Holiday vs. Mid-Week Dinner Date Time

[Bloopy]

The Tue to Mon change was part of the new CO that came after the contempt hearing a few months ago. The why things were shifted is because with 2 weekends/month for parenting time with 1 of the 2 days being largely consumed by soccer for the daughter, it's unreasonable to expect every mid-week visit would also be consumed by soccer. The judge said it was up to Dad what was done on "his time" but husband isn't going to play that card, but neither is he going to whittle his time down to next to nothing.

The adjustments I'm talking about is to what's in the order. Since the new order, Mom asks quite a bit for adjustments for things she wants to do (not talking about adjusting or accommodating for child's sports or social activities). I gave some examples previously including for the trip they are currently on.

Coin toss really.

1-2 visits during the week? So will Dad get the other day?

 

[wileybunch]

Coin toss really.

1-2 visits during the week? So will Dad get the other day?

The 1 of 2 days I referred to is the weekend days. He gets 2 weekends a month with Saturdays largely consumed by soccer.

Mid-week parenting time is a 3-hour time slot , currently Monday so it would NOT be consumed by soccer. Now for winter season soccer, soccer is back to Monday (albeit practice starts a little earlier) so the plan now is for her to leave soccer practice a little early so they can have a 2-hour visit. When practices started later, there was no way to get a visit in before or after soccer practice so this arrangement isn't too bad.

 

[Bloopy]

The 1 of 2 days I referred to is the weekend days. He gets 2 weekends a month with Saturdays largely consumed by soccer.

Mid-week parenting time is a 3-hour time slot , currently Monday so it would NOT be consumed by soccer. Now for winter season soccer, soccer is back to Monday (albeit practice starts a little earlier) so the plan now is for her to leave soccer practice a little early so they can have a 2-hour visit. When practices started later, there was no way to get a visit in before or after soccer practice so this arrangement isn't too bad.

Still a coin toss.

If I were Mom, I would have given it to him. Legally however, the MLK holiday covers her refusal.

Honestly, with a teenager that is busy with sports and such, Mom probably feels like she never sees her either. Dad may be asking her to give up the only evening meal that isn't offered with fries.

 

[soon2bstep]

MLK Day

does this day really count on holidays? i thought it was bdays(child and NCP/CP), 4th of july, xmas, t'giving, spring break, and MAJOR holidays?
if it's his day, she'd have to let him know she's taking it, is it ok?! right? b/c it's changing again...if he wants it and she doesnt give, it doesnt seem worth hikin off to court.....and IMO, i dont think it's a holiday worth agruing over.....

 

[Just Blue]

does this day really count on holidays? i thought it was bdays(child and NCP/CP), 4th of july, xmas, t'giving, spring break, and MAJOR holidays?
if it's his day, she'd have to let him know she's taking it, is it ok?! right? b/c it's changing again...if he wants it and she doesnt give, it doesnt seem worth hikin off to court.....and IMO, i dont think it's a holiday worth agruing over.....

Gee....Color me surprised!!

Why should OP care what your OPINION is? MLK is a celebrated holiday in many states. The child gets a long weekend and therefor "it counts" as a "real" holiday.

 

[wileybunch]

does this day really count on holidays? i thought it was bdays(child and NCP/CP), 4th of july, xmas, t'giving, spring break, and MAJOR holidays?
if it's his day, she'd have to let him know she's taking it, is it ok?! right? b/c it's changing again...if he wants it and she doesnt give, it doesnt seem worth hikin off to court.....and IMO, i dont think it's a holiday worth agruing over.....

First, don't get the impression Dad would go "hikin off to court" over this. I never mentioned anything of the sort. I was updating the outcome in case anyone wanted to know. In their CO, MLK is specified as a holiday so it doesn't matter whether DD celebrates it or not and Dad isn't requiring her to ride a freedom train or anything to be "entitled" to take that time with Mom, it's just a day to spend with a particular parent each year to do as they please. They were dune buggying.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

If this is going to become an ongoing issue, would it be feasible to mod the order to cover "federal holidays"? Other than Thanksgiving and Christmas(off of the top of my head), all the others are listed that way in my current order. The parent who has the child the day before gets that day.

Granted that this is a different state, but I'd imagine it could be added and/or modified to this in any state.

 

[tuffbrk]

does this day really count on holidays? i thought it was bdays(child and NCP/CP), 4th of july, xmas, t'giving, spring break, and MAJOR holidays?
if it's his day, she'd have to let him know she's taking it, is it ok?! right? b/c it's changing again...if he wants it and she doesnt give, it doesnt seem worth hikin off to court.....and IMO, i dont think it's a holiday worth agruing over.....

Holidays are whatever days are listed as holidays on the CO/Parenting Plan. This is a decision made by the parents when crafting their agreement. MLK is included on mine.

 

[wileybunch]

Honestly? I don't get why his visitation got moved due to soccer. I lose a couple of hours out of Tuesday nights because Wild has BBall practice. I'm not trying to take additional time from her father to 'make up' for that. It's called 'parenting time' for a reason.

What am I missing here?

When you have 50, 60% time with a child, you're bound to have some of it taken up by activities, of course. When you only have 3 hours during the week and 4 weekend days a month and all the 3 hours during the week and 2 of the 4 weekend days are tied up in the activities, you'd be hard pressed to make a case that this is what's called "parenting time" for this NCP (and judge already made it clear that soccer was not to come first before Dad, but Dad was willing to change his day vs. cut back on soccer -- or church mid-week activities or piano lessons or special choir mid-week performances ).

 

[casa]

If this is going to become an ongoing issue, would it be feasible to mod the order to cover "federal holidays"? Other than Thanksgiving and Christmas(off of the top of my head), all the others are listed that way in my current order. The parent who has the child the day before gets that day.

Granted that this is a different state, but I'd imagine it could be added and/or modified to this in any state.

In my state (CA) it's mostly all converted to: "All School Holidays" (Unless there are other Religious/Personal inclusions). That way we don't have attendance issues, debates over what's Federal, debates when one parent's job lets them off &/or the other parent's job does not, etc. etc.

Now, it's just School Holidays & if the NCP can't utilize it, they can't. ie; nuttyX gets any/all 3 day weekends which fall on his normal weekend schedule (most Monday holidays) Yesterday, his work did not let the employees off, so lil' one came home Sun. night even though Dad could have kept her til Mon. night.

 

[Bloopy]

What stinks is that there are a bunch of Monday holidays.

Should Dad lose his visitation every time there is a Monday holiday on Mom’s time?

Doesn’t seem fair. If his visitation were any other day of the week, he wouldn’t be as susceptible to losing his visit.

Ah, hindsight.

EDIT: Well, in reality it plays out to be what, 3 visits at the most.?

 

[CJane]

When you have 50, 60% time with a child, you're bound to have some of it taken up by activities, of course. When you only have 3 hours during the week and 4 weekend days a month and all the 3 hours during the week and 2 of the 4 weekend days are tied up in the activities, you'd be hard pressed to make a case that this is what's called "parenting time" for this NCP

And all I'm saying is that I'm confused as to why. MOST of us who work and have kids in school only get to spend about 3 hours/day with our kids.

For instance, I pick the girls up at 515 or so on Monday and Tuesday. On a lot of those Mondays, Unruly has Brownies until 6, so I pick her up later. We're home between 530 and 615. On Tuesday, Wild has BBall practice from 7-830. We're home around 9 and bed time is around 930. Sometime in all that, homework needs done, spelling words need practiced, a saxophone needs practiced, a dog needs walked, dinner needs prepared, clothes need washed and baths need taken.

Those are MY 2 days/week. On the weekends, Wild has BBall games on Saturday. They both have social lives. So that's my weekend.

Yes, I have my kids 60% of the time. But don't get confused and think that means I actually get to spend more time with them just having 'time'.

Parenting time is supposed (IMO) to be exactly that. Time in which one takes on the role of parent. And sometimes? That means plunking your azz on the sidelines of the soccer field or BBall court or riding arena with a good book and a smile while little Sally does her thing.

 

[wileybunch]

Yes, I have my kids 60% of the time. But don't get confused and think that means I actually get to spend more time with them just having 'time'.

Parenting time is supposed (IMO) to be exactly that. Time in which one takes on the role of parent. And sometimes? That means plunking your azz on the sidelines of the soccer field or BBall court or riding arena with a good book and a smile while little Sally does her thing.

I guarantee with your 60% time you get much more time than this scenario. In this case, Dad gets 4 wake ups a month. You get 18 -- and however much time you can spend with your child in the morning, whether they are a morning person or not, but it's a part of the child's life you participate in with them, provide them a meal (or a box of cereal), give them encouraging words to start their day, perhaps have family prayer, remind them about their homework, to take a jacket, take care of business in general or chit chat. Same with bedtime -- you get 18 of those bedtimes, this Dad gets 4. Those are just the tidbit times that you may be discounting, but they are important times to me with my kids, why shouldn't they be important times to a Dad with his kids? And, in the case of a dad with a flexible schedule who could pop to the school and pick the child up on ANY day if they were the CP, they can't do it on ANY day since he gets 0 days after school, he only at most gets the one mid-week date starting in the evening. I think you are really shortchanging how much time you really do have with your kids outside of their sports activities as I mentioned above that a NCP with standard visitation gets less than 25% of what you do of those times.

As for the bolded statement -- Sure SOMETIMES it means that, but certainly not the majority of the time with no wiggle room whatsoever such the time before/after school times NCPs are shut out of COMPLETELY.

And, I should add that the CP in this case doesn't have 60% time like you do, she has the standard time for CPs so technically it would be more like 87% calculated by overnights.