Modifications I did not agree to

[tornado88]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My ex and I were in court in Feburary for a modification of our CS and visitation agreements. I just got a copy of the agreement that my ex and the judge signed off on. I did not sign it. It was written by ex's attorney. My problem is that there are a couple of things in it that were not even discussed let alone me agreeing to them. We had agreed outside of court to everything except transportation, or so I thought. Ex wanted to split transportation while I did not. He was the one who moved over 2 hours away. Judge agreed with me on this issue.

The two most important issues that are not correct are Holiday time and pick up and drop off places. We had agreed that I could have every Thanksgiving while he gets every Friday after Thanksgiving. This would allow him to not to have to make another 4 hour round trip during that day. His weekend usually falls on Thanksgiving weekend. This way he always gets 3 days. In my copy of the new orders it does not say anything about me getting every Thanksgiving, just him getting every Friday after Thanksgiving. So, basically when its his year for Thanksgiving I get no holiday time with the girls.

Secondly, ex was very upset he still had to come to my home for pick up and drop off when we left court that day. Now, in the new orders it says I am to meet him in the next town over which is about 10 miles away. Granted that's not very far away, but first of all, this was not agreed to. Secondly, he comes up on an interstate that is half way between the two towns so there is really no need to go to the second town. Had he even mentioned wanting to meet else where we could have met in my home town, while the town is small we do have gas stations! LOL. I suggested this to him this morning and he is against it. He told me he wants me to have to do at least some driving if he has to make all of these trips up here.

It also says in the papers he can send anyone he feels is competent to get the girls. Normally, I wouldn't have any trouble with this. His parents do come get the girls most of the time. I have no problems with this. My concern is him sending someone I do not know. Do I really have to send my girls with someone I do not know? How responsible is that? I suggested to him that he brings who ever else he thinks he may have help him with him so I can meet them. This would eliminate the problem. He said no that if he feels they are responsible that is enough. I just don't feel right doing that. Mix that in with his calls to DCFS and I really don't like it.

So, my question is how binding is this new agreement when I did not sign it and ex's attorney added things I did not agree to? I know the judge signed it so I figure I'm out of luck, but still hoping. Could we go for a stipulated agreement to change the parts that are not correct? I do have an attorney, but he's on vacation for the next two weeks. WIll I have to meet ex in the next town over for his pick up next week?

And a short update: DCFS declared the abuse charges against my husband unfounded. The DCFS worker told me he could see ex's fingerprints all over the charges, but since it wasn't actually him that called in the report they couldn't do anything about it. He did tell us to keep our eyes open and be prepared, they feel he will do it again.

 

[CJane]

You have to follow the order. The fact that the JUDGE signed it negates any need at all for YOU to sign it.

And ANY effort to change it NOW w/out agreement of the ex is going to be seen as petty and silly.

Is Thanksgiving not mentioned AT ALL? Who normally has Thursday?

Driving 10 miles is NO BIG DEAL. Get over it. He doesn't want to come to your house. How is that BAD for you?

And yes, you drop the kids off w/whomever is there to get them. Whether you know them or not. And you do it at the drop off location specified in the order.

 

[Silverplum]

I agree with CJane.

And -- if you were going to AGREE on EVERYTHING, why would you need a judge? You are NEVER going to agree on everything. You are NEVER going to win each point. Get used to losing some, winning some.

The judge just cut to the chase. Ended the disagreements. Signed the order.

 

[tornado88]

Thank you for your unbiased views. As you know many of us are unable to see things clearly when it involves our own lives/children, but can see when it involves someone else.

The drive to the next town for pick-up and drop-off will be done with no problems then. I will hope and pray then that he continues to send only his parents to get the children. I'm honestly not sure if I could let them go with someone I nor they know. If the children know them it will make it so much easier.

In regards to Thanksgiving, we have always just alternated who gets Thanksgiving day. He gets odd years and I get even. The Friday after the holiday has never been an issue, they have always just stayed with me during the day and that is usually his weekend so he would get them on Friday evening then bring them back on Sunday evening. The only fall/Thanksgiving break the children get is from 2:30 on Wed. before Thanksgiving to the following Monday, so counting the weekend days 4 days total.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you for your unbiased views. As you know many of us are unable to see things clearly when it involves our own lives/children, but can see when it involves someone else.

You're totally welcome. We've all been there, done that, bought the tshirt.

In fact, for while there, a consortium of FA members were discussing BUYING the tshirt factory.

 

[CJane]

In regards to Thanksgiving, we have always just alternated who gets Thanksgiving day. He gets odd years and I get even. The Friday after the holiday has never been an issue, they have always just stayed with me during the day and that is usually his weekend so he would get them on Friday evening then bring them back on Sunday evening. The only fall/Thanksgiving break the children get is from 2:30 on Wed. before Thanksgiving to the following Monday, so counting the weekend days 4 days total.

You say "We have always just alternated" but what does the ORDER SAY REGARDING THANKSGIVING?

 

[tornado88]

I'm so sorry for not making myself more clear. Yes, it was court ordered that we alternate Thanksgiving day. We agreed during the modification process not before the judge that I would get every Thanksgiving and he would get every Friday after. The new orders states he gets the Friday after but no memtion is made of me getting Thanksgiving day. Since he agreed to this earlier, and I am assuming (Yea, I know ) he would still agree with this now, could we just send in an agreement to have the judge sign to make it an actual order?

 

[CJane]

I'm so sorry for not making myself more clear. Yes, it was court ordered that we alternate Thanksgiving day. We agreed during the modification process not before the judge that I would get every Thanksgiving and he would get every Friday after. The new orders states he gets the Friday after but no memtion is made of me getting Thanksgiving day. Since he agreed to this earlier, and I am assuming (Yea, I know ) he would still agree with this now, could we just send in an agreement to have the judge sign to make it an actual order?

If the order is silent on Thanksgiving, and you normally have Thursdays, then there's no need to add ANYTHING. You have Thursdays. He gets the Friday after Thanksgiving. It IS what you want.

 

[Ohiogal]

If the order is silent on Thanksgiving, and you normally have Thursdays, then there's no need to add ANYTHING. You have Thursdays. He gets the Friday after Thanksgiving. It IS what you want.

She says they were court ordered to alternate Thanksgiving. my understanding is part of what they agreed with (dad getting every Friday) is in there but not the part about Thanksgiving itself. On Thanksgiving the court order reflects they alternate NOT that mom would get every Thanksgiving.

 

[tornado88]

You are correct OG. Could that part be changed by us just agreeing and sending in a corrected stipulation to be added to our current orders?

Thanks to everyone who gives their time here. I have been reading here daily for close to a year now and have learned so much. I am one who used to think most of you were so harsh, but now I find myself rolling my eyes or getting fed up with parents/steps who just don't get it.

 

[CJane]

She says they were court ordered to alternate Thanksgiving. my understanding is part of what they agreed with (dad getting every Friday) is in there but not the part about Thanksgiving itself. On Thanksgiving the court order reflects they alternate NOT that mom would get every Thanksgiving.

Herm. I got that the PREVIOUS order stated to alternate, but the CURRENT ORDER mentions only the Friday and not the holiday.

Still, worst case scenario, Mom misses the entire weekend every other year. Big woop.

 

[wileybunch]

What do you have to prove your agreement was as you're telling us here? Is your ex refusing to fix? Why? How was the order only signed off by ex and the judge. Who signed on your behalf? Also, why are you just finding out now?

 

[tornado88]

I just got my copy of the new agreement last Friday. Nobody signed for me. Ex's attorney wrote up the new agreement, sent it to the judge who signed it. The only two signatures on it are are Ex's and the judge's.

There are some things on the new order ex is refusing to fix, such as pick up and drop off. After posting it here I 've decided to let all of that go, but am really concerned about the Thanksgiving day issue. My family is big on Thanksgiving. It is the only time of year we all get together. Christmas and such is broken down into smaller groups.

Really, my biggest peeve with all of this is that ex's attorney put things in the order that was never talked about and he omitted things that were agreed upon. I just can't see where that is right. Ex wouldly have a fit if my attorney tried that with him. If the holiday part can be changed I really want to get that done, otherwise I'll just put on my big girl panties, smile when I really want to scream, and move on.

 

[wileybunch]

Why weren't both parties signatures on the order? Is there more to this story?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Did you get the transcripts of the hearing? If so, you need to act ASAP on this.