Is this a good idea?

[gotmyown3]

We don't know. That's what I'm asking. What do you think the train of thought is here? Other than "it's all up to the GAL", nothing else has been said to us. We didn't even know about the conference with the other attorney. The same questions I have asked here for my husband, he has asked his attorney, and to date we have received no answers. So thank you all for responding. I've been sharing the replies with him.

To top it all off, my stepdaughter called last night and informed my husband that she has a ball game this Saturday, so she was not going to be coming to visit with him. He told her that he was indeed coming to MS, that he would be picking her up, and that he was not going to discuss it with her. He told her that if her mother wanted to discuss it she could call him, but she was a child and did not make decisions like this. His ex got on the phone and told him that he "was selfish and inconsiderate and did not care about their child's feelings". In the back ground, he could hear her husband saying "tell the son of a ***** that he ain't getting visitation." Last time we went to court, we had taped and transcribed conversations like this, and the Judge said "well, that just proves she's rude. That's not a crime."

 

[stealth2]

And the judge is right. Why Dad even engages, I don't know. He's putting the kid in the middle as much as Mom is.

He goes to pick her up, and if she's not there or they won't allow her to leave (or she refuses), he calls the cops and has at least a report written. He should have his copy of the visitation orders with him.

But since a GAL is involved, s/he needs to be given the time to assess the situation. In the meantime, Dad should continue trying to exercise his visitation.

 

[gotmyown3]

Thanks. I will tell him. And our attorney told him he HAS to talk to the mother, so he can say he did attempt to discuss things with her. Believe me, he hates to talk to her due to the way their conversations always end.

But I will share your reply with him. Thanks again. I know I can't do anything and I get so frustrated watching him go through this for what feels like the 100th time.

 

[enidora]

Issues, I know how much the sports thing frustrates you, Especialy when she signed her up for something that was to be your time this summer. I do feel however some children when put in the middle are cheated. So what I take is the child is currently in softball now on moms time and some games interupt your visitation.... Did you ever thing the child likes sports and enjoys to play. Do you think it is fair to tell her she can't play because you have her on weekend visitations? What if she wants to play for school and her practice interferes with your visitation, sme times parents need to give just a bit so the child can be happy. You dont have to have an iron fist to piss her mother off, remember your upsetting your child. Extracaricular activites are great for kids. Life isn't perfect and neither is every situation, Learn to adapt just a bit. I don't ever remember too many things going exactly as planned.

 

[stealth2]

Then it's the CP's responsibility to find alternate activities for the kids. Just as with an intact family, kids don't always get to do everything they want to do. If the activities interfere with what should be more important (time with the other parent - which is limited), then the kiddo needs to be redirected to a different activity. Period.

(edit) This is for kids who are not already actively involved in something PRIOR to the parents splitting up.

 

[enidora]

Some kids have talents, sports, music and so on. I know children shouldn't get everything they want, but is once in a while going to detrimentaly change a parent child bond? I don't think so. Children should have the chance to develop their talents. No matter what activity sometimes it will interfere, like if your child is in dance on tuesdays, well eventualy there is going to be a recital on a weekend. Being flexible isn't going to hurt anyone in this stuation.
The only thing that should be adressed is what the mother was planning to do on the fathers time, that obviously was premeditated to controll the situation. Now if it was on moms time and the game just happens to be on one of his day it shoudln't cause such chaos. I know dad lives far but sh might like it if he checks out one of her games.

 

[stealth2]

Some kids have talents, sports, music and so on. I know children shouldn't get everything they want, but is once in a while going to detrimentaly change a parent child bond? I don't think so. Children should have the chance to develop their talents. No matter what activity sometimes it will interfere, like if your child is in dance on tuesdays, well eventualy there is going to be a recital on a weekend. Being flexible isn't going to hurt anyone in this stuation.
The only thing that should be adressed is what the mother was planning to do on the fathers time, that obviously was premeditated to controll the situation. Now if it was on moms time and the game just happens to be on one of his day it shoudln't cause such chaos. I know dad lives far but sh might like it if he checks out one of her games.

Once in a while (a recital twice a year) is a wee bit different than softball when there are games every weekend for an entire season. And unless the kid is an absolute star (most kids are NOT), redirection works quite well. And if the kid is NOT an absolute star? Missing eow isn't going to affect their participation.

 

[enidora]

That is true, depending on how well the skill is. I just have a bit of a bias veiw because I played softball when I was yong and went on to play varsity for my highschool. So yeah it depends, but it pretty much labels out all sports, the games durring the cold months are usualy indoor on weekends because of school. Wisconsin was sooo cold. Durring the summer isn't an option either unless.... Well if the child loves it that much maybe instead of day camp there is always softball where you are. Funny tid bit I played Softball in Mississippi when I went to College LOL

 

[gotmyown3]

We did try to sign her up for softball here, but the season ends before my husband's summer visitation starts. And it's not even about softball, really. Last year the ex-wife signed her up to ride in horse riding events that were every weekend, starting Saturday morning. Then it was softball, which my husband did give up weekends for, and his ex used this against him in court by saying his visitation didn't mean too much to him because he let the child play ball instead of spending time with her. She said in court that "he is her other parent. He has the right to say no and if he doesn't, it's not my fault he spends a whole day at a ball field instead of with his daughter". Then after ball season, his ex wanted their daughter to get involved with some other activity that escapes me at the moment, but was also going to be on his visitation weekends. Now that we travel 5 hours so that he can spend 2 days a month with his only child, I don't think it's asking too much that he be allowed those 2 days. Her mother has her all the rest of the time, and she can do whatever during that time.

 

[Ithildriel]

DAMN Mom is good. Got Dad between a rock, a hard place, and an even harder place! Doesn't sound like he can win.