Lost mom needs answers

[virtuallylost]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA & NY -i am an unwed mom with a 14 year old son. When my son was born i was married to another man. At that time i was going through a divorce and my sons dad did sign an affidavit that this was his son. (no dna testing at that time) During this 15 year relationship there were many incidents of domestic abuse. I have recently found the courage to leave this man with our son. I had co owned a home with this abusive dad which we have now left and am staying with friends in another county. My son was born in NY, however we left NY 10 years ago and lived in Florida. We purchased the home 4 years ago in Port St Lucie Florida. My son and I are currently staying with a friend in Broward county due to the domestic violence issue. I did file a restraining order when I got to Broward, however the judge dismissed it *insufficient evidence*. Dad wants to talk to his son but our son wants nothing to do with Dad at this time. We are being provided with counseling (women in distress and on henderson waiting list) at this time. However permanent housing seems quite far away due to lack of funds and government agencies giving the run around. My question is can I leave florida confidently and move back to ny with my son without having to worry about *jurisdiction* issues? Also, how would I proceed with getting the house in Port st lucie sold since *dad* is the mortgage holder and the terms of the deed has me as *right to survivorship*, I want nothing to do with this house other than cash in my pocket to help in assisting with permanent housing for myself & son?

 

[not2cleverRed]

can I leave florida confidently and move back to ny with my son without having to worry about *jurisdiction* issues?

No. You are all residents of Florida at this point. You would be ill advised moving back to NY right now. If you just leave now, your ex could go to court, claim that you are hiding his son, and cause a world of pain for you. You cannot use domestic violence to justify fleeing FL to NY because, for whatever reason, your restraining order was dismissed.

You may eventually move to NY, but will need a few trips to Family Court and a lot of patience first. (I already know you have patience - you stayed with that man for over a decade.)

 

[justalayman]

I'm a bit confused.

the man you are wanting to run away with is the biological and legal father of your son, yes?

if so, then as Red stated, if you leave, dad has until you establish legal residency (I believe it is 6 months) to open a file in Florida where you would have to deal with the custody and visitation issues.
so yes, you would not have to worry about jurisdiction issues at all; they would remain in Florida for the time being.

Also, how would I proceed with getting the house in Port st lucie sold since *dad* is the mortgage holder and the terms of the deed has me as *right to survivorship*,

if you never married this man, you would be relegated to suing to partition the property. Not sure but something in the back of my head is telling me it isn't going to happen if this is his homestead. Not sure about that though. Just something bouncing around in my head with the rest of the marbles.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA & NY -i am an unwed mom with a 14 year old son. When my son was born i was married to another man. At that time i was going through a divorce and my sons dad did sign an affidavit that this was his son. (no dna testing at that time) During this 15 year relationship there were many incidents of domestic abuse. I have recently found the courage to leave this man with our son. I had co owned a home with this abusive dad which we have now left and am staying with friends in another county. My son was born in NY, however we left NY 10 years ago and lived in Florida. We purchased the home 4 years ago in Port St Lucie Florida. My son and I are currently staying with a friend in Broward county due to the domestic violence issue. I did file a restraining order when I got to Broward, however the judge dismissed it *insufficient evidence*. Dad wants to talk to his son but our son wants nothing to do with Dad at this time. We are being provided with counseling (women in distress and on henderson waiting list) at this time. However permanent housing seems quite far away due to lack of funds and government agencies giving the run around. My question is can I leave florida confidently and move back to ny with my son without having to worry about *jurisdiction* issues? Also, how would I proceed with getting the house in Port st lucie sold since *dad* is the mortgage holder and the terms of the deed has me as *right to survivorship*, I want nothing to do with this house other than cash in my pocket to help in assisting with permanent housing for myself & son?

It's highly unlikely that you can force the sale of the house. I'd go as far as saying "impossible" if not for the fact that judges are humans and sometimes get things wrong.

 

[BL]

The child is a resident of FL. , Fl. has jurisdiction. Dad wants to see visit the child ,he has that right ( if legal father ) upon petitioning Fl. Court. He could even petition for some kind of custody.

If you took the child to NY now ,as was said the 6 months to establish residency in another State ( without a petition being filed ,or court order in place in Fl. ) is the norm.

If dad filed in Fl. you would need to travel back and forth to Fl. for hearings . Dad could also file for the return of the child to Fl. with a Temp. Custody/Visitation Petition.

You would be better off petitioning yourself to relocate with the child ,but because you would be the one to move the child that distance ( if granted ) you would be expeted to pay travel for visitations with Dad.

What occured between you and Dad is that .

Dad has a legal right to his child.

 

[Ohiogal]

If dad gets a court order, assuming you are not married to him, and you "confidentially" remove the child and keep the child's location "confidential" you could find yourself facing criminal charges. Regarding the house, you will need to file a partition suit IF you are on the deed to the house. If you are not on the deed to the house and not married? You have no claim at all to the house.

 

[stealth2]

Note: There is a HUGE difference between "confidently" (which is what OP stated) and "confidentially".

However, OP, as you can see, you can not confidently relocate the child w/o potentially serious repercussions.

 

[virtuallylost]

lost mom still needs answers

ok so a year has passed and this is where i'm at now: I have recently been deemed disabled, being awarded back to 2013. I am living in ftl with my 15 old son and 21 year old daughter. My ex is still living in the house in port st lucie, he has been trying to refinance, however they have also sent me these papers to sign for the refi since house was going into foreclosure. They (the bank) sent these papers approx 6 times since Oct 2014, each time stating something was wrong with signatures or notary (I'm not certain of the problem because the ex refuses to communicate with me and the bank wont either since i'm not on the mortgage only the deed) so I attempted to do as they asked each time up until the last time they sent 2 different sets of papers to sign about a week apart. I then refused until I received a proper response as what was wrong the previous 6 times. I then received a service from the court and I sent my written response as directed to the court and the banks lawyer. Please tell me what to expect next? I can not live in the house because the ex was physically and mentally abusing me. Our son has seen his dad maybe 4 times over the last year. He only saw his dad because it was the only way he would send us money before we just recently went to the child support hearing. (which by the way he had a lawyer for and claimed he wasnt working) How diffiult is it to do a partition suit? Will it actually cost thousands? What can I do about this house? Also, from what I've been researching, since dad and i were never married, I automatically have custody and dad would have to petition the court for a parenting plan, is this correct? Also, when i initially filed for the child support there was a section to check off about domestic abuse and to not disclose my address, does this stay on my file permanently? I intend to move and do not want to be harrassed. Our son fears his dad and I have left it up to him whether he wants to visit with his dad or not. Can I go to NY for a vacation without telling dad? I have some serious health issues, I've also lost my hearing over the last year and have tinnitus. I'm looking to get a 2nd opinion while in ny. Jurisdiction was and still is in NY according to the family court paperwork I had to send away for, in order to get the child support case going. There is family court paperwork in NY because when our son was born I was married to someone else, we had to go to court to get dad's name on birth certificate. Can the bank or the court take my name off the deed? When our son was born we lived in NY. We moved to FL in 2003. I am currently living in FTL

 

[LdiJ]

ok so a year has passed and this is where i'm at now: I have recently been deemed disabled, being awarded back to 2013. I am living in ftl with my 15 old son and 21 year old daughter. My ex is still living in the house in port st lucie, he has been trying to refinance, however they have also sent me these papers to sign for the refi since house was going into foreclosure. They (the bank) sent these papers approx 6 times since Oct 2014, each time stating something was wrong with signatures or notary (I'm not certain of the problem because the ex refuses to communicate with me and the bank wont either since i'm not on the mortgage only the deed) so I attempted to do as they asked each time up until the last time they sent 2 different sets of papers to sign about a week apart. I then refused until I received a proper response as what was wrong the previous 6 times. I then received a service from the court and I sent my written response as directed to the court and the banks lawyer. Please tell me what to expect next? I can not live in the house because the ex was physically and mentally abusing me. Our son has seen his dad maybe 4 times over the last year. He only saw his dad because it was the only way he would send us money before we just recently went to the child support hearing. (which by the way he had a lawyer for and claimed he wasnt working) How diffiult is it to do a partition suit? Will it actually cost thousands? What can I do about this house? Also, from what I've been researching, since dad and i were never married, I automatically have custody and dad would have to petition the court for a parenting plan, is this correct? Also, when i initially filed for the child support there was a section to check off about domestic abuse and to not disclose my address, does this stay on my file permanently? I intend to move and do not want to be harrassed. Our son fears his dad and I have left it up to him whether he wants to visit with his dad or not. Can I go to NY for a vacation without telling dad? I have some serious health issues, I've also lost my hearing over the last year and have tinnitus. I'm looking to get a 2nd opinion while in ny. Jurisdiction was and still is in NY according to the family court paperwork I had to send away for, in order to get the child support case going. There is family court paperwork in NY because when our son was born I was married to someone else, we had to go to court to get dad's name on birth certificate. Can the bank or the court take my name off the deed? When our son was born we lived in NY. We moved to FL in 2003. I am currently living in FTL

If the house gets foreclosed upon, you will no longer own any part of the house.

 

[Ohiogal]

ok so a year has passed and this is where i'm at now: I have recently been deemed disabled, being awarded back to 2013. I am living in ftl with my 15 old son and 21 year old daughter. My ex is still living in the house in port st lucie, he has been trying to refinance, however they have also sent me these papers to sign for the refi since house was going into foreclosure. They (the bank) sent these papers approx 6 times since Oct 2014, each time stating something was wrong with signatures or notary (I'm not certain of the problem because the ex refuses to communicate with me and the bank wont either since i'm not on the mortgage only the deed) so I attempted to do as they asked each time up until the last time they sent 2 different sets of papers to sign about a week apart. I then refused until I received a proper response as what was wrong the previous 6 times. I then received a service from the court and I sent my written response as directed to the court and the banks lawyer. Please tell me what to expect next? I can not live in the house because the ex was physically and mentally abusing me. Our son has seen his dad maybe 4 times over the last year. He only saw his dad because it was the only way he would send us money before we just recently went to the child support hearing. (which by the way he had a lawyer for and claimed he wasnt working) How diffiult is it to do a partition suit? Will it actually cost thousands? What can I do about this house? Also, from what I've been researching, since dad and i were never married, I automatically have custody and dad would have to petition the court for a parenting plan, is this correct? Also, when i initially filed for the child support there was a section to check off about domestic abuse and to not disclose my address, does this stay on my file permanently? I intend to move and do not want to be harrassed. Our son fears his dad and I have left it up to him whether he wants to visit with his dad or not. Can I go to NY for a vacation without telling dad? I have some serious health issues, I've also lost my hearing over the last year and have tinnitus. I'm looking to get a 2nd opinion while in ny. Jurisdiction was and still is in NY according to the family court paperwork I had to send away for, in order to get the child support case going. There is family court paperwork in NY because when our son was born I was married to someone else, we had to go to court to get dad's name on birth certificate. Can the bank or the court take my name off the deed? When our son was born we lived in NY. We moved to FL in 2003. I am currently living in FTL

The only way you can protect your address is with a court order finding that you were abused. YOU do not have that. You may have custody by default HOWEVER dad stands equal with you in the initial custody determination as he is dad. If you flee the state, you may find yourself with issues if dad does not know. A partition suit would not be worthwhile if the house is in foreclosure. Was dad's name added as part of the divorce case?

 

[virtuallylost]

lost mom

If the house gets foreclosed upon, you will no longer own any part of the house.

That would be fine, as it will be dad's loss also. Am I correct to understand then that the bank

or court can not somehow take my name off the deed, claiming abondment? I have sent my written response to the summons back to the bank and court as directed. Am I legally obligated to inform dad that Im going to NY?

 

[Silverplum]

That would be fine, as it will be dad's loss also. Am I correct to understand then that the bank

or court can not somehow take my name off the deed, claiming abondment? I have sent my written response to the summons back to the bank and court as directed. Am I legally obligated to inform dad that Im going to NY?

The answers you already received, both this year and last, are still true.

 

[virtuallylost]

We were never married

The only way you can protect your address is with a court order finding that you were abused. YOU do not have that. You may have custody by default HOWEVER dad stands equal with you in the initial custody determination as he is dad. If you flee the state, you may find yourself with issues if dad does not know. A partition suit would not be worthwhile if the house is in foreclosure. Was dad's name added as part of the divorce case?

We were NEVER married. In fact I was married to a DIFFERENT man when our son was born. We went to FAMILY court in NY to get dads name on birth certificate. Paternity was established in a NY court. From what i've been researching Dad has to petition me for a parenting/time share plan. Our son is 15 not a young child and will have his say. I will request a law guardian. I should be able to take a summer vacation with my son to NY without having to ask permission from a man who intimidates me every chance he gets. He screwed me at the child support hearing by having a lawyer, and claiming he wasnt currently working. The initial child support proposal was over $700 a month. By the time the hearing was over and I just now received the decision in the mail which says I'm getting $400! And I know he's working as a month ago he had our son in psl for a week doing a "side job", he gave our son $250 and told him he is making alot of money now. He is suppose to be a union carpenter and is currently "laid off" and refuses to take a $10-12 hr job because he wants to be available for the $22 an job. Who knows when he'll get back on his union job! The man is an alcoholic with rage issues. I am most definetly concerned about when our son visits with him and when he was there for that week he came home and told me he was NEVER going out there again, "please dont make me Ma". So NO I will not force him to go out there again.

 

[LdiJ]

We were NEVER married. In fact I was married to a DIFFERENT man when our son was born. We went to FAMILY court in NY to get dads name on birth certificate. Paternity was established in a NY court. From what i've been researching Dad has to petition me for a parenting/time share plan. Our son is 15 not a young child and will have his say. I will request a law guardian. I should be able to take a summer vacation with my son to NY without having to ask permission from a man who intimidates me every chance he gets. He screwed me at the child support hearing by having a lawyer, and claiming he wasnt currently working. The initial child support proposal was over $700 a month. By the time the hearing was over and I just now received the decision in the mail which says I'm getting $400! And I know he's working as a month ago he had our son in psl for a week doing a "side job", he gave our son $250 and told him he is making alot of money now. He is suppose to be a union carpenter and is currently "laid off" and refuses to take a $10-12 hr job because he wants to be available for the $22 an job. Who knows when he'll get back on his union job! The man is an alcoholic with rage issues. I am most definetly concerned about when our son visits with him and when he was there for that week he came home and told me he was NEVER going out there again, "please dont make me Ma". So NO I will not force him to go out there again.

You do not need permission to go on a normal vacation. Its relocating the child that is a problem. If you do things properly, odds are that you will be allowed to relocate to NY with your son, simply because he wants to remain with you and is old enough that his wishes will carry some weight.

However, what you really need to understand is that in the process of getting court approval to relocate with your child dad will also end up with court ordered visitation, and your son will have to abide by that or he could end up in his father's custody. It might be wiser to just remain in FL.

 

[Ladyback1]

We were NEVER married. In fact I was married to a DIFFERENT man when our son was born. We went to FAMILY court in NY to get dads name on birth certificate. Paternity was established in a NY court. From what i've been researching Dad has to petition me for a parenting/time share plan. Our son is 15 not a young child and will have his say. I will request a law guardian. I should be able to take a summer vacation with my son to NY without having to ask permission from a man who intimidates me every chance he gets. He screwed me at the child support hearing by having a lawyer, and claiming he wasnt currently working. The initial child support proposal was over $700 a month. By the time the hearing was over and I just now received the decision in the mail which says I'm getting $400! And I know he's working as a month ago he had our son in psl for a week doing a "side job", he gave our son $250 and told him he is making alot of money now. He is suppose to be a union carpenter and is currently "laid off" and refuses to take a $10-12 hr job because he wants to be available for the $22 an job. Who knows when he'll get back on his union job! The man is an alcoholic with rage issues. I am most definetly concerned about when our son visits with him and when he was there for that week he came home and told me he was NEVER going out there again, "please dont make me Ma". So NO I will not force him to go out there again.

1) it is up to the judge whether the child "has his say" (note the word "CHILD).
2) $400 a month? I barely got that for 2 teenage boys!
3) and when/if there is a court order regarding visitation, and Dad does get specified visit times--and YOU do not make your child go for visits? Then you can be facing at the very least, contempt charges....possibly more significant issues.

I hope like all blue h*ll, you are in therapy and your son is in therapy. Whether your anger and bitterness is justified or not, you have a lot of both--and need to deal with those emotions in a constructive and productive manner.