In need of advice...

[jennpickles]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

Here is the situation so far. In November of 2003, I asked my sister is I could take my 5 month old nephew while she got on her feet (She has 2 other children, she was 22 years old, and CLEARLY could not provide for any of them!) She agreed to let me and my husband (fiance at the time) take him. At the time we lived in Kansas City, Mo. About 1 month after we took him, my husband and I moved across the state with our jobs. She made no objection what-so-ever to us taking him. In May she called me and said that she wanted him back. Now, during the 6-7 months we had already had him, she called maybe twice to check on him, she never once came to see him, and never provided any financial assistance for him. When she called in May, I was 6 months pregnant with my first child, and my husband and I realized that we couldn't let her just take him back. We were mom and dad to him. So we hired a lawyer to try and get custody. The lawyer (on a hunch it would work) simply typed a letter to my sister saying that we wanted legal guardianship of my nephew. She signed it. None of us ever had to go to court to make it happen. The lawyer also got my nephews father (who was at the time-and still is, in jail) to sign the same letter.
Now my nephew is 18 months old, and we are the only parents he has known. I can't stand the thought of her ever getting him back. My sister and I are on fairly good terms. We see eachother at family gatherings, etc. Which is also the only time she sees her son (who doesn't know her from Adam). I would like to know what my husband and I would have to do to be able to adopt him. Does her lack of communication with him for long show abandonment? I have tried to read up on this and honestly can't fully see how this would work. I don't see her trying to get him back. But I can't see much sense in sitting around and waiting for her to show up one day and try to take him back. It would kill him, and us. Any advice would be appreciated..

 

[casa]

It appears that you have legal guardianship of the child, that the mother is not actively filing in court for custody and that have a lawyer who has handled this case? (Who can advise you)

Are you worried your sister will suddenly try to get the child back? Has sister filed in court for custody?

Your sister gave you "legal guardianship" at 5 months old and he is now 16 months old?

Just had more questions than answers for you. sorry, just wondering if more is happening than you are saying- or perhaps this is just worry you are going through

 

[jennpickles]

She signed over guardianship in May, when he turned 1. He is now almost 18 months old. The thing that worries me is Legal Guardianship can be fought. She can hire a lawyer and try to get him back at any time she wants. She has not done this (probably because she fears she won't win). But, if for some reason, she does manage to "get her life together", I'm afraid she can get him. I also found out that in about 3 months, her husband will get out of jail. He will also have the right to fight it. I don't know him well enough to know if he'll try or not. If character and past of a person holds any weight, she would never be able to get him back.

1.She lives in Government housing, and makes less than 600.00 per month.
2. She is still married, and is pregnant with her 4th child by someone else
3. She has D.F.S. called on her regularly
4. She is 23, and has never had a drivers license
5. She "can't remember" what shots her children have had
6. My 7 year old nephew is in his 3rd year of the same grade in school, because she moves so much that he can't get the education and stability he needs.
Etc, etc..

If we went solely on things like this, it wouldn't be a question in my mind. But I know that, if she put he effort into it, she could overcome these things, and get him back. It's all I can do not to break down at the thought of him even having to see her disgusting lifestyle, let alone be forced to live in it. My husband wants him to have his last name. I want for him to grow up as my daughter's big brother. I just don't know how hard it would be to make adoption happen. I know that she would probably never just say "okay". It would have to be proving her unfit, etc. How hard is this to do?

 

[casa]

I think (& it sounds like you think) that's it is worth it to try for custody.

IF I were you I would do this ASAP.

Re; the list of things mentioned, some won't really count in court (per say) like her income- I'm low income and a good mom Not on welfare, but still struggling Who she's pregnant by and why etc. etc. etc.

Focus on the child. YOU have provided a stable life and continue to do so. If the D.F.S. workers have found the life of the other children is in jeapordy document that by subpoena' or by reports, affidavits.
Document, document, document. How often has she seen the child? if the child is in daycare, who picks them up? Relatives, neighbors who see how you parent the child. How healthy the child is.

Follow your heart in this. Good luck to you

 

[LdiJ]

I think (& it sounds like you think) that's it is worth it to try for custody.

IF I were you I would do this ASAP.

Re; the list of things mentioned, some won't really count in court (per say) like her income- I'm low income and a good mom Not on welfare, but still struggling Who she's pregnant by and why etc. etc. etc.

Focus on the child. YOU have provided a stable life and continue to do so. If the D.F.S. workers have found the life of the other children is in jeapordy document that by subpoena' or by reports, affidavits.
Document, document, document. How often has she seen the child? if the child is in daycare, who picks them up? Relatives, neighbors who see how you parent the child. How healthy the child is.

Follow your heart in this. Good luck to you

She already has guardianship which isn't really any different than custody for practical purposes. The mother or father could fight custody just as easily as guardianship. That is why she is asking about adoption. She knows that's the only way to guarantee PERMANENTLY, that mom or dad couldn't get the child back.

She needs to get a consult with an attorney. Unless both mom and dad would agree to an adoption the only other option would be to involuntarily terminate their parental rights...that is NOT easy to do.

 

[stealth2]

I'm curious why it was only the infant you decided to "rescue" from this horrible mother (who you are on fairly good terms with)?

 

[jennpickles]

My husband and I chose to take only the infant because her oldest son's father is currently trying to get full custody of him (which would be a much better situation than the one he's in), and her daughter seems to be taken care of MUCH more than the other two are. She's not a great mom to her, but she does make sure that she's clean and fed, which is a million times more than what she did for the others.
At the time we took him, I was paying rent on a 2 bedroom apartment for her, buying their food, taking her everywhere she needed to go to try and get on her feet. My husband bought me a new car, and we GAVE her the one I had. We did everything in the world to try and help her get on her feet so her kids could stay with her. It honestly never entered my mind to take him until the day I walked into the apartment, and he was laying in a filthy playpen, screaming, with no diaper on, and a moldy bottle in his hand..Then it was simply not an option to leave him there another day...