Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
restraining order
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My ex-husband and I have been apart for 3 years. We have a 4 year old daughter which he has had primary custody of for 2 years because of the drug and alcohol problem that I had developed after the divorce. I have been sober for 18 months and met a man in recovery. We have been together for 10 months, however, a month and a half ago got into an altercation regarding a relapse he had and I filed an order of protection. We have since gotten back together and I dropped the restraining order but my ex-husband isn't letting me see our daughter and is threatening to take me to court. My boyfriend has been sober since the incident and we are doing better than we ever have and I don't want my relationship to effect the custody of my daughter. I need legal advice!
#2
07-05-2011, 01:21 PM
Ohiogal
Senior Member
If you choose to have your boyfriend in your life, you WILL be heading to court over your daughter. If you choose to get rid of your boyfriend, you might not go to court but your ex will then seemingly control your love life. You have a decision to make.
If you go to court though, be forewarned that the court may NOT look kindly on your current boyfriend.
__________________
#3
Today, 05:04 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
well the order of protection has been dismissed and the only reason I did tha in the first place was because I over reacted. I guess what I wanna know is what to do about everythign. If I have a really good lawyer I should be ale to keep custody right?
#4
Today, 05:10 PM
Zigner
Senior Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by gretalynnk
well the order of protection has been dismissed and the only reason I did tha in the first place was because I over reacted. I guess what I wanna know is what to do about everythign. If I have a really good lawyer I should be ale to keep custody right?
Your judgment has proven to be lacking. You can't take steps to protect yourself from violence...how can anyone expect you to do better for your kids?
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#5
Today, 05:14 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Excuse me? I never asked for you opinion on my parenting skills. This sigh is meant to help people who are faced with legal issues if your going to bash my parenting skills when you don't even know me as a person OR parent then I'm sure there is a website somewhere where u can vent ur feeling about me lol thanks for sharing
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#6
Today, 05:16 PM
Zigner
Senior Member
Posts: 34,879
Quote:
#7
Today, 05:24 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Please.... just stop replying ur not halping anything. Thank u. But ur bring very rude
#8
Today, 05:34 PM
single317dad
Member
I don't get it. I thought OG's advice was honest, but not even brutally so. OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the advice you were given WAS legal advice.
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#9
Today, 05:40 PM
stealth2
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 37,670
Quote:
Originally Posted by gretalynnk
If I have a really good lawyer I should be ale to keep custody right?
Quote:
Seriously - why is this new dude worth risking your parenting time? Is he that much more important to you than your child?
#10
Today, 06:06 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Honestly this whole thing is my fault bc when we broke up we got into an argment and I took things too far out of anger and now its all blowing up in my face. This new boyfriend is actually my future husband. We r so in love and he treats me better than any other man I have been with. I know people make mistakes and I definetely did but all the charges have been dismissed bc I know he isn't a violent person. He loves my daughter like she is his own and he would do anything for us. My ex husbad is still in love with me and tries to control every aspect of my life still. Idk we r getting one of the best lawyers in buffalo for this case because we want my daughter back. My ex has been trying to break my boyfriend ad I up for a long time but the thing is she isn't safe with him. He is NOT a full time father. Our daughter is with his MOTHER 90% of the time that he has her and when he does have her he smokes pot and drinks around her. Sunday night we ran into him on the beach and he had her with him ad he was wasted and tried fighting my boyfried 3 feet away from our daughter. I'm not trying to throw mud I'm just stating the facts of the situation. Ther r two sides to every story
#11
Today, 06:09 PM
cyjeff
Senior Member
Op... you have to see how you are showing yourself to the court.
Basically, everything else in your life comes before your child. First, it was drugs and booze. You vanished for two years.
Now, a violent man you met in REHAB that has already backslid once is more important.
And yes... YOU put a protection order out against him when it was just YOU he was threatening... but you feel great about him when it is you and the child because he hasn't backslid lately...well, in the last month or so. It's not like this PO happened a year ago. It happened in MAY.
Do you not see the picture you are painting? It is all ME ME ME. The court wants to hear about how your influence will benefit the child.
Why yes... we have noticed you haven't mentioned how you are going to make your child's life better. So will the judge.
#12
Today, 06:12 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
My daughter is the most happy whe she is with us. When I call her when she is with her grandma she is aways asking me when she is going to come like with me. I am her mother and she is the happiest around me I just want her to have a good home and a healthy life and if that means that my boyfriend can't be around when she is here then that's fine. I just wanna be in her life and be able to take care of her.
Posts: 7
restraining order
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My ex-husband and I have been apart for 3 years. We have a 4 year old daughter which he has had primary custody of for 2 years because of the drug and alcohol problem that I had developed after the divorce. I have been sober for 18 months and met a man in recovery. We have been together for 10 months, however, a month and a half ago got into an altercation regarding a relapse he had and I filed an order of protection. We have since gotten back together and I dropped the restraining order but my ex-husband isn't letting me see our daughter and is threatening to take me to court. My boyfriend has been sober since the incident and we are doing better than we ever have and I don't want my relationship to effect the custody of my daughter. I need legal advice!
#2
07-05-2011, 01:21 PM
Ohiogal
Senior Member
So you told the court this man is VIOLENT and you wonder why your ex husband has issues with your boyfriend? See the issue? If not, what your ex husband knows is that you told a COURT that your love is a violent man. He wants to protect the child from the violence. Unless he has a court order stating he can deny vistitation, he could be in contempt of the visitation order and you could file a motion to show cause. But yes, your relationship CAN effect custody of your child.
If you choose to have your boyfriend in your life, you WILL be heading to court over your daughter. If you choose to get rid of your boyfriend, you might not go to court but your ex will then seemingly control your love life. You have a decision to make.
If you go to court though, be forewarned that the court may NOT look kindly on your current boyfriend.
__________________
#3
Today, 05:04 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
well the order of protection has been dismissed and the only reason I did tha in the first place was because I over reacted. I guess what I wanna know is what to do about everythign. If I have a really good lawyer I should be ale to keep custody right?
#4
Today, 05:10 PM
Zigner
Senior Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by gretalynnk
well the order of protection has been dismissed and the only reason I did tha in the first place was because I over reacted. I guess what I wanna know is what to do about everythign. If I have a really good lawyer I should be ale to keep custody right?
Your judgment has proven to be lacking. You can't take steps to protect yourself from violence...how can anyone expect you to do better for your kids?
__________________
*
#5
Today, 05:14 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Excuse me? I never asked for you opinion on my parenting skills. This sigh is meant to help people who are faced with legal issues if your going to bash my parenting skills when you don't even know me as a person OR parent then I'm sure there is a website somewhere where u can vent ur feeling about me lol thanks for sharing
Find a Family Law Attorney
#6
Today, 05:16 PM
Zigner
Senior Member
Posts: 34,879
Quote:
Many victims later recant their story because the "love" their new (wo)man. I am glad your ex sees through this, since you are so willing to expose your child to it.
#7
Today, 05:24 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Please.... just stop replying ur not halping anything. Thank u. But ur bring very rude
#8
Today, 05:34 PM
single317dad
Member
I don't get it. I thought OG's advice was honest, but not even brutally so. OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the advice you were given WAS legal advice.
Find a Family Law Attorney
#9
Today, 05:40 PM
stealth2
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 37,670
Quote:
Originally Posted by gretalynnk
If I have a really good lawyer I should be ale to keep custody right?
Quote:
Uuuummm... Dad has custody. You likely won't LOSE visitation, but you can expect that Dad may be able to get an order that your b/f is not permitted to be around the child. I would certainly request that under the circumstances you describe. And if you insist on his being there, you can expect supervised visitation.
Seriously - why is this new dude worth risking your parenting time? Is he that much more important to you than your child?
#10
Today, 06:06 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Honestly this whole thing is my fault bc when we broke up we got into an argment and I took things too far out of anger and now its all blowing up in my face. This new boyfriend is actually my future husband. We r so in love and he treats me better than any other man I have been with. I know people make mistakes and I definetely did but all the charges have been dismissed bc I know he isn't a violent person. He loves my daughter like she is his own and he would do anything for us. My ex husbad is still in love with me and tries to control every aspect of my life still. Idk we r getting one of the best lawyers in buffalo for this case because we want my daughter back. My ex has been trying to break my boyfriend ad I up for a long time but the thing is she isn't safe with him. He is NOT a full time father. Our daughter is with his MOTHER 90% of the time that he has her and when he does have her he smokes pot and drinks around her. Sunday night we ran into him on the beach and he had her with him ad he was wasted and tried fighting my boyfried 3 feet away from our daughter. I'm not trying to throw mud I'm just stating the facts of the situation. Ther r two sides to every story
#11
Today, 06:09 PM
cyjeff
Senior Member
Op... you have to see how you are showing yourself to the court.
Basically, everything else in your life comes before your child. First, it was drugs and booze. You vanished for two years.
Now, a violent man you met in REHAB that has already backslid once is more important.
And yes... YOU put a protection order out against him when it was just YOU he was threatening... but you feel great about him when it is you and the child because he hasn't backslid lately...well, in the last month or so. It's not like this PO happened a year ago. It happened in MAY.
Do you not see the picture you are painting? It is all ME ME ME. The court wants to hear about how your influence will benefit the child.
Why yes... we have noticed you haven't mentioned how you are going to make your child's life better. So will the judge.
#12
Today, 06:12 PM
gretalynnk
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
My daughter is the most happy whe she is with us. When I call her when she is with her grandma she is aways asking me when she is going to come like with me. I am her mother and she is the happiest around me I just want her to have a good home and a healthy life and if that means that my boyfriend can't be around when she is here then that's fine. I just wanna be in her life and be able to take care of her.
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