I lied...please help!!

[needtoknow37]

What US state are you in?

I'm in Georgia

 

[Just Blue]

I found out my husband had been cheating and we got into it. I called the police since I was afraid of him and knew if they left him here, it would have been bad. I told the police that he chocked me in front of my kids but he never hit me. Now he is locked up for this and when I spoke to his PO, she says they are going to revoke the rest of his probation. What can I do to make it right?

Do you understand the totality of the harm you caused? Not just to this man, but to all people who have suffered with DV? Every person that "plays" the current DV laws UNDERMINES them. I am in total disgust of you.

 

[needtoknow37]

Do you understand the totality of the harm you caused? Not just to this man, but to all people who have suffered with DV? Every person that "plays" the current DV laws UNDERMINES them. I am in total disgust of you.

At first, I didnt know the harm but as days went by, I now understand. Yes, you should be in disgust as I am in myself. Thanks for being honest.

 

[st-kitts]

I thought about telling the judge in court or calling the DA or telling the PO but I really dont know what to do.

The statistics generally indicate that upwards of 75% of (true) victims recant within days of making a report, for many reasons, but guilt is near the top along with fear and love. When you recant, as you are doing now, your credibility is shot both ways. It means that the DA’s case is more difficult because your credibility is shot in court, but it also means your credibility is shot the next time you are abused and need police assistance.

Charges? Well they cant be greater than what he is about to face and the fact that I have to live with this lie. Georgia

Domestic violence only gets worse and yes, it can be worse for you than the charges he is facing right now. Here are some ways I fear it will get worse…

Because you claimed you were a victim of abuse in front of your children, expect that you are on the radar of CPS. In GA, a good majority of recent child deaths involved DV and families where there was a history of DV. The children in these deaths were not always the intended target of the DV and sometimes were killed as ‘collateral’ damage. Not only is DV in front of a child something that can be charged as a felony or misdemeanor in GA, it is also a reason children can be removed from the home – even absent convictions if CPS believes that you are covering for your abuser. You and your husband can lose your kids for failing to protect them by allowing them to remain in a situation with DV, even if the criminal case loses steam after you recant.

And you didn't mention why your husband is currently on probation... If it is for DV, you can bet CPS will be extra concerned.

No, I didnt tell them he pushed me on the floor. I did tell them he chocked me.

I am concerned that the story you now claim is invented involved choking. That is a rather specific action that might not be the first story most people would 'invent.' People tend to think of slapping, hitting, pushing, when they think of DV. So while choking doesn't occur off the bat to most people when they think of DV, it is one of the indicators that a woman is at an increased risk of HOMICIDE. Unfortunate for you and your spouse that you pulled a major lethality risk factor out of the air when you chose to “invent” your story. But you did.

I would truly hope that you would reach out to GA domestic violence hotline at 1-800-334-2836 and ask for the number for your nearest domestic violence outreach office before you make a number of decisions here that will make your situation and your children’s situation worse. They can provide you information about forms of abuse, give you information about what will happen if you are called as a witness in your husband's case, tell you about spousal privilege in GA, and tell you some about the risks to you if you choose to be a hostile witness, recant your story, or claim spousal privilege.

Keep in mind that most adults are able to argue and disagree without police intervention. SOMETHING happened to cause you to call the police. Since you knew your husband was on probation, you can't claim you were ignorant that there would be negative consequences. Your claim that you called proactively to prevent something bad from happening and decided to invent a story about choking just doesn't ring true.

If you want to help your husband, help pay for his attorney. Don’t put yourself or your kids in the position to pay with your lives.

 

[needtoknow37]

The statistics generally indicate that upwards of 75% of (true) victims recant within days of making a report, for many reasons, but guilt is near the top along with fear and love. When you recant, as you are doing now, your credibility is shot both ways. It means that the DA’s case is more difficult because your credibility is shot in court, but it also means your credibility is shot the next time you are abused and need police assistance.



Domestic violence only gets worse and yes, it can be worse for you than the charges he is facing right now. Here are some ways I fear it will get worse…

Because you claimed you were a victim of abuse in front of your children, expect that you are on the radar of CPS. In GA, a good majority of recent child deaths involved DV and families where there was a history of DV. The children in these deaths were not always the intended target of the DV and sometimes were killed as ‘collateral’ damage. Not only is DV in front of a child something that can be charged as a felony or misdemeanor in GA, it is also a reason children can be removed from the home – even absent convictions if CPS believes that you are covering for your abuser. You and your husband can lose your kids for failing to protect them by allowing them to remain in a situation with DV, even if the criminal case loses steam after you recant.

And you didn't mention why your husband is currently on probation... If it is for DV, you can bet CPS will be extra concerned.



I am concerned that the story you now claim is invented involved choking. That is a rather specific action that might not be the first story most people would 'invent.' People tend to think of slapping, hitting, pushing, when they think of DV. So while choking doesn't occur off the bat to most people when they think of DV, it is one of the indicators that a woman is at an increased risk of HOMICIDE. Unfortunate for you and your spouse that you pulled a major lethality risk factor out of the air when you chose to “invent” your story. But you did.

I would truly hope that you would reach out to GA domestic violence hotline at 1-800-334-2836 and ask for the number for your nearest domestic violence outreach office before you make a number of decisions here that will make your situation and your children’s situation worse. They can provide you information about forms of abuse, give you information about what will happen if you are called as a witness in your husband's case, tell you about spousal privilege in GA, and tell you some about the risks to you if you choose to be a hostile witness, recant your story, or claim spousal privilege.

Keep in mind that most adults are able to argue and disagree without police intervention. SOMETHING happened to cause you to call the police. Since you knew your husband was on probation, you can't claim you were ignorant that there would be negative consequences. Your claim that you called proactively to prevent something bad from happening and decided to invent a story about choking just doesn't ring true.

If you want to help your husband, help pay for his attorney. Don’t put yourself or your kids in the position to pay with your lives.

Thanks so much for you insight. I chose choking because as DV has happened in our case before, it didnt this time. The time that it did, he choked me. Yes, I knew he was on probation, for a totally unrelated crime,but I didnt understand that he could face a possible revocation. Yes, we got into a heated argument, yes I was afraid and yes, I felt that it may escalate to violence, however, it did not. I was told that I could NOT show up for court and it could be thrown out but I dont know. I just want to clear it up basically but dont know how to.

 

[st-kitts]

Thanks so much for you insight. I chose choking because as DV has happened in our case before, it didnt this time. The time that it did, he choked me. Yes, I knew he was on probation, for a totally unrelated crime,but I didnt understand that he could face a possible revocation. Yes, we got into a heated argument, yes I was afraid and yes, I felt that it may escalate to violence, however, it did not. I was told that I could NOT show up for court and it could be thrown out but I dont know. I just want to clear it up basically but dont know how to.

If you don't show up, a warrant could be issued for your arrest. If you recant and indicate you lied, you could be charged with a crime. If you are lying now... you could be dead next time. I really wish there was an undo button for you to push, but there isn't.

The situation has serious repercussions for you, him, and possibly both. You might recant, find his probation is still affected, find yourself charged with a crime and have your kids removed by CPS. You really need to talk with someone about your best options (where you can give your real name and ALL the details, something not advised on this forum), and I really hope you call the DV hotline to discuss the situation. The situation is a mess whether you were lying then or lying now.

Good luck.

 

[needtoknow37]

1. Does a signed affadavit admitting I lied releases him immediately? If not, how long does it take?

2. Where do I go to sign this form?

 

[Antigone*]

1. Does a signed affadavit admitting I lied releases him immediately? If not, how long does it take?

2. Where do I go to sign this form?

I doubt he will be released simply because of your retraction.

I suggest getting a divorce attorney.

 

[needtoknow37]

What is a divorce attorney going to do? My husband does not want to divorce me and I him.

 

[Zigner]

What is a divorce attorney going to do? My husband does not want to divorce me and I him.

Then, perhaps, a therapist is in order to help you understand why you want to remain in this toxic relationship...

 

[needtoknow37]

Honest enough, thanks. However, yes we have our issues but what relationship dont. In this particular case, I lied, he didnt touch me and I have to make it right whether we stay together or not.

 

[Zigner]

Honest enough, thanks. However, yes we have our issues but what relationship dont. In this particular case, I lied, he didnt touch me and I have to make it right whether we stay together or not.

A loving relationship does NOT involved one being choked by the other.
Please take st-kitts advice and contact the domestic violence hotline.

Thanks so much for you insight. I chose choking because as DV has happened in our case before, it didnt this time. The time that it did, he choked me. Yes, I knew he was on probation, for a totally unrelated crime,but I didnt understand that he could face a possible revocation. Yes, we got into a heated argument, yes I was afraid and yes, I felt that it may escalate to violence, however, it did not. I was told that I could NOT show up for court and it could be thrown out but I dont know. I just want to clear it up basically but dont know how to.

 

[needtoknow37]

Note taken.

So because it's happened in the past, he deserves to go to jail on false accusations? It didnt happend this time and hasnt in years. I'm trying to figure out what can be done to right this wrong.

 

[Antigone*]

Note taken.

So because it's happened in the past, he deserves to go to jail on false accusations? It didnt happend this time and hasnt in years. I'm trying to figure out what can be done to right this wrong.

No, because it happened in the past, the prosecution is more likely than not going to believe that it happened again and that you are lying to get him out of trouble.

My crystal ball says that this time he'll end up with a conviction, and you'll have to live with the consequences.

 

[needtoknow37]

The police has never been called in the past so how would they know it happened years ago? This was the first 911 call.