How do I get my husband out of trouble??

[MRSGLOVER]

California

I need help! My husband and I got into a argument I ended up punching him in the face and he grabbed my by my neck and held me on the ground I got away and later he ended up almost pushing me over and I called 911 and he was arrested. Alcohol was involved and the next day I felt bad and bailed him out of jail. Now he is facing losing his job and a felony what can I do to make sure everything will be ok for him. He has never done this and he is my best friend I dont want him in any kind of trouble. WHAT DO I DO??

 

[CdwJava]

The die is cast. At this point about all you can do is attend the court hearings and answer questions honestly. Unless you commit the crime of perjury or falsify a story to the police, you cannot change what happened. Yes, you might have hit him first, but apparently when the fight continued later you got the worst of the continued combat.

The two of you have a problem and it needs to be addressed. This sort of thing does not happen in a vacuum and almost always continues if not nipped in the bud. he DA and the police will expect you to recant as some 75%+ of DV victims DO recant - some going so far as to risk jail themselves to try and save their abuser. if you intend to change your story, consult an attorney before hand because you run the risk of going to jail for admitting to filing a false police report.

So, at this point, just be honest in the court proceedings and let the process take its course.

 

[Hot Topic]

If possible, make a copy of your post and CDWjava's because you're going to need the advice again when you punch your best friend again. Or he punches you.

 

[HomeGuru]

California

I need help! My husband and I got into a argument I ended up punching him in the face and he grabbed my by my neck and held me on the ground I got away and later he ended up almost pushing me over and I called 911 and he was arrested. Alcohol was involved and the next day I felt bad and bailed him out of jail. Now he is facing losing his job and a felony what can I do to make sure everything will be ok for him. He has never done this and he is my best friend I dont want him in any kind of trouble. WHAT DO I DO??

**A: you can't do much.

 

[eerelations]

Grabbing you, pushing you, and holding you down are all illegal, no matter how you happen to feel about it. If someone asked me to kill him/her and I did, I'm still a murderer.

Your husband broke the law and now he has to face the consequences.

 

[davew128]

Grabbing you, pushing you, and holding you down are all illegal, no matter how you happen to feel about it. If someone asked me to kill him/her and I did, I'm still a murderer.

Your husband broke the law and now he has to face the consequences.

Interestingly enough, you ignore the part where she admitted punching him in the face. Shouldn't SHE be facing the same consequences?

 

[Proserpina]

Interestingly enough, you ignore the part where she admitted punching him in the face. Shouldn't SHE be facing the same consequences?

Are YOU ignoring the part where OP wasn't charged with anything?

 

[Antigone*]

Interestingly enough, you ignore the part where she admitted punching him in the face. Shouldn't SHE be facing the same consequences?

She should.

 

[Proserpina]

She should.

(But won't...because she wasn't charged with a darned thing)

 

[justalayman]

so, the solution to MRSGLOVER's problems is:

admit that she was the aggressor and the husband was in fact just defending himself.

After a point, I don't think the courts care who goes to jail in situations like this. I think they are simply tired of responding to DV calls only to have the caller later go "but I didn't want him to go to jail" but of course, if they didn't show up there would be so many complaints it would make your head spin.

 

[CdwJava]

Interestingly enough, you ignore the part where she admitted punching him in the face. Shouldn't SHE be facing the same consequences?

If the police were made aware of it, they likely acted based upon who they believed to be the primary aggressor. Hubby's response seems to be disproportionate to being popped in the face. She was grabbed by the neck and held onto the ground until she managed to get away and then he pushed her again.

COULD she be held accountable? Sure. But, in this instance, she is not being held to account, her hubby - the likely primary aggressor - is.

 

[jmvd91198]

My experience

Well I faced this situation from the outside at one point.

It was with my X-and her new boyfriend held her down and put an ax to her throat and he threw her around and what not. To this day I don't know the true story necessarily, though I suspect from the guys history this is the truth.

Anywho, she had second thoughts about the ax murderer so she said she made it all up (they had pictures of the bruises and everything). She said she got them at a fight in a bar with a stripper, and she was just scared and didn't want to tell that true story cause she didn't want to lose our kids (we were going through divorce at the time and she had a no alcohol thing going). So she was scared and made it all up to cover up the bar fight and drinking (this all does have a point for you by the way so wait for it ).

If you think about the second story, it makes NO sense what so ever. The cops were not at the bar. No one would have ever found out about a fight with a stripper. In reality (I think) she did get in the fight with her BF, and because she was scared of what he would do for her telling on him, and they have a kid together too, it was too much so she said the heck with it.

She did not drop the charges, as mentioned I don't think you can do that. She just lied and said none of it really happened and made up the second story (once again guessing, but we).

She was charged with purgery, but they did drop the case against him.

So you could just lie, and make up any old lame story you want really, and it won't stick in my experience. You will however likely be charged with purgery. She ended up with 1 week of house arrest and like a 400 some dollar fine I think. HOWEVER, purgery is generally much more serious than this, at least in theory, you could end up with a not so small slap on the wrist so take what happened here with a grain of salt.

Keep in mind she also reportedly hit him during this whole thing as well, for what it is worth.

So if you really want him out of trouble, you could lie about the whole thing in court. Right wrong or indifferent, I'm just saying, and I have seen nothing but lies in court anyway Like you, this will contradict your prior police statement, and YOU may get in trouble.

Sorry for the long windedness, but hope this helped.

 

[Hot Topic]

Ignore jmvd (etc.). Can't imagine how his/her story could help you in any way, shape or form. Suggesting that you make up a story, then warning you that you might go to jail for commiting perjury is an idiot talking.

Perjury, perjury, perjury.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Ignore jmvd (etc.). Can't imagine how his/her story could help you in any way, shape or form. Suggesting that you make up a story, then warning you that you might go to jail for commiting perjury is an idiot talking.

Perjury, perjury, perjury.

*stands up, thundering applause* Was really thinking the same myself, but couldn't come up with anything that articulate... neither could the mouse in my pocket.