• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Help needed, touchy subject

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

julie1

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NY

This is going to be extremely difficult for me to bring to an open forum. But I need answers. My ex husband and I have been fighting one custody battles after another since 1988. Children are now 19 (in the army) and daughter just turned 16. I caught our daughter in my home alone with a 20 year old. She in-turn decided to leave and live with her father. Father then used the Child Protective Agency here in NY to get revenge. Problem: Child Protective is more concerned about my past history. I was raped when I was 14 years old and my ex husband has used it against me in court for 16 years. Every court case, every personal friend he has that I have never met (but testified against me) And now again. Every chance he gets he “advertises” my past history. A history I had no control over. I feel like I am being brow-beaten with this. Is there any laws in NY that can put a gage order on my ex? I feel that my past history is mine, not for him to use against me to prove that I am an unfit mother. Any information would be appreciated. Thanks
 


wife w/question

Junior Member
I'm not a lawyer, sorry I wish I was. and I don't have any answers for you. I was just wanting to tell you to keep your chin up and that I'm praying for you. Your story has touched me. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you are able to sock it to him.
 

BL

Senior Member
Quite honestly , I can't see how a court would find you unfit , for just being raped in the past .

That can't be all he is claiming .

Did you know your 16 year old daughter had a 20 year old in your home , alone together ?

That would have more weight with a change of Custody , that a statement you were raped .

Otherwise do you have a good relationship with your daughter ?

Do you have visitations with her ?

She will be 18 in 2 years and can do what she pleases to anyways .
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Blonde Lebinese said:
Quite honestly , I can't see how a court would find you unfit , for just being raped in the past .

That can't be all he is claiming .

Did you know your 16 year old daughter had a 20 year old in your home , alone together ?

That would have more weight with a change of Custody , that a statement you were raped .

Otherwise do you have a good relationship with your daughter ?

Do you have visitations with her ?

She will be 18 in 2 years and can do what she pleases to anyways .
Nope, age of majority in NY is 21 and the age of consent, 17, so at age 16 she cannot give consent however various charges, including contributing to the delinquency of a minor, could be brought against the 20yo man with whom the girl cavorts.

S 130.55 Sexual abuse in the third degree.
A person is guilty of sexual abuse in the third degree when he or she subjects another person to sexual contact without the latter`s consent; except that in any prosecution under this section, it is an affirmative defense that (a) such other person`s lack of consent was due solely to incapacity to consent by reason of being less than seventeen years old, and (b) such other person was more than fourteen years old, and (c) the defendant was less than five years older than such other person. Sexual abuse in the third degree is a class B misdemeanor.

S 130.25 Rape in the third degree.
A person is guilty of rape in the third degree when: 1. He or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person who is
incapable of consent by reason of some factor other than being less than seventeen years old; 2. Being twenty-one years old or more, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than seventeen years old; or 3. He or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person without such person`s consent where such lack of consent is by reason of some factor other than incapacity to consent. Rape in the third degree is a class E felony.

Source: New York Consolidated Laws, (http://assembly.state.ny.us/leg/?cl=82&a=29) updated as of (As of 3/1/2002)
Legal Definitions of Sexual Assault
According to New York State statutes, sexual assault is defined in various degrees.
However, the basic summary is as follows:

Rape is the perpetuation of an act of sexual intercourse with a person against her will and consent, whether her will is overcome by force or fear resulting from the threat of force, or by drugs administered without consent or when, because of mental deficiency she is incapable of giving consent or when she is below the arbitrary age of consent.

In other words, the term "rape" is used when penetration is involved, even slight penetration, and even if no ejaculation occurs. Also note that the threat of force is sufficient - many women report fearing for their lives even when their attacker is not carrying a weapon.

New York State law does recognize that a married woman can be raped by her husband.
Marriage does not necessarily imply consent.

Rape in the first degree is defined as above, and the age of consent is eleven (11).

Rape in the second degree is not defined by consent. Rather, when one person is over 18 and the other is less than 14 years of age, the State defined any sexual intercourse between them as rape.

Rape in the third degree is similarly defined. Here, one person is over 21 and the other is less than 17 years of age. (Age of consent therefore is 17)

Sexual Abuse is also defined in three degrees, according to the same system as rape. However, the difference is that penetration is not required. Rather, all that is required is "sexual contact" - touching of intimate or sexual parts, either directly or through clothing.

Therefore, sexual abuse in the first degree is roughly defined as sexual contact by force or threat of force, or when the individual is incapable of consenting due to mental deficiency, or when the individual is below age 11.

Sexual assault of any kind is a felony.

Sec. 130.05 Sex offenses; lack of consent.

1. Whether or not specifically stated, it is an element of every offense defined in this article, except the offense of consensual sodomy, that the sexual act was committed without consent of the victim.

2. Lack of consent results from:

(a) Forcible compulsion; or

(b) Incapacity to consent; or

(c) Where the offense charged is sexual abuse, any circumstances, in addition to forcible compulsion or incapacity to consent, in which the victim does not expressly or impliedly acquiesce in the actor's conduct.

3. A person is deemed incapable of consent when he or she is:

(a) less than seventeen years old; or

(b) mentally defective; or

(c) mentally incapacitated; or

(d) physically helpless; or

(e) committed to the care and custody of the state department of correctional services or a hospital, as such term is defined in subdivision two of section four hundred of the correction law, and the actor is an employee, not married to such person, who knows or reasonably should know that such person is committed to the care and custody of such department or hospital. For purposes of this paragraph, "employee" means (i) an employee of the state department of correctional services who performs professional duties in a state correctional facility consisting of providing custody, medical or mental health services, counseling services, educational programs, or vocational training for inmates; (ii) an employee of the division of parole who performs professional duties in a state correctional facility and who provides institutional parole services pursuant to section two hundred fifty-nine-e of the executive law; or (iii) an employee of the office of mental health who performs professional duties in a state correctional facility or hospital, as such term is defined in subdivision two of section four hundred of the correction law, consisting of providing custody, or medical or mental health services for such inmates; or (f) committed to the care and custody of a local correctional facility, as such term is defined in subdivision two of section forty of the correction law, and the actor is an employee, not married to such person, who knows or reasonably should know that such person is committed to the care and custody of such facility. For purposes of this paragraph, "employee" means an employee of the local correctional facility where the person is committed who performs professional duties consisting of providing custody, medical or mental health services, counseling services, educational services, or vocational training for inmates. .
 

BL

Senior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
Nope, age of majority in NY is 21 and the age of consent, 17, so at age 16 she cannot give consent however various charges, including contributing to the delinquency of a minor, could be brought against the 20yo man with whom the girl cavorts.

S 130.55 Sexual abuse in the third degree.
A person is guilty of sexual abuse in the third degree when he or she subjects another person to sexual contact without the latter`s consent; except that in any prosecution under this section, it is an affirmative defense that (a) such other person`s lack of consent was due solely to incapacity to consent by reason of being less than seventeen years old, and (b) such other person was more than fourteen years old, and (c) the defendant was less than five years older than such other person. Sexual abuse in the third degree is a class B misdemeanor.

S 130.25 Rape in the third degree.
A person is guilty of rape in the third degree when: 1. He or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person who is
incapable of consent by reason of some factor other than being less than seventeen years old; 2. Being twenty-one years old or more, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than seventeen years old; or 3. He or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person without such person`s consent where such lack of consent is by reason of some factor other than incapacity to consent. Rape in the third degree is a class E felony.

Source: New York Consolidated Laws, (http://assembly.state.ny.us/leg/?cl=82&a=29) updated as of (As of 3/1/2002)
Legal Definitions of Sexual Assault
According to New York State statutes, sexual assault is defined in various degrees.
However, the basic summary is as follows:

Rape is the perpetuation of an act of sexual intercourse with a person against her will and consent, whether her will is overcome by force or fear resulting from the threat of force, or by drugs administered without consent or when, because of mental deficiency she is incapable of giving consent or when she is below the arbitrary age of consent.

In other words, the term "rape" is used when penetration is involved, even slight penetration, and even if no ejaculation occurs. Also note that the threat of force is sufficient - many women report fearing for their lives even when their attacker is not carrying a weapon.

New York State law does recognize that a married woman can be raped by her husband.
Marriage does not necessarily imply consent.

Rape in the first degree is defined as above, and the age of consent is eleven (11).

Rape in the second degree is not defined by consent. Rather, when one person is over 18 and the other is less than 14 years of age, the State defined any sexual intercourse between them as rape.

Rape in the third degree is similarly defined. Here, one person is over 21 and the other is less than 17 years of age. (Age of consent therefore is 17)

Sexual Abuse is also defined in three degrees, according to the same system as rape. However, the difference is that penetration is not required. Rather, all that is required is "sexual contact" - touching of intimate or sexual parts, either directly or through clothing.

Therefore, sexual abuse in the first degree is roughly defined as sexual contact by force or threat of force, or when the individual is incapable of consenting due to mental deficiency, or when the individual is below age 11.

Sexual assault of any kind is a felony.

Sec. 130.05 Sex offenses; lack of consent.

1. Whether or not specifically stated, it is an element of every offense defined in this article, except the offense of consensual sodomy, that the sexual act was committed without consent of the victim.

2. Lack of consent results from:

(a) Forcible compulsion; or

(b) Incapacity to consent; or

(c) Where the offense charged is sexual abuse, any circumstances, in addition to forcible compulsion or incapacity to consent, in which the victim does not expressly or impliedly acquiesce in the actor's conduct.

3. A person is deemed incapable of consent when he or she is:

(a) less than seventeen years old; or

(b) mentally defective; or

(c) mentally incapacitated; or

(d) physically helpless; or

(e) committed to the care and custody of the state department of correctional services or a hospital, as such term is defined in subdivision two of section four hundred of the correction law, and the actor is an employee, not married to such person, who knows or reasonably should know that such person is committed to the care and custody of such department or hospital. For purposes of this paragraph, "employee" means (i) an employee of the state department of correctional services who performs professional duties in a state correctional facility consisting of providing custody, medical or mental health services, counseling services, educational programs, or vocational training for inmates; (ii) an employee of the division of parole who performs professional duties in a state correctional facility and who provides institutional parole services pursuant to section two hundred fifty-nine-e of the executive law; or (iii) an employee of the office of mental health who performs professional duties in a state correctional facility or hospital, as such term is defined in subdivision two of section four hundred of the correction law, consisting of providing custody, or medical or mental health services for such inmates; or (f) committed to the care and custody of a local correctional facility, as such term is defined in subdivision two of section forty of the correction law, and the actor is an employee, not married to such person, who knows or reasonably should know that such person is committed to the care and custody of such facility. For purposes of this paragraph, "employee" means an employee of the local correctional facility where the person is committed who performs professional duties consisting of providing custody, medical or mental health services, counseling services, educational services, or vocational training for inmates. .
No what ??

The poster said SHE was raped , not the daughter .

The age of majority in NY might be 21 , but you tell me what court is going ORDER an 18 year old in NY she/he can't live on their own or anything else , if they chose to , if there no outstanding circumstances ??

It's nice you sited all them laws , but I did not hear mention the 20 yr. old was charged with a crime .

I stand by what I said .
 
Last edited:

king sol

Member
The daughter was also raped.....according to the OP and the law. It is unlawful for an adult to have sex with a minor, regardless of whether or not the minor was a willing partner!
 

BL

Senior Member
I caught our daughter in my home alone with a 20 year old
I don't see the words I caught my daughter home with a 20 year old having sex .

And , I said that can't be all he's claiming .
 
Last edited:

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Blonde Lebinese said:
No what ??

The poster said SHE was raped , not the daughter .

The age of majority in NY might be 21 , but you tell me what court is going ORDER an 18 year old in NY she/he can't live on their own or anything else , if they chose to , if there no outstanding circumstances ??

It's nice you sited all them laws , but I did not here mention the 20 yr. old was charged with a crime .

I stand by what I said .
At age 16 she, daughter, cannot consent to sexual activity so he can still be charged with a crime at some level. Has mom reported to the police or pressed charges? Is she for some reason intimidated from doing this? That may be where the issue of her rape might come into play.

This is not about an 18 yo wanting to live with another parent, it is about a 16 yo sexually active girl, of a mother with SOLE custody, wanting to move in with the NCP who allows the non consentual relationship. Also the girl's grades have dropped and she is late to school when she arrives by bus on time, aparently the forbiden man is meeting her at school. So he could have at least be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Mom is getting tired of NCP dragging her into court regularily and bringing up her rape when it is not relevant.
 

julie1

Junior Member
reply

No, I did not know that this 20 year old was even in her life. I was away for 4 hours (working), came back to this man being in my home with our daughter alone. House Rule #1: No one allowed in house while I am gone. What gets me the most is that my ex approves of the relationship between our daughter and this man. He encourages it and has made it plain and clear that our daughter has “free-rein” in his house. So of course she chose to live with him. (This grass is always greener on the other side.)

But his staging events so that he will have a court case is what is getting me. The CPS report, having the State Police arrive at the house to escort our daughter out, claiming domestic dispute. That police officer looked so dumb-founded he didn’t know what to say. But mostly my past history has always been #1 reasoning and that is the first thing that I am questioned about. My ex feels that I should be degraded as much as possible since I left him within 1 week of being released from the ICU in Nebraska.

With this last incident, I was questioned by the high school on MY past history, not the concerns that I have for our daughter (who is showing failing grades since visitations started again in Oct 2004). And three days later from CPS on MY past history, not the concerns and welfare of our daughter. I should add that our daughter has not had visitations with her father for 4 years, her choice by court order. Isn’t there anything in the laws that I can ask the judge for that would prevent my past history from being the focus of all these investigations?
 

BL

Senior Member
NY has a 800# in the phone book . You can call anonymously and report suspected child abuse or neglect .

IE: the 16 y/o daughter is bringing a 20 y/o male into the fathers home and having sex , and the father lets it happen .

Yes , and If you caught them having " Sex " , why didn't you call the Police ?
It's your duty as a Parent .
 

julie1

Junior Member
reply

There is so much history in this case that I don’t think your server could handle 20 years of our lives. I am trying to make is short but leaving out facts doesn’t help the case. So I am going to give you more facts that are court documented. Yes I was the one raped at the age of 14. I have testified to this in the family court about 12 times. I have been questioned by schools, social workers, mental health workers, judges, my own attorneys and law guardians, repeatedly. Friends of my ex’s have testified against me with this knowledge but still stating to the judge that they have never met me. I have tried to show the courts over the last 20 years that my ex only has 2 faults, a very bad temper resulting in physical violence, (hospital records and photos), and that he has the inability to stay in one spot for more than 6 months. Through court records my ex has moved 36 times and lived in 3 states over the past 20 years. Over this same period I have had 4 residences and this last one I have been here for 12 years. Both the children have been in the same school district from kindergarten on. All part of the courts record. But being part of the court record does not stop my ex from using the same reasoning to bring another court case. Yes there is less than two years before our daughter reaches the age of 18, but how much damage will there be when she is in that part of her life that is so vulnerable and impressionable. Both of our children are well aware of MY past history, thanks to my ex giving them information. I guess I am just looking for a loop hole in the NY state laws that would put a gage order on him and would allow for current facts of living situations to be the concern of the judge.

As for our daughter, I have not “caught” her having sex with this man. She will not say either way only that she is not a virgin. And even that she threw in my face.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
It sounds as if your ex is doing the opposite to you.
You must report the unwanted, non consentual relationship with the 20 yo man, press charges as applicible and get a restraining order.
If your ex allows this, report that to CPS.
Please explain what being in ICU in Nebraska has to do with this, what happened?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
rmet4nzkx said:
It sounds as if your ex is doing the opposite to you.
You must report the unwanted, non consentual relationship with the 20 yo man, press charges as applicible and get a restraining order.
If your ex allows this, report that to CPS.
Please explain what being in ICU in Nebraska has to do with this, what happened?
Have y'all missed that there is no evidence that they have actually been having sex? Catching the 20yo in the home =! doing the horizontal tango. Now, obviously it's more likely than not that they are, but the girl won't say it and Mom can't prove it. Which makes it kind of a moot point.
 

julie1

Junior Member
reply

Some did miss the point. I DID NOT catch our daughter having sex with this man. So I can’t prove anything happened and am on the understanding that my hands are tied when it comes to any legal action.

As for my stay in the ICU……. At that time in our marriage my ex did not work, I did. I had a real good computer data entry job, now remember this was in 1985 before all this new-age computers. I came home from work as normal. My ex went into a rage because I had worn a “red” dress to work. Mind you I was a size 6 back then and he bought it for me for my birthday. He physically tore the dress off me, screaming, yelling calling me “the whore of your family”. I only remember faintly seeing the concrete stairs that led to the basement. I woke up 4 days later in the ICU. Out of total fear of a repeat incident I chose not to say a word. Ok, I admit, it wasn’t the smartest thing to do. But my 3 ½ year marriage was one of isolation from any family or friends and constant physical violence. I was not allowed to speak to or make eye contact with no one. I left 1 week after being released from the hospital and found my way home to NY. His physical way of dealing with emotions and events have not changed. That continued after I left. Our daughter was born 7 months after our separation. She has never lived with her father and he has never shown her his violent side.
 

casa

Senior Member
julie1 said:
What is the name of your state? NY

This is going to be extremely difficult for me to bring to an open forum. But I need answers. My ex husband and I have been fighting one custody battles after another since 1988. Children are now 19 (in the army) and daughter just turned 16. I caught our daughter in my home alone with a 20 year old. She in-turn decided to leave and live with her father. Father then used the Child Protective Agency here in NY to get revenge. Problem: Child Protective is more concerned about my past history. I was raped when I was 14 years old and my ex husband has used it against me in court for 16 years. Every court case, every personal friend he has that I have never met (but testified against me) And now again. Every chance he gets he “advertises” my past history. A history I had no control over. I feel like I am being brow-beaten with this. Is there any laws in NY that can put a gage order on my ex? I feel that my past history is mine, not for him to use against me to prove that I am an unfit mother. Any information would be appreciated. Thanks
Well, I haven't been able to stop my nuttyX from doing the same re;childhood abuse. :mad: In fact, my nuttyX (long drawn out harrassment drama) got my therapy records because he alleged our child was abused or neglected by me...all untrue, found to be untrue...but still that cracked open my therapy records for the court- Things he didn't know when we were married were brought up (and are still brought up) repeatedly in court. According to those that have seen our child professionally- the 'attempt' is to prove that a person who was abused would not stop abuse in their children &/or are somehow more likely to abuse their children. Now, statistically abuse can pass down from generation to generation, but that is not the ultimate outcome in all cases- and sexual abuse(s) are not in the same realm.

So, if you DO find a way to shut your Xs trap~ please, do let me know :cool:
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top