Grandparent rights?

[hmc8982]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My husband and I have an issue with his mom (my MIL)... My mother in law has always treated me awful... And shortly after the birth of our baby started treating me worse...not respecting me or anything. Thinking I was crazy because I was emotional...after he was born. She would literally ridicul me for picking him up and holding him and she would rip him from my arms...and wonder why I would get mad. She told my parents I was stupid while in the waiting room when I was giving birth...because the nurse stopped her from barging in after he was born because we wanted to try and breast feed before allowing visitors. Well anyway after awhile she started trying to cause problems in our marriage...telling my husband he should leave me. She is a control freak and thinks we should all do things her way... Well anyway..after awhile I started getting sick of her trying to cause problems and told my husband if he wanted to see her fine..but I wasn't going because I needed a break.. A couple weeks went by and my husband ended up talking to her and standing up for me..telling her she needed to relax and stop being so controlling...so I started coming around and said if she can respect that I'm going to parent my way...then she can see him. Well she started going off because she didn't think she was doing anything wrong...she said I was crazy...and that she was going to have to just seek an attorney and talking all about her rights and all of that. she has really burnt a bridge with my husband (her son) even..and we don't want to be around her.

Well...everyone knows that I am a great mom...our family...friends....church...doctors...it's just her. My husband and I did have some marital problems for awhile...a lot because of her!!!..but we sought counseling and are doing great. And I did have some post partum depression which I saw a doctor for and I am doing fine now.. But as far as parenting...he is healthy and happy and we would never ever hurt him! He is the joy of our life and has brought my husband and I closer. She does think I am unfit because I have a fear of vomitting...but it has never kept me from taking care of him. And everyone has fears...it doesn't effect my parenting..and my husband helps me a ton. So I feel like she is just silly.... But as a first time mom who tried for 6 years and conceived with fertility help..it freaks me out to even think she would try! Does she have any grounds at all? I mean we are married..doing well..and my baby boy who is almost 6 months now is as healthy and happy as can be. Im a stay at home mom and my husband has a great job and we provide well. Does she have any rights?

I should say even our councelors have told us we need a break and to set up some boundaries and keep her as far away as possible for now...

I just really need some reassurance... Thank you so much!!

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My husband and I have an issue with his mom (my MIL)... My mother in law has always treated me awful... And shortly after the birth of our baby started treating me worse...not respecting me or anything. Thinking I was crazy because I was emotional...after he was born. She would literally ridicul me for picking him up and holding him and she would rip him from my arms...and wonder why I would get mad. She told my parents I was stupid while in the waiting room when I was giving birth...because the nurse stopped her from barging in after he was born because we wanted to try and breast feed before allowing visitors. Well anyway after awhile she started trying to cause problems in our marriage...telling my husband he should leave me. She is a control freak and thinks we should all do things her way... Well anyway..after awhile I started getting sick of her trying to cause problems and told my husband if he wanted to see her fine..but I wasn't going because I needed a break.. A couple weeks went by and my husband ended up talking to her and standing up for me..telling her she needed to relax and stop being so controlling...so I started coming around and said if she can respect that I'm going to parent my way...then she can see him. Well she started going off because she didn't think she was doing anything wrong...she said I was crazy...and that she was going to have to just seek an attorney and talking all about her rights and all of that. she has really burnt a bridge with my husband (her son) even..and we don't want to be around her.

Well...everyone knows that I am a great mom...our family...friends....church...doctors...it's just her. My husband and I did have some marital problems for awhile...a lot because of her!!!..but we sought counseling and are doing great. And I did have some post partum depression which I saw a doctor for and I am doing fine now.. But as far as parenting...he is healthy and happy and we would never ever hurt him! He is the joy of our life and has brought my husband and I closer. She does think I am unfit because I have a fear of vomitting...but it has never kept me from taking care of him. And everyone has fears...it doesn't effect my parenting..and my husband helps me a ton. So I feel like she is just silly.... But as a first time mom who tried for 6 years and conceived with fertility help..it freaks me out to even think she would try! Does she have any grounds at all? I mean we are married..doing well..and my baby boy who is almost 6 months now is as healthy and happy as can be. Im a stay at home mom and my husband has a great job and we provide well. Does she have any rights?

I should say even our councelors have told us we need a break and to set up some boundaries and keep her as far away as possible for now...

I just really need some reassurance... Thank you so much!!

Grandparents have no inherent rights in any state; at best she may have standing to sue for visitation.

However, you and your husband have an intact marriage, your child is only 6 months old (and therefore Grandma can't show any sort of close bond) and that quite honestly virtually negates any chance she has of obtaining GPV.

If you're ever served with a suit, do come back and let us know. Do not agree to ANYTHING in mediation (if it even went that far), and fight it tooth and nail. You have every right to determine who is or isn't around your child/ren

 

[BigMouthWino]

She does not really have any rights. But you should do everything possible to give your son as much benefit of having that grandparent in his life as you possibly can. If you send up boundaries do so with an eye toward a happy future of everybody getting along and forgetting the mistakes of the past.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My husband and I have an issue with his mom (my MIL)... My mother in law has always treated me awful... And shortly after the birth of our baby started treating me worse...not respecting me or anything. Thinking I was crazy because I was emotional...after he was born. She would literally ridicul me for picking him up and holding him and she would rip him from my arms...and wonder why I would get mad. She told my parents I was stupid while in the waiting room when I was giving birth...because the nurse stopped her from barging in after he was born because we wanted to try and breast feed before allowing visitors. Well anyway after awhile she started trying to cause problems in our marriage...telling my husband he should leave me. She is a control freak and thinks we should all do things her way... Well anyway..after awhile I started getting sick of her trying to cause problems and told my husband if he wanted to see her fine..but I wasn't going because I needed a break.. A couple weeks went by and my husband ended up talking to her and standing up for me..telling her she needed to relax and stop being so controlling...so I started coming around and said if she can respect that I'm going to parent my way...then she can see him. Well she started going off because she didn't think she was doing anything wrong...she said I was crazy...and that she was going to have to just seek an attorney and talking all about her rights and all of that. she has really burnt a bridge with my husband (her son) even..and we don't want to be around her.

Well...everyone knows that I am a great mom...our family...friends....church...doctors...it's just her. My husband and I did have some marital problems for awhile...a lot because of her!!!..but we sought counseling and are doing great. And I did have some post partum depression which I saw a doctor for and I am doing fine now.. But as far as parenting...he is healthy and happy and we would never ever hurt him! He is the joy of our life and has brought my husband and I closer. She does think I am unfit because I have a fear of vomitting...but it has never kept me from taking care of him. And everyone has fears...it doesn't effect my parenting..and my husband helps me a ton. So I feel like she is just silly.... But as a first time mom who tried for 6 years and conceived with fertility help..it freaks me out to even think she would try! Does she have any grounds at all? I mean we are married..doing well..and my baby boy who is almost 6 months now is as healthy and happy as can be. Im a stay at home mom and my husband has a great job and we provide well. Does she have any rights?

I should say even our councelors have told us we need a break and to set up some boundaries and keep her as far away as possible for now...

I just really need some reassurance... Thank you so much!!

You and your husband are an intact family in Indiana. She does not even have standing to sue for visitation rights. Therefore don't worry about her as long as you and your husband remain married.

Please also ignore Big Mouth Wino. He has no clue about gpv cases.

 

[CSO286]

She does not really have any rights. But you should do everything possible to give your son as much benefit of having that grandparent in his life as you possibly can. If you send up boundaries do so with an eye toward a happy future of everybody getting along and forgetting the mistakes of the past.

And what exactly is the benefit to the child if the GP undermines the parent at every opportunity, constantly belittes the parent, criticizes the parent's ability to parent and threatens to sue the parents when the GP doesn't get his/her way?

Forgiving the mistakes of the past doesn't mean one has to reenter an arena(visiting the GPs) where such "mistakes" are likely to be repeated.

 

[Proserpina]

.

Please also ignore Big Mouth Wino. He has no clue about many things..

Fixed that for ya

 

[hmc8982]

Thanks everyone! I feel much better! I didn't really think she had any rights.. I just wanted reassurance. I appreciate all of your responses! We don't want to keep her away forever. We just want her to respect us when she is around him... and respect me as his mother and that I don't have to do everything the way she does it. But so far she hasn't been willing to admit her own wrong.

 

[davew128]

Please also ignore Big Mouth Wino. He has no clue about much of anything.

Fixed it for you.

 

[Zigner]

Fixed it for you.

That looks strangely familiar

 

[Proserpina]

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but this is more for OP than anything.


OP, I'm a huge fan of the "it takes a village" concept; to me, a child can't have too many people loving him/her. There are even some rare circumstances when I'd support a GPV suit.

BUT. There are toxic grandparents out there who are absolutely NOT looking at the child's best interest. And unfortunately, that's who it tends to be - the toxic grandparents - when it comes to suing their own child. I do not believe that we should presume "grandparent = nice, kindly, emotionally stable influence on child". That is not a safe assumption at all.

 

[BigMouthWino]

And what exactly is the benefit to the child if the GP undermines the parent at every opportunity, constantly belittes the parent, criticizes the parent's ability to parent and threatens to sue the parents when the GP doesn't get his/her way?

Forgiving the mistakes of the past doesn't mean one has to reenter an arena(visiting the GPs) where such "mistakes" are likely to be repeated.

That is why I said as you set up boundaries do so with an eye toward reconciliation. I'm sorry you had a bad family and you couldn't find a way to get along. Acting this out in front of a child will only cause the child to repeat the same behavior with family, friends and other social relationships. Set a good example for the child.

To the rest of you: I said the grandparents have no rights. Advising her that they have no rights, but to set a good example is to the benefit of her children. Get over yourselves.

 

[latigo]

You and your husband are an intact family in Indiana. She does not even have standing to sue for visitation rights. Therefore don't worry about her as long as you and your husband remain married.

Please also ignore Big Mouth Wino. He has no clue about gpv cases.

And I suppose that you do have a "clue about gpv cases"?

Perhaps you have secretly repealed Section 31-17-5-2 of Title 31 Chapter 5 of the Indian Code (Chapter 5 being expressly devoted to “GRANPARENT'S VISITATION")?

Or, maybe you have amended the Section to exclude grandparent’s access if the mother and father are an “intact family”? (Whatever that is supposed to mean.)

Or, that you have reworked Section 31-17-5-2 so that it now applies only to non-infant grandchildren?

And please don’t come back with the feeble argument that Section 31-17-5-2 does not provide conjunctive relief and is subject to the conditions stated in the preceding Section. Because they are patently independent of one another and respectively contain the language, “may seek visitation rights” and “the court may grant visitation rights”.
_______________________

Is it possible that it is your unschooled, no-speak philosophy that is better to be disregarded?

 

[LdiJ]

And I suppose that you do have a "clue about gpv cases"?

Perhaps you have secretly repealed Section 31-17-5-2 of Title 31 Chapter 5 of the Indian Code (Chapter 5 being expressly devoted to “GRANPARENT'S VISITATION")?

Or, maybe you have amended the Section to exclude grandparent’s access if the mother and father are an “intact family”? (Whatever that is supposed to mean.)

Or, that you have reworked Section 31-17-5-2 so that it now applies only to non-infant grandchildren?

And please don’t come back with the feeble argument that Section 31-17-5-2 does not provide conjunctive relief and is subject to the conditions stated in the preceding Section. Because they are patently independent of one another and respectively contain the language, “may seek visitation rights” and “the court may grant visitation rights”.
_______________________

Is it possible that it is your unschooled, no-speak philosophy that is better to be disregarded?

I happen to know more about the law regarding grandparent visitation in more states than most attorneys do...and obviously more than you do since you apparently don't understand the very common usage of "intact family".

Focusing solely on Indiana...and the appropriate section of the code:

IC 31-17-5-1
Right to seek visitation
Sec. 1. (a) A child's grandparent may seek visitation rights if:
(1) the child's parent is deceased;
(2) the marriage of the child's parents has been dissolved in Indiana; or
(3) subject to subsection (b), the child was born out of wedlock.
(b) A court may not grant visitation rights to a paternal grandparent of a child who is born out of wedlock under subsection (a)(3) if the child's father has not established paternity in relation to the child.

The code gives no standing for suing for gpv in any circumstance that would indicate an intact family, which is defined as a family where mother and father are married and are living in the same household as their children. There is plenty of case law in Indiana to back up that position.

 

[ecmst12]

And please don’t come back with the feeble argument that Section 31-17-5-2 does not provide conjunctive relief and is subject to the conditions stated in the preceding Section. Because they are patently independent of one another and respectively contain the language, “may seek visitation rights” and “the court may grant visitation rights”.

I don't see how you can claim that section 1 and 2 are not related. Section 1 controls who can file for visitation. Section 2 controls under what circumstances the court might grant it. The court can't grant visitation unless the grandparent has standing to file in the first place - it won't even get to the point of asking whether the best interests standard is met.

If you continue on to section 3, the first requirement of a visitation petition is it must "be filed by a grandparent entitled to receive visitation rights under this chapter;". Meaning, under the restrictions in section 1.

One of the more nonsensical arguments I've seen from you.

 

[CSO286]

That is why I said as you set up boundaries do so with an eye toward reconciliation. I'm sorry you had a bad family and you couldn't find a way to get along. Acting this out in front of a child will only cause the child to repeat the same behavior with family, friends and other social relationships. Set a good example for the child.

When did I say I had any kind of negative relationship with extended family? When did I allude to my relationship with my extended family at all?

Reading for comprehension is your friend.