Father wants to make a deal

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

Hello All,

I am currently living in Ohio, father is in Texas. Our baby was born on Feb 15th. Father was present for the birth, signed the AOP.

The father has asked me not to file for child support through the state. He says that it would be "embarrassing" to have his employer know that he is paying child support for two different children to two different moms. He has asked that we work out something "between the two of us."

Is there any way a situation like this can work? Thanks to Ohiogal, I did go for the paperwork, and have it all filled out and ready to go - but I want to know if there is any way a situation where the two parents work something out between them and not involve the state and wage garnishment.

If I go file, the father is going to furious. We are on good terms right now, and he will be seeing a lot of the baby. If I file and he freaks out, then I am worried he may not want to come see his son or for me to go to Texas to bring his son to him. I want the dad involved in his son's life.

Just from reading this site, I can foresee several problems. 1. If the dad has a rough financial month, he is not "obligated" to pay, so he may not. If dad decides he wants a new iPhone or car, he could just not pay for his son. 2. Dad could decide that I'm not using the money "directly" for his son, so I don't need so much. He can basically hold money over our heads, or try to make me show him receipts. 3. If dad gets ANOTHER girl pregnant and has support taken, we may just be out of luck. It would not be surprising in the least if dad got someone else pregnant, as that is what led to the end of our relationship. I just want to facilitate a relationship between father and son.

So, to file or not to file? Has anyone ever seen this work before? Or would I be an idiot to even try to make this work? Pros? Cons?

Thank you for any advice.

 

[Gracie3787]

Sometimes an out of court agreement can work out, however, in your situation it's really not a good idea for several reasons:

1. Since he already has another CS order, you will already be shorted on CS ordered. The reason is that when an order is issued the court deducts the amount of previously ordered CS from the NCP's income and then determines your child's CS amount.

2. For the above listed reason, if he does have another child and you do not have a court order it would be a possibilty that you would recieve even less. For example- you don't have an order, the 3rd mother could file for an order before you, then the court would deduct both CS amounts before deciding yours- even less for your child.

3. Employers are very used to employees having 2 or more CS orders, so it is not really an embarrassment.

4. As you've said, until you have a court order he can pay or not pay but you won't have anything to protect yourself and your child in case he doesn't pay.

As for hoping that he will have a good relationship with his son, if he is a good father he will do that even if there is a court order for CS. No child should be denied financial support in order to have his father in his life. Even if you do not need the CS, you need to consider your son's rights to be supported by both parents and you can always put the CS into a savings account for your son's education.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Whatever you do, GET the court order. Now, you can start the court order with him paying the state directly without a garnishment. If he gets (you fill in the number) months behind, then, you have the option to petition for the state to uphold the wage garnishment.

That keeps it with a court order and it protects the both of you. Since the money is sent to the courts, accounting is easy-peasy. Do NOT let him talk you into paying you directly.

Now, it's not to say that there aren't responsible dads out there. My boys' dad was late ONCE in 14 years (he had a medical emergency). He always paid me directly. As for my girls' dad ~ the complete opposite.

 

[Silverplum]

I would walk softly till I got what I wanted with my move.
Then I would swing big sticks all I needed.

 

[Humusluvr]

Whatever you do, GET the court order. Now, you can start the court order with him paying the state directly without a garnishment. If he gets (you fill in the number) months behind, then, you have the option to petition for the state to uphold the wage garnishment.

That keeps it with a court order and it protects the both of you. Since the money is sent to the courts, accounting is easy-peasy. Do NOT let him talk you into paying you directly.

Now, it's not to say that there aren't responsible dads out there. My boys' dad was late ONCE in 14 years (he had a medical emergency). He always paid me directly. As for my girls' dad ~ the complete opposite.

Thank you for the info! I didn't know you could still go through the state without wage garnishment. I think this will be the best option for us, without the "embarrassment."

Do you request this by filling out the court papers at the Child Support Agency? Do you have to go through court for this or would it be able to be a mutually agreed upon thing that gets filed? Does the state do the computation of the amount or is it up to me to use the calculator online and figure it out then file?

Dad is not very responsible when it comes to paying bills or buying his "toys," but I just don't know what will happen with his new son. As I said, the baby is one month old, so I'm new at this and I want to do the right thing.