. As for find a different league ..we will be doing this next season with or with out moms concent. I just hate paying 140 for her to only be at 4 games. But oh well. If mom can not take her to games I have offered to pick her up and drop her off no questions. But mom back out of that deal because she got mad at me. She had previously agreed to it but now....she said the child can not do anythign on her time.

 

[LdiJ]

About the coach is was at the YMCA he said he didnt like the fact that she owuld not be there all the time. As for find a different league ..we will be doing this next season with or with out moms concent. I just hate paying 140 for her to only be at 4 games. But oh well. If mom can not take her to games I have offered to pick her up and drop her off no questions. But mom back out of that deal because she got mad at me. She had previously agreed to it but now....she said the child can not do anythign on her time.

You didn't mention that part before. Go ahead and enrol the child, let her play on your time, and then ask mom, one weekend at a time, if the child can play on her time. Once she has time to cool down, she may change her mind.

 

[nbrown2007]

the league we were enrolling her in told us she had to be there all the time....day before we were to enroll her mom changed her her mind. So we have to find a new one for next saeson. it just sucks paying so much for 4 games and having the child miss on somethign i know she wants