MO - Modification of Custody 15 y/o

[Ambr]

So yeah...dad got the satifaction of making mom pay for not saying no to early college credit and forcing the child to give up that summer session....but dad also screwed up his relationship with the adult child getting that "satisfaction".

That is the fear I have.....I could probably win a contempt motion, but would screw up what little relationship was there.

Heck if you force it, they hate you and are hard to deal with. If you let it slide, you just give in and see them when they want. Either way the parent/child relationship suffers.

Hoping that they will understand when they get older....just relaly suxs!

 

[my life is mine]

I will state what happen with my own case, mind you though it is not in MO.

GAL was appointed, GAL met with both children (ages 15 &17), Judge listened to GAL, children visit when they wish to NCP. CP is not to be held in contempt if NCP wants visit and child/ren do not wish it.

NCP did not take all visitation previous to ruling, often would miss a month or 2.

Children are highly involved with schooling and activities towards college.

 

[majomom1]

Quote:
Originally Posted by LdiJ
So yeah...dad got the satifaction of making mom pay for not saying no to early college credit and forcing the child to give up that summer session....but dad also screwed up his relationship with the adult child getting that "satisfaction".


That is the fear I have.....I could probably win a contempt motion, but would screw up what little relationship was there.

I can see both sides of that one, and also worry about that, but I am also annoyed that my children have started walking all over me too... like my ex, and I see them doing it to their friends and girlfriends They are learning how to duck authority and get their way in everything... this is too much IMO.

The girl in ldi's post already being 18 and since it was the only time... that was a little extreme on dad's part.

I do however think that 15 is still young enough to work through that and you aren't going to deny your son 'everything' he wants to do. But you should still have the "Parental authority" for that time. He has to learn to give and take, and he has to deal with family time. If the family were in 'tact' there would be rules and sometimes he would hear no... and I doubt dad would appreciate if this were reversed. I never let my son make any plans, on my ex's time, he had to clear it through my ex. I want him to give me the same respect and teach our kids the right way to act and treat others.

 

[majomom1]

GAL was appointed, GAL met with both children (ages 15 &17), Judge listened to GAL, children visit when they wish to NCP. CP is not to be held in contempt if NCP wants visit and child/ren do not wish it.

NCP did not take all visitation previous to ruling, often would miss a month or 2.

I can completely see why in this case... a NCP that chooses not to visit should not be able to pop in, whenever and then complain. I would not expect the kids to miss, when NCP was a regular no-show.

If the NCP had been involved regularly... the GAL probably would have advised differently.

 

[Ambr]

Found a Case Law Ruling Concerning Child and Visitation

Southern District of Missouri
Case # 27836
Newton County

In re the Marriage of: Rebecca R. Williams and Jason S. Williams. Rebecca R. Williams (Now Saiz), Petitioner/Appellant v. Jason S. Williams, Respondent/Respondent.

That is not appropriate parenting; allowing the child to take the role of decision-maker about when and how often to visit either parent places unnecessary stress on the child. Father had the responsibility to encourage the child to respect his Mother and to insist on visitation;

 

[majomom1]

That is not appropriate parenting; allowing the child to take the role of decision-maker about when and how often to visit either parent places unnecessary stress on the child. Father had the responsibility to encourage the child to respect his Mother and to insist on visitation;

I agree with this completely and so does my attorney. I also have been told by our law enforcement that our judges do not like it when one parent decides to not follow the court order.

Judges see this all the time and a lot of them have their own teens. They know it is easy for kids to be swayed to the "more fun"... and they also know that teens play all parents against the other even when they are still married. Parents that fall into this guilt and give in to the kids are only hurting the kids in the long run and adults are supposed to know better. You better believe dad would be in court it you were keeping the child from him!

 

[Suzz]

Kind of same thing

I know of a CO case where a 17 year old got early admission into college and was able to take summer school classes for college credit, and mom got fined 5k for denying dad's summer visitation....despite the fact that the 17 year old was anxious to begin college.

The bottom line is that teens don't get to choose about visitation. There is a slight chance that they might get some input in to the schedule, but that's truly rare unless there is some parental dysfunction on the part of the ncp.

However, at the same time I do think that ncps should be flexible with teens...simply because the last thing they should want is for the teen to see age 18 as "freedom from the ncp day".

When Ichabod walked back in our lives this spring and got visitation of T, even as limited as it was ... she had received an invitation and full "scholarship" for a Jr. Sailing Program in the Bay area of CA for the last 2 weeks of June and the first week of July (about a $1500 trip). It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for her, but because it would mean him missing two dinners with her, he refused to agree for her to go. I pushed it and he said he would take me back to court for contempt if I sent her. There was no way for me to get it back in court and ruled on before we had to give her acceptance or regrets, so I gave in to him.Then he didn't even take his visitation for that time period. My personal opinion was that it was a pretty sucky thing to do to her.

 

[Just Blue]

When Ichabod walked back in our lives this spring and got visitation of T, even as limited as it was ... she had received an invitation and full "scholarship" for a Jr. Sailing Program in the Bay area of CA for the last 2 weeks of June and the first week of July (about a $1500 trip). It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for her, but because it would mean him missing two dinners with her, he refused to agree for her to go. I pushed it and he said he would take me back to court for contempt if I sent her. There was no way for me to get it back in court and ruled on before we had to give her acceptance or regrets, so I gave in to him.Then he didn't even take his visitation for that time period. My personal opinion was that it was a pretty sucky thing to do to her.

That is REALLY a sucky thing to do to your child...The kind of thing she won't forget and will color her relationship with him in the future....AFTER the order that "forces" her to visit is expired!!

When Dad doesn't get an invite to her wedding he has no one to blame but himself!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I can relate to what y'all have to say here.

I gave in to the request of my older daugherto stay with her dad and not move down to Florida with me. To say that our relationship was tense is an understatement.

She had been fed major twisted truths about me - and believed them for a while. Funny thing happened when he did the same thing to her.

Mom is now in good graces and she'll have absolutely nothing to do with dad. You'll find my threads about how I had to go to court up in Michigan to retrieve my daughter. I missed my grandbaby's first birthday party because of A-**** ...

As we were sitting on a bench at college a couple weeks ago, I handed her a pen that said "I'm proud of you." Guess what ... I'm the only person who said that to her! So sad. She's smart - witty - half of her tuition is paid for with merit scholarships ... my X is such an a**.

All I can say is hang in there ... fight for your time ... even if your time is a lunch date ... dinner date ... just spend time together getting to know each other,

 

[LdiJ]

When Ichabod walked back in our lives this spring and got visitation of T, even as limited as it was ... she had received an invitation and full "scholarship" for a Jr. Sailing Program in the Bay area of CA for the last 2 weeks of June and the first week of July (about a $1500 trip). It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for her, but because it would mean him missing two dinners with her, he refused to agree for her to go. I pushed it and he said he would take me back to court for contempt if I sent her. There was no way for me to get it back in court and ruled on before we had to give her acceptance or regrets, so I gave in to him.Then he didn't even take his visitation for that time period. My personal opinion was that it was a pretty sucky thing to do to her.

You know, that is one where I would have taken the risk of contempt.....I would have given him all kinds of offers of makeup time, but I would have taken the risk of contempt.

If a future situation arises like that, I again would take the risk of contempt, and then when/if I ended up in front of the judge, I would explain what happened THIS time. I can guarantee that the judge would NOT be impressed with dad.

 

[Suzz]

He screwed himself ...

You know, that is one where I would have taken the risk of contempt.....I would have given him all kinds of offers of makeup time, but I would have taken the risk of contempt.

If a future situation arises like that, I again would take the risk of contempt, and then when/if I ended up in front of the judge, I would explain what happened THIS time. I can guarantee that the judge would NOT be impressed with dad.

I REALLY wanted to push it ... but considering the judge in our case already seemed to have a problem with me ... and I work for local law enforcement and Child Support Enforcement ... so my dad was really freaked out that I'd put my career in danger over it all.
But in the end his attitude bit himself in the butt ... the adoption of my daughter by my husband should be final this week ... the final decree is the only thing left to be signed and we were told Friday that it would be done early this week.