Father allowing girlfriend to bath with daughter

[bononos]

BATH - ewww! Who knows where this legal stranger has been. I wouldn't want them taking a bath together and certainly wouldn't want them to even shower together since she has said she doesn't want to. Just my opinion.

 

[CJane]

BATH - ewww! Who knows where this legal stranger has been. I wouldn't want them taking a bath together and certainly wouldn't want them to even shower together since she has said she doesn't want to. Just my opinion.

Ok, I wouldn't LIKE it if SMom was showering with my kids, and the kids wouldn't be thrilled with it either. They're both getting kind of modest... but I also know that sometimes it's the only option when you're in a rush or the kid isn't getting herself clean in there, or whatever. If nothing untoward is going on, I'd let it go.

 

[bononos]

Ok, I wouldn't LIKE it if SMom was showering with my kids, and the kids wouldn't be thrilled with it either. They're both getting kind of modest... but I also know that sometimes it's the only option when you're in a rush or the kid isn't getting herself clean in there, or whatever. If nothing untoward is going on, I'd let it go.

I must disagree.
The child has voiced her opinion that she is uncomfortable is most important!
This is why it needs to cease.
But also:
If a kid isn't cleaning themselves good enough, you sit beside the tub in your clothes or robe and assist them and teach them proper cleaning. (not meaning always, bathed with my kids, no longer the older of course, the younger may hop in the shower with me sometimes)
If your in a hurry, do as many busy parents do, either achedule bath time the night before or you wash your face and pits, brush your teeth and hair, and use lots of deodorant and do without a shower.

 

[CJane]

I must disagree.
The child has voiced her opinion that she is uncomfortable is most important!

I'm not necessarily saying that the child's wishes shouldn't be taken into account. However, child is 5. We don't know that the way that the child or mom is describing it is what happened EXACTLY. If this 5 year old is anything like mine, it's possible she was refusing the bath altogether, and so dad said "Fine, get in there with GF."

I shower with my kids when we're camping, strictly for safety reasons. They may not like it, but it's the only option. I 'force' them to shower together if we're pressed for time some nights - because the baths will be taken.

There are all kinds of reasons for an adult to be in the tub with the child which are completely innocent... and just because a child has 'expressed discomfort' doesn't mean anything is being done wrong.

 

[casa]

I must disagree.
The child has voiced her opinion that she is uncomfortable is most important!
This is why it needs to cease.
But also:
If a kid isn't cleaning themselves good enough, you sit beside the tub in your clothes or robe and assist them and teach them proper cleaning. (not meaning always, bathed with my kids, no longer the older of course, the younger may hop in the shower with me sometimes)
If your in a hurry, do as many busy parents do, either achedule bath time the night before or you wash your face and pits, brush your teeth and hair, and use lots of deodorant and do without a shower.

The problems with that argument (aside from the main issue re; child's uncomfort which must be addressed)...is:

1. There is no suspicion anything 'untoward' is happening to the child.

2. If you follow that line of thinking and try to address it legally- then child is not allowed to go to YMCA? Public Pools? Beach changing rooms/bathrooms? Because I've been in all of those situations with my children and seen naked 'legal strangers'. See what I'm saying?

 

[bononos]

I'm not necessarily saying that the child's wishes shouldn't be taken into account. However, child is 5. We don't know that the way that the child or mom is describing it is what happened EXACTLY. If this 5 year old is anything like mine, it's possible she was refusing the bath altogether, and so dad said "Fine, get in there with GF." But this is still an "IF" so "IF" this is how she feels, it needs to be addressed.

I shower with my kids when we're camping, strictly for safety reasons. They may not like it, but it's the only option. I 'force' them to shower together if we're pressed for time some nights - because the baths will be taken.
Certainly these are reasonable and I bathed with my kids and still shower sometimes.

There are all kinds of reasons for an adult to be in the tub with the child which are completely innocent... and just because a child has 'expressed discomfort' doesn't mean anything is being done wrong.
Most likely, it is completely innocent, but needs to still be addressed to be sure since this is still Dad's "Girlfriend".

 

[casa]

A. OP, you have no dog in this battle that allows you to withhold visitation. DO NOT DO IT. you will be in trouble.
B. Daughter is old enough to voice her own opinion. Tell her it is OK to shower or not with someone else. It is her CHOICE, and she can make it without interferrence from you.
C. Let it roll.... As long as there is no inappropriate nature of the shower (i.e.: showering together just to get done faster.) take a deep breath and let it roll off your back. There is nothing you can do, and you are going to create animosity between all of you, daughter included, if you push the issue.
D. If daughter voices opinion that she is being forced to take shower with another, and she has said she does not want too.... then heads should roll (LEGALLY).

OP didn't say daughter was 'forced' though...she said she told Mom she was 'uncomfortable' after the fact.

OP can tell Dad child was uncomfortable (He may not even be aware). OP can also let child know that it's OK to say "No, I want to take a shower myself"....Then if they KEPT doing it or MADE the child do it, then she could pursue action via various avenues.

 

[CJane]

But this is still an "IF" so "IF" this is how she feels, it needs to be addressed.

<snip>

Most likely, it is completely innocent, but needs to still be addressed to be sure since this is still Dad's "Girlfriend".

In your original post, you said that you felt it shouldn't happen because the child had said she didn't want to. I was simply expressing that just because a kid (especially a 5 year old at bathtime) has said they 'don't want to' doesn't mean that they don't HAVE to. Yes, it should be addressed re: what casa has been saying. Make dad aware of child's discomfort, make child aware that it's ok to express that discomfort, etc. But demanding that it stop is silly when 1) we don't know that it's ever happened before or would again and 2) essentially there's nothing wrong with it.

And the woman's relationship to father is unimportant. Who cares if it's girlfriend or wife? Her rights don't change with marriage.

 

[snostar]

Since you are not a prude...

Can I see you in bluejeans and a bra???

Awe, shucks...maybe..

I can't believe this thread is still continuing in cirlces.

 

[panzertanker]

OP didn't say daughter was 'forced' though...she said she told Mom she was 'uncomfortable' after the fact.

OP can tell Dad child was uncomfortable (He may not even be aware). OP can also let child know that it's OK to say "No, I want to take a shower myself"....Then if they KEPT doing it or MADE the child do it, then she could pursue action via various avenues.

Yes, that is EXACTLY what I said:

D. If daughter voices opinion that she is being forced to take shower with another, and she has said she does not want too.... then heads should roll (LEGALLY).

 

[panzertanker]

Awe, shucks...maybe..

I checked my calendar....I am free: ANYTIME!

I can't believe this thread is still continuing in cirlces.

With the crazy people we have here, you really did not see this happening???

 

[tigger22472]

I just wanted to say I almost yearn for the time where my children (both boys 15 and 12) are uncomfortable seeing me naked... LOL Bath time would be so peaceful then!! I do admit the older one is modest about himself but has less of an issue seeing me. Even my step-daughter has found MY bath time as conversation time!!

 

[Zephyr]

I just wanted to say I almost yearn for the time where my children (both boys 15 and 12) are uncomfortable seeing me naked... LOL Bath time would be so peaceful then!! I do admit the older one is modest about himself but has less of an issue seeing me. Even my step-daughter has found MY bath time as conversation time!!

yep, I ask both kids before I go in if they need to use it, both always say no, within 5 mins they are knocking at the door
what are gonna do about it though

 

[casa]

Yes, that is EXACTLY what I said:

Right, that's exactly what YOU said...but it is NOT what the OP said. That was my point.

 

[CJane]

Even my step-daughter has found MY bath time as conversation time!!

There is that too. I swear, all I have to do is step outside for a smoke, pick up the phone, sit on the toilet or get naked and the kids need to talk to me RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! LOL I so understand now why my mother is slightly crazy.