Frustration of child visitation rights

[SCBurton]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio
Hello I write you as the noncustodial parent who is being denied visitations from the custodial parent. We presently have a joint order from Montgomery County Courts with a few basic revisions (minor change to holiday schedule and tax arrangements).
On July the 4th mom took son to urgent care after our agreed on drop off time and he was misdiagnosed with scabies. My daughter (lives with me) also had a similar reaction and was treated for poison ivy. My son's mother refused access on our scheduled holiday and citing my daughter being the source. Return visit to hospital for both parties confirmed she was incorrect and it was poison ivy. My son was never allowed access that week to me.
Then nine days later we had arranged a modification to the court order agreement to allow make up time from when we sent my son back early because of the poison ivy mentioned above. The hope was to not allow him to catch it. Mom on Monday stated we missed the pick up window on Sunday and would not be allowed to pick up him even though we had proof it was setup for Monday. Further she went on stating she would not comply until the court makes her. She believes I am an alcoholic and heaven knows what else. I am not though I was vocally upset on the fourth when she denied me visitation.
I am aware that she is in contempt of court. After I write this post I will be finishing up the paperwork for contempt of court. I have missed already 11 days with my son this month and I am scheduled to pick him up again tonight.
My question is: this evening should I make a show of being at her house at the scheduled time to pick up my son? If so should I call the police with a copy of my custody order and ask them to accompany me? Are there any other motions I should be filing along with contempt?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio
Hello I write you as the noncustodial parent who is being denied visitations from the custodial parent. We presently have a joint order from Montgomery County Courts with a few basic revisions (minor change to holiday schedule and tax arrangements).
On July the 4th mom took son to urgent care after our agreed on drop off time and he was misdiagnosed with scabies. My daughter (lives with me) also had a similar reaction and was treated for poison ivy. My son's mother refused access on our scheduled holiday and citing my daughter being the source. Return visit to hospital for both parties confirmed she was incorrect and it was poison ivy. My son was never allowed access that week to me.
Then nine days later we had arranged a modification to the court order agreement to allow make up time from when we sent my son back early because of the poison ivy mentioned above. The hope was to not allow him to catch it. Mom on Monday stated we missed the pick up window on Sunday and would not be allowed to pick up him even though we had proof it was setup for Monday. Further she went on stating she would not comply until the court makes her. She believes I am an alcoholic and heaven knows what else. I am not though I was vocally upset on the fourth when she denied me visitation.
I am aware that she is in contempt of court. After I write this post I will be finishing up the paperwork for contempt of court. I have missed already 11 days with my son this month and I am scheduled to pick him up again tonight.
My question is: this evening should I make a show of being at her house at the scheduled time to pick up my son? If so should I call the police with a copy of my custody order and ask them to accompany me? Are there any other motions I should be filing along with contempt?

Show up to pick up your son. You can call the police but they will do nothing but keep things civil and make an incident report. The motion to show cause needs to be accompanied by an order. Said order should include the statutory requirements. It also needs to be served by Sheriff deputy.

 

[SCBurton]

Show up to pick up your son. You can call the police but they will do nothing but keep things civil and make an incident report. The motion to show cause needs to be accompanied by an order. Said order should include the statutory requirements. It also needs to be served by Sheriff deputy.

Thank you. I did show up and called the police to file the incident report. In the mean time I have been trying to establish regular phone calls but after 2 calls she is no longer answering the phone. I am making a calendar of these transaction but missing the calls now on top of the continued interference has me heavily down.

I called the courts and got the court date it is not until at the end of September. It has already been a month and the rest of his summer vacations with the rest of his family have passed. Is there any other means to get this issue moved up? Or perhaps a way to get the order enforced?

I know I am reaching but at this point I am willing to stretch a bit.

 

[SCBurton]

This evening I went to pick up my son for our regular pick up but she was not home at her residence. The police made a report of it and even hung out incase Mom decided to drive (no OL). Fast forward a hour I swung by her mother's and my son was outside. They immediately pulled my son inside and proceeded to call the cops because my car happened to stall out for a minute behind their car. I managed to get my car started after getting a picture of the car and the license plate and waited for the police. I provided my copy of the order to the police and they attempted again to retrieve for my visitation but this time she told the officer she would not allow me to pick him up. They made the report and I went my way.
During that time she made an accusation that my room mate had hit my son in his mouth. I immediately spoke to my room mate (he has been a part of my son's life from day 1) and he assured me the transaction never occurred but has acknowledged paddling my son occasionally but not recently. Also brought up some infidelity that occurred many moons ago with my then fiancé and my current wife. Obviously we reconciled and worked through the issues.


Is there anything I can do?

 

[Proserpina]

This evening I went to pick up my son for our regular pick up but she was not home at her residence. The police made a report of it and even hung out incase Mom decided to drive (no OL). Fast forward a hour I swung by her mother's and my son was outside. They immediately pulled my son inside and proceeded to call the cops because my car happened to stall out for a minute behind their car. I managed to get my car started after getting a picture of the car and the license plate and waited for the police. I provided my copy of the order to the police and they attempted again to retrieve for my visitation but this time she told the officer she would not allow me to pick him up. They made the report and I went my way.
During that time she made an accusation that my room mate had hit my son in his mouth. I immediately spoke to my room mate (he has been a part of my son's life from day 1) and he assured me the transaction never occurred but has acknowledged paddling my son occasionally but not recently. Also brought up some infidelity that occurred many moons ago with my then fiancé and my current wife. Obviously we reconciled and worked through the issues.


Is there anything I can do?

Your room-mate paddled your son? And YOU didn't know about it? Is Mom aware of this?

Do you have any idea exactly how bad that can make you look?

Dad, you were doing everything right. But even if Mom was 100% in the wrong, THAT puts a huge question mark over you.

 

[SCBurton]

Your room-mate paddled your son? And YOU didn't know about it? Is Mom aware of this?

Do you have any idea exactly how bad that can make you look?

Dad, you were doing everything right. But even if Mom was 100% in the wrong, THAT puts a huge question mark over you.

I was aware of the paddling and had no concerns with it. We have discussed it and applied it as a corrective action consistently between both my children. I questioned him only about striking on or near the face the rest I knew an supported his methods.

The most recent example of paddling occurred when I was still the custodial parent and I believe being the custodial parent at the time I could extent the responsibility to the individual I mentioned earlier. The word room mate does no justice to the actual relationship I have with this individual I can best describe him only as family.

A brief background I probably should have included:
Mom had drug problems three years ago and ended up in prison. At the time I was awarded custody. She picked up visitations after being released and filed for visitation and was awarded standard order. About six months after that she filed a motion to change custody. Even though she lacked a significant change of circumstances we had met and I had agreed to not contest her motion and as of January year she was awarded custody. She was in a better school district and I thought he could benefit from her being around all the time (she is unemployed). All was well until late last month when she started to interfere with our custody order.

Also after she started to interfere with custody I did some research and found out Mom was arrested the week before this started for theft (shopping lifting at the grocer). She was held for theft and FTA from a car accident earlier that year. I was wondering if these grounds and the interference would be grounds to file for a temporary custody order? Specifically the car accident, then the FTA and the shop lifting are all behaviors she exhibited in the past as the drug abuse problem was coming to light.

 

[Proserpina]

I was aware of the paddling and had no concerns with it. We have discussed it and applied it as a corrective action consistently between both my children. I questioned him only about striking on or near the face the rest I knew an supported his methods.

The most recent example of paddling occurred when I was still the custodial parent and I believe being the custodial parent at the time I could extent the responsibility to the individual I mentioned earlier. The word room mate does no justice to the actual relationship I have with this individual I can best describe him only as family.

A brief background I probably should have included:
Mom had drug problems three years ago and ended up in prison. At the time I was awarded custody. She picked up visitations after being released and filed for visitation and was awarded standard order. About six months after that she filed a motion to change custody. Even though she lacked a significant change of circumstances we had met and I had agreed to not contest her motion and as of January year she was awarded custody. She was in a better school district and I thought he could benefit from her being around all the time (she is unemployed). All was well until late last month when she started to interfere with our custody order.

Also after she started to interfere with custody I did some research and found out Mom was arrested the week before this started for theft (shopping lifting at the grocer). She was held for theft and FTA from a car accident earlier that year. I was wondering if these grounds and the interference would be grounds to file for a temporary custody order? Specifically the car accident, then the FTA and the shop lifting are all behaviors she exhibited in the past as the drug abuse problem was coming to light.

You need an attorney. Neither of you are exactly golden at this point; both of you could reasonably raise valid issues with the other. Expect her to argue that an arrest does not directly endanger the child, while the child's reports of being disciplined too harshly do point to endangerment.

Whether or not you, me or the rest of the world agrees with either argument, isn't the point. If she has any hint of cleverness - and clearly, she does - she's going to blow this up bigger than Mount Vesuvius and the court may feel like it has no real option but to err on the side of caution and rule in her favor.

 

[stealth2]

I agree with Pro - you NEED a lawyer.

 

[SCBurton]

Please clarify I thought the burden of proof belonged to her? She will not have any roof because the accusation is a lie. Best she has is a forced statement from my son who is only seven. She has relied on him in the past for information and what he tells her is always grossly incorrect. My wife lost her purse at her father's bar became he broke into our house and stOle it. One such instance..
At this point I cannot afford a lawyer and the volunteer lawyers were not interested last time I attempted to seek help. So I am preparing for the court.

 

[SCBurton]

My cell phone did not let me to revise my previous post. Since this ordeal began she agreed to nightly calls. For the last week she is no longer allowing me to speak to him. Does this even matter? I feel like this is a separate issue the physical visits and a bit damning? If she lies about the endangerment does she have any effective defense for not allowing the calls?

 

[stealth2]

My cell phone did not let me to revise my previous post. Since this ordeal began she agreed to nightly calls. For the last week she is no longer allowing me to speak to him. Does this even matter? I feel like this is a separate issue the physical visits and a bit damning? If she lies about the endangerment does she have any effective defense for not allowing the calls?

Dpo you have an order for phone calls? Nightly or specified otherwise? No? Then you have nothing.

 

[SCBurton]

My apologies for not mentioned in it but standard order in my county has that neither parent should interfere with the other parties communication. .

And this is not about slinging dirt. I am trying to inform myself on what information should be prepared and would be relevant. Can we stop assuming I have done anything wrong? Hard to believe but I am just an honest person but i am I am happy to let you visit and do a backgrouND check in order to prove I have no skeletons buried here.
I have looked over my orders but lack the experience in knowing what information I should keep and bring that is relevant.

 

[stealth2]

Please clarify I thought the burden of proof belonged to her? She will not have any roof because the accusation is a lie. Best she has is a forced statement from my son who is only seven. She has relied on him in the past for information and what he tells her is always grossly incorrect. My wife lost her purse at her father's bar became he broke into our house and stOle it. One such instance..
At this point I cannot afford a lawyer and the volunteer lawyers were not interested last time I attempted to seek help. So I am preparing for the court.

Problem is - your hands are not clean, either. The corporal punishment by a third party (and not even a stepparent) may be seen as problematic.

No court is going to hold the misdiagnosis of scabies vs poison ivy against Mom without definitive proof that she KNEW it was wrong and she KNEW your daughter was not contagious (especially since you indicate you thought she was).

If you cannot afford an attorney, YOU need to study your state's statutes and civil procedures. We can't help you with that.

 

[Proserpina]

Dad, seriously - you're not at the point where you can do this yourself.

Take this:

My apologies for not mentioned in it but standard order in my county has that neither parent should interfere with the other parties communication.

That does not equate to this:

Since this ordeal began she agreed to nightly calls. For the last week she is no longer allowing me to speak to him. Does this even matter? I feel like this is a separate issue the physical visits and a bit damning? If she lies about the endangerment does she have any effective defense for not allowing the calls

Do you understand why?

You're busy looking for ways to make her the worst parent. What's perhaps more damaging though is that I don't think you can see what you're actually doing. This shouldn't be a scoreboard where you gain and lose points for your actions (or lack thereof) and if you can't do this without trying to show that Mom's the loser you're going to have a miserable time in court.

I don't know what else we can do to help you, other than to repeat that you need an attorney, and if you can't afford one, you need to start studying and understanding what does and doesn't matter in court.

 

[Proserpina]

Please clarify I thought the burden of proof belonged to her? She will not have any roof because the accusation is a lie. Best she has is a forced statement from my son who is only seven. She has relied on him in the past for information and what he tells her is always grossly incorrect. My wife lost her purse at her father's bar became he broke into our house and stOle it. One such instance..
At this point I cannot afford a lawyer and the volunteer lawyers were not interested last time I attempted to seek help. So I am preparing for the court.

Are you referring to the paddling incident/s?