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Is it Parental Alienation?

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what_2_do

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Arizona.
I have been accused of Parental Alienation and am confused as to why? As you probalbly already know (due to my previous threads) my ex has been incarcerated since our daughter was 3 months old. How can I be charged with this if it was his voluntary criminal actions which led him to incarceration and alienated himself form our daughters life?
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
what_2_do said:
What is the name of your state? Arizona.
I have been accused of Parental Alienation and am confused as to why? As you probalbly already know (due to my previous threads) my ex has been incarcerated since our daughter was 3 months old. How can I be charged with this if it was his voluntary criminal actions which led him to incarceration and alienated himself form our daughters life?

I am just putting up a link to give backround...

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=299451
 
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eme76

Guest
not legal advice...

what_2_do said:
What is the name of your state? Arizona.
I have been accused of Parental Alienation and am confused as to why? As you probalbly already know (due to my previous threads) my ex has been incarcerated since our daughter was 3 months old. How can I be charged with this if it was his voluntary criminal actions which led him to incarceration and alienated himself form our daughters life?
you may want to educate yourself...start here
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=parental+alienation+&btnG=Google+Search
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
what_2_do said:
What is the name of your state? Arizona.
I have been accused of Parental Alienation and am confused as to why? As you probalbly already know (due to my previous threads) my ex has been incarcerated since our daughter was 3 months old. How can I be charged with this if it was his voluntary criminal actions which led him to incarceration and alienated himself form our daughters life?
Simply put, your ex, after he was incarcerated petitioned for and was awarded visitation with his child, supervised by his mother. Thus the court already took into account his incarceration, thus your filing to TPR represents Parental allienation after his successful efforts to establish a relationship with his child. Neither one of you is without issues, afterall you got pregnant while you were in high school, you knew he was a bad boy, but you still slept with him and married him. YOur child already has a relationship with him at the prison. I already told you it wasn't a slam dunk.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
Simply put, your ex, after he was incarcerated petitioned for and was awarded visitation with his child, supervised by his mother. Thus the court already took into account his incarceration, thus your filing to TPR represents Parental allienation after his successful efforts to establish a relationship with his child. Neither one of you is without issues, afterall you got pregnant while you were in high school, you knew he was a bad boy, but you still slept with him and married him. YOur child already has a relationship with him at the prison. I already told you it wasn't a slam dunk.
Apparently the GAL, and every other court professional in this case is in favor of terminating dad's parental rights, despite the fact that dad was ordered to have one supervised visit a month.

While nothing is a "slam dunk", this is closer than many other cases would be.

The "parental alienation" accusation is literally absurd under the circumstances, and most likely will be treated accordingly by the courts.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
Apparently the GAL, and every other court professional in this case is in favor of terminating dad's parental rights, despite the fact that dad was ordered to have one supervised visit a month.

While nothing is a "slam dunk", this is closer than many other cases would be.

The "parental alienation" accusation is literally absurd under the circumstances, and most likely will be treated accordingly by the courts.
I am answering her questions
I have been accused of Parental Alienation and am confused as to why?

How can I be charged with this if it was his voluntary criminal actions which led him to incarceration and alienated himself form our daughters life?
not injecting my personal opinion or tryng to start a debate with you. Remember her actions were voluntary and she conceived a child knowing full well about the man she chose to father her child was a criminal. Do you really believe her parents forced her to get married knowing the man was a criminal or failed to go the whole rape route only to divorce a few months later? Get real. This is about why his side is accusing her of PA, the question was not about, GPR, how effective her witnesses, her influence, or the GAL might be in cauasing the judge to change their decision. Most judges are reluctant to change their decisions without clear and convienencing arguments. More than likely OP is also using her time to influence her child or take an opportunity to put him in a bad light. That is parental allienation.

This thread is not abut PA, it is about potential child support if and or when OP and current husband divorce while dad is still in prison or unable to work after release. OP is hedging her bets. How many times have we seen cases where there is a step-parent adoption due to a deadbeat father only to end in divorce and the adopted dad paying child support and not seeing the children.

When you and your daughter get in a tiff as will eventualy be the case, what will you tell your grandchild about your daughter's criminal past?
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
Apparently the GAL, and every other court professional in this case is in favor of terminating dad's parental rights, despite the fact that dad was ordered to have one supervised visit a month.

While nothing is a "slam dunk", this is closer than many other cases would be.

The "parental alienation" accusation is literally absurd under the circumstances, and most likely will be treated accordingly by the courts.
Here is a link to the thread you deleted re your daughter's criminal past,
This is G o o g l e's cache of https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=197980 as retrieved on Dec 4, 2004 11:57:00 GMT.
http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:sGrsG1KV3VcJ:forum.freeadvice.com/archive/index.php/t-197980.html+ldij+daughter+murder&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2
LdiJ
Indiana

I have a somewhat strange situation. We have a good attorney but she is a very busy attorney and did make an error in a recommendation she gave to us so I would like to get some other inputs. I apologize, this is long, but I will attempt to be as clear and condensed as possible.

When my daughter was 15 she, along with about a dozen other juveniles witnessed two adults commit a very violent crime. It was touch and go for quite a while whether or not these adults would be charged with murder or aggravated assault and battery. She shouldn't have been where she was, when she was, and deserved some consequences. However also please understand that this is a child who had never been in any kind of trouble, not even at school, was a good student and was quite naive.

The police chose to charge all of the juveniles present with various crimes.

They chose to charge my daughter with driving the get away vehicle for one of the adults. There were two vehicles. My daughter was driving neither, and in fact was a helpless passenger in one of the vehicles (and the youngest there), and in fact the police had the confession of one driver (my daughter was a passenger in that car, and the driver forced the adult to get out of the car). The police were given the name, address and telephone number of the driver of the other car.

I believed my daughter, and so did her attorney, and everyone believed that it was just a question of getting the transcripts of the witness interviews to prove that an error had been made.

My daughter was released on electronic monitoring. She was a mess. She had horrible nightmares and daily panic attacks. I quit my job to care for her full time. After two weeks on monitoring (and I was with her 24/7) She was hauled into juvenile for 15 violations of the monitoring. It was impossible that she had done that, I had never left her alone at all. Nevertheless she remained in juvenile for 1 week until her trial date. In our county, any juvenile entering the facility is required to spend 3 days in solitary confinement before entering the population. This almost destroyed my daughter.

In the meantime the transcripts came in which showed that my daughter was definitely not the driver of either car. The attorney was confident that the case would be dismissed. Also, oddly, the transcripts indicated that the police had not charged, contacted or interviewed the driver of the other car.
Unfortunately, at trial the prosecutor asked for a 90 day continuance and the judge granted it. The prosecutor also asked that my daughter remain in juvenile until that date. Luckily the judge disagreed. She was again released on electronic monitoring.

However she was so terrified of being violated again that I was honestly concerned that she was going to have to be hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. Its too long to explain, but imagine your child curled up in a fetal position in the same room as the monitor, refusing to move. I asked the attorney if there was any way to get her off the monitor, I said I was willing to do whatever it took, including put my house up for a bond.

The attorney came back to me and said that the prosecutor was willing to offer a lowest level misdemeanor plea agreement, driving a car without a license, 3 months probation and 20 hours of community service, along with some fines and an agreement to testify against the adults. I specifically asked the attorney if this would in any way impact my daughter's ability to get a driver's license in the normal course of time. The attorney assured me it would not. (she was wrong about that) The rest of it didn't worry me because I felt strongly that my daughter needed to testify, and the rest was a good lesson for her. The judge added something...and that was that she had to wait 6 extra months to get her driver's license...I was ok with that too.

Anyway, my daughter completed everything that she needed to complete. In the meantime, the charges against all but one of the other juveniles got dismissed (because their parents weren't stupid enough to accept a plea agreement..sigh).

The prosecutor argued hard against letting my daughter off probation because she and one other child were the only witnesses left against the adults who could truly be compelled to testify (because of the plea agreement). It is now one year later...my daughter has still not been released from probation...because the trial for the adults has STILL not happened. The judge did waive ALL the fines..but won't release her. According to my attorney its because they only have two witnesses now to the adult crime that they can compel to testify.

PLUS...we can't even get her, her learner's permit. The judge reported the 6 month restriction to the BMV. (According to her probation officer juvenile judges NEVER report that sort of thing to the BMV) The BMV decided to treat it as a suspension and assigned her a driver's license number and won't release the suspension (even though the six months is long up) until she proves she has insurance. No insurance company in Indiana will give her insurance until she has a driver's license. MY insurance isn't acceptable even if I am willing to sign a financial responsibility affidavit (which is what is normally used for kids with learner's permits)..because they assigned her the D### driver's license number.

So, here I have a kid who no longer has any faith in the "system" at all, who has to repeat a year of high school because of everything she lost, who is still on probation 1 year after she should have been released, who can't even get a learner's permit because of contradictory bureaucracy. Who was considered automatically "on track" for college and had actually already passed the Indiana "exit exam" for high school while in the middle of this whole mess. (which few kids do at 15/16...they get multiple chances to try, starting young and she passed the first time)..who now will have trouble getting into college.

Anybody have ANY suggestions??? I do have her enrolled in an alternative program this year...that allows her to complete classes at her own speed, which gives her the opportunity to make up some of those missed credits...but I honestly don't know what to do about the rest of it...or if I even have any options.
BlondeIntel
When my daughter was 15 she, along with about a dozen other juveniles witnessed two adults commit a very violent crime. It was touch and go for quite a while whether or not these adults would be charged with murder or aggravated assault and battery.

The prosecutor argued hard against letting my daughter off probation because she and one other child were the only witnesses left against the adults who could truly be compelled to testify (because of the plea agreement). It is now one year later...my daughter has still not been released from probation...because the trial for the adults has STILL not happened.

If these people are not in jail, your daughter doesn't need to be driving anywhere by herself.




I honestly don't know what to do about the rest of it...or if I even have any options.

What specifically do you want to accomplish?
john123456
The attorney came back to me and said that the prosecutor was willing to offer a lowest level misdemeanor plea agreement, driving a car without a license, 3 months probation and 20 hours of community service, along with some fines and an agreement to testify against the adults.

Why would your daughter plead guilty to something she didn't do?
LdiJ
If these people are not in jail, your daughter doesn't need to be driving anywhere by herself.






What specifically do you want to accomplish?

They are in jail, and won't be getting out. Their bond was so high that they had no possibility of being released.

My daughter will be 17 in 2 months. Due to school and her part time job, and due to my job and school, she really needs a driver's license for logistic reasons. I also feel its unfair for her to continue to be on probation, with the restrictions of probation. We haven't been able to visit any of our out-of-state family since this happened.
LdiJ
The attorney came back to me and said that the prosecutor was willing to offer a lowest level misdemeanor plea agreement, driving a car without a license, 3 months probation and 20 hours of community service, along with some fines and an agreement to testify against the adults.

Why would your daughter plead guilty to something she didn't do?

Because I was stupid. I was really afraid that if she had to spend 90 days more on the electronic monitoring that she would truly crack and have to be hospitalized. Pleading guilty to a misdemeanor was the only way to get her off the monitoring quickly.

I also thought that she did deserve some punishment for even BEING where she was when she witnessed the crime. I know that I made the wrong decision, and I have to live with that.

Also, silly as it sounds, her dad had been teaching her to drive, out in the country, so technically she HAD driven without a license at one point.
 

what_2_do

Junior Member
First of all, thank you for your advice and lnks as to PA.
I was indeed still in HS when I got pregnant and I'm not going to excuse myself for those decisions. Bu I swore to myself and my, then unborn child, that I WOULD NOT! be a part of any kind of government support. I have put myself through college and I have an excellent carreer. I do not need any kind of child support for my children if my husband and I were to ever divorce. (I'm proud to say it)
Back to the topic, I have read PA reports and I have never spoken bad to my daughter about her BF, my husband and I are biting our tongues and keeping her best interests at heart when we speak of her BF.
I just don't get how the past 4 years of my daughters life that my husband and I have worked so hard to give her everything she deserves and give the most normal life possible, I'm now being accused of PA! BD was never around during my pregnancy and even after our daughter was born...had he not commited a crime and sentenced to 13 years of prison, he would more than liekly still not be a part of her life, in accordance to his "old" life style. Because his "new" life style is now a born again Christian and beleives he's a Great Father because he took a course and got a certificate and yet has not spent more than a total of 12 hours in our 4 year old daughters life...
 
E

eme76

Guest
rmet4nzkx said:
.
This thread is not abut PA, it is about potential child support if and or when OP and current husband divorce while dad is still in prison or unable to work after release. OP is hedging her bets. How many times have we seen cases where there is a step-parent adoption due to a deadbeat father only to end in divorce and the adopted dad paying child support and not seeing the children.
QUOTE]

:confused:
What is the name of your state? Arizona.
I have been accused of Parental Alienation and am confused as to why? As you probalbly already know (due to my previous threads) my ex has been incarcerated since our daughter was 3 months old. How can I be charged with this if it was his voluntary criminal actions which led him to incarceration and alienated himself form our daughters life?
:confused:
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
Here is a link to the thread you deleted re your daughter's criminal past,
This is G o o g l e's cache of https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=197980 as retrieved on Dec 4, 2004 11:57:00 GMT.
http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:sGrsG1KV3VcJ:forum.freeadvice.com/archive/index.php/t-197980.html+ldij+daughter+murder&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2
I really shouldn't be continuing this hijacking of the OP's thread...but Rmet....Mary already has addressed this kind of behavior from you.

This had literally nothing to do with anything posted on this thread. Its simply mean spirited on your part....and very close to "stalking". You had to make some serious effect to come up with that....it even borders on obsessive.
 
Last edited:

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
what_2_do said:
First of all, thank you for your advice and lnks as to PA.
I was indeed still in HS when I got pregnant and I'm not going to excuse myself for those decisions.
Remember the law see's both sides, not just the one you want to present, that is why it is called an adversarial system, and attorneys "argue."


Bu I swore to myself and my, then unborn child, that I WOULD NOT! be a part of any kind of government support.
This is irrelevant to dad's rights.

I have put myself through college and I have an excellent carreer.
Please explain, you were pregnant in HS and came here informing us that you had graduated from high school only, that you were forced to marry, were divorced after your husband was arrested and remarried in less than a year, but still no mention of college, let alone graduating, unless it was a vocaitonal "college"? Please explain your college degree and your excellent career?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=272492
what_2_do said:
undefined[]What is the name of your state?Arizona
I was divorced 3 years ago during my 4th month of pregnancy because my ex was arrested and sentenced to 13 years of prison. He recently requested parenting time and the court awarded him one Saturday of the month. The court ordered the paternal grandmother to pick up the child 10:00am Saturday and return 10:00am Sunday. Two visits have taken place and the first visit was the first time that my daughter met her biological father. My husband and I are in the process of finding an attorney to terminate his parental rights because he still has 10 years to go and in the State of Arizona those are grounds for termination. In reality, what are my chances to get his rights terminated? If the court has appointed a general attorney to protect the child's rights, (I beleive they're called Guardian Ad Litem??) and the attorney advises the court that it is in the best interest of the child to terminate his parental rights, what are the cahnces of then actually terminating his rights?


https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=299451 01-03-2006
what_2_do said:
What is the name of your state? AZ
My ex was sentenced to 13 years of prison when our daughter was 2 months. Since then I have graduated high school, gotten a degree and remarried. When I was remarried 2 years ago my ex decided to begin contact with our daughter and also decided to file for visitation. In the mean time, my husband and I had been saving money so that we could file for Termination of parenal rights so that my husband can adopt. Since my ex took the initial step, we have begun the TPR process and hired an attorney, a psychologist, an adpotion agency and a GAL has been appointed and now we're just waiting for our trial date in Feb. But my stomach turns every time I think about what could happen. Is there any one out there that has gone through this before? The GAL is for the termination, the Pshyc is for the termination and the adoption agency is also for the termination...but still I know that it's really up the Judge to decide. Are all these factors strong enough to convince a Judge? And what exactly constitutes as "the childs best interest" here?
Thank you so much in advance for your response....
I was 17 when I got pregnant and he was 24.

Thanks for your response...I'm so anxious to get this over with. But I also want to make sure that this is definately the RIGHT thing to do for my little gilrl. It's so difficult to be a "great" parent, especially when there are so many ways to attack a problem. Which one is right?...I guess I'm not understanding you....
When I found out I was pregnant at 17, my parents basically cornered me to get married. They gave consent for me to marry 1 month before I turned 18.
So I guess I don't understand the complexity of the case that you refer to above.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=299964 1-5-6
what_2_do said:
What is the name of your state? AZ
I got pregnant at 17 while dating a 24 year old. When my parents found out about it they forced us to get married. I FELL SO STUPID!! For not knowing that in AZ the age consentis 18 and I could have charged him with Statutory Rape. Can I still file something? Needless to say, we're no longer married!......
01-24-2006 01:42 PM
what_2_do May I vent????
I just received an addendum from the Adoption agency that we hired for the TPR. Bio dad tells the agency that I was kicked out of school, did drugs with him before and after baby's birth and that I drank EVERY day. I just think it's so funny how when people get stuck in a bind, they start making stories up. I have a Scholastic Diploma and I also went to college, I had gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl who had NO signs of drug use or alcohol in her system or mine ( I love myself and my daughter too much to EVER do that to my body or hers!)
Isn't it funny how a push comes to shove?


I do not need any kind of child support for my children if my husband and I were to ever divorce. (I'm proud to say it)
Good, then what is the reasoning for TPR? YOu and your EX both made mistakes, are you the only one to be allowed a relationship with your child? You knew when you ran around and got pregnant with that "Bad BOY" that you would be associated with him and his family at lest as long as your child was a minor.

Back to the topic, I have read PA reports and I have never spoken bad to my daughter about her BF, my husband and I are biting our tongues and keeping her best interests at heart when we speak of her BF.
Ah but she is young and you were here trying to have him charged with rape when you know that if that were the case, the prosecutor would have done so long ago. When we asked questions about your ages it was because we were trying to determine if he ws in prison because of a rape charge againt you, if so, then it would have made less sense the judge allowing dad and his mom visitation, not suggesting you try to charge him with rape. But it you have made those threats, that could be seen as PA even though it was not done directly to your child.


I just don't get how the past 4 years of my daughters life that my husband and I have worked so hard to give her everything she deserves and give the most normal life possible, I'm now being accused of PA!
So you were involved with your husband while you were still married?

BD was never around during my pregnancy and even after our daughter was born...
That is because he was incarcerated and had to go to court to establish visitation.

had he not commited a crime and sentenced to 13 years of prison, he would more than liekly still not be a part of her life, in accordance to his "old" life style.
Irrelevant.

Because his "new" life style is now a born again Christian and beleives he's a Great Father because he took a course and got a certificate and yet has not spent more than a total of 12 hours in our 4 year old daughters life...
It sounds as if he has made positive changes in order to be a part of his child's life. The amount of time he has had is based on the visitaiton he is allowed and which he is apparently using and exercising his right, you can't hold it against him for exercising his rights. Just because a judge MAY TPR due to incarceration, it doesn't mean that they must. There are some pretty prominant people who have had a criminal past and turned their lives around. No one can say in advice what the judge will rule given all the facts and how they are presented and the mood of the judge.

Think carefully about all aspects of TPR considering it is challenged and dad has been awarded visitaiton by the judge after he was incarcerated, so that has already been considered.
 

what_2_do

Junior Member
Quote:please explain, you were pregnant in HS and came here informing us that you had graduated from high school only, that you were forced to marry, were divorced after your husband was arrested and remarried in less than a year, but still no mention of college, let alone graduating, unless it was a vocaitonal "college"? Please explain your college degree and your excellent career?

It has been 53 months (4 yrs, 5 months) since my daughter was born...that means after I graduated in 01, I put myself through college and became an accountant.

Quote:Good, then what is the reasoning for TPR?

Because of my hard work, as well as my husbands efforts, we have established a beautiful home and family for my daughter. One of the many reasons for the TPR is because NOTHING in this world is guaranteed. If I were to lose my life, my daughter will be guaranteed to stay with the man who has raised her and should not be seperated from her baby brother and her home. She deserves that home, that love, and respect that the man who raised her is providing for her. I also beleive that EVERY child deserves the right to a normal home and in accordance to the laws in AZ, if the step parent can provide that for the child because the BP is incarcerated for such a long length of time that he will not be able to provide the child with that lifestyle, then IT IS in the child's best interest to be given that "normal" lifestyle, and IT IS considered in the child's best interest to terminate the parental rights


Quote:
That is because he was incarcerated and had to go to court to establish visitation.

People don't get incarcerated for being model citizens...they choose to break the law and therefore MUST pay the consequences, which in this case involved physical seperation from our then home, and daughter.

Quote: It sounds as if he has made positive changes in order to be a part of his child's life. The amount of time he has had is based on the visitaiton he is allowed and which he is apparently using and exercising his right, you can't hold it against him for exercising his rights. Just because a judge MAY TPR due to incarceration, it doesn't mean that they must. There are some pretty prominant people who have had a criminal past and turned their lives around. No one can say in advice what the judge will rule given all the facts and how they are presented and the mood of the judge.

There is a site in AZ called Inmate DataSearch in which gives viewers updates on the Inmates inprisonment. So far, he has been terminated from his job 15 times, he's been in trouble 6 times...and three of those were after he said he was doing great in prison. He was last disciplined early March for theft. I HIGHLY doubt that all of his "Born again Christian" stories hold any truth if he continues to live his "old" ways while incarcerated. I would think he would be on his BEST behavior to prove to this Judge he HAS changed.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Look...many people have different personal opinions on the right and wrong of what you would like to do. (even if their opinions seem a little out of left field).

Certainly, under the circumstances what you would like to see happen isn't unreasonable or illogical....and certainly appears to be something that could viably be in the best interest of your child. Therefore, follow through and let the courts make the decision.

If it doesn't work, then discuss with an attorney the possibility of a standby guardianship in case something happens to you. You certainly don't want your child to be in limbo, or unnecessarily separated from her sibling(s) and the person who is daddy to her. That's understandable. Since bio-dad wouldn't even be able to exercise any parental rights for a long time if something DID happen to you....a standby guardianship (if the TPR fails) is something that can help protect your child's best interests.

As for the parental alienation accusation...again, that is patently absurd and no judge is going to give it any merit in these circumstances.
 

what_2_do

Junior Member
Thank you for your advice.

And one more question. I have never had any support from BF, especially in the critical times when I DID need it. BF filed for CS (for him to pay) I refused to accept his .08 cents he makes an hour on the ONE week that he works out of the month, because NOW my husband and I have more than enough possibilities to meet and exceed her financial support. This decision took a lot of thought, because I don't want to take anything that belongs to my daughter away from her. But I would much rather prefer him keep his money, and pay his debt to all of the people he damaged that night of his detainment.
Will this have any affect on my part?
 

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