dequeendistress
Senior Member
I would suggest professional counseling for all involved.
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rickohshey
Guest
My wife and I are not looking for any payday here; we just want the mother to stop trashing my child to other people.
As was mentioned, there is no way to know what really happened. Had there been witnesses then it probably wouldn’t have happened in the first place.
I think rmet4nzkx has come to the same conclusion as others we have talked to regarding this. Although there is some blame to go around, the ultimate responsibility for the death is with the mother. She is using my child as an outlet to take blame off of herself. Because we know the mother and her personality, we feel she is going to continue with her current state of mind indefinitely. While we do feel for her loss, we can only take so much.
Just so you know, the sheriff’s never interviewed my child or us. Also, we have delicately talked with our child about what happened and she denies taking them off and reiterates that the mother took them aside before going to the pool and made sure they all understood that floaties were not to come off. As much as we would dread the fact that she did take them off, we are interested in the truth and are willing to accept it either way. We are convinced she did not take them off however.
As I said earlier, we have been to counseling because of this and my wife suggested to the mother that their family do the same. The mother’s apparently offended that my wife would even suggest this to her and has told a mutual friend that is part of the reason for suing us. We were very close to this family and have never said anything but caring words to them.
Thank you for responses, I do appreciate the civility.
As was mentioned, there is no way to know what really happened. Had there been witnesses then it probably wouldn’t have happened in the first place.
I think rmet4nzkx has come to the same conclusion as others we have talked to regarding this. Although there is some blame to go around, the ultimate responsibility for the death is with the mother. She is using my child as an outlet to take blame off of herself. Because we know the mother and her personality, we feel she is going to continue with her current state of mind indefinitely. While we do feel for her loss, we can only take so much.
Just so you know, the sheriff’s never interviewed my child or us. Also, we have delicately talked with our child about what happened and she denies taking them off and reiterates that the mother took them aside before going to the pool and made sure they all understood that floaties were not to come off. As much as we would dread the fact that she did take them off, we are interested in the truth and are willing to accept it either way. We are convinced she did not take them off however.
As I said earlier, we have been to counseling because of this and my wife suggested to the mother that their family do the same. The mother’s apparently offended that my wife would even suggest this to her and has told a mutual friend that is part of the reason for suing us. We were very close to this family and have never said anything but caring words to them.
Thank you for responses, I do appreciate the civility.
You Are Guilty
Senior Member
Sometimes, there's nothing you can do when dealing with crazy people. If she sues, you'll at least have a chance to be vindicated in open court (albeit after a lot of wasted time and money). Good luck.
dequeendistress
Senior Member
Grief and guilt does much to many. The family is at a loss and striking out at others. There really is no need in hashing the blame game around on this forum or at your homes. Simply I would not allow my 7 year old to go swimming without my or another adult's direct supervision, and even though that is a "rule" there is always the possiblity of an accident. Actually reading some of the responses here hurt me somewhat. People are so quick to judge, myself being one, but in the tragic loss of a child's life I can't find that in me.
Time may heal and may not. You have the option to move or simply move on past.
Time may heal and may not. You have the option to move or simply move on past.
She didn't "KILL" the other child. Period. If she had held her head underwater, that would be a different story.
The person supervising allowed the young child in water over her head and that is what caused the drowning.
It says right ON the packages that the floaties are NOT intended to be relied upon as a safety floatation device! Pick up and read the packages. That means that even if the child WERE wearing it the child should not ever have been allowed alone in water that was too deep for them to stand! And when my kid was three and in a pool that had any deeper water, I stayed in the pool alongside her so I could scoop her up in an instant if needed. The supervisor should have been right there in the pool, or on the edge near the kids.
The person supervising allowed the young child in water over her head and that is what caused the drowning.
It says right ON the packages that the floaties are NOT intended to be relied upon as a safety floatation device! Pick up and read the packages. That means that even if the child WERE wearing it the child should not ever have been allowed alone in water that was too deep for them to stand! And when my kid was three and in a pool that had any deeper water, I stayed in the pool alongside her so I could scoop her up in an instant if needed. The supervisor should have been right there in the pool, or on the edge near the kids.
Happy Trails
Senior Member
Time will Heal.
This is a tragic accident.
The other mother is looking for answers, well there just isn't one that exists in a tragic death of a loved one. People around her are trying to comfort her and know she is in pain. She has to go through the steps of healing.
I think most people around don't hold your child responsible, and realize this is just the grief of the mother speaking.
I think it's great that you have spoken with your child and continue to do so.
However, it won't be easy to stay in the same area. Even though most neighbors know it is grief speaking, their children can over hear in conversations and this may get back to your daughter in cruel ways.
If it were me, I'd pick up the pieces and move on, to protect your child and continue the healing process.
Good luck.
This is a tragic accident.
The other mother is looking for answers, well there just isn't one that exists in a tragic death of a loved one. People around her are trying to comfort her and know she is in pain. She has to go through the steps of healing.
I think most people around don't hold your child responsible, and realize this is just the grief of the mother speaking.
I think it's great that you have spoken with your child and continue to do so.
However, it won't be easy to stay in the same area. Even though most neighbors know it is grief speaking, their children can over hear in conversations and this may get back to your daughter in cruel ways.
If it were me, I'd pick up the pieces and move on, to protect your child and continue the healing process.
Good luck.
rickohshey-
I realize you probably don't need any more comments, but I did just want to say something. Right now the mother of that poor child is hurting. And she's hurting bad. The loss of a child is (as I'm sure everyone knows) devastating. It seems to me like she's just overwhelmed with grief right now, and lashing out as a way to deal with her grief and guilt. She also has a 16 year old who (I can imagine) is going off her rocker with guilt. While it is your child that they are making derogatory comments about, try and step back and look at it from a different point of view. As stated, floaties are not a safety device. Your child didn't kill anyone. Even if s/he did take the floaties off the other child, I hate to say this - where was the 16 year old? Where were you? Where was the mother of the 3 year old? What went wrong here is someone who was NOT capable of watching 3 small children did. Point being, the mother is hurting right now, and has to point the finger at somone. Her baby is gone. What she's doing is not slander, it's grief. She probably believes it with every fibre of her being. And she can't sue you. There is nothing to sue for. This was an awful thing to have happened, and it makes me sick.
Please get your daughter some counseling. Stuff like this can really screw a kid up.
Good luck.
I realize you probably don't need any more comments, but I did just want to say something. Right now the mother of that poor child is hurting. And she's hurting bad. The loss of a child is (as I'm sure everyone knows) devastating. It seems to me like she's just overwhelmed with grief right now, and lashing out as a way to deal with her grief and guilt. She also has a 16 year old who (I can imagine) is going off her rocker with guilt. While it is your child that they are making derogatory comments about, try and step back and look at it from a different point of view. As stated, floaties are not a safety device. Your child didn't kill anyone. Even if s/he did take the floaties off the other child, I hate to say this - where was the 16 year old? Where were you? Where was the mother of the 3 year old? What went wrong here is someone who was NOT capable of watching 3 small children did. Point being, the mother is hurting right now, and has to point the finger at somone. Her baby is gone. What she's doing is not slander, it's grief. She probably believes it with every fibre of her being. And she can't sue you. There is nothing to sue for. This was an awful thing to have happened, and it makes me sick.
Please get your daughter some counseling. Stuff like this can really screw a kid up.
Good luck.
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rickohshey
Guest
We are doing are best to deal with this and move on. I wish we could just move away and get away from the situation, but it isn't that easy. We have financial considerations, lease etc. For my daughters sake, we will try to do what is feasably possible.
I came to this forum to see what others thought and have been elightend with the responses.
Again, thanks for the civility.
I came to this forum to see what others thought and have been elightend with the responses.
Again, thanks for the civility.
Happy Trails
Senior Member
I was going to say they might be able to ask their landlord for an earlier vacate under the circumstances.
But I like "FarmerJ's" idea better. I hope that will work.
But I like "FarmerJ's" idea better. I hope that will work.
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rickohshey
Guest
Our landlord is pretty flexible, so we may be able to work something out. On the other hand, the other family was seriously considering moving out of state before this ever happened and we think they still might. Because we’re not on good terms with them we don’t want to go up and ask “hey are you moving soon”, we’re hoping to maybe get some info through a third party.
So far there hasn’t been any backlash directed at my daughter from other people in the neighborhood, and we hope others have the common sense to realize a 5 year old shouldn’t be blamed for something like this. Because kids don’t rationalize as well as adults, mud could get slung regardless. If we could stop the accusations now, I think the damage control would at a minimum, but the longer it goes on, the worse it will get.
We’re still weighing options and will do what we feel is best. We are going to try and stop the slander of our child through legal channels. I’ve received enough advice through PM’s and others that it is in our best interest.
Good news is, if she tries to sue us, our legal fees are covered and she would be up against a team of corporate lawyers. It’s in her best interest not to even go there.
So far there hasn’t been any backlash directed at my daughter from other people in the neighborhood, and we hope others have the common sense to realize a 5 year old shouldn’t be blamed for something like this. Because kids don’t rationalize as well as adults, mud could get slung regardless. If we could stop the accusations now, I think the damage control would at a minimum, but the longer it goes on, the worse it will get.
We’re still weighing options and will do what we feel is best. We are going to try and stop the slander of our child through legal channels. I’ve received enough advice through PM’s and others that it is in our best interest.
Good news is, if she tries to sue us, our legal fees are covered and she would be up against a team of corporate lawyers. It’s in her best interest not to even go there.
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Sweet Home
Guest
Rickohshey - This entire incident is horrible. You already realize you & your spouse, as well as the other mom are all negligent in this case. The 16 yr old should never have been placed in a position to monitor such young children in a body of water.
However - you will never be able to change or erase what has happened.
It sounds as the victim's mom may have "slipped over the edge" in her grief, and obviously has some mental struggles.
Do not make this worse and pursue legal action. Take responsibility for your part in the negligence and move away to enable your child a chance to recover and move forward from this. That is the most positive & corrective thing you can do. Taking this into court will not help anyone's grief or pain over this. Court action would also continue the grief/guilt that the 16 yr old is experiencing.
Anyone that would listen to the victim's mom understands that this does not make sense, and is coming from grief/guilt.
I pray that you have learned from this, and hope that you are involved in a biblical-based church that can assist in your family's healing and recovery.
Respectfully - Sweet Home Alabama
However - you will never be able to change or erase what has happened.
It sounds as the victim's mom may have "slipped over the edge" in her grief, and obviously has some mental struggles.
Do not make this worse and pursue legal action. Take responsibility for your part in the negligence and move away to enable your child a chance to recover and move forward from this. That is the most positive & corrective thing you can do. Taking this into court will not help anyone's grief or pain over this. Court action would also continue the grief/guilt that the 16 yr old is experiencing.
Anyone that would listen to the victim's mom understands that this does not make sense, and is coming from grief/guilt.
I pray that you have learned from this, and hope that you are involved in a biblical-based church that can assist in your family's healing and recovery.
Respectfully - Sweet Home Alabama
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