My girlfriend is pregnant & we have no insurance

[Shr00m]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

Alright, I am going to try to state facts here so things won't get to complicated.

1. My girlfriend is pregnant (she just found out last week because she was late & she got tested) & we have been seeing each other for about 6 months. I am 24 and make about 32K a year and she is 22 and has no job.

2. I have excellant health insurance through Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Her family has excellant health insurance through Chrysler.

3. She has no health insurance because:
a. We are not married.
b. She is not a "part time" student in college, so her family heath insurance won't cover it.

4. We both live with our parents, but I was supposed to starting building my first house a week from now.

5. Her parents are highly catholic and will not let her get an abortion or put the kid up for adoption.

6. Her mom wants her to have the kid and sign him/her over to her mom when the baby is born. Her father (whom she is living with right now, along with mother & 3 other kids) wants nothing to do with it at all.

7. A week before she found out that she was late, I told her that I wanted to break up. A week later she told me she was late. I told her to get a home pregnancy test and it was positive.

8. I told her that the only reason that I wanted to break up with her was the fact that she had no job and no car. Which in my eyes is the biggest turn off ever.


Anyways, there is my predicament. I really need some advice, I have to tell my contractor to start the house or hold off this week.

I really think I should try to get back with her and work things out because I don't want to pay child support on a kid that I will never get to see.

Everytime I try to think about this mess I feel like throwing up.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

Alright, I am going to try to state facts here so things won't get to complicated.

1. My girlfriend is pregnant (she just found out last week because she was late & she got tested) & we have been seeing each other for about 6 months. I am 24 and make about 32K a year and she is 22 and has no job.

2. I have excellant health insurance through Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Her family has excellant health insurance through Chrysler.

3. She has no health insurance because:
a. We are not married.
b. She is not a "part time" student in college, so her family heath insurance won't cover it.

4. We both live with our parents, but I was supposed to starting building my first house a week from now.

5. Her parents are highly catholic and will not let her get an abortion or put the kid up for adoption.

6. Her mom wants her to have the kid and sign him/her over to her mom when the baby is born. Her father (whom she is living with right now, along with mother & 3 other kids) wants nothing to do with it at all.

7. A week before she found out that she was late, I told her that I wanted to break up. A week later she told me she was late. I told her to get a home pregnancy test and it was positive.




Anyways, there is my predicament. I really need some advice, I have to tell my contractor to start the house or hold off this week.

I really think I should try to get back with her and work things out because I don't want to pay child support on a kid that I will never get to see.

Everytime I try to think about this mess I feel like throwing up.

My response:

You said - -

"6. Her mom wants her to have the kid and sign him/her over to her mom when the baby is born. Her father (whom she is living with right now, along with mother & 3 other kids) wants nothing to do with it at all."

MY RESPONSE: What does this mean? If her Mom wants your g/f to "sign him/her over to her mom when the baby is born", and the father wants "nothing to do with it at all", then there's already some trouble brewing in "River City", and that's trouble with a capital "T". However, if the child is yours, do you want to "claim" this child or not?



8. I told her that the only reason that I wanted to break up with her was the fact that she had no job and no car. Which in my eyes is the biggest turn off ever.

MY RESPONSE: Well, apparently she wasn't too much of a turn off for the past 6 months, and especially when you were "bumpin' uglies." May I refer to you as "Shallow Hal"? I've never heard of such a ridiculous "excuse" for being "turned off."

Well, in the end, whether you sign the birth certificate or Declaration of Paternity at the hospital, eventually you'll be taken to court for child support, where the court will order a DNA test, and once that comes back "positive", then the court will make the appropriate court orders for support payments.

You may at that time also petition for visitation rights. If you don't, you'll just be a "wallet". Hopefully, as the time gets closer, you'll feel more "paternal" and want to be a part of the life of your own flesh and blood.

IAAL

 

[Shr00m]

Re: Re: My girlfriend is pregnant & we have no insurance

My response:

You said - -

"6. Her mom wants her to have the kid and sign him/her over to her mom when the baby is born. Her father (whom she is living with right now, along with mother & 3 other kids) wants nothing to do with it at all."

MY RESPONSE: What does this mean? If her Mom wants your g/f to "sign him/her over to her mom when the baby is born", and the father wants "nothing to do with it at all", then there's already some trouble brewing in "River City", and that's trouble with a capital "T". However, if the child is yours, do you want to "claim" this child or not?

I am not sure, thats what my g/f told me on the phone while I was driving to work this morning. I don't want them to have the kid. I want me and my g/f to raise it. Its the right thing to do.

8. I told her that the only reason that I wanted to break up with her was the fact that she had no job and no car. Which in my eyes is the biggest turn off ever.

MY RESPONSE: Well, apparently she wasn't too much of a turn off for the past 6 months, and especially when you were "bumpin' uglies." May I refer to you as "Shallow Hal"? I've never heard of such a ridiculous "excuse" for being "turned off."

Bad choice of words I guess on my part. Everything about her I like, except the part that she has no job/car. I don't want to be dating somebody that has no intentions of getting a job/car all through life. When I first started dating her she had a steady job and was leasing a car. After she turned the car in she made no attempt to get another car, and she quit her job. All she has been doing for the last 2 months has been sitting around every day at home.

 

[theother]

I kind of agree with IAAL about the whole "turnoff" thing. Although, I do think that lack of ambition is a turn off, if you were so turned off, you really shouldn't have slept with her. It's the same on the other side of the fence. I am constantly amazed at CP's that sleep with jerks and deadbeats and then they wonder why these guys don't make enough money to support their kids or avoid the responsibility altogether. If I were you (and I know that it is easy for me to say since I am not you) I would try to work things out with her and consider marriage. If you guys had a good relationship besides the whole joblessness thing then it may be something to consider. You may also want to research the legal rights and responsibilities of a married(divorced) father versus a never married one. If you don't marry her, be prepared to pay CS. I would hold off on building that house until you see if you will be responsible for any portion of the medical bills and how much the child support is. Since she is jobless and you make a decent amount of money for your age, you are probably going to get reamed. From your story, I am guessing you have ambition and she doesn't. This will mean that as the years pass and you better yourself, she will come after you for more and more child support everytime you get ahead. If you guys do not get together, I would strongly advise you to be more careful in your choice of sleeping partners. Always question whether you would want that person as the mother of your child before you sleep with her. Good luck

 

[Shr00m]

I kind of agree with IAAL about the whole "turnoff" thing. Although, I do think that lack of ambition is a turn off, if you were so turned off, you really shouldn't have slept with her. It's the same on the other side of the fence. I am constantly amazed at CP's that sleep with jerks and deadbeats and then they wonder why these guys don't make enough money to support their kids or avoid the responsibility altogether. If I were you (and I know that it is easy for me to say since I am not you) I would try to work things out with her and consider marriage. If you guys had a good relationship besides the whole joblessness thing then it may be something to consider. You may also want to research the legal rights and responsibilities of a married(divorced) father versus a never married one. If you don't marry her, be prepared to pay CS. I would hold off on building that house until you see if you will be responsible for any portion of the medical bills and how much the child support is. Since she is jobless and you make a decent amount of money for your age, you are probably going to get reamed. From your story, I am guessing you have ambition and she doesn't. This will mean that as the years pass and you better yourself, she will come after you for more and more child support everytime you get ahead. If you guys do not get together, I would strongly advise you to be more careful in your choice of sleeping partners. Always question whether you would want that person as the mother of your child before you sleep with her. Good luck

Everything you stated is exactly what is going on & things that I am kicking myself in the ass for right now.

We where never really broke up, thats the thing, she told me she didn't want to break up with me when I told her that I wanted to.

Best case scenario now I think, is that I either keep building the house, or get an apartment, and we start living together while her mom watches the kid (since she doesn't work either) and both her and I work full time during the day.

Hopefully things will work out if we live together for awhile. We never really have gotten into a fight until this **** started.

If worst comes to worst, I can sell the house and profit off of it since I got a good deal on the land.

 

[craftymom]

*shaking head*

One welfare mother, coming up!

YOU only have two choices. Marry her. Or wait 'til the kid is born, petition court for custody/visitation.

Keep in mind though, that if she is uninsured, and applies for State Aid, you already have a bill in the works. Once the kid is born, and you are proven to be the father, the State will submit a bill to you for the insurance they provided for your child to be born.

 

[arieus]

she found out she was pregnant RIGHT AFTER you tried to break up with her.....hmmm, makes you pause and think for a moment ( i hope)
you have been dating for six months and she quit her job and turned in her car...shortly before she found out she was pregnant, huh? to sit around the house doing nothing all day?? she had NO REASON for quitting?

sounds like you are getting screwed to me...just MY opinion though.

oh, and getting married to be close to the baby is one of the stupidest ideas ever...you can be a father without being married to someone that you aren't in love with instead of causing a broken home later when you figure out that you can't stand spending your life like that.....

 

[nextwife]

I agree about trying to work it out.

IF she had personal ambition and sort of lost her drive at some point in your relationship, that is sometimes a sign of clinical depression. See if any other characteristics of depression are consistant with her behavior. I am NOT attempting to diagnose a total stranger, I have NO qualifications to do so, but I do come from a family with a genetic predispostion toward clinical depression, and her sort of losing interest sounds like a possible depressive episode. If that is a partial cause, getting the correct medical assistance and medication (appropriate to her condition) could make a big difference in her attitude. I am especially concerned, because IF she is already depressed, then post-partum depression is a very realistic concern.

Note: I have NO medical qualifications. I am only commenting based upon personal knowledge.

 

[craftymom]

oh, and getting married to be close to the baby is one of the stupidest ideas ever...you can be a father without being married to someone that you aren't in love with instead of causing a broken home later when you figure out that you can't stand spending your life like that.....

Nowhere did I state that it was a GOOD idea---nor did I state that it is a BAD one.

Only said that it is one of only two options he has...

 

[arieus]

crafty-that was not AT ALL directed at you, sorry if it sounded like that...
i just think that this guy is about to be the victim of some chick that is using a baby to hold onto a meal ticket, and that sucks!!!

 

[Shr00m]

I agree about trying to work it out.

IF she had personal ambition and sort of lost her drive at some point in your relationship, that is sometimes a sign of clinical depression. See if any other characteristics of depression are consistant with her behavior. I am NOT attempting to diagnose a total stranger, I have NO qualifications to do so, but I do come from a family with a genetic predispostion toward clinical depression, and her sort of losing interest sounds like a possible depressive episode. If that is a partial cause, getting the correct medical assistance and medication (appropriate to her condition) could make a big difference in her attitude. I am especially concerned, because IF she is already depressed, then post-partum depression is a very realistic concern.

Note: I have NO medical qualifications. I am only commenting based upon personal knowledge.

I am not 100% sure, but I think I recall her telling me that does take place in the household.

 

[theother]

arieus

Well, if it was directed at me, all I said was he should consider it and find out what the ramifications are either way. Although, I do believe that if they have a good relationship and they can work it out over the long haul, it will end up better for the children and them. This divorce/custody/support business is not fun for anyone.

By the way, I would look at the family to help determine whether not having a job has more to do with laziness or depression. If the mom doesn't work because she is busy being a SAHM or because she is ill, fine. If she doesn't work so she can sit on her butt, lives poorly or draws state aid, that's a bad sign. That kind of attitude can rub off on her daughter.

 

[Shr00m]

Re: arieus

Well, if it was directed at me, all I said was he should consider it and find out what the ramifications are either way. Although, I do believe that if they have a good relationship and they can work it out over the long haul, it will end up better for the children and them. This divorce/custody/support business is not fun for anyone.

By the way, I would look at the family to help determine whether not having a job has more to do with laziness or depression. If the mom doesn't work because she is busy being a SAHM or because she is ill, fine. If she doesn't work so she can sit on her butt, lives poorly or draws state aid, that's a bad sign. That kind of attitude can rub off on her daughter.

Since the father was been working at Chrysler for many years I believe he brings in enough money to support the family. The mother is very involved with the church and spends most of her time there. All of the kids were put through catholic school.

I do believe there is depression problems in the family (kids at least). I think they are on medication. My girlfriend isn't right now, but in the past I think she was for awhile.

 

[Shr00m]

*shaking head*

One welfare mother, coming up!

YOU only have two choices. Marry her. Or wait 'til the kid is born, petition court for custody/visitation.

Keep in mind though, that if she is uninsured, and applies for State Aid, you already have a bill in the works. Once the kid is born, and you are proven to be the father, the State will submit a bill to you for the insurance they provided for your child to be born.

I am not sure what you mean on the state aid. Could you explain a little better?

 

[VeronicaGia]

Your first step is to start talking to lawyers who specialize in family law. If I were you, I would not start building a house, because child support, plus medical insurance, plus a percentage of co-pays and deductibles can cost a lot of money. Not to mention the fact that when you see your child (or if you file for custody) you will have to have the money to care for the child in your home too.

Once you hire the attorney (you decide whether or not you want to tell her you've hired one), and once the baby is born, unless you have no doubt whatsoever, have the attorney file papers with the court requesting a court ordered DNA test. If the child is yours, file for sole physical and sole legal custody, or joint legal and physical custody. MI law states that with joint custody, the primary parent (the parent the child lives with) cannot move more than 100 miles from the other parent, unless the parents already live more than 100 miles away from each other.

You are already taking in a lot, but my advice is to take a DNA test no matter what. Also, a good website for men:

www.deltabravo.net