Mom won't let daughter visit..

[kpepperz]

What is the name of your state? IL
To make a long story short, my husband had physical custody of his daughter and son since 1997. In August of 2004, daughter gets tired of rules in our house, begs dad to let her live with her mom (1.5 hours away). Dad agreed after discussing it with his daughter and his ex that daughter would visit regularly.

Mom made daughter get a job right away, and she works weekends. This makes it impossible for my husband to schedule any visitation time with his daughter. He has seen daughter 4 times since August. Mom lets daughter take the car and go anywhere - EXCEPT DAD'S HOUSE (she let her take it here 1 time). This came from daughter, and when mom was asked about it, her response was the one time she let her take the car here was a mistake, and it wasn't her fault he cannot make time to see daughter. When he responded that she (the mom) made that impossible, she said "Not my problem".

There was never any paperwork done thru the court changing custody to the mom. My stepdaughter's grades were horrible, and we have learned that there are problems going on between my sd and her stepfather. My husband wants his daughter back here. Can he just show up there and tell his daughter she is coming back home, and is there anything his ex can do to stop it?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? IL
To make a long story short, my husband had physical custody of his daughter and son since 1997. In August of 2004, daughter gets tired of rules in our house, begs dad to let her live with her mom (1.5 hours away). Dad agreed after discussing it with his daughter and his ex that daughter would visit regularly.

Mom made daughter get a job right away, and she works weekends. This makes it impossible for my husband to schedule any visitation time with his daughter. He has seen daughter 4 times since August. Mom lets daughter take the car and go anywhere - EXCEPT DAD'S HOUSE (she let her take it here 1 time). This came from daughter, and when mom was asked about it, her response was the one time she let her take the car here was a mistake, and it wasn't her fault he cannot make time to see daughter. When he responded that she (the mom) made that impossible, she said "Not my problem".

There was never any paperwork done thru the court changing custody to the mom. My stepdaughter's grades were horrible, and we have learned that there are problems going on between my sd and her stepfather. My husband wants his daughter back here. Can he just show up there and tell his daughter she is coming back home, and is there anything his ex can do to stop it?

Technically the court order is what stands...However, it would be easy for Mom to 'prove' Dad allowed physical custody to change to Mom because of school records, Doctors, neighbors etc. which will demonstate she's been with mom for the last year.

Dad & Mom need to quit bouncing this child back & forth- Letting her have the 'sayso' is biting you all in the rear. First she doesn't like it at your house- so Dad lets her go to Mom's...now she doesn't like it at Mom's house, so she wants to go to Dads. Sounds like she's learning to manipulate, divide & conquer to me.

And what makes you think the problems she had at your house aren't similar to the ones she's having at Mom's? It may be time for both parents to enforce that the child has to do x,y & z...so get used to it. She won't be able to just job- hop or house- hop or relationship hop in the real world everytime she becomes dissatisfied.

 

[kpepperz]

My stepdaughter is not the one asking to come back...not directly anyway. My husband does not like what's going on (the mom not allowing daughter to visit even though she wants to, letting daughter do pretty much whatever she wants) and talking to the bm is non-productive. She has been trying all along to damage my husbands relationship with his kids.