Need advice on how to handle the frustration & stress I am under.

[SamanthaK]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Look in your local phone book under 'Counseling and Therapy'.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Breath. In through your nose and out through your mouth. DEEPLY.

 

[SamanthaK]

My entire post did not show up...don't know why. Here it is.


It's rather long, maybe too long. I have done everything I could do..and I am physically ill over this. This child has been with either myself or my sister 90% of her life. She thinks of us more as "moms" than she does her mother. This may have some mistakes/issues because I already did this once and went through and edited and it did not show up. The general idea is as follows. I just need to know what else I can do.




Previous calls were made in February of 2012 to CPS. Also,

calls were made in 2007 from another concerned

person/persons (re (4yr old) only, as (2 yr old) had not been

born yet).




- Tuesday Aug 7, (Mother's Boyfriend, herein referred to as "BF") drops (2yr old )off. (no mother).

(2yr old) has 2 black eyes and a red, welted hand print on

her butt. She tells me "(BF) hit my eye". It is the second

time I have seen a hand print on her butt.


- The reason for the time between the incident and the phone

call to DHS is because (2yr old)'s sister (4yr old)

has a guardian ad litem already and she had been called. I

was waiting to hear the results of that call.


- Friday Aug 10, (mother) coming to get (2yr old) to take her

back to (her apartment, 4-5 hours away). Called DHS. (caseworker1) & (caseworker2) came to the

house. Relayed the info about the black eyes/butt to them.

Gave them pictures and video. They told us they had "enough to

keep her from taking her for the night". (mother) came, spoke

to them for about an hour (alone) and she was allowed to

take the baby. When we came back in the room they were still

talking. (caseworker2) seemed to be joking about the situation. He

told (mother) "You might want to give (BF) a heads up. Tell

him someone may be calling and asking him if he beats your

kids haha" (yes, he giggled a little) When (caseworker1) returned

after (mother) had left with the baby, i told him I was not

happy about (caseworker2)'s behavior. This is not a joke, and

there is nothing to laugh about.


- Friday Aug 10 con't. (mother) reportedly told (caseworker1) that she

was not going to do any more pole dancing at the bars/clubs and

that (BF) would not be around her kids.She also lied about

how much time she had spent with (2yr old) over the previous

3 weeks.


-Tuesday Aug 14 - (mother) meets (my sister) in (another town) to bring

her (4yr old). At some point in the day, (4yr old) told

(my sister) that she and (2yr old) were alone with (BF) while

mama "went to work". (4yr old) stated "Sister was bad and

(BF) spanked her." also "(BF) got up with no shirt on in

the morning" Called (caseworker1) twice and left two messages.


-Friday Aug 17 - found out (mother) would be working at

(a club where she pole dances) and her shift would start

sometime between 12-1am. Called (caseworker1). (caseworker1) on vacation.

Called (caseworker2) (his supervisor). I told him I was worried

about the baby, and I did not know who she would be with

while mama worked. (caseworker2) stated that I didn't need to know

where the baby was, the investigation was ongoing, they had

nothing set in writing pertaining to (BF) being around the

kids, and that I would have to wait until (caseworker1) gets back

from vacation on Aug. 28th He did not know when (caseworker1) would

be back. He said he "doesn't keep (caseworker1)'s schedule". The

date was on (caseworker1)'s voicemail.



Is there anything I can do besides waiting a week and a half for the first case worker to return from vacation? I am literally ill over this.

 

[Silverplum]

My entire post did not show up...don't know why. Here it is.

Don't worry, it happens to new posters all the time, especially since the forum was updated. In fact, I wrote a whole LONG reply to you and it disappeared!

It's rather long, maybe too long. I have done everything I could do..and I am physically ill over this. This child has been with either myself or my sister 90% of her life. She thinks of us more as "moms" than she does her mother.

That's a problem. ONLY Mom (and Dad, if there is a legal Dad) have Constitutional rights to the child.

This may have some mistakes/issues because I already did this once and went through and edited and it did not show up. The general idea is as follows. I just need to know what else I can do.

Previous calls were made in February of 2012 to CPS. Also,

calls were made in 2007 from another concerned

person/persons (re (4yr old) only, as (2 yr old) had not been

born yet).

Only issues from the current year or so are considered. Old ones, like from 07, are of no import.

- Tuesday Aug 7, (Mother's Boyfriend, herein referred to as "BF") drops (2yr old )off. (no mother).

(2yr old) has 2 black eyes and a red, welted hand print on

her butt. She tells me "(BF) hit my eye". It is the second

time I have seen a hand print on her butt.


- The reason for the time between the incident and the phone

call to DHS is because (2yr old)'s sister (4yr old)

has a guardian ad litem already and she had been called. I

was waiting to hear the results of that call.


- Friday Aug 10, (mother) coming to get (2yr old) to take her

back to (her apartment, 4-5 hours away). Called DHS. (caseworker1) & (caseworker2) came to the

house. Relayed the info about the black eyes/butt to them.

Gave them pictures and video. They told us they had "enough to

keep her from taking her for the night". (mother) came, spoke

to them for about an hour (alone) and she was allowed to

take the baby. When we came back in the room they were still

talking. (caseworker2) seemed to be joking about the situation. He

told (mother) "You might want to give (BF) a heads up. Tell

him someone may be calling and asking him if he beats your

kids haha" (yes, he giggled a little) When (caseworker1) returned

after (mother) had left with the baby, i told him I was not

happy about (caseworker2)'s behavior. This is not a joke, and

there is nothing to laugh about.

You did the right thing by calling CPS.

The caseworkers are weird. Perhaps you could write a (calm!) letter of complaint to their supervisor.

- Friday Aug 10 con't. (mother) reportedly told (caseworker1) that she

was not going to do any more pole dancing at the bars/clubs and

that (BF) would not be around her kids.She also lied about

how much time she had spent with (2yr old) over the previous

3 weeks.

If she lies to a caseworker, she'll likely be found out.

Pole dancing, stripping, etc. are NOT illegal. It's NOT a problem if she does that for her job. There is no "moral application" to be a parent. Let it go.

-Tuesday Aug 14 - (mother) meets (my sister) in (another town) to bring

her (4yr old). At some point in the day, (4yr old) told

(my sister) that she and (2yr old) were alone with (BF) while

mama "went to work". (4yr old) stated "Sister was bad and

(BF) spanked her." also "(BF) got up with no shirt on in

the morning" Called (caseworker1) twice and left two messages.

Here's where you are messing up.

Mom has every right to select her babysitter/s, and it is none of your business. If Mom allows her bf to spank the child/ren, that is her right.

When the spanking rises to the level of abuse, you called CPS. That was correct.

But following Mom around and freaking out on every little thing is NOT helping anyone. It does NOT matter if her bf wasn't wearing a shirt. You seriously need to calm down.

-Friday Aug 17 - found out (mother) would be working at

(a club where she pole dances) and her shift would start

sometime between 12-1am. Called (caseworker1). (caseworker1) on vacation.

Called (caseworker2) (his supervisor). I told him I was worried

about the baby, and I did not know who she would be with

while mama worked. (caseworker2) stated that I didn't need to know

where the baby was, the investigation was ongoing, they had

nothing set in writing pertaining to (BF) being around the

kids, and that I would have to wait until (caseworker1) gets back

from vacation on Aug. 28th He did not know when (caseworker1) would

be back. He said he "doesn't keep (caseworker1)'s schedule". The

date was on (caseworker1)'s voicemail.

Is there anything I can do besides waiting a week and a half for the first case worker to return from vacation? I am literally ill over this.

You can calm down.

The caseworker is correct. It IS none of your business who babysits and you do not need to know anything.

You're hurting your credibility when you freak out on every little minor (and legal) detail.

 

[SamanthaK]

OK. I get what you are saying. But this is not a normal situation. She has 2 children. She has spent..MAYBE..10% of her time with them. The older one lives with her father and is watched by my sister while he works. The younger one has not seen her dad in over a year. She has either been here or with my sister 90% of her entire life. 24/7. Has her own rooms at our homes. When mommy would decide she wanted to have her for a weekend or a day, she typically picked her up anywhere from 2-3pm and then dropped her off at a babysitter at 5pm and headed to work. She got out at 3am. Come home, sleep a few hours. THEN go pick up the baby and bring her immediately back to one of us.The Guardian ad Litem for the 4 year old checked out the babysitter and IN COURT last week (for the 4 year old) - stated that under no circumstance was this person an acceptable babysitter and that she should not watch anyone's kids. She stated in the record that mommy needed to have a psychological evaluation and is ONLY allowed to leave the baby with a licensed child care worker. Which, she has not been.

At one point in her life, she faked cancer for an entire year. She shaved her head. She told us there was nothing more that could be done and she probably had a year. This is the person we are dealing with.

 

[Just Blue]

Who are you in this situation? Maternal?Paternal? What? Did you take the child to the ER when s/he showed up with with CLEAR child abuse?

 

[SamanthaK]

I am mommy's aunt. My sister is her mother. I am a Sunday School Teacher. No, I did not taker her to the ER because I didn't think it needed to be treated and I did not know then what I know now...which is that you need to take them if they have any sign at all so they can be evaluated. That is on ME, and I am sorry. It's just terribly frustrating for the rest of the family..her mom, my mom, her father, brother, grandparents...we are ALL concerned.

 

[Silverplum]

OK. I get what you are saying. But this is not a normal situation. She has 2 children. She has spent..MAYBE..10% of her time with them. The older one lives with her father and is watched by my sister while he works. The younger one has not seen her dad in over a year. She has either been here or with my sister 90% of her entire life. 24/7. Has her own rooms at our homes. When mommy would decide she wanted to have her for a weekend or a day, she typically picked her up anywhere from 2-3pm and then dropped her off at a babysitter at 5pm and headed to work. She got out at 3am. Come home, sleep a few hours. THEN go pick up the baby and bring her immediately back to one of us.

Doesn't matter if it's "normal."

The Guardian ad Litem for the 4 year old checked out the babysitter and IN COURT last week (for the 4 year old) - stated that under no circumstance was this person an acceptable babysitter and that she should not watch anyone's kids. She stated in the record that mommy needed to have a psychological evaluation and is ONLY allowed to leave the baby with a licensed child care worker. Which, she has not been.

I suppose you could tell the GAL that Mom is already disregarding her recommendation.

However, what the GAL said in court last week is not necessarily a binding court order upon Mom.

At one point in her life, she faked cancer for an entire year. She shaved her head. She told us there was nothing more that could be done and she probably had a year. This is the person we are dealing with.

You could drop her like a hot rock, if you chose.

 

[Just Blue]

I am mommy's aunt. My sister is her mother. I am a Sunday School Teacher. No, I did not taker her to the ER because I didn't think it needed to be treated and I did not know then what I know now...which is that you need to take them if they have any sign at all so they can be evaluated. That is on ME, and I am sorry. It's just terribly frustrating for the rest of the family..her mom, my mom, her father, brother, grandparents...we are ALL concerned.

Okay then. So

(2yr old) has 2 black eyes and a red, welted hand print on

her butt. She tells me "(BF) hit my eye". It is the second

time I have seen a hand print on her butt.

and yet you did nothing medically? Are you a Doctor? My lil'blue went to a Carnival with her (maternal Aunt) and was accidentally hit in the eye with a whiffle bat by another child. She was at the ER for hours getting CAT SCANs and testing to make sure there was no serious damage.
If She were struck, deliberately and with intent, by a legal stranger(or ANYONE) I would take her to the OR, file a police report and hire a hit-man. IN. THAT. ORDER.
I can only assume as will that the court will agree if the injuries were abusive, and if BF was responsible, they will order a RO and an investigation.

 

[Ohiogal]

Okay then. So and yet you did nothing medically? Are you a Doctor? My lil'blue went to a Carnival with her (maternal Aunt) and was accidentally hit in the eye with a whiffle bat by another child. She was at the ER for hours getting CAT SCANs and testing to make sure there was no serious damage.
If She were struck, deliberately and with intent, by a legal stranger(or ANYONE) I would take her to the OR, file a police report and hire a hit-man. IN. THAT. ORDER. I can only assume as will that the court will agree if the injuries were abusive, and if BF was responsible, they will order a RO and an investigation.

Psst.. hopefully you would take her to the ER and file a police report and NOT actually hire a hit man as that would be illegal and while I know your sense of humor, OP may not and may ask you for references.

 

[Just Blue]

Psst.. hopefully you would take her to the ER and file a police report and NOT actually hire a hit man as that would be illegal and while I know your sense of humor, OP may not and may ask you for references.

Yeah. To hire a hitmen is an illegal action. One should not do that, I was "kidding" .