I really don't know what to make of this.

[jrini]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

Background (I'll try to keep it as brief as possible): my ex was abusive, I have a CPO that covers myself and our son against him, he got a DUI with our son (which is why DS was included on the CPO). The DUI with our son resulted in a child endangerment charge, bac refusal, driving under suspension, ect. He got another DUI about 2wks later. The CPO states that he's not allowed to consume or possess illegal drugs or beverages containing alcohol but they aren't charging him for him violating the CPO by drinking in the first place on the 2nd DUI - and yes the CPO was already in place when he was drinking and driving the 2nd time.

So I've been open with family on both sides about the fact that I'm not at all against ex having supervised visitation with our son, DS asks about him all the time and it's hard on him - but he needs to be safe when he's with his Dad. I included DS on the CPO because I was really afraid about DS's safety when he wasn't with me (ie: daycare, ex's family, ect) without having an order in place stating when/where/and in what capacity Dad could see DS. I was going to outline a supervised visitation plan at the full hearing but ex didn't show, so the order was left as is for the time being.

Anyway, word from ex's family (I work with his sister) was that the child endangerment charges were dropped and he was going to go for visitation now - unsupervised. I confirmed today that the charge was infact dismissed. Then he violated the order (again, the 2nd DUI was a violation of the order too) last Friday by calling me, basically to gloat about the charges being dropped and stated he wanted to be able to see DS unsupervised, I told him not to call, hung up, reported it. I have no idea why they dropped the endangering charge - CSB substantiated child abuse (not physical abuse, but by DUI with DS), and all the other charges from that DUI are still being prosecuted (DUI, refusal, DUS). It really blows my mind but I won't even go there right now because I'm still angry that he's not being prosecuted on that

My real concern is this: since the charges were dropped, how strong is my case to prevent unsupervised visitation if he tries to take it to court for unsupervised? I've heard several times that without a conviction you really don't have much. However, the police reports do all state DS was in the vehicle. So if he's convicted of the DUI charge, wouldn't the fact that DS was there even if the endangerment charge was dismissed be a big factor? Not to mention CSB substantiated abuse in their investigation, criminal charges or not I'd think that carries quit a bit of weight - right?

Last week when I told the caseworker from CSB (they called to say they were closing the case & had substantiated it) that I'd been hearing that the endangering charge was being dismissed they seemed suprised and said they'd check into it. I went ahead and left a message with the caseworker letting her know, could this prompt them to keep their case open

Thanks for any info. He hasn't filed anything yet so I'm just trying to get a feel of where I stand right now in case or when he does (at which time I'll definately need an atty). I hope he does file DS needs to see him, it's just not safe for DS unsupervised and I'm terrified that a judge might grant just that.What is the name of your state?

 

[Humusluvr]

Unbelievable. DUI with DS in the car? That blows my mind.

 

[jrini]

Unbelievable. DUI with DS in the car? That blows my mind.

With ex's history I was furius but not shocked that he did it, suprised - I didn't really think even he was that stupid and irresponsible, but not shocked. What really blows my mind is that the child endangering was dismissed! I don't know why, maybe they didn't think they had enough to convict him I don't know, but I'm shocked to say the least.

But none of that really matters so much. The big issue here is how much standing to I have to prevent any unsupervised contact.

I have a lot of questions about supervised visitation as well. Mostly regarding conditions he may be required to meet before being granted any unsupervised time. I know drug and alcohol testing is typical in this kind of situation, but what about court ordered AA meetings? Is it unusual for a judge to order AA in custody/visitation cases? Ex did ok while in AA for awhile, obviously it'd be in DS's best interests if Dad pulled himself together and got sober at some point. Even if court ordered, I can't help hoping maybe if he was forced to go there he'd work the program - especially since he'd be seeing all his old "sober" friends from when he went before. At least one can always hope

 

[LdiJ]

With ex's history I was furius but not shocked that he did it, suprised - I didn't really think even he was that stupid and irresponsible, but not shocked. What really blows my mind is that the child endangering was dismissed! I don't know why, maybe they didn't think they had enough to convict him I don't know, but I'm shocked to say the least.

But none of that really matters so much. The big issue here is how much standing to I have to prevent any unsupervised contact.

I have a lot of questions about supervised visitation as well. Mostly regarding conditions he may be required to meet before being granted any unsupervised time. I know drug and alcohol testing is typical in this kind of situation, but what about court ordered AA meetings? Is it unusual for a judge to order AA in custody/visitation cases? Ex did ok while in AA for awhile, obviously it'd be in DS's best interests if Dad pulled himself together and got sober at some point. Even if court ordered, I can't help hoping maybe if he was forced to go there he'd work the program - especially since he'd be seeing all his old "sober" friends from when he went before. At least one can always hope

You will have to gather all of the evidence that you can. You also will probably need to subpeona the arresting officer to testify that your child was in the car when dad was arrested for DUI.

With that, I am pretty sure that dad will be dealing with supervised visitation for quite some time, but it may be a member of dad's family that gets to be the supervisor.

 

[Ohiogal]

Your standing is pretty good. NOT a guarantee but pretty good. Are you sure he is being charged with DUI however? And is it in the same county in which you live and obtained the restraining order?

 

[jrini]

He is actually charged with OVI, I was told by the arresting officer (I came to the scene to pick up DS) that was the same as DUI but just a differant term. Yes, the DUI that DS was in the car for was in the same county as my CPO (and where I live) but through a differant court. My CPO went through the county court (summit) while his OVI, DUS, and BAC Refusal are through the local municipal court (Cuyahoga Falls). I called the clerks office today and they confirmed that he has a jury trial set for the OVI/DUS/Refusal on the 30th, but that the endangering had been dismissed. The second DUI occured about 2-3 weeks after the first and that one is in a neighboring county.

I'm confused that he's still being charged with the OVI but not the endangerment, it really doesn't make sense to me, but it is what it is.

What do I need to do as far as the fact that he violated the order at the time of the 2nd DUI? His order specifically states that the respondant cannot use or possess illegal substances or beverages with alcohol.

I'm ok with a member of his family supervising. His 2 sisters are the only one's in his immediate family in the area and the only members of his family that live locally that know our son so they would be the most likely supervisor. I have good relationship with both of them and DS sees them pretty regularly and is comfortable at both their houses. I trust either of them to ensure DS's safety.

How could the fact the CSB substantiated their investigation of abuse play into hearings?Could it be in my best interests to get representation and submit a parenting plan first? Given the circumstances is it unreasonable to ask for sole legal/physical custody?

I had planned petitioning to modify the CPO to give supervised visitation after all his criminal cases were resolved if he hadn't done so anyway. Since he may be looking at some jail time I didn't want to have him back in DS's life, then in jail, then back again so I was kind of waiting to see how all that turned out before trying to change anything. He's pretty confused so the last thing I want to see is to make that worse, right now I stick to "Daddy's in Florida visiting Pappa, he misses you very much though and can't wait to see you again". I know it's a blatant lie, but what else am I supposed to tell a 2 year old?

 

[Silverplum]

He's pretty confused so the last thing I want to see is to make that worse, right now I stick to "Daddy's in Florida visiting Pappa, he misses you very much though and can't wait to see you again". I know it's a blatant lie, but what else am I supposed to tell a 2 year old?

Yep. Gotta lie at this point. For the child, not for the father.

 

[proud_parent]

He's pretty confused so the last thing I want to see is to make that worse, right now I stick to "Daddy's in Florida visiting Pappa, he misses you very much though and can't wait to see you again". I know it's a blatant lie, but what else am I supposed to tell a 2 year old?

I gotta disagree with an outright lie, even to spare a two-year old's feelings.

What about the truth delivered this way: "Your Daddy has told me that he is very eager to see you as soon as he is able. We just aren't sure when that will happen."

 

[Silverplum]

I gotta disagree with an outright lie, even to spare a two-year old's feelings.

What about the truth delivered this way: "Your Daddy has told me that he is very eager to see you as soon as he is able. We just aren't sure when that will happen."

I like yours better. Much better.

 

[Ohiogal]

He is actually charged with OVI, I was told by the arresting officer (I came to the scene to pick up DS) that was the same as DUI but just a differant term. Yes, the DUI that DS was in the car for was in the same county as my CPO (and where I live) but through a differant court. My CPO went through the county court (summit) while his OVI, DUS, and BAC Refusal are through the local municipal court (Cuyahoga Falls). I called the clerks office today and they confirmed that he has a jury trial set for the OVI/DUS/Refusal on the 30th, but that the endangering had been dismissed. The second DUI occured about 2-3 weeks after the first and that one is in a neighboring county.

I'm confused that he's still being charged with the OVI but not the endangerment, it really doesn't make sense to me, but it is what it is.

What do I need to do as far as the fact that he violated the order at the time of the 2nd DUI? His order specifically states that the respondant cannot use or possess illegal substances or beverages with alcohol.

I'm ok with a member of his family supervising. His 2 sisters are the only one's in his immediate family in the area and the only members of his family that live locally that know our son so they would be the most likely supervisor. I have good relationship with both of them and DS sees them pretty regularly and is comfortable at both their houses. I trust either of them to ensure DS's safety.

How could the fact the CSB substantiated their investigation of abuse play into hearings?Could it be in my best interests to get representation and submit a parenting plan first? Given the circumstances is it unreasonable to ask for sole legal/physical custody?

I had planned petitioning to modify the CPO to give supervised visitation after all his criminal cases were resolved if he hadn't done so anyway. Since he may be looking at some jail time I didn't want to have him back in DS's life, then in jail, then back again so I was kind of waiting to see how all that turned out before trying to change anything. He's pretty confused so the last thing I want to see is to make that worse, right now I stick to "Daddy's in Florida visiting Pappa, he misses you very much though and can't wait to see you again". I know it's a blatant lie, but what else am I supposed to tell a 2 year old?

YOu need to talk to the municipal prosecutors. You also want to lay low. When he takes you back to court to get visitation unsupervised, you immediately contact legal aid. Let HIM take you back to get unsupervised visitation. And if he has to see the child you want it supervised at a supervised visitation center -- NOT by family. Protect yourself and the child. Let him ask for it though.

 

[jrini]

Thanks everyone. So for now I will make sure all my documentation is in order and wait to see what, if anything, he does. In the meantime I'll also get the application and such sent over from CLAS so I can stick it in the mail to them the second he files for anything I should also probably be asking for a copy of CSB's case substantiating the abuse/endangering, correct? I wish I had more proof that he's not safe other than the substantiated CSB investigation and dismissed endangering charge... Besides the fact though that DS was with him during one of the OVI (which is obviously the most signifigant issue) wouldn't the two OVI's (within weeks of each other) in and of itself support that he has a drug/alcohol problem and is reckless?

A huge thing that's been on my mind lately - I've seen posts around here about DV victims being able to see if their abuser has a registered firearm... How do you check this???

OG, you mentioned before that if he gets supervised visitation it shouldn't be monitered by family - would I be responsible of splitting the cost of the visitation center fee? From everything I'd heard before I thought I would and I know that the center in my area is expensive, like $80/hr IIRC. Besides the cost issue though it would be ideal if for nothing else than to deter him from playing mind games with DS (he loves to use the Daddy can't see you b/c Mommy's a b****/wh***/ect speech). It'd make exchange a helluva lot less scary for me as well, I hated before the CPO when he did p/u at my house. Every single time he pushed his way in and made me feel really uncomfortable.

I left a message with the prosecuter who's handling the 2nd OVI regarding the fact that in drinking he violated his CPO, so we'll see if I hear back from them. I also finally called the clerk where I filed the CPO and they said I need to just file for contempt and have them haul him into court.. Only problem is I've needed a lot of time of work lately, would it be possible for the attorney who represented me for the CPO to go in my place, since all my knowledge regarding the 2nd OVI is strictly based on the court dockets anyway. The only reason I know is that his sister mentioned he'd been in jail in Portage Co. he'd been telling his family it was b/c of the first OVI though - I knew this was BS as the first OVI was Summit Co. and looked up his docket on Portage's website.

FYI it looks like the first OVI (pre-CPO), the one that resulting in the Endangering, is going straight to sentencing and jury trail was waived... Maybe he took a deal to plead guilty for the OVI if they dismissed the endangering??? He did refuse the BAC, maybe their case on the OVI wasn't very strong and they wanted to ensure a conviction. Sigh, who knows - hopefully they don't go easy on him during sentancing for EITHER of these OVI's, not to mention the DUS. This is like his 5th or more DUS in about 3yrs + the two OVI's within WEEKS of each other