newbie question

[LdiJ]

You should also be aware that in an unwed situation the mom has custody by default. That is not very significant in a case where the two parents have lived together since the child(ren) were born, but at the moment mom does have custody, and you do not.

 

[Proserpina]

Modification from what? There currently is no court order. Dad needs to take it to court to get rights.

Sorry, yes, I missed that.

But yeah, that's what I was talking about - she was ok enough to impregnate twice, but not ok to look after the kids?

(OP please don't think you're being attacked - these are the questions that will come up if/when it goes to court)

 

[truebluemd]

You didnt answer my questions. You said shes been unemployed for a few years. Does she keep the kids while you work.....or are you unemployed too?

 

[Ohiogal]

Legally, you are the father since you signed the AOP. Your rights to the children are equal to mom's.

That is NOT correct.

ETA: Should have read ahead as Ld got it covered.

 

[Ohiogal]

So the guidelines of child custody still apply as if we were a married couple?
Being that she has not been employed for a few years, has had therapy at a mental institution, and pretty sure would test positive for drug abuse, my custodial chances are excellent.

So she has been the primary caretaker, is treating her illness and drug abuse does not have a test. Depending on the drug it also might not matter. But you have been fine with her being primary caretaker while you were together.

 

[Ohiogal]

How can I legally prove mental unfit if I am not a doctor?

Has there ever been cases where the courts made the wrong decision resulting in a bad situation? What do they do to correct their mistake?

You can't. ONly her treating physician can speak to her medical conditions.

 

[Ohiogal]

She is a danger to herself. (mentions suicide)

I meant if there was ever a situation where the favored parent turned out to be abusive, provided an unhealthy living arrangement, or just an all out bad parent.

Apparently you are in that situation and hence are a bad parent.

 

[Ohiogal]

Suicidal ideation alone probably isn't going to be enough. Can you prove she has threatened suicide? Were there any suicide attempts?

(seniors please correct me if I'm off base here)

Suicide attempts may not matter either depending on when they were, where the children were and if the woman is in treatment for those issues.

Being a bad parent isn't illegal (unfortunately), though if you think (more to the point, if you can prove) that your child is in harm's way there are steps you can take (call CPS? file for a modification?).

Major problem with this OP. Re-read his first post.

Can you actually prove that the situation is dangerous/unhealthy? (the latter is very subjective amongst parents, btw - and simple parenting differences aren't generally good reasons to challenge custody provided kiddy is safe, fed and watered.)

If he can then he is part of the PROBLEM not the solution:

My girlfriend and I are not married but have two kids. We have all lived together from the birth of the kids to current. What custody laws apply to non-married couples seeking custody?

Hence he is still with her AND they are living together and yet he is casting aspersions at her and has done nothing to change the situation. Hence exposing his children to a dangerous situation. Ergo, he is either just as abusive/neglectful/dangerous as mom OR the situation is not that bad and he wants to know how to get it that bad to get custody.

 

[AHA]

I thought mental health was a factor of being unstable? How does her drug abuse mean that I tolerated it? Maybe I had no idea.

I doubt you are qualified to diagnose mental illness. Maybe she has postpartum depression. How exactly are you going to help her health by taking her kids from her? That might actually push her over the edge, and viola, the kids have no Mommy anymore. BAD IDEA!!
How about you make sure she gets some help from an actual doctor before you try to yank her kids away from her.
I agree with the other posters, you saw her fit enough to live with, have TWO kids with, and financially support (while she cares for the kids(?)), so it's a bit late to whine about what a bad person she is now.

 

[truebluemd]

That is NOT correct.

ETA: Should have read ahead as Ld got it covered.

i stand corrected oh great ones

 

[pccustody]

1. Did not impregnate twice , they are twins.
2. I do want custody of kids.
3. How am I also the problem because I stayed and tried my best to fix the situation?
4. I am employed, sole provider since she lost her job.

From what I am reading, the end all be all is since I'm the dad I have to defend myself, guilty until proven innocent. I am assuming in the courts eyes there are no bad mothers out there only bad fathers. So, if thats the case I should stop being the good guy and be a badass father because it's my fault I stayed and had kids with this woman. Stop trying to work things out, be just like her, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[pittrocks]

OK, Bye-bye then.


Frankly your posts are asinine.

 

[Ohiogal]

1. Did not impregnate twice , they are twins.

Two babies. Question: So you only EVER had sex with her once? JUST ONCE? never more than once? Because if so, then you are damn lucky you didn't impregnate her more than once. And hence having sex with her more than once makes you a bit of a user don't you think?

2. I do want custody of kids.

And? Bet you so does mom.

3. How am I also the problem because I stayed and tried my best to fix the situation?

According to you she is unfit, unbalanced and could be a danger but as long as you are getting a benefit from the relationship that is fine. Hence the danger she posed to the children didn't matter when you wanted to be there. The danger did NOT suddenly appear however. Hence you turned a blind eye which makes you neglectful. LEGALLY you are just as responsible as she is for the situation your children are in.

4. I am employed, sole provider since she lost her job.

And who takes care of the children while you work?

From what I am reading, the end all be all is since I'm the dad I have to defend myself, guilty until proven innocent. I am assuming in the courts eyes there are no bad mothers out there only bad fathers.

Nope. That is NOT it.

So, if thats the case I should stop being the good guy and be a badass father because it's my fault I stayed and had kids with this woman. Stop trying to work things out, be just like her, and let the chips fall where they may.

If you wanted equal rights at parenthood then you should have put a ring on it -- as in married her. You decided to not buy the cow and get the milk for free. Her payment was custody of HER children. Your payment is having to go to court to get custody. So quit being a jerk and holding a pity party and realize YOU didn't put a ring on her finger and have children afterwards and hence SHE is the only one with custody per the law.

OH and your idea of being a badass father? That will sink you in court. Because it shows you really don't give a crap about the children. It is all about WINNING to you.

 

[pccustody]

How are they asinine if I am responding to all questions, while getting attacked. Just trying to summarize all the opinions received. Where am I wrong?????????

 

[Proserpina]

1. Did not impregnate twice , they are twins.
2. I do want custody of kids.
3. How am I also the problem because I stayed and tried my best to fix the situation?
4. I am employed, sole provider since she lost her job.

From what I am reading, the end all be all is since I'm the dad I have to defend myself, guilty until proven innocent. I am assuming in the courts eyes there are no bad mothers out there only bad fathers. So, if thats the case I should stop being the good guy and be a badass father because it's my fault I stayed and had kids with this woman. Stop trying to work things out, be just like her, and let the chips fall where they may.

So because you chose not to enjoy the benefits of marriage you're willing to be just as bad as you allege your ex to be? How on earth would that benefit your children?