I the father would like more time with my daughter

[daddy1980]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington State

Here is my situation as it stands.
My g/f and i had a baby together and when she was 3 1/2 months old my g/f left me and took the baby wih her. 3 days later she filed for a TPO claiming DV. we went to court 2 weeks later TPO was granted for 1 year. The judge ordered me 2 visits per week SUPERVISED at anger center. 30 minutes per visit $25 per visit to me. I was also ordered to take a 8 week anger class,judge set up review hearing in 8 weeks to see how things were. 8 weeks later i finished class went back to court got 2 days a week 1hr each at my house then in 2 months they go to 2 hrs per visit. i just got my name on BC and now wanna come up with a shared parenting plan. The ex hates me and doesnt want me to spend time with daughter due to previous DV and the fact that she wants full custody ( or so i assume) she hasnt actually taken me to court asking for full custody .

I just recieved a letter in the mail (The day after i got my name on BC) stating she is asking for child support (wich i have no problem with i helped make our daughter i wanna help pay for her as well. i also think its in her best interest to spend equal amount of timer with me her father. I want an equal opportunity to raise my daughter as i love her very much and want to be a FATHER to her not just the guy who got her mom pregnant. Since the judge 1st ordered 2 days at 30 minutes each visit supervised hen raised it to 2 days 1hr visits at my house supervised by my mother then is gonna raise is to 2 days 2 hrs at my house starting in april (so the pattern as you can see is my time doubles every 2 months) is that a good sign the judge is on my side at all? or is this just common? Also i wanted to add that when we last went to court my ex asked the judge for the visits to go from 2 30 minute visits per week to 1 visit per week for 1 hour and they stay supervised at the place i was doing the supervised visits at. The judge told my ex that 1 visit per week isnt enough contact for my daughter and myself. I have also enrolled in a Parenting Class at the same place i took my anger management courses and the court is aware that i took it upon myself to enroll in that class

1 more thing i wanna add when my ex drops our daughter off for my visits she parks next door and sits in her car for the entire hour i have my visit should i bring that up to the judge or not? its very uncomfortable when i get so little time with our daughter and the ex instead of finding something to do for that hour she feels the need to spy on my visits.

I must add my ex and our daughter live with her parents in like a 4 bedroom house with 11 total people so our daughter doesnt have her own room, where at my house she would be able to have a room of her own.

Our daughter is 6 months old by the way

So my question to everyone here is what amount of time should i ask for in the parenting plan and what time should i expect to get? i really would like 50/50 shared physical and legal custody. I think it would be in our daughters best interest to spend 50% of her time with me. i can provide our daughter with what she needs in food,clothes,diapers, etc etc etc. i make twice what my ex makes.

Im doing this all alone as i cant afford a lawyer so any advice on my situation would be greatly appreciated

 

[Zephyr]

Mom sitting there for the entire hour is very unusual, I don't know of any judge who would think that is appropriate.

As far as eventual 50/50 placement, how far apart do you and mom live?

Your daughter not having her own room- especially as an infant is not a big deal at all.

 

[ecmst12]

You are NOT going to jump from supervised daytime visits to 50% parenting time, no way. 50-50 time share only works when the parents live very close to each other AND are able to get along with each other. If you continue to manage your temper and take good care of your child and do the best you can to coparent with your ex, you could eventually get to standard EOW visitation. But at the age your child is at right now, frequent short visits are better for establishing a bond then longer, less frequent visits. The first goal you should work on is getting UNsupervised visitation, so make sure you are doing whatever the judge says you need to do to achieve that.

And maybe once you start paying child support, your ex will be able to afford to move into her own place instead of her parents' overcrowded house.

 

[gr8rn]

I wouldn't necessarily say that the ex sitting next door in the parking lot for an hour is something unusual, or something to "tell the judge". Maybe there is nowhere around for her to go? And unless she is sitting in her car with binoculars, saying she is "spying" on you makes you sound a little paranoid.

In this economy it is not unusual for people to live with extended family and if you yourself are living with your mother it might not look too smart for you to point that out.

If I were you I would not be so delusional as to think that the judge is "on your side". You committed domestic abuse on the mother of your child. You still have rights to see your child but the judge is supposed to remain neutral, so nothing he has done should be considered as him siding with you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington State

Here is my situation as it stands.
My g/f and i had a baby together and when she was 3 1/2 months old my g/f left me and took the baby wih her. 3 days later she filed for a TPO claiming DV. we went to court 2 weeks later TPO was granted for 1 year. The judge ordered me 2 visits per week SUPERVISED at anger center. 30 minutes per visit $25 per visit to me. I was also ordered to take a 8 week anger class,judge set up review hearing in 8 weeks to see how things were. 8 weeks later i finished class went back to court got 2 days a week 1hr each at my house then in 2 months they go to 2 hrs per visit. i just got my name on BC and now wanna come up with a shared parenting plan. The ex hates me and doesnt want me to spend time with daughter due to previous DV and the fact that she wants full custody ( or so i assume) she hasnt actually taken me to court asking for full custody .

I just recieved a letter in the mail (The day after i got my name on BC) stating she is asking for child support (wich i have no problem with i helped make our daughter i wanna help pay for her as well. i also think its in her best interest to spend equal amount of timer with me her father. I want an equal opportunity to raise my daughter as i love her very much and want to be a FATHER to her not just the guy who got her mom pregnant. Since the judge 1st ordered 2 days at 30 minutes each visit supervised hen raised it to 2 days 1hr visits at my house supervised by my mother then is gonna raise is to 2 days 2 hrs at my house starting in april (so the pattern as you can see is my time doubles every 2 months) is that a good sign the judge is on my side at all? or is this just common? Also i wanted to add that when we last went to court my ex asked the judge for the visits to go from 2 30 minute visits per week to 1 visit per week for 1 hour and they stay supervised at the place i was doing the supervised visits at. The judge told my ex that 1 visit per week isnt enough contact for my daughter and myself. I have also enrolled in a Parenting Class at the same place i took my anger management courses and the court is aware that i took it upon myself to enroll in that class

1 more thing i wanna add when my ex drops our daughter off for my visits she parks next door and sits in her car for the entire hour i have my visit should i bring that up to the judge or not? its very uncomfortable when i get so little time with our daughter and the ex instead of finding something to do for that hour she feels the need to spy on my visits.

I must add my ex and our daughter live with her parents in like a 4 bedroom house with 11 total people so our daughter doesnt have her own room, where at my house she would be able to have a room of her own.

Our daughter is 6 months old by the way

So my question to everyone here is what amount of time should i ask for in the parenting plan and what time should i expect to get? i really would like 50/50 shared physical and legal custody. I think it would be in our daughters best interest to spend 50% of her time with me. i can provide our daughter with what she needs in food,clothes,diapers, etc etc etc. i make twice what my ex makes.

Im doing this all alone as i cant afford a lawyer so any advice on my situation would be greatly appreciated

You are totally premature in even considering a 50/50 schedule. As someone else told you, there is no way that you are going to go from supervised visitation straight into a 50/50 schedule. Its simply not going to happen.

You aren't even going to two hours per visit until April.

 

[daddy1980]

k

ok so what i gather from the responses so far is i should NOT ask for a 50/50 parenting plan? this current order for visitation lasts untill Dec 1st of this year is what the judge told us in court (Thats when the TPO ends) so i assume thats why the judge ordered it to go untill then?

The judge did mention that he imagined he would see us in court before then for a parenting plan.


My concern is the longer i wait to ask for shared parenting the less likely i am to be granted it as courts like to stay with status quo right?

How and when should i ask for *unsupervised visitation*? and how long should i be asking for them to be and how many days per week would be acceptable to judge?



To Zephyr we live 30 minutes from each other.

To Gr8m i live 1 block from the mall as wel as target and such so i dont believe its a matter of her having nowhere to go.

To Ldig when would be an appropriate time to ask for shared custody? And should i not even do a parenting plan yet?

To ecmst12 Are you saying the best i can ever expect is EOW? i shouldnt expect to ever get a shared parenting schedule?

 

[gr8rn]

If the current order for supervised visitation that runs till Dec 31st, then no, don't expect unsupervised visitation until this current order ends. At that point, guessing from what you said that is when the protection order expires, then you can submit a parenting plan. I can't say for sure, but my understanding of 50-50 parenting it is only ordered when parents get along and are in agreement. Considering you committed acts of domestic abuse, things are not going to be going smoothly for you as far as 50-50 parenting time. So you may eventually get standard every other weekend visitation which will depend on what you do between now and then. I would suggest you be very carefull not to scare the mother of your child: do not threaten her or yell at her, don't harass her in any way. IF she feels more comfortable sitting in her car nearby your house while you have your supervised visitation, then do your best not to show that your paranoia of her "spying" on you, just let it go and consider that she is the mother who you committed some type of act of domestic abuse on, and she fears for her child (and probably has fears of you hurting her as well) Keep out of trouble for a year, and then you can be guaranteed to get THE BEST PARENTING AGREEMENT possible, based on your personal experiences (of being physically voilent with your childs mother). Take every class that is offered. don't complain to anyone.

 

[Isis1]

ok so what i gather from the responses so far is i should NOT ask for a 50/50 parenting plan? this current order for visitation lasts untill Dec 1st of this year is what the judge told us in court (Thats when the TPO ends) so i assume thats why the judge ordered it to go untill then?

The judge did mention that he imagined he would see us in court before then for a parenting plan.


My concern is the longer i wait to ask for shared parenting the less likely i am to be granted it as courts like to stay with status quo right?

How and when should i ask for *unsupervised visitation*? and how long should i be asking for them to be and how many days per week would be acceptable to judge?



To Zephyr we live 30 minutes from each other.

To Gr8m i live 1 block from the mall as wel as target and such so i dont believe its a matter of her having nowhere to go.

To Ldig when would be an appropriate time to ask for shared custody? And should i not even do a parenting plan yet?

To ecmst12 Are you saying the best i can ever expect is EOW? i shouldnt expect to ever get a shared parenting schedule?

you can ASK for it, but it would be a waste of breathe. especially since you were just served with child support. get where i'm going with this?

as for mom sitting in the car? for your hour visitation? i got to be honest. i'd do the same thing myself. i'm not going to sit at target for an hour just to make you comfortable. i'll bring my ipod, read a book, play a computer game, talk on the phone. doesn't mean i'm spying on you. when my kids are in therapy for an hour, i sit outside instead of getting caught up running an errand and risk being late for a pick up.

you need to file a more graduated plan. if the order ends that way for a year. work your way up to overnights after the supervised visitation ends.

you have to work your way up to a shared parenting plan. had you not had the TRO in place, it would have been faster and more likely. but you screwed yourself with the DV. that's YOUR hurdle you put there.

 

[MichaCA]

I would ask for a graduated visitation plan, and have one in hand, the next time you go to court. Look up the Washington State family law visitation guidelines. When you propose a schedule to the court, be prepared to be flexible. Make your point you would like a PLAN that eventually leads to 50/50 - that that is where you want to go.

Since the courts have started you out slowly - due to the DV charge - you will most likely not be close to their graduated plan. But it can give you something to compare with. Most states I have heard of all have a graduated visitation plan for infants/young children - all the way to visitation suggestions for teens.

A wonderful book I read is 'The Irreducible Needs of Children' by Barry Brazelton. Only a chapter on custody issues but it was good and he used the Washington State visitation guidelines as HIS 'ideal' model of graduated visitation plans, and explains why.

 

[daddy1980]

k

MichaCA - Thanks for your imput i appreciate it. Just so you know there was never a DV charge.


Isis1 - Thanks alot for your reply its much appreciated to get some good responses to help me through all this. Just so you know as far as the DV goes it was accusations not charges filed against me. Are you emplying that if i ask for more time now judge will see it as only cause im starting to pay child support? cause if thats the case i dont wanna look like that guy.

Gr8rn - you mention not to scare the mother or yell at her or anything well i cant talk to her due to the protection order so i dont have any contact with her at all she drops baby off with my mom and i come out into the living room after baby is here. Also you mention filing parenting plan after this current order is up in dec. well why did the judge say he expects to see us several more times before then for a parenting plan then?

 

[Isis1]

MichaCA - Thanks for your imput i appreciate it. Just so you know there was never a DV charge.


Isis1 - Thanks alot for your reply its much appreciated to get some good responses to help me through all this. Just so you know as far as the DV goes it was accusations not charges filed against me. Are you emplying that if i ask for more time now judge will see it as only cause im starting to pay child support? cause if thats the case i dont wanna look like that guy.

Gr8rn - you mention not to scare the mother or yell at her or anything well i cant talk to her due to the protection order so i dont have any contact with her at all she drops baby off with my mom and i come out into the living room after baby is here. Also you mention filing parenting plan after this current order is up in dec. well why did the judge say he expects to see us several more times before then for a parenting plan then?

you have a restraining order against you. in this case, it's good enough. that restraining order doesn't help, it hurts.

in most cases, it does appear to be a eye opener when a CP files for child support, then the NCP files for more visitation. not always assumed that's the case, but it does cause an alert.

finish out your visitation plan for the year. in the meantime, research more about graduated parenting plans. then when your current parenting plan comes to an end...then by all means file for a more graduated plan. on that ends up with EOW by the end of the year. work on not being supervised, then long days, then overnights, then weekends.

don't be aware of mom. she wants to sit in a indian position on your front lawn, let her. you are too busy with the baby. you don't see mom. she doesn't exist. if you let on that it bugs you even for a minute....you are only letting her get to you.

usually when a judges makes a comment of seeing you a few more times, i translate it to be more of a comment of the both of you comming to him to complain about what the other parent is doing. don't be that parent.

 

[giftedsanta]

In order to get 50-50%, stay within 20miles radius of the other parent for shared parenting to work.
If you think, the other parent is not interested in sharing custody, be very very watchful every contact with the other parent. Any contact could be used by the noncooperating parent against you in a custody battle in Court. If you file papers seeking 50-50% custody, the court will gradually increase your parenting time based on various reports.

 

[daddy1980]

anyone?

I appreciate everyones input so far it has been very much appreciated.

I cannot seem to locate anything on washington states graduated visitation schedule/plan? if anyone knows a website where i can read i would really appreciate it. Thanks again to everyone so far.

 

[Isis1]

I appreciate everyones input so far it has been very much appreciated.

I cannot seem to locate anything on washington states graduated visitation schedule/plan? if anyone knows a website where i can read i would really appreciate it. Thanks again to everyone so far.

it's saturday. i'm a tad bit tired to go searching at the moment. i've been up since 6:30am

but here was one that i saw a while back that i liked.

since you are at 1 hour supervised visits at the moment, let's start there.

once the order is about to expire, request a modification for 4 hours unsupervised. for 2 months. once a week. than 8 hours, for two additional months. every two months, it increases. after 8 hours once a week, then one overnight a week with a day visit during the week. then EOW. then EOW with one overnight visit during the week. basically, stepping it up so at the end of a year, you've got every other weekend with one overnight during the week.