need advice on single parent custody

[Graycat]

Okay if papers are worthless if I were to die, could he sign over legal custody to me without going to court? I just want in writing that he is not going to try to take her.

You want to know if you were to die, could he sign over legal custody to you?

 

[LdiJ]

You know...I really kind of disagree with some of the advice that you have been given.

It is absolutely true that you cannot "will" your child to a specific party. Its also true that he can't sign documents giving up his rights or agreeing to the child going to your family....or rather, any papers he signed wouldn't be enforceable. However there is also nothing wrong with having him sign the documents anyway since he may choose to honor them.

However, if he is not listed on the birth certificate and paternity has never been legally established then he is not legally the father. If you died social services would not automatically step in and take over and start looking for him. Your child has a family and social services wouldn't necessarily get involved. In fact its fairly rare for them to get involved.

What would happen is that your parents would consult an attorney and file for custody. Since there is no father of record its possible that they would simply be awarded custody. If not, then they might be required to make an attempt to locate him and obtain his consent. If they couldn't, then they would be allowed to serve him via publication.

Its also possible that some time in the future that you will marry, and that your husband may choose to adopt your child. Again, since there is no father of record and the child has clearly been "abandoned" by the bio father again, that would be a fairly simple process.

If you establish paternity and file for child support...neither of those options will be as simple....and the bio-dad might very well want custody in order to terminate the child support obligation.

However child support is your child's right, and completely severing his (or hers, sorry don't remember) connection to the biological paternal family is problematic for many reasons, including practical ones like access to medical history..so those are factors that you also need to consider.

Mull it all over and make your decisions based on what you truly believe is best for your child.

 

[melena76]

How do I go about getting legal custody?

I want to know how I can get legal custody without having to take the risk of him trying to get custody or unsupervised visitation. My daughter has autism and cannot handle changes the way other kids can. I cannot let him uproot her and risk undoing all of the work we have done. Is there a way to ensure that I can establish custody without taking that risk? I do not receive any kind of support from him, and am not looking for any kind of support, financial or otherwise. Thanks for all of the responses so far.

 

[stealth2]

No, there's no way you can do that. He has every right to file for visitation and/or custody - you can't prevent him frmo doing that. And only a judge will decide what he gets or not. Sorry.

 

[Bitter Mom]

Establish paternity/sign away rights

I want him to sign papers stating that if anything happens to me that my parents will have custody of her. She has autism and special needs and could not stand to be uprooted to live with strangers. He agreed to sign these papers, I just need to know what to include in the wording.
Thank you.

I also have an autistic daughter. She will be six in May. I have worried about this issue myself but my situation is different than yours.

If dad has no problem signing a paper like this, maybe he would go for signing away his rights. First off, paternity would have to be establised, which has been mentioned several times in this post. Then I would suggest having a will drawn up. Although, it is true you cannot "will" your child, you can assign a guardian. This would enable the judge to know what your wishes are concerning your daughter and her disability. Since your daughters only family is you, your parents and dad(biologically speaking) I wouldn't worry too much about a judges decision based on the fact that dad has abandoned your daughter.

Check out this website in re: why every parent needs a will
www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babyfinance/353.html

Good Luck!