NCP Involvement @ New School

[pinkey14]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Idaho

Tomorrow, my son will be starting at a new grade school. His mom has custody of him during the school week, and the school is about an hour away from my home. In previous years, my ex has tried to keep me out of my son's school life, from not sending school pictures to not sending report cards to telling his teacher that "dad is out of the picture" to hiding the fact that he participated in school sports and plays.

Our parenting plan specifically says that I can attend these types of functions and be involved in school life, despite the fact that he isn't with me on school days. When these things came to a head last school year, I learned from the school guidance counselor that my ex had made some outrageous claims about me. She said that I hang around with felons (the only felon I KNOW is HER brother) and that I stole money from my employer. (There was a rather public embezzlement investigation at my place of employment, but it did not involve me, and the individual was arrested.)

I would like to be more proactive and involved at the new school. I'm not sure whom to approach (counselor? teacher? principal?), how to go about it (drop in? e-mail? phone call? letter?) and when to do so (this afternoon vs. sometime after school starts...) How can I go about doing this without it looking like I'm going behind my ex's back or trying to humiliate her in front of school personnel? I'd work with her directly, but she has already told me AGAIN that it would be "too complicated and uncomfortable for her" if I were involved at school.

Do I have to bring in a copy of my parenting plan and then request updates be mailed to me? I don't want to exasperate the staff by being another one of "THOSE" parents, but I want to make sure they know that I am a legally involved parent from the get go. Any suggestions?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Zigner]

Just to reiterate a point in Mwarren's post: GO IN THERE. There's nothing better than face-to-face contact at this point.

 

[pinkey14]

Just to be clear, I had no intention of trying to make my ex look bad, I just didn't know if I should be prepared to defend myself, or just act as if she is someone who does not make those types of allegations about me. Right now, I don't know whether she has said any of these kinds of things to the new school's administration, so I would look idiotic bringing it up out of the blue. Our last school never had a copy of our parenting plan, nor did they ever ask for it. But it sounds like this might be standard procedure for divorced parents? As far as going in there versus calling or writing, I wanted to do this, but didn't want to make things awkward for my ex or the teacher by showing up unexpectedly. I guess I will call the school and find out when the best time would be to chat with the teacher for a few minutes. Is this who would need a copy of the parenting plan, or would that go with his school records in the office?

 

[nextwife]

Obtain your child's class schedule. Email each teacher- most school districts have staff email on the website. My child's "Monday folder"(papers that would come home each week, like picture forms, field trip permission slips, etc are also available online. I can check kiddo's grades and everything online. Stay in touch with school.

 

[CJane]

Please just remember that the only thing the SCHOOL is obligated to do is make records available to you.

This does NOT include school pictures, calendars of events, notes home, etc. YOU will have to be proactive in getting all of that information. Find out if the school has a website you can access.

 

[pinkey14]

Just wanted to update, as I had a meeting with the school counselor, principal and teacher today. I just wanted to make clear, in case this thread ends up being useful to others, that our school's policy is more than what is required by general law as stated by CJane, and so other schools may be, too. Unless a parenting plan states otherwise, all notes, teacher conferences, calendars (which include when pics will be taken so I can buy my own) and other records and events are mailed weekly to NCPs unless they request otherwise. How nice was that?

 

[CJane]

Just wanted to update, as I had a meeting with the school counselor, principal and teacher today. I just wanted to make clear, in case this thread ends up being useful to others, that our school's policy is more than what is required by general law as stated by CJane, and so other schools may be, too. Unless a parenting plan states otherwise, all notes, teacher conferences, calendars (which include when pics will be taken so I can buy my own) and other records and events are mailed weekly to NCPs unless they request otherwise. How nice was that?

It's great. And MOST schools have that as their "policy" - but WHEN they drop the ball (and they WILL, I promise you), it's not "actionable" - it is still 100% YOUR responsibility to make sure you have the information.

THAT is all I'm saying. Not that the schools won't work with NCP's - but that they're not REQUIRED to give you ANYTHING.

 

[WillingToFight]

Just wanted to update, as I had a meeting with the school counselor, principal and teacher today. I just wanted to make clear, in case this thread ends up being useful to others, that our school's policy is more than what is required by general law as stated by CJane, and so other schools may be, too. Unless a parenting plan states otherwise, all notes, teacher conferences, calendars (which include when pics will be taken so I can buy my own) and other records and events are mailed weekly to NCPs unless they request otherwise. How nice was that?

As I read through this thread, I was going to say that my kids' school deals with this situation similar to your child's school. What occurred to me is that it's probably easier for the school to include the NCP unless otherwise instructed not to. My kids' dad has removed me from the contact sheet a number of times but I've had no trouble getting re-added. I also contact the school counseling office at the beginning of each trimester (my kids are in high school) to obtain a copy of their class schedule, teachers, syllabus, etc. You just have to stay on top of it to make sure you continue to receive information. Call if you think you may have missed letters or notifications.

It's a good idea to go to the school in person to meet your child's teacher(s). Email contact is good too, but I've found that teachers are more inclined to engage in dialog once they've met with you in person.