How much should I share? What do I need to? (Ohio)

[cpeter22]

He still smokes quite a bit which irritates R's skin. He also refuses to follow the nightly regimen R's dermatologist prescribed with his steroid cream, moisturizers, and bathing. In contempt of court, he took R to a quack doctor who told him R's eczema will go away if he just only eats all natural foods. We have contempt charges pending right now for the doctor visit and the 10k in CS he owes.

 

[cpeter22]

The doctor believes his eczema is genetic. So what? I stop taking R to the doctor to avoid CPS?

 

[cpeter22]

How would I be found unsuitable? I'm the one with a job, health insurance for R, a home, and who has managed his health his whole life. My ex has no job. No suitable residence. No insurance.....

 

[ecmst12]

Once you open the CPS can of worms, you can't know what direction it will go in.

 

[gam]

The doctor believes his eczema is genetic. So what? I stop taking R to the doctor to avoid CPS?

Come now, that is not all the Dr has told you on his eczema is it? Can't be all you know by now on it either, you would certainly know by now what will flare it up.

Very well could be things your doing, things your not sharing with your ex, could be the prescribed meds your Dr has you using to. You mentioned a derm and a Ped, which are you taking the child to after dads house? Has the child seen an allergist? What would this quack Dr actually be? Is your child frequently sick besides the eczema?

 

[cpeter22]

Just explained, smoking and not doing his prescribed routine from his dermatologist..... I don't know why but it flares with him. It has flared with me before once... because I took him swimming which bothers his skin. Which my ex may be doing also which might be a cause too.

 

[cpeter22]

But I can't know because Dad will not share anything that goes on at his house. Dermatologist ruled out allergies and scratch test wouldn't be conclusive till about age 4 from what I understand.

 

[ecmst12]

I really don't think this rises anywhere near the level of abuse or neglect. He's with you most of the time, so missing a couple of days of cream shouldn't do THAT much damage. It's a darn shame that dad chooses to smoke around kiddo, but as of yet, that's still a legal parenting choice.

 

[Ohiogal]

How would I be found unsuitable? I'm the one with a job, health insurance for R, a home, and who has managed his health his whole life. My ex has no job. No suitable residence. No insurance.....

If your child is found neglected, dependent or abused by CPS and the court then you are an unsuitable parent for failing to protect your child from that. And if the eczema is genetic -- that is not neglect or abuse. And why is dad's doctor a quack and your doctor is NOT? Because you don't agree with what dad's doctor stated? But do what you want.

 

[Proserpina]

Has this child's physician actually run genetic testing?

Yeah, as ever, there's a reason I'm asking.

Those of you who "get it", will know why.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Legally, since Mom has sole custody, she's the one to take the child to the doctor. If dad's presence causes issues, then she can inform him of the visit and the outcome.

Having been a parent whose X loved calling CPS on, it can be a two edge sword. In my case, they continued to be unfounded which then worked in saying that I was NOT a neglectful parent. You don't want them in your life.

Mom and Dad should be reserved to the two people who helped make junior. You can have pet names for the spouses. Your child is young enough to be corrected.

 

[gam]

But I can't know because Dad will not share anything that goes on at his house. Dermatologist ruled out allergies and scratch test wouldn't be conclusive till about age 4 from what I understand.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I'll try to be brief. It's a long and sordid story.

Firstly, how much should I involve him in medical decision making? On a basic human level, I think he should know how R is doing and so I keep him informed. I tell him of appointments and invite him to come when I feel it is appropriate. But the last time I invited him, he lied to the doctor 10 ways from Sunday about observations that are patently untrue about R and things he could not know given the limited amount of time he spends with him. At R's most recent appointment (he has eczema/allergy issues) I did not invite him, only emailed a summary of the visit, and he is VERY angry. Am I doing the wrong thing by not inviting him? Should I not tell him? What would be the best course of action? He has NO legal custody. I am named sole decision-maker. But, I am worried about how these things would look in court if ever I were dragged back.... how should I handle it?

thanks for any and all input!

Hmmmmmmmmmm you seem to contradict yourself with the bolded!

 

[Silverplum]

We have contempt charges pending right now for the doctor visit and the 10k in CS he owes.

So, in your own words, you are holding him to the currently incorrect $893/month, despite your new and "hefty" salary.

He owes whatever the court order requires, and apparently being honest is against the law in your state: that's not my "problem" with your posts. It's just so obvious that you need to have your "halo" adjusted. And it was so easy, using only your own bragging to do so.

 

[cpeter22]

1) Yes, I am holding him to the arrearages he owes for the year and a half I struggled through school as a single mom working part time, working toward where I am now, having a job. I will never apologize for collecting what my son is owed. That money could grow in 17 years so that he won't struggle with student debt like I do. It is not fair Dad does not pay, and if I hadn't filed, CSEA would have. If he wants to alter CS, he knows how to do so. He has the tools at his disposal and has altered child support on his other children. He is NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT ANYWAY so what does the amount matter? I am not suffering under the delusion that the court will do much of anything to him. Most punishments don't get the support paid, so judges don't like to use them. Regardless of income as well he is to pay 68% of uninsured medical expenses.... he doesn't pay that either.

2) Allergies were ruled out for the timebeing by the dermatologist. However she said they COULD play a part and we would not know until later. Most children with eczema do end u with some kind of allergy issue. I also say "allergy" because various things can trigger a reaction in R's eczema.

3) Unless I stop taking R to the ped, I don't know how to avoid CPS involvement. I won't let my kid suffer, not being able to sleep due to the itching.

 

[cpeter22]

You know what else is against the law in my state?
Nonpayment of child support.
Domestic violence (battery), and interruption of public services.
The above is what my ex was charged with. Yet I am the bad guy here, because I provide R stability??

I don't have a "halo". I will own my mistakes. One of which was choosing R's dad. I love my R and I am so thankful I have him, but his dad is a loser, plain and simple. 22 year old me can see what 18 year old me could not. And perhaps, that sometimes leaks through in my dealings with him. But I am working very hard with a counselor to attempt to address this as I know it is poisonous to my R to see contention between his dad and I.
But I cannot see how my ex's being at appointments is good for R for the same reason. He is contentious. When he makes wild allegations at the doctor's that is bad for R. When I tell the doctor something and he yells at me saying I'm a liar in front of R, that is not good for R. When R is crying Mommy, mommy and his father will not even let me hug him goodbye, that is terrible for my R!!!

My salary seems hefty to me as I used to be toiling away at minimum wage to support my son because his dad never paid for a damn thing and still has yet to for our son. It's crazy to me that I make so much more now. And yeah I'm pretty proud of the fact I make that, because I did it all by myself, no help from my son's dad. Sorry if that bothers you!

I am not being dishonest. I have reported everything as required, and why would I request a modification? If anything I think his support might go up even if I did do that, because childcare cost has tripled with my move to a new area (CLOSER to R's father by the way) and different childcare needs, and as it stands he is to pay 69% of childcare expenses as well. That percentage I am told is based on how much time is spent with the child and who bears most financial responsibility.